by S Doyle
I was going to fall.
I was going to faint.
Maybe I should let it happen.
The next thing I knew, Jake was bending around me and suddenly I was being carried in his arms. I was no little girl anymore, but this was a man who handled calving season like they were kittens being born. My weight probably barely registered with him.
Instinctively, I put my arms around his neck and buried my face against his suit. I thought about Janet and her running nose in his shirt and realized Jake was going to have to get this suit dry cleaned again.
I cried the whole way out of the courtroom with everyone watching me, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.
My dad was dead. Forever.
Jake
It was almost surreal watching it happen. I heard Judge Michaels say kiss the bride and I winced because the thought of actually kissing Ellie was bizarre to me. But then I realized what I had told her was true. She was now my family. In every sense of the word. It was some odd instinct that made me kiss her gently on the forehead.
Like a reverse fairytale, instead of the handsome prince waking up the princess it was like I broke through and destroyed all her defenses. Taking her down to her knees, because I knew that’s exactly where she was going before I lifted her up into my arms.
Howard gave me a worried look but I shook my head.
I knew what this was. The shock of Sam’s death and all that it meant had finally worn off. Ellie had come to grips with the reality that her dad was gone forever.
I knew what this was, because I had felt this kind of pain. I hadn’t sobbed out loud. I hadn’t let big wet tears stream down my face. No, I was too tough for that. But looking at Ellie, that was exactly what I had felt inside.
In a strange way, I liked holding her through this. I liked being able to show in my arms what my own internal pain had looked like. See everyone, this is what grief is.
This is what it means to lose the most important thing in your life.
I lifted her higher in my arms, and it didn’t matter that everyone in the courthouse was staring at us. I held my head high and walked my sobbing teen bride out of the room, down the hall and out onto the street where my truck was waiting to take us back to the ranch.
Where we would live our lives together for the next sixteen months.
It was strange. To me this day had been all about getting a chore taken care of. A bit of legal work that needed to be signed and done. I wouldn’t have thought in any way that my feelings would change.
Ellie was Ellie. The girl I knew since she’d been born.
Except when I looked down at her, I realized I did feel different. More connected to her. More bonded to her than ever before. She was officially my responsibility.
Our marriage would only ever be a piece of paper.
But the immediate future was about us being a team. Me helping her through her grief. Getting her up to speed on what it meant to run a ranch. Her helping me figure out all the things Sam did that I probably didn’t know.
Team JakeandEllie.
It was crazy, but I really liked the sound of that.
“I got snot all over your suit,” she said when I got to the truck.
“If I put you down to open the door, are you going to be able to stand?” I could feel her nod against my neck.
I set her down and had her lean against the truck. I opened the passenger side door and then lifted her in. She felt like a limp doll.
I rounded the truck and got behind the wheel. She’d managed to get her seat belt on.
I took a deep breath. “I know this sucks to hear right now, but I swear you will get through this.”
She didn’t say anything. Just leaned her head back against the seat.
We had planned to have dinner in town. With Howard, as a thank you for arranging everything, rather than any kind of celebration. I was pretty sure he would understand if that didn’t happen.
“Can we go home?” she asked.
Home. To our bizarre new world.
“Yep. Let’s go home.”
Five
Ellie
“I can’t believe you’re married to Jake Talley,” my friend Chrissy said.
It was Saturday and she’d come over to the house to work on a science project together. We were supposed to be creating water or something from ingredients, but I was pretty sure we were going to blow something up.
Science was not my strongest subject. Right behind math. I kept my average up with English, History and Spanish. Spanish I rocked because Javier and Gomez, who came to work during calving and sell-off season, helped me to be almost fluent.
“Get over it,” I said back.
I pretty much had. It had been a week since the wedding. I was back in school. Jake was living in my dad’s room. For the most part, things were settling back into normal. Weird normal, sad normal, but normal.
I was still crying myself to sleep every night, but I did it into a pillow so Jake wouldn’t have to hear.
“Are you, like, allowed to drink now?”
Not according to Jake. Which I thought was lame.
“Uh, no. I’m married, I didn’t suddenly turn twenty-one.”
“Oh. Are you going to have to take him to the prom?”
I looked up at her. “Are you for real?”
“No, I mean seriously. He’s your husband. And he’s like super hot. You should totally take him to the prom.”
“I’m not taking Jake to my prom.”
Chrissy seemed to mull that over. “Do you think Riley will still ask you now that you’re married?”
Ugh. That word. I was officially putting married in the same category as orphan.
“Who’s Riley?” Great. Figured Jake would take that minute to enter the kitchen.
“Uh, I hate to break it to you, Jake, but your wife has a crush on him.”
I slapped Chrissy’s arm. “I do not.”
“Who’s Riley?” Jake asked again. Only this time he was asking me.
“He’s a senior. He’s nice. We talk every once and a while between classes. It’s no big deal.”
“If he’s taking you to the prom, I want to meet him.”
I had no idea why, but this rush of anger rolled over me. “Fuck that.”
“Watch your mouth,” Jake said, completely startled.
“You’re not my dad, Jake. Please do no start acting like one.”
“Uh… I’m going to head out now,” Chrissy announced. “Sounds like you guys are about to have your first married fight.”
Now my anger turned toward her. “Chrissy, we’re not done yet with the experiment.”
“Dude, it’s okay. We have study period before class. We’ll figure it out then.”
Before I could say another word she’d gathered up her stuff and left. Which had me focusing my anger once again on the person responsible.
“That was so not cool.”
He opened the door of the refrigerator and pulled out an apple.
“You’re right. You weren’t being cool at all. But you’re still grieving, so these little outbursts and temper tantrums will continue to happen.”
I hated when he did that. When he tried to explain everything I was feeling. “You can’t do that. You can’t make everything about me being sad. My point is if I want to go out with a guy, I do not need your approval.”
“Like hell you don’t. I am your family. I watch out for you. You want to go out with some guy, fine. But I get to meet him.”
“That’s so unfair. You get to have rules but I don’t.”
“I have rules because I’m the adult here.”
“Yeah well, the law says I’m an adult now too because we’re married. And marriage is supposed to be a fifty-fifty thing, not a dictatorship.”
He seemed to consider that. “Okay. Fine. You can have rules. What do you want?”
Of course I drew a complete blank. Then I thought of something. I don’t know why I said it, but it just came
out.
“I don’t want Janet sleeping in Dad’s room. I get that you have sex and stuff. I just don’t want to walk out of my room in the morning and bump into her. It would be super weird.”
She hadn’t stayed over since the wedding. Not before it either. They were still doing their Sunday lunches, and I knew he had plans to go out with her tonight. Maybe that’s why I thought about it. This would be their first real date since the funeral. Their first opportunity to do it.
Then I thought about them doing it in my dad’s room and got freaked out by it. I wasn’t planning on saying anything. I figured it was something I would have to live with. He and Janet were a couple. They would have sex. My dad’s room was where Jake lived now.
Of course he’d want his girlfriend to stay over.
Although now that I thought about it, she’d never stayed over all night when he was living in the bunk house.
That house was a two-level structure about a hundred yards out behind the barn. The first level was where my dad used to keep tractors and other equipment he didn’t want in the barn. The second floor was a bunch of rooms with one bathroom and a kitchen.
It’s where Jake had lived for the last six years, and for two of those years he’d been dating Janet. I got up sick early to be able to get my chores done and still get to school on time, and I never once saw her car parked in front of the bunk house when I knew she’d come over the night before.
I was about let him off the hook. It was kind of stupid. I was probably being immature, which I hated. It was so stereotypical teenager… immaturity. I needed to get beyond it. Because in sixteen months, when Jake and I did get divorced, it was going to be all on me to run this place and make a life for myself.
“Forget it,” I said. “It was stupid.”
“No. It’s not. And it’s a rule. Your rule. I won’t let Janet stay over. I never have out of respect to your dad. Now it’s a matter of respecting you. This is your home, Ellie.”
“It’s yours too. I don’t want you to feel like it’s not. I guess… I mean it’s not like you would let me have sex with my boyfriend and he could stay the night.”
He didn’t like that. I could tell, because that muscle in the back of his jaw started working hard. I got it. Older brother complex and all that.
“Right. Sorry. I have to remain a virgin until death, but you get to have all the sex you want. No double standard there.”
“Ellie…” He clearly wanted to say something, but stopped.
“What?”
“I can’t have this conversation with you right now.” Then he did the immature thing and left.
That’s right. I scared Jake Talley out of the room with sex talk.
I smiled what I hoped was one of those little evil smiles, because seriously that was fun. Then I got back to work on my project, because Chrissy and I always used that study period before Science to gossip.
Jake
“That was fun!” Janet had her hand on my leg, on my thigh. Pretty high up on my thigh actually.
We were driving on the highway after dinner and some country line dancing. This being our first date since the wedding, I wanted to step my game up. Jefferson had this new country western bar for people who liked to drink hard and dance hard.
Tonight Janet was one of those people. She’d decided for our first real date since Sam had died that tequila was a good idea. I had fun watching her dance moves slowly digress until she found herself stepping right when everyone else was sliding left.
It was just after eleven, but it had definitely been time to call it a night. Right now she was fun drunk Janet. I knew from experience that one more shot and she would transition to difficult drunk Janet.
However, this is where the situation got tricky. If I took her back to the bunk house for some drunk sex—and drunk sex with Janet was fun because she tended to loosen up a little more in bed—there was no way she was going to be able to drive home.
The new rule was she wasn’t allowed to stay over in the house.
I understood. Ellie knew Janet, but to have her in the house in the morning when Ellie was doing her morning thing would be weird.
But if I took Janet home back to her parents’ place, then no drunk sex.
“I want you so bad, Jake Talley,” she said, leaning over the truck’s console. She actually bit my ear.
Yep. Fun drunk Janet and sex.
Decision made, I took the exit for Long Valley. The problem was as soon as I pulled up to the house and was about to explain that we needed to use the bunk house, Janet was already out of the truck and heading up the front porch. She opened the front door, which wasn’t locked, and walked right in.
A few things went through my mind.
One, Ellie needed to lock the door when she was home at night. Yes, Long Valley Ranch was in many ways quite literally in the middle of nowhere. But the guys from her school presumably knew where she lived. Guys who knew she no longer had a father to protect her.
What would they think of me? Sure I was the husband, but I had spent Saturday night out with my girlfriend.
They would know that too. They would all know I was still with Janet, which meant Ellie was out here by herself. Unprotected.
I didn’t like that. Hell, I didn’t like this guy Riley and I hadn’t even met him.
I didn’t look too closely at it. Ellie was basically a little sister. What older brother wouldn’t be protective? It’s because I knew what guys, especially seventeen-year-old guys, thought about.
We wanted pussy. All we wanted was pussy. And we wanted to tell as many guys as we could when we got pussy, that we’d had pussy.
I never told any of the guys when Dinah and I finally did it my junior year. My father had drummed that much manhood into me.
But I’d wanted to. Which was so stupid in hindsight.
So I knew Riley wanted Ellie and I knew Ellie was vulnerable right now. Not a good combination. I was going to have to change that. Make sure she was more protected.
Because she was mine now.
My second thought was how Janet could be in the living room right now with Ellie, who was probably in her tank top and pajama bottoms watching television.
Fun drunk Janet walked into Ellie’s house thinking she could, because she was my girlfriend. I needed to hustle her out of there fast. Especially since I knew Ellie wasn’t exactly her biggest fan.
I jogged up the steps of the front porch and followed Janet inside. She was in the living room, sprawled out on the couch. Her cowboy boots on the arm rest.
Thankfully, Ellie was not there to see her. Hopefully she was sound asleep in her room. Oblivious to any noise.
“Janet, this is not cool,” I said as I picked up her ankles and turned them so her boots were on the rug and not on the furniture. “This is not your house.”
“No, but it’s yours now isn’t it?” She was twirling a finger in her hair, trying to look seductive. It was working. Then again, anything would. It had been a few weeks of stress and sadness and I wanted to get laid.
I could feel my dick getting hard and thought I had maybe two or three rounds in me before I had to drive her home. Because while letting her stay over in the bunk house wasn’t technically breaking the rule… I still didn’t like the visual.
Because Ellie was right. It wasn’t fair. I got to have sex. She didn’t because I said so. The last thing I needed to do was rub it in her face.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here. We’ll head over to the bunk house.”
Janet sat up. “Why? You have a room here. In fact it looks like we’re all alone now. You know that thing that I never do that I know you really like…”
She was leaning forward and reaching for my belt. That thing she hardly ever did but I really liked was a blow job.
Fun drunk Janet was undoing my belt and running her tongue around her lips as if she was about to give me a blow job in the living room.
Now I was rock hard, but I had to stop this.
“Janet stop,” I said, trying to push her hands away from undoing the buttons on my jeans.
“Why? You know you want it. I can see your hard peen.”
Janet called my dick a peen, her nickname for penis. It was one of the more annoying things about her when it came to sex.
Call the damn thing what it was. A cock, a dick, an erection, a penis.
Peen was not sexy.
Since she was not getting the picture, I finally had to grab her hands and take a solid step back. “Not here,” I snapped.
“What?” she screeched. “We’re alone.”
“She’s freaking upstairs. What if she comes downstairs for some damn water?”
Her face got hard then. “Oh sorry. Wouldn’t want to upset your wife.”
And there it was. Fun drunk Janet was gone. Apparently that last shot had finally kicked in. I, however, still wanted to salvage the night.
Translated, I wanted to fuck someone. And my girlfriend was Janet.
“Look, let’s just go to the bunk house. We’ll have all the privacy we want.”
“The bunk house? We can’t even have sex in the house where you now live because you’re afraid of what…? Ellie is going to find out that you have sex?”
“She knows I have sex,” I muttered. Not really even comfortable with that.
“I got it. Sam was old fashioned, so you wouldn’t let me spend the night. But get real, Jake. Ellie is a big girl who I’m sure can handle me being here.”
“Actually she asked that I not let you stay overnight in the house.”
That was probably the wrong thing to say. I literally watched my chance to get laid evaporate in front of me.
Janet’s arms were crossed over her chest, her face was hard. Not the image of a woman who still wanted to give me head.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Look, it’s her house. She knows we date, yes. But it’s not like she knows you that well. How would you feel if you woke up and some stranger was making coffee in your kitchen?”
“I’m not some fucking stranger, Jake. I’m your girlfriend of two fucking years. And I’m not going to hide out in the bunk house like I’m… I’m… your fucking mistress!”