by Lisa Simmons
Time passed by as we slipped into the night, bottles emptying and the restlessness growing around me. I hardly moved, my body stiff as a board beneath Jack's unwelcome embrace. I stared listlessly at the surface of the table, my mind drifting, unfortunately, to what Reece was doing at that moment.
A jolt of pain shot through me, a brief bolt of feeling before it was quickly smothered by the frost inside me. It was almost hard for me to remember what it felt like to not feel this way.
"Ready to go?" someone said, catching my attention. Go? I blinked, hoping someone would speak and offer a clue as to where we were going so I wouldn't have to ask. Whenever I tried to speak recently, my voice had felt odd and scratchy in my throat from lack of use.
"I'll drive," Jack said. Panic flashed through me as I saw, yet again, the memory of Jack snorting more than one line of cocaine.
"I can," I offered immediately, knowing nobody else was in any condition to drive. The single beer I had opened had remained on the table, one mere sip missing from its contents. Luckily, no one had seemed to notice my lack of drinking after they'd inhaled their share of the drug. Jack looked at me with a hint of annoyance before I nodded.
"I'll drive," I repeated, holding out my hand tentatively for his keys. He studied me a bit more before giving in and digging his keys out of his pocket to place them in my hand. I let out a quiet sigh of relief, as close to glad as I'd felt all day that we were leaving this place even if I didn't know where we were going. I watched as the group stood up, finishing off their drinks and wiping their hands under their noses before filing outside.
Once we were all piled into Jack's vehicle, which luckily had enough seats for everyone, we were ready.
"Um, where are we going?" I asked quietly, nervous to address the group as a whole.
"Downtown," Jack said. My eyes widened, surprised and uneasy. Downtown, where I'd made more than enough memories with Reece to haunt me for a lifetime despite only going there a few times with him. Great. I nodded, not saying anything as I turned onto the street to drive. I felt uneasy driving so many people in a car I wasn't used to in a part of town I'd never been, but before long we were parking in the lots designated for downtown use.
As soon as we were outside, Jack's possessive arm slung around my neck and crashed me into him, my stiff body almost hurting at the collision. I felt an odd sense of familiarity as we waited to be let into the club- the same one I'd been to with Reece. Then, I'd been happy, thrilled, excited. Now all I felt was dread.
The bouncer shot me an odd look when he saw me, as if he recognized me but something was off. I knew what was off- the wrong man was draped across my shoulders, weighing me down and digging me into the ground. I wondered if anyone else would notice how terribly wrong everything about this was.
Once inside, Jack and I followed Liam and the rest of his crew to an extremely dark corner of the bar. A single table fit between some seating nestled into the corner, and it was so dark I could hardly see where I was going. My shin banged sharply on the table, but I hardly felt it. There was pressure but no pain, no sting that should have accompanied such a rough bump.
Jack's arm never left my shoulders; if anything, his grip grew tighter as he drew me against him. His body felt cold and unforgiving against mine, like two completely wrong puzzle pieces trying to be forced together. My hands stayed folded tightly in my lap and my back was stick straight, my posture more tense than it had ever been as his palm landed on my thigh. I felt sick as it slid further up it, my stomach clenching tightly and the blood drained from my face.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block it out, but I couldn't; I could still feel his hand creeping up my thigh, the weight of his other arm around my shoulder, and the intensity of his gaze as it watched my face. It was like he had poisoned me, the chemical agents destroying me from the inside out while I sat by helplessly and watched, waiting for the damage to fully take over and kill me.
"Um," I said suddenly, jumping as his he ducked his head to try and plant his lips on my neck. I jerked away from him and leapt to my feet. "I have to pee."
He blinked, slightly surprised at my sudden action. It was the fastest I had moved in days. I didn't really need to pee, I just had to get away from him for a few seconds. I had to wrap my mind around the fact that he would continue to touch me- like he had been and worse. Another wave of sickness rolled through me as I waited for him to respond, not wanting to dart away and make him chase me. The drugs seemed to have set in, because his eyes darted in every direction but me.
"That's it?" he asked skeptically.
"Yes," I said, nodding.
"Come right back here. I fucking mean it- don't make me come look for you," he warned, the look on his face proving he very much meant it. I nodded again before turning around and pushing through the crowd. The sooner I got away from him, the better, because it was one more second I'd have on my own before his presence was inevitably forced upon me again.
This was my life now. I had better get used to it.
Reece's POV
I didn't want to be here, at this club I had brought Abigail and was absolutely haunted with memories of her. Why the hell had I agreed to come? I should have just told Luke to fuck off and let me sit in my misery at home, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. Dickhead.
I glared at him now, his head bobbing causally to the music as he sat across from me. A few of our other friends had joined us, but I had yet to really speak to anyone. I didn't have it in me to care in the least if they thought I was being rude, because truthfully, I had stopped caring a while ago.
After I'd broken down, I'd cried for days. Endless tears leaked from my eyes, staining my cheeks and my clothes when they dried, leaving remnants of salt all over the place to mock me later on. My heart had yet to regain its function, the life-sustaining pumps seeming half-hearted at best. A dull ache had settled over my muscles from lack of use and my stomach was in a constant state of upheaval. I hadn't been able to keep food down for days.
It was like my body had given up trying to keep me alive.
A drink sat in front of me untouched, the ice inside it melting quickly to dilute the potency. I didn't want to drink- I already felt enough. The people I'd arrived with chattered on around me, their moods excited and happy. They had long ago tired of my mood, their sympathy running out after a few days. All but Luke, who seemed to understand. He'd seen how we were, experienced first hand how deep my love for her went, how much she meant to me. He understood that I had been absolutely destroyed when the girl I loved more than anything in the world told me she didn't love me anymore. He didn't tell me to get over it because he knew I couldn't, but he had insisted on making me leave me house.
I'm not saying you need to go fuck someone. I'm just saying you need to leave your house for once, he'd said. That hadn't convinced me, however, because I would have been more than content locking myself in my room for yet another night to wallow in my self-pity. It was only the arrival of all these people around me now that had dragged me from the confines of my bed.
So there I was, staring at the drink in front of me as I tried to stop my eyes from searching the endless faces around me for the only one that mattered- hers. I'd started seeing her everywhere, but the blue eyes I'd seen weren't the same beautiful blue as hers, the blonde hair wasn't the right shade I was looking for. She was everywhere yet she was nowhere, haunting me in everything I laid eyes on.
"Reece," someone said next to me, but none of the people I came with. I turned, confused as to who would even approach me when I surely looked terrible. My eyes locked with her gaze and I instantly felt repulsed.
"What?" I snapped sharply, annoyed at her for interrupting my moping.
"Well good to see you, too," Lauren said playfully, tilting her head to the side and stirring her drink daintily. I shot her a skeptical look and didn't respond.
"Oh, Reece, lighten up a bit," she said, nudging my shoulder with her elbow. She gr
inned at me and I remained completely blank. Her palm closed around my bicep and I flinched away from her.
"Not the time, Lauren," I said flatly. Actually, there would never come a time where this would happen but I didn't say that. No one at the table seemed to notice her, or if they did, they didn't react. I wished someone would see her and drag her away from me.
"I think we could make time, don't you?" she cooed, sliding her palm up my arm and on top of my shoulder. I scowled at her.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I spit.
"Excuse me?" she said, slightly taken aback.
"Stop," I said, grabbing her wrist and taking her hand off my shoulder. "Aren't you supposed to be friends with Abigail?"
I winced. It hurt to say her name.
"Yeah, but rumor is you've broken up," she said, her arrogant attitude returning once more after briefly being surprised. I huffed angrily. Like I needed to be reminded. She watched my reaction closely before speaking again.
"That's what I thought," she said, stepping closer once more. "You two had your fun but it's over now. I think it's time you try something new."
"Let me guess. You," I said, my voice impossibly flat. She tried to hold my gaze but I found myself scanning the crowd once more behind her, subconsciously searching for Abigail.
"You got it," she said with satisfaction. My stomach flipped uncomfortably as she ducked her head and pressed her lips to my ear. "I'm even better than her."
My hands flew up to grip her arms and move her away from me, ripping her lips from my ear as I held her at arms length. It took everything in me not to fling her away from me.
"Shut the fuck up about her," I warned, my voice deep and threatening. Even if she'd broken my heart and left me in shambles, I wouldn't listen to anyone say anything bad about her. Especially someone she called a friend.
"What, you think she still cares about you?" she said reproachfully, finally accepting that she wasn't going to get me to do what she wanted. "You know what's going on, don't you?"
Confusion flashed through me as her words sunk in. "What do you mean?"
She threw her head back in a derive cackle. "Oh my god, you don't know?"
"What?" I asked in annoyance, beyond irritated that she found whatever it was so hilarious.
"She's back together with Jack. She's done with you so it's probably time you get over her," she said, a malevolent grin on her face as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned on the spot to stalk away from me, pleased with herself for getting the last word and effectively stunning me.
What?
Fuck.
What?
She was back together with Jack? My mind buzzed in a thousand different directions as I tried to process her words. A small part of me thought she could be lying, but a bigger part of me knew she was telling the truth. I couldn't make sense of anything as it felt like my entire body was vibrating with this new information. I was just starting to think what that could possibly mean when something caught my eye.
A flash of blonde hair darted through the crowd, the person's actions hurried and distracted as she fought her way through the bodies. I instantly recognized movement and the frantic way her arms tried to claw their way through the masses, her muscles too weak and her demeanor too polite to really shove anybody. She reached up to run her hands through her hair, the blonde strands briefly pushing back to reveal her beautiful face.
Abigail.
She let out a huff of annoyance as she moved through the crowd, completely oblivious to my presence and watchful gaze. As soon as I laid eyes on her, every emotion I'd experienced over the past week rushed back at once. I was hit with a wave so strong it nearly knocked me out of my seat and onto the floor where my bruised and battered heart had fallen.
I could feel my jaw hanging open and how wide my eyes probably were, but I hadn't been prepared to see her here. I hadn't been ready to be faced with her utterly breathtaking beauty and the strength of my emotions that flooded through me whenever I saw her. She moved farther away from me, heading toward the hallway that led to the bathrooms.
Before I knew what I was doing, I'd stood from my stool and began moving through the crowd after her. People parted easier for me than they did for her, but she was pretty far away. My breathing picked up as my actions grew more hurried, my steps more rushed. I knocked over several drinks and bumped into more than a few people on my way but didn't bother to stop and apologize. It was like my feet carried me on their own accord, desperately bringing me closer to her.
I lost sight of her for a second as she disappeared into the dark hallway, but I was almost free of the crowd. I didn't even know what I would say to her or how she would react, only that I had to talk to her. I had to see her one more time, but this would be it.
Right there, I promised myself that if she rejected me again, that would be the end of it. I would let her go forever and accept what she wanted. I would do it because I loved her. But the masochist in me needed it- that one final rejection before I could allow myself to close off forever and never love someone ever again.
I had reached the edge of the crowd now as I entered the dark hallway after her, my voice gone from my throat at the mere thought of calling out to her. My feet picked up the pace as I saw the ends of her hair whip around the final corner, the hallway absolutely empty except for the two of us. I broke into a run, unable to hold back any longer before I rounded the corner.
There she was, her back to me as she reached out to grab the door to the bathroom. Before I could stop myself, I reached forward to close my fingers around her arm and steer her back towards me. She spun around, the terror on her face quickly replaced by shock as she looked up at me. Her hand flew up instantly to cover her beautiful lips, which had parted in shock. She looked exhausted and worn down in every way possible, but she was still the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.
I couldn't even think of anything to say as I looked down at her, our gazes locking on each other as the fire that had been so completely extinguished inside me blazed back to life instantly. She sucked in a breath and I knew, I knew, that she felt it too.
"Reece."
"Trust me and take my hand; when the lights go out, you will understand."
Chapter 65
I stood frozen in place, my body jolting to a halt after he'd turned me around. The moment my eyes had locked with his, the fire I'd been missing since the day I'd left him reignited inside me. His gaze warmed me from the inside out, the momentary bliss of being back in front of him quickly replaced by the overwhelming terror that Jack would find us.
No, no, no! Why are you here, you beautiful idiot?
My breathing, which was already uneven after being so unexpectedly confronted with him, rattled from my chest and caught in my throat. This was bad, very bad. Surely I could only be gone for so long before Jack decided to come looking for me.
"Abigail," he breathed, his voice deep and raspy as if he hadn't used it much lately. The sound of my name rolling off his tongue sent a shot of adrenaline through me, speeding up my heart rate even more. The tone sent a jolt through me because it reminded me of how he sounded when he woke up in the morning. My heart gave a painful pang at the memory, the reminder of what I'd lost right in front of me.
He was standing close to me, but not close enough to be disrespectful of our break up. A little more than a foot of space existed between us and I fought the urge to close the distance, my body physically aching from being so close to him without being able to touch him. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself at him, fling my arms around his neck and hug him to me tightly. I knew if I let myself do that, I would never let go.
I'd known that I'd missed him, but the full force of it hadn't hit me until that moment. The numb that had settled over my body had been completely incinerated in the burst of flames that had burned through me at the mere sight of him. Any thoughts I'd had of potentially moving on and getting stronger were wiped f
rom my mind in less than a second. Of course they were; you can't get over a love like I had with Reece.
I fought down the feelings of desperation and longing, trying to focus on getting him away from me even if it broke me in half to do it. Jack couldn't find us here.
"Wha-what are you doing here?" I managed, my voice a weak stutter. I couldn't even speak at full volume because of the way all my energy was focused on keeping myself from wrapping myself in his arms. His eyes remained locked on mine despite mine shifting to the side, cautiously looking for Jack. We probably only had a few minutes.
"I don't know," he said. His brows were pulled low on his forehead as his intense expression took over his face. He looked more determined than I'd ever seen him. "I just... saw you and followed you."
"Oh," I said lamely. I couldn't think of what to say to him. I was afraid to speak because I knew how careful I had to be. I stared into his eyes as my lips parting as a shuddering breath rattled out, my body betraying me and giving away my emotions.
"Reece, you need to get out of here," I warned, his name stinging at my heart as I said it.
"No, I'm not leaving," he said determinedly.
"Reece, please," I begged, desperately needing him away from me and, more importantly, Jack. I needed him to remain out of harms way, and this was the last place he should be. He ignored me.
"You're here with him, aren't you?" he said, more of a statement than a question. He didn't need to say his name. He already knew. My eyes widened in surprise.
"Did you see?" I asked, desperately hoping he hadn't. I knew how much that would crush him.
"No," he admitted. "Lauren told me."