by Lisa Simmons
“Let’s go, babe,” I whispered to him. My hands ran down the back of his head to rake through his hair once before pulling back to look in his eyes. What I saw scared me deeply. “Take me home, Abby.”
Dried flecks of blood were crusted to his skin, much more abundant than the last time I’d seen him like this, and bruises had already started to form across his jaw bone. That wasn’t what scared me, however. What scared me was the hollow look in his eyes, the obvious defeat on his features. It was clear this had taken a major toll on him, and the resignation seemed to weigh him down as is shoulders physically drooped. I’d seen hints of this before, but he’d always come back from it; he’d never let it stick with him too long, and I’d always been able to fix him. Looking at him now, I was absolutely terrified that this time would be the exception. I was terrified that this would ruin him.
"Are you ready for this?"
Chapter 71
Reece was silent on the ride home from the police station. We’d been allowed to use the phone to call Luke to pick us up. He had arrived in shocked silence, unable to fully comprehend what had all happened during the night. Without a word from any of us, we had climbed in the back seat of his car and were on the way back to Reece’s house.
Tension filled the vehicle, and my relief of Reece’s release had quickly been replaced by a nervous anxiety as it became more and more apparent that he was not okay. His face was blank and his eyes were unfocused as he stared straight ahead, completely oblivious to my hand running up and down his arm. The muscles beneath his skin were tight, the clenched fists flexing them all the way down his arm. The car pulled to a stop in front of Reece’s house and Luke cleared his throat quietly.
“Um...” he started, unsure of what to say. He was still recovering from the shock of the news. “Reece, man, just... try not to think about it, okay?”
His eyes looked in the rearview mirror in an attempt to connect with Reece’s, but he was only met with the blank stare focused elsewhere. His gaze found mine and shot me an anxious look that I returned. This was not good. “Reece,” I said quietly, leaning forward into his line of vision. He blinked slowly before diverting his eyes to meet mine. Finally. “Reece, baby, let’s go inside, okay?”
He just stared at me, not reacting in the slightest to my words. I was starting to get extremely worried about him.
“Come on, babe, let’s go...” I said gently, lacing my fingers with his and tugging him toward me and the door. He followed stiffly, his movements jerky and unnatural, but at least he was following. I mouthed a ‘thank you’ at Luke before hauling him out of the car. Once out of the car, I wound my arm around Reece’s waist, snaking myself under his arm and letting it fall around me to guide him to the door. I wasn’t surprised to find the door unlocked, evidence of his haste to come find me. It pushed open easily to display his house in the messiest state I’d ever seen. My heart clenched painfully at the sight that pointed toward the agony he’d been going through without me; he was usually such a neat person, but the state of his house told me he hadn’t even been able to bring himself to clean up after himself. Without pausing to inspect anything further, I led him down the hall into the bathroom. An odd sense of deja vu settled over me as I recalled the several other occasions where I’d had to clean blood off the man I loved. Still, he didn’t speak as I perched him against the counter to start the shower running. Unlike the last time I did this, his eyes did not follow my every move and I couldn’t feel the careful way he used to watch me. Now, he was completely void of emotion. Blank. Flat.
I moved to stand in front of him, silently begging him to look at me the way he used to. I was desperate for him to snap himself out of whatever he was feeling, because this emotionless expression was scaring me. My hands picked up his from hanging limply by his sides.
“Reece?” I said quietly. My eyes were focused on his, but his remained unfocused and aimed at something just to the left of my head.
I brought his knuckles to my lips to kiss them gently in at attempt to bring him back to me.
“You had to do it, Reece,” I said gently. “You had no other choice.”
He didn’t react as I spoke. I prayed my words would get through to him and make sense to him, because they were absolutely true. He had had no other option, and the guilt he was feeling now was unwarranted. Still, he did not react. I sighed quietly as I let his hands fall by his sides to grip the sticky edge of his shirt. I tried not to wince as the red smeared onto my hands when I pulled it upward, bringing the soiled fabric over his head and pulling it off his arms. I swallowed harshly when I saw that the red had stained through his shirt onto his skin, leaving streaks of dried blood down his torso. My breath drew in shakily as I started to remove his jeans, the buckle catching in my fingers as the reality of what was happening started to set in. I had gone through a state of shock after simply watching what had happened, so it was no wonder Reece seemed to be in one now. What scared me the most, however, was that I didn’t know how long his would last. Once I had his jeans undone, I tugged them down and was grateful when he shifted his feet to allow me to pull them off completely. He stood naked in front of me and I was relieved to see his eyes focused on me for the first time when I stood back up. I sucked in a breath at his eye contact, even though it wasn’t the same burning gaze that usually met mine; his gaze was still hollow and flat, but at least he was looking at me now. Without hesitation, I stripped off my clothes, which were also covered with blood, and threw them in a pile on the floor.
“Come on, Reece,” I said, my voice a mere whisper as I grabbed his hands once more to pull him into the shower. He followed without a word. Once behind the curtain, the hot water hit his shoulders and streaked down his skin, already stained pink with the blood that had gathered all over his body. It pooled around his feet while I ran my hands over his skin, brushing off the substance that tainted him. He watched me blankly as I moved, my palms sliding over his warm skin to clear off the worst of the blood before I gathered the soap and washcloth between my hands to run it over his skin. The soap did its job as it removed the remaining evidence of the night, and he was beginning to look more like himself. His arms remained by his sides when my hands moved to his hair to wash out the blood. Just like the last time I had done this, red stained streaks slid down his cheeks before trailing down his body and disappearing down the drain. He obliged when I pushed gently on his body to move him back under the full strength of the water to rinse him off one last time. His eyes drifted shut as he let the water run over his skin, and I took the opportunity of being unwatched to suck in a shuddering breath laden with anxiety, shaking my hands vigorously by my sides to collect myself before I ran them gently through his hair. The strands passed easily through my fingers as I dragged them down his scalp as steadily as I could. My eyes focused on his face, watching the way he held his eyes closed and blew breaths slowly from between his parted lips. After dragging my fingers through his hair several times, he tipped his head back down toward me, pulling it out of the direct stream of water. My hands fell from his hair to land along his jaw, holding his face gently when he opened his eyes to look at me. “I love you so much, Reece,” I whispered. My body was pressed to his, but still he didn’t hold me. He blinked at my words, his eyes sparking just the slightest before the light was smothered by the blank dullness that had settled over him. I swallowed my disappointment when he didn’t say it back, knowing he was in a dark, dark place right now. We stood there in silence, Reece’s face clasped in my hands while he stood there numbly with the water pouring down his back. My thumbs moved across his cheekbones, which were starting to tint a darker yellow color from the bruises forming there. After cleaning him up, it was clear he had sustained far fewer injuries than I had imagined. A few bruises were scattered across his ribs, but they were nowhere near as dark as the first fight I had cleaned up him after. A small cut had broken the skin above his eyebrow, but it wasn’t gushing blood like the first one had. The damage fro
m this fight was in his mind, and the warm water of a shower didn’t easily wash it away.
I don’t know how long we stood there as time slipped down the drain with the water that washed off our bodies. He made no moves to speak or to touch me while my hands never stopped their gentle exploration of his skin. I hoped my touch would help wake up him a little and bring him from the darkness of his thoughts, but as far as I could tell, it wasn’t working. I sighed quietly, resigning from the idea of the shower.
“Let’s get out, babe,” I said. My hands, which were placed over his chest at the moment, could feel the gentle pulsing of his heart beneath his ribs. He nodded slowly, the first sign of communication he’d shown since arriving at his house. I reached around him to shut off the water before climbing out of the shower and pulling two towels from the cupboard. I wrapped mine hastily around myself before handing Reece his. I watched his slow movements as he wrapped it around his waist, not even bothering to dry off anywhere else first. The towel clung to his hips, shifting as they did when he walked slowly from the bathroom. I followed him, concern flooding through me yet again as he didn’t speak. He walked to his room, heading straight to the dresser as he always did after he’d showered. It was something I’d seen him do countless times, and this time was no different. He moved slowly, methodically as he pulled a pair of t-shirt and a pair of shorts from the dresser before tossing them to me. I smiled weakly at him as I caught them.
“Thank you.” I ran the towel over my body and dragged it through my hair before pulling his clothes on. Not once did his gaze settle on me, even though I stood completely naked in front of him for the first time in what felt like years. It wasn’t that I was trying to seduce him or anything, but the fact that he didn’t even give me a second look worried me deeply. He was really stuck in his head. I was relieved to see he had managed to at least dress himself as he now wore a pair of shorts slung low over his hips. He didn’t bother putting on a shirt before crossing the room slowly and falling to the bed. He lay on his back, his unfocused gaze aimed at the ceiling as I crossed and sat down next to him, crossing my legs as I sat on the bed. My hands fell awkwardly in my lap before I shook my head and reached out to grab one of his. His fingers twitched slightly at my contact but didn’t reciprocate the gentle movements that mine were carrying out on his. “Reece, we don’t have to talk about what happened, but say something,” I begged weakly. His silence was killing me and I felt completely useless to drag him out of the dark hole of his mind.
“What do you want me to say, Abby?” he finally said. His voice was deep, gravely, and most disturbingly, completely flat.
“Anything.”
“Maybe I don’t want to talk about anything,” he said. He didn’t sound angry, but I almost would have preferred it if he did. Even anger would have been better than this completely unfeeling emotion I was dealing with now. I took a deep breath and watched his features for any change in expression all while letting my hands continue to tangle with his. “Okay,” I said finally.
“I mean, what am I supposed to talk about? The fact that I just fucking killed someone? Is that what you want to talk about?!”
His voice was angry now, laced with a thin tension that I could tell was barely managing to hold him back. Instead of being upset, all I felt was relief. He had every right to be angry, and at least now he was feeling something.
“You had no choice, Reece,” I said calmly, repeating my words from before.
“Oh yeah? I had no choice? Do you really believe that?” he spit angrily, turning to look at me for the first time. Anger, hurt, and fear all blazed in his eyes, finally wiping out the hauntingly blank expression. “I do, because it’s the truth,” I said firmly. I would let him yell all he wanted if it helped him feel better. He blew out a heavy sigh before sitting up so fast I jumped a bit. The muscles in his stomach flexed tightly as he did so, and I could feel the frustration he was feeling when his hand ripped from mine to shove through his still soaking wet hair. He stared straight ahead while I sat next to him, my hands now sitting awkwardly in my lap once more. “I’m not so sure about that,” he muttered belligerently. I raised my hand cautiously to put it on his back. He flinched away from my touch instantly, springing to his feet and pacing away from me before spinning around suddenly.
“He’s fucking dead, Abigail, and it’s all because of me.”
“No, Reece-“
“Stop! Don’t even try to tell me it’s not my fault. I took his gun and I pulled the trigger. There’s no way around it,” he said frantically. I could see his hands shaking slightly by his sides. I opened my mouth to respond but was cut off by his continuation.
“I killed him. I killed him to save you and you know what? I’m glad he’s dead,” he said darkly. I took a shaky breath as I watched him in front of me. His brows were pulled low and he looked furious, but I could see the lurking hurt and fear that lingered inside him. I waited for him to get his anger out before speaking again. “He deserved it, right? He deserved to die for what he’d done to you, right? Everything he’d done...” he stopped to suck in a sudden harsh breath that rattled through his entire body.
“He deserved it-“ he sucked in another shaky breath. “He-“
But he couldn’t finish as he broke down in front of me. I sprang to my feet, launching myself across the tiny space as I watched him sink to his knees on the floor, the gasping sobs he’d managed to hold back until now taking over control of his body. He hunched forward, resting his head in his hands as I wrapped my arms around him from behind. My face pressed into his back as I held him tightly. His body shook beneath mine as he gave in to the choking sobs that racked his body. The sounds of his gasping sobs filled the room, unleashing tears of my own that I’d felt starting to build the moment he finally spoke, as if I’d known this breakdown was coming. His hands clutched desperately at my arms around him, gripping my forearms tightly to keep me wrapped around him. As if I would ever let him go.
“It’s okay, Reece,” I whispered weakly, the tears tightening my own voice as we rocked back and forth slightly. My lips pressed into his shoulder blade before turning my head to press my cheek into his back. His chest continued to shake as he cried, the tears releasing the guilt and pain he’d had locked up for hours now. We sat in a crumpled mess on the floor, both of us crying. Reece’s gasps were loud and shaky, his tears completely taking him over while mine were silent. Nearly all of my energy was focused on calming Reece right now, and the tears I was letting loose were purely based on the pain he was feeling. “Shh, Reece, it’s alright,” I said soothingly. “It’s okay.”
“I killed someone, Abby,” he muttered between gasps. “I did it. I killed someone.”
“Reece, please, don’t think about it,” I begged, my words muffled by his back. “Please don’t.”
He didn’t respond as he drew another unsteady breath. Every ounce of pain he felt right now seemed to be digging into my stomach, hurting me just as much as it was hurting him. His pain was my pain, and my heart was breaking for him.
I pressed another kiss into his shoulder before shifting slightly so I could bring myself in front of him. He collapsed after I moved from behind him, falling to sit fully on the floor with his legs out in front of him. I sat between his legs, facing him and grabbing his face in my hands. His arms fell between us, landing on my lap where his hands continued to shake slightly. “Reece listen to me,” I said sternly, forcing him to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot and leaking tears when he did, and his cheeks were wet. “Are you listening?”
“Yes,” he answered weakly.
“What you did... it had to be done,” I said firmly. “You had no choice. He would have killed you if you hadn’t done it, okay?”
His face strained tightly as he squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head as he fought off my words.
“No, Reece! Listen,” I begged, running my thumbs over his cheeks. His eyes opened once more, the redness from his tears contrasting shar
ply to bring out a hint of blue in his usually green eyes. He blew out a shaky breath and watched me closely, indicating he was listening.
“You saved me, Reece. I was dying without you and you saved me.”
His eyes darted back and forth between mine as if trying to decide if I was telling the truth or not.
“I’m here with you now. We’re here together, where we belong, and we’ll get through this.”
My words were frantic and desperate, but absolutely true. No matter what had happened tonight, we were finally, mercifully, back together where we belonged.
“We will?” he asked weakly, clinging to my every word.
“Yes Reece,” I said immediately. I felt a jolt of electricity when his hands moved to hold my waist, the first movement he’d made all night.
“No matter what happens or what we go through, I’ll be here with you for all of it,” I reassured him. His breathing had evened out slightly and tears were no longer leaking from his eyes, but he still looked completely broken. He drew a shuddering breath before he blew it out.
“I love you, Abby.”
Despite everything that had happened tonight and despite both of us sitting in a broken pile on the floor, happiness flooded through me at that moment. Hearing him say those words in such a situation gave me hope that he would be okay, even if he was far from it now. He would come back to me. “I love you, Reece. I’ve never loved you more than I love you now.”
His desperate gaze seared into mine, searching for any signs of deception, but finding none. I nodded gently at him, reiterating my point while my thumbs continued to trace across his face. He sucked in a gasp before shifting forward, closing the space between us to press his lips to mine. I held him firmly to me, keeping the pressure in our kiss as my eyes squeezed shut, releasing the tears I’d been fighting to hold off. His hands left my hips to rope his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly to him on the floor. My legs wound around his waist to close every inch of space that remained between us while we kissed. His lips didn’t move against mine and he made no attempt to deepen this kiss, but he held me firmly to him for a long time, keeping us connected. The kiss was cathartic, releasing some of his pain and letting the warmth of it soothe his broken body as well as my own. When he finally broke the kiss, he didn’t move far. My forehead rested against his, keeping only inches between us as he blew out a deep breath. His eyes were closed as he held me tightly, and my hands never left the base of his neck where they had fallen during our kiss.