by Sara Daniell
“That went so much better than I thought it would.” I couldn’t stop smiling. “Our love is so crazy, Zach. But it’s real and messy, and I love it. I don’t have to be married, just so you know.” I kept talking, but he never said anything. I looked up from the dishes I was putting in the dishwasher and found him staring blankly at his phone.
“Zach?” I dried my hands on the towel.
He looked up at me and tears started to fall down his face. “We, we have to go,” he said, sounding numb.
“What’s going on?”
“They don’t think Elliot is going to make it through the night.”
“But he was eating so good yesterday. He was fine. And you, you said he was okay today.” Tears spilled from my eyes as I started rushing around, grabbing my keys and shoes.
Zach didn’t respond. He just stared at his phone, looking so lost.
I grabbed his shoes by the door. “Come on, Zach. I’ll drive.”
Zach looked up at me and nodded. He came over to me, took his shoes, and followed me out to the car.
I fell asleep in the chair next to Coach’s bed with Millie in my arms earlier in the night and woke up to Zach lightly shaking my shoulder. Everyone was in the room.
“Take Millie to her room, please,” he whispered. I knew something was wrong by the look on his face.
I didn’t ask any questions. I stood with her still in my arms and carried her to her room. She woke up when I laid her down in her bed. I laid down next to her and put on a brave smile while I played with her curls.
“Go back to sleep,” I whispered. “It’s late.”
She was still in and out of sleep so she didn’t argue. She closed her eyes, and it wasn’t long before her breathing evened out. I closed my eyes, and a few tears fell. I knew by the look on Zach’s face that Elliot was gone. My whole body ached with sadness. I continued to play with Millie’s curls while I waited for someone to come tell me what was going on.
The door opened, and Dane walked in. His eyes were swollen from crying. “I’ll stay with her. Zach needs you,” he whispered quietly. “He’s still in Elliot’s room, but he’s not letting the paramedics take Elliot.”
I got out of bed and nodded numbly. I touched Dane’s shoulder as I passed him. I walked down the hall. It felt like everything was in slow motion. Everything felt so wrong. I walked into the room and broke down when I saw Coach lying there and Zach lying over him, crying out for his brother.
I looked at the paramedics. “Please, wait outside. Give them a second,” I said through tears.
They nodded and left the room.
I stood next to Zach and rubbed his back as he cried and talked quietly to his brother. I couldn’t look at Coach. I couldn’t remember him like this. I closed my eyes as tears fell.
I waited several minutes before saying anything. “Zach?”
Zach tried to stop talking and look at me. It took him a few moments before he made himself sit up.
“They need to take him,” I said softly. I wiped his tears and kissed the top of his head. “I’m so, so, so, sorry.”
He looked back at his brother one more time. He nodded and stood up. He pulled me close to him and buried his face against my hair. He cried as he held tight to me. He finally pulled it together enough to open the door. He looked down at me.
“Can you make sure Millie is still asleep? I don’t want her seeing him like this.” His voice was hoarse.
“Dane is with her.”
I was doing my best to hold it together for him.
He nodded and swallowed hard. He looked back at Elliot again and then wrapped his arm around my waist and led us out of the room. We went to Zach’s old room and sat down on the bed while the paramedics took Elliot away. Zach pulled me close, kissed the top of my head, and rubbed my back gently.
“Tell me what to do. Tell me how to comfort you right now.”
My hands trembled as I held back sobs.
“I wish I knew.”
He continued rubbing my back.
“Why don’t you lie down and try to rest?”
“Will you stay with me?” He asked pulling back to look in my eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere, Zach.”
I stood and helped him out of his shirt. He laid down in the bed, and I crawled in next to him. He moved so he could bury his face against my neck. I rubbed his back, and I could feel his tears against my neck.
I cried with him.
The door opened a little. I looked and saw Aunt Millie peeking her head in. She had shown up a couple days ago. She had a syringe in her hand.
“The paramedics gave me this to help him calm down and get some sleep,” she whispered to me.
“How did you talk them into that?” I whispered back.
She kissed my head, not answering.
“Zach, I’m going to give you this.”
Zach didn’t respond. His hold on me tightened a bit, but he let her stick him.
“It won’t take long for it to work.” She left the room, closing the door behind her.
I held him until he fell asleep.
I looked over at Zach who was pushing Millie on the swing under the Owl Tree. I rubbed my six-month belly when the twins kicked. I grabbed Dane’s hand, and Trevor and Sadie put their hands on my stomach. They all laughed as the twins went crazy.
“We found out what we’re having.” I smiled and pulled my shades down from my head to cover my eyes. It was such a beautiful day in April, and we were spending it under the Owl Tree so Millie could talk to Sam the Owl.
“Duh,” Dane said with a laugh.
“You went to the doctor three days ago.”
“The question is,” Trevor added. “When will you tell us?”
“I think it’s girls,” Sadie said as she pulled her hand back from my stomach.
I looked at Zach. “Do you want to tell them or me?”
He picked up Millie and whispered in her ear. She nodded and giggled.
“Millie would like to tell them.”
We all looked at Millie.
She held up two fingers. “Two boys.”
Sadie’s eyes immediately went to Zach.
“Oh, Hales, you’re so screwed.” She laughed.
Zach let Millie down, and she came over to me. She put her head on my stomach and rubbed my belly as she whispered to the boys.
I laughed. “Yeah, I’ll be having to beat the girls off them.” I played with Millie’s curls.
“I’m gonna miss you guys. I can’t believe Trevor and I leave for school at the end of next month.”
I nodded. “I know. I still think you’re nuts for taking summer classes.
“What are your plans, Hales? You haven’t really told anyone.” Sadie asked.
“I haven’t because Zach and I have been talking. I’m gonna help him coach and stay at home with the twins.” Dane put his arm on the back of my chair. “And make sure Zach doesn’t lose another manager.”
Zach smiled. “Hales, ran off the latest one, not me.”
“Hey, we brought food,” Quinn announced as her and Brink came into the backyard, “and gifts from New York.” Millie walked over to them.
“And how did you run off, what was her name? Chloe?”
I laughed. “Zach can tell that story.”
I got up and started looking through the food.
“We got all your favorites,” Quinn said as she touched my belly.
Zach laughed. “Chloe slapped my butt, and Hales went off on her before I could.”
I grabbed a french fry and started eating it.
“Zach had to hold me back.” I laughed.
Brink rubbed my belly and kissed my head. “We have a trunk full of stuff for you and the twins.” He picked up Millie, and she hugged his neck tightly. Everyone chuckled.
“It was majorly sexy.” Zach said proudly.
I made a face. “Yeah, pregnant lady gone wild.”
He came over and kissed me. “But you’re my pregnant lady.
” He bent down and kissed my belly.
“Daddy!” Millie screamed and giggled. She took off running.
Everyone looked at her in shock. Zach hurried after her.
“What’s happening?” I asked Dane.
Dane pointed. “Something just flew down into the Owl Tree. It looked like another owl.”
We walked over, and there it was. Another snow owl right next to the other. Zach picked up Millie and put her on his shoulders so she could get a better look. She wrapped her arms around his neck and put her chin on his head while she watched the owls hoot at each other softly. Zach smiled down at me and wrapped his free arm around me.
“We’re going to be okay. All of us.” I smiled up at him.
“Yes, we are, Tiger.”
“Looks like Sam got her Elliot.” I smiled at Millie when she giggled. “Her laugh is one of my favorite things ever.”
I watched Sadie take her camera out of her backpack near the tree, and she started snapping pictures of the owls. Everyone gathered around.
Life was messy and imperfectly perfect. It was a rush of emotions and unplanned events that would either make you or break you. But what I learned over the past year is that you determine whether a situation will make you or break you. You are in control of how you handle things and your happiness. Finding the silver lining in situations, good or bad, is key to survival. You find that little bit of happy, and you make it into a whole-hell-of-a-lot of happy, and you centralize your entire mind around it. You hold onto it and refuse to let go. I looked around at my happy: the memory of Coach, Zach, Dane, Quinn, Brink, Sadie, Trevor, Millie, and the twins. This was my family, and life from here on out would be okay, no matter what came our way, because in the end we would always have each other.