by Faith Starr
“Sure, I’ll go with you. Logan, do you want to come shooting with us?” I didn’t want him to feel left out.
“Why don’t you go on ahead with Kate, and I’ll catch up with you later?” I could swear a pout took shape on his gorgeous face. But still, he had to understand I had come to the ranch with Kate, even though I wanted to spend every waking and sleeping minute of my visit with him.
“Okay.” Defensiveness took over my tone. I had no clue why. I consciously tried to restrain myself from giving off the feeling of rejection—one that wasn’t warranted— overtaking me. It drove me crazy that I didn’t know what went on in his mind.
“Have fun.”
His grand reply.
“You look familiar to me.” One of the women Kate had introduced us to studied Logan, her eyes bright with recognition. And here I thought she was gay. Obviously not, with her ogling him so blatantly.
Maybe she’s bisexual and has been one of his many partners.
Humph!
Jealousy reared its ugly face, kicking defensiveness out of the picture altogether. I quickly reeled it in so others wouldn’t notice.
“Aren’t you the guitarist for Steam?” She smiled wide, suddenly realizing the connection.
“Yup. That would be me.”
She lit up, her gestures becoming animated like a crazed fan would behave. I watched in awe at the scene taking place in front of me.
“I absolutely love you guys! I’ve been to a couple of your shows.” She bounced up and down.
Imaginary neon warning signs flashed in front of my eyes: Run for your life!
I didn’t think I could deal with Logan’s budding popularity, especially where women were concerned.
He shifted uneasily, his eyes darting back and forth between me and the fan. “Thanks.”
“I know this probably isn’t the time or place, but would you mind if I took a selfie with you?”
Typical celebrity crush behavior.
He stepped closer to her, his body stiff. I knew he couldn’t possibly behave so awkwardly with all his fans. It had to be the predicament he now found himself in.
Logan wrapped his arm around her waist and smiled, a forced one, if my observations were correct. Maybe it was the one he used for media coverage and band photos. If so, it needed work, because his real one blew me across the ballpark. This one, not so much.
The girl’s friend held the phone and snapped a few pictures. Fan girl then asked Logan for a hug. He stepped out of her reach immediately afterward. How moving. He always did have a soft heart, except when he broke mine. During that time in his life, the damn thing had turned cold as ice.
Kate’s eyes narrowed, her lips tightened. Her negative attitude really started to piss me off. She had to let the Logan thing rest.
One of the staffers signaled for everyone’s attention.
“We would appreciate if you could all head over to your meeting places for your next activity.”
“Ready?” Kate asked.
No.
“Sure.” I agreed against my mind’s wishes, having lost all motivation to go shooting with my sister.
“Have fun,” Logan said again, this time with less gusto.
Damn, between him and my sister, I didn’t know which one of them to comfort first. Some serious therapy would help them both.
Kate won first prize as the recipient of my interest. I followed her since she already knew the other members in our group.
We climbed onto the back of a pickup truck along with a few other guests. Jack drove us to a shooting and archery range located about a mile away on the ranch premises. The place looked cool as shit. I had never shot a gun or an arrow. My adrenaline kicked in at the anticipation. I couldn’t wait to play with the firearms, as awful as that sounded.
The staffer named Kyle assisted Jack in giving us basic instructions on handling and loading the rifles. They gave us a short lesson on target practice, then called us up individually, with Kyle and Jack providing additional instruction and feedback. I didn’t want to stop once I got the rifle in my hands, aiming for the bull’s-eye so much more fun than I’d thought it would be. I got pretty darn close to the inner circle too, impressing myself.
The forty-five minutes flew by and we were again on the pickup truck, now heading back to the main area of the ranch. Kate remained quiet and to herself during the short drive.
We climbed out of the truck.
“You okay?”
Her eyes were heavy, ready to cry. “I have my ups and downs. Right now, I’m in a downswing.”
“Do you want to talk?” I offered a listening ear.
She shook her head. “I appreciate you asking, but there’s really nothing you can do or say to change how I feel. It’s something I have to work through. I think I’ll get my reader and hang out on the porch.”
“Maybe I’ll get mine and read too.”
We strode back to our cabin. The sound of Logan’s guitar stopped us in our tracks. He sat on his rocking chair on his porch, strumming away.
“I can’t believe he’s so famous. It’s crazy.”
Kate too preferred country music. Steam songs would never show up on her playlist. Joe was a good ole’ southern boy who drove a Ford pickup, hunted and fished, and loved going to country bars. Kate easily converted to his lifestyle, minus the hunting and fishing parts.
“Yeah, it is.” I knew his band had gained fame but didn’t realize how much. I chose not to follow them on social media for obvious reasons.
Logan noticed us and ceased playing, interrupting our private conversation.
“How was shooting?”
“Amazing. I’m ready to go back again tomorrow.”
He smiled at my reply. “Maybe I’ll have to tag along with you. Sounds like I missed out on a good time.”
“I’ll meet you back at the cabin,” Kate interjected and shuffled off.
Darn. I felt torn between keeping her company and hanging with Logan.
Hanging with Logan won.
“What were you playing? It sounded great.”
“One of our newer songs. I’m messing around with it.”
“Can I hear it again?”
“On one condition.”
Knowing exactly what his condition would be, I narrowed my gaze.
“You play one of your songs for me after I’m finished.”
“I already told you, I prefer to play for myself rather than an audience.”
“I’m not an audience.”
His rebuttal did nothing to change my mind. “An audience can be one or ten thousand.”
“Come on, Drew. I’m excited to hear you play.”
He did a great job of being persuasive, his adorable grin getting underneath my skin.
My shoulders slouched in defeat. “Fine.”
His eyes lit up. “Really? Let me go inside and grab you a chair.” He sprang into action. He brought me a wooden chair and set it next to his rocking chair. “Have a seat.”
Why had I agreed to play him a song?
He picked up his guitar, adjusting it comfortably on his lap, and began playing the same beautiful melody again. As much as I tried to concentrate on his flawless technique, my nerves intensified as the song progressed. By the time he finished, my hands were trembling and my heart thudded against my chest. I had also broken out into a sweat.
He studied me. “You look flushed. Do you want a drink?”
Sure. How about a shot of vodka? Too bad I knew he meant water.
“I have bottles of water. Let me get you one.”
See. I knew him so well, yet he had absolutely no clue why I was such a wreck.
He handed me a cold bottle when he returned. I rubbed it against my forehead and across the back of my neck. I twisted the cap off and took a sip.
“Don’t tell me you’re this nervous because you’re about to play a song for me.”
Guess he did have a clue. “I told you I prefer to play for myself.”
“Hey,
just so you know, I’d never judge you.”
The bottle resting between my hands got ample attention. I played with the wrapper around it.
“I’m not going to force you. I’d love to hear some of your music, but not if it’s going to make you feel this uncomfortable. Don’t sweat it.”
It wasn’t that. I was more scared about him hearing my lyrics than playing a song for him.
“What’s the verdict?”
“Would you mind if I took a rain check?”
Disappointment filled his blue eyes, but I couldn’t do it. Not yet.
9
Logan
Drew must’ve felt relieved about her decision to forgo playing me one of her songs because her natural color returned to her cheeks.
“Being you love animals and all, if you want, I can take you to the rabbit and chicken pens tomorrow morning, and you can help feed them with Layla.”
She smiled brightly. “I’d love that.”
“I figured as much, which is why I offered.”
“Let me ask you something. You say you don’t usually participate in the planned activities when you’re here. So then what it is you do over the course of the week?”
“Well, as I told you, I come here to relax. I’ll tag along with Brian and some of the others when they go out at night. There’s a town not far from here. It’s small and quaint. It has a bar or two, where we’ll shoot pool and throw darts. But I’m perfectly content sitting in this very spot, playing my guitar, doing nothing else.”
“So I’m assuming you always get the same cabin when you visit?”
“I do.”
“I think I’d get bored if I lived this far out. It’s so isolated from the rest of civilization.” She scanned the forest surrounding us.
“Which is exactly why I come here. There’s something about the fresh air, Susanna’s homemade cooking, and the quietness that I enjoy immensely. It’s a reprieve from the chaotic world we live in.”
“I see your point, especially in your situation, where you say you travel a lot. I envy you a bit.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because you’ve seen so much, whereas I’ve hardly seen anything.”
How I would love to show her the world. But in a sense, I envied her. She had the stability of being in one place. Not that I regretted my career choice for a second, but the job more than took its toll after a while.
“I definitely can’t complain. I’ve been very fortunate.”
She raised her brows as if about to ask me another question but refrained.
“You’ve still got your whole life ahead of you, Drew.”
“I know. But I often feel stuck in a situation I’m not happy to be in.”
Good, she was starting to open up to me. That meant she felt some sort of trust building between us again.
“Would you care to elaborate?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.” She shifted sideways on her chair. “You knew what you wanted to do from a young age. And you remained steadfast and determined to follow that path. I admire your ambition and fortitude. I guess I never really had a passion toward anything other than writing, but that doesn’t count. It’s a hobby, not a career choice.”
“Don’t pooh-pooh it. People could say the same thing about playing guitar. I chose to make it my career.”
“But you were born to perform. It’s in your blood.”
“Who knows? Maybe you were born to be a writer.”
“A songwriter who’s afraid to play her music for others and let it be heard? I don’t think so.” She sighed. “I’ve taken a variety of classes, hoping to be inspired or find my calling, but it still hasn’t happened yet. I’m afraid it never will.”
She was too beautiful to pout.
“So take a risk. Right now. Take my guitar, and play me a song.”
She crossed her legs and folded her hands on her lap. “I can’t.”
“Who says?”
Her eyes flicked to mine, then down at her hands again. “Forget I said anything.”
“I don’t want to forget you said anything. This is obviously something that weighs heavily on your mind. If you don’t want to play for me, at least tell me about your writing. Tell me how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel as good as playing the guitar makes me feel, you might have already found your calling.”
“Having a passion for something and being able to support yourself doing it, are two different things.”
“You have a job and you go to school. Why can’t you fit what you love into the equation as well?”
“Because like I said, I feel stuck. I’m having trouble figuring things out. Besides, you know I suck at math.”
She gave me a poor excuse of a smile. I dug her pun, though, a cute one.
“The only way you’ll ever know if it’s what you’re meant to do is by taking a risk. If you don’t, trust me, you’ll regret it forever.”
“Are you speaking from experience?”
It’s too bad that experience sat by my side. To this day, I still regretted never taking the risk to try and win her back.
“We all have things we regret.” I didn’t give her direct eye contact with my reply.
“Tell me one of yours.”
Did she refer to our break up or something else?
“We all have our demons.” I glanced at her, not ready to go there yet.
The sadness and disappointment in her eyes killed me. I knew an inevitable conversation would take place in the near future if we continued to hang out together. I wanted to postpone it, though. She wasn’t in the mindset to play her music for me, and similarly, I wasn’t in the mindset to rehash the past. I delighted in being with her in the present. Unfortunately, the early days kept creeping themselves into the picture.
“We certainly do.” She twirled a few strands of hair in her ponytail.
There were a few moments of silence until some crunching on gravel caught our attention. Kate frantically ran along the path in front of the cabins.
Drew jumped off her chair and ran down the stairs to meet her sister.
I couldn’t hear their conversation but watched them chat. Kate gestured animatedly while speaking. Drew nodded in agreement with whatever the hell her sister said to her.
A few minutes later, Kate dashed off again, toward the dining hall. Drew shuffled up the stairs to my porch in a slower manner. She sat on her chair.
“Is everything all right?”
“I’m not sure. One of the staffers went to our cabin to inform Kate she’d received a phone call from Joe, her fiancé, or ex-fiancé. I’m curious to see why he called.”
“Maybe he regrets walking away?” I sure did.
“Yeah, I think he might. If you saw the two of them together, you’d agree they seem very much in love. When he bolted from the ceremony, it came as a shock to everyone. His parents ran after him, along with mine. Kate ran to the bride’s dressing room in hysterics. The other bridesmaids and I attended to her.”
“Did she speak to him after he ran off?”
“No. There was so much chaos and confusion at the venue. The band stood by, ready to play. The caterer stood by, ready to serve. It was a disaster.” She exhaled.
“Both sets of parents agreed to tell the guests to go inside the banquet room and enjoy the party, minus the bride and groom, I might add. Sheer insanity. A lot of guests remained, mostly family members. I think they thought Joe had cold feet and would have a change of heart. I did. It was heartbreaking for my sister. She wanted out, pleading for me to take her home. She didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. We snuck out of the building through a back door. I texted my mom during our drive home to fill her in. She told me I should have kept Kate there.”
“Fuck.” I had nothing else to add.
“Fuck is right. Kate sobbed the entire ride, not that I blamed her. I cried too. When we got home, she told me she wanted to leave. She said she was embarrassed by the entire situation. She also said she couldn’t
bear to face anyone. She pretty much demanded that I go with her, telling me the ranch would be the perfect place for her to get her thoughts together. I urged her to speak with Joe first, arguing against skipping town because she’d have to face him sooner or later. She tuned me out. She called the airline, had them cancel Joe’s ticket and issue a credit in his name, telling them an emergency had come up and he couldn’t make it. She then purchased me a round trip flight without getting my permission first.”
My lips formed an O in response.
“Kate dragged an empty suitcase out of the storage closet and wheeled it in front of me, telling me to pack up for a week. I told her our parents would flip out if the two of us got up and left town without saying anything. Kate showed no remorse about whether they’d care or not. She said we were adults and could make our own decisions, reiterating how she needed to escape but didn’t want to go alone. It just so happened I was on break from school, but my parents would miss me at the clinic. They depend on me to be there.”
“Wow, this story keeps getting better.” I sat forward on my rocking chair in anticipation of hearing the rest of it.
“I called my mom to fill her in on Kate’s decision, which included me. She screamed, ordering me to make Kate change her mind. I couldn’t. Not that I blamed my sister for wanting to leave. I’m sure I would’ve felt the same way. With all the arguing going on between me and my mom, Kate said she couldn’t take anymore. She booked us a cheap room at a hotel near the airport so nobody would be able to find us. She also insisted we shut off our phones. So, here we are, two days into Kate’s honeymoon and Joe’s calling her.”
“Holy shit.” That’s pretty much all I could come up with.
“Yup. I called my parents after we landed. They blamed me for a change, saying I could’ve talked her out of coming. Whatever.” She brushed the thought off with a flip of her wrist, her expression hardening, showing her displeasure.
“I tried. There was nothing more I could do other than tell her I wouldn’t come with her. I knew she’d go alone if I didn’t because she’s stubborn that way. And I didn’t want her to be by herself when she felt so depressed.”