by Vanessa Vale
He fucked me roughly, as he wanted, and I could only submit. While he took me hard, he did it in a way that was silent, only the sound of how wet I was for him filling the room. I heard someone walk past us down the hallway, but they didn't stop. Neither did Jackson. He wasn't worried someone would come in. There was no lock on the door, nothing to keep one of my sisters from coming in and learning firsthand what happened in a marriage. The idea of doing something so intimate, so secretive just out of reach of everyone else pushed me over the edge. I couldn't hold back my pleasure, especially when Jackson was all but forcing it on me.
A hand slipped over my lower back and lower, lower until a finger ran over the most forbidden of places. “Here, Hyacinth. Someday I'll take you here.”
The feel of his touch there was...incredible; just the brush and nudge of his finger was so dark, so carnal that it was like lightning through my body.
“You're going to love it, my cock fucking your ass. Ah, yes, you're squeezing me so hard. You like that idea?”
I couldn't hold back because the pleasure was too much, his words so carnal, yet intoxicating. He wasn't being gentle or reserved with me. Everyone was reserved with Hyacinth Lenox. But I wasn't that person anymore. I was Hyacinth Reed and I wanted exactly what Jackson said. Everything combined—being taken with just a door between me and my family, his finger against my back entrance, being taken roughly—made me come.
My scream was muffled by Jackson's hand as I clenched down on his cock. As I did so, I felt his him swell and thicken just before he stiffened behind me. How he could be so silent as he came was beyond me, but I could feel his seed hot and deep in me.
Removing his hand from my mouth, he placed it on the wall by my head, his front curving over me as we both caught our breaths.
“You asked me what I wanted,” I whispered, this time not to be secretive but because my voice hadn't returned.
He made a sound and I took that as a reply. “I don't care about a house, or a ranch. I just want one thing.”
He kissed my sweaty neck. “What's that, love?”
“A baby. I want a baby.”
I did. Terribly. I'd just resigned myself to never having one and having to help raise my sisters. They were nothing like a baby of my own, one I carried and was mine. Mine and Jackson's.
He stilled behind me and I worried perhaps it wasn't something he longed for as I did. Rose's first priority had always been running a ranch, not children. She wasn't the maternal type, but I had to assume if they were anywhere near as eager for each other as Jackson and me then she would be expecting soon enough, if not already.
“Jackson, I—”
Before I could tell him it didn't matter if he wasn't interested in being a father, he hooked me about the waist as he pulled from me, spun us around so that he was sitting on my bed with me sideways across on his lap. He tilted my chin up. “Truly?”
He looked eager and earnest and hopeful, his blue eyes holding and searching mine.
I nodded.
“You have so many sisters, I didn't think you'd want to have anymore screaming and fussing that you've had to put up with until now. But the number of times we've fucked, the chances of a baby are certainly possible.”
I bit my lip as I heard Dahlia screech at Lily down the hall.
“They are fully grown. I want a little boy who looks like you. Light hair and fair eyes.”
“A boy?” He shook his head. “I want a little girl with dark hair just like yours. Sweet and perhaps just a little bit sassy.”
Something took shape in my chest, hope and longing and love. Love for a baby that didn't yet exist, love for a man who was willing to give me everything I ever wanted.
“All right,” I replied.
With one hand on my chest, he pushed me onto my back so I lay on the bed, my hips still up across his thighs. It was an awkward position and I frowned. “What are you doing?”
He grabbed the hem of my dress and pulled it up to bunch about my waist, exposing me. Using his own legs, he nudged mine apart and slipped his hand back between my thighs.
“If you want to make a baby, then we need that seed to stay up inside you.” He rubbed his slickness that had slid from me over my swollen folds, coating me. In this position with my hips angled upward, surely the seed would have time to take root. “It's my job to give you this baby and I like to do my job well.”
He didn't stop stroking me, only began to play with my clit and easily brought me to climax again. I arched my back and bit my lip to keep silent, our eyes meeting the entire time.
“Jackson,” I whispered, this time his name filled with so much. Longing, need, happiness, hope. I had to hope his seed would fill me with a baby we both desperately wanted.
CHAPTER TEN
JACKSON
It was impossible to hide my anger and frustration from Hyacinth, but she hadn't noticed, for I'd distracted us both with fucking. I hadn't expected to claim her so roughly, but I'd lost myself in her body, and I'd needed it. So had she, it seemed. I was frantic to feel the connection between us again, to be in the one place, with the one person that made it all go away. It had, but only briefly.
When I'd joined my father in the stable, he'd told me about the man who'd come from the army. I knew Colonel Jeffries and the man knew me. If someone needed a sharpshooter, they wouldn't have cared if I'd been discharged or not, especially not Jeffries. Because I was so good, I was indispensable. Why they let me go to begin with was beyond me. Perhaps they'd done it knowing it wouldn't be long before they called me back.
My father had delayed the inevitable since I'd been recently married, sending the man back to town before he could complete the mission of retrieving me. I knew he would not be dissuaded, he'd come too far to be turned away empty handed, so he was in town, waiting. He'd give me a few days with my bride, but that was it. I would be forced back to Fort Tallmadge or some other outpost nowhere near the Lenox ranch.
Fuck. Fuck!
My time was limited with Hyacinth, for I could not take her with me, could not subject her to the horrors of what I'd seen, what I would surely witness—what I would do—once again.
She'd woken me from one of my nightmares and I'd told her—warned her—I was not a good person. I'd shared with her some details about my past, but not the full truth. That was too hard for anyone to take, even me. That's why I woke up in cold sweats, afraid to go back to sleep. Telling her I'd been part of regiments who'd slaughtered groups of innocent people would make Hyacinth hate me, and ruin her. She was so sweet, so perfect, that being grouped with people who hated Indians and ran them from their land would destroy her.
Our marriage was over before it barely even started. Perhaps I could get leave or eventually return to a simple life of ranching, but would I be more damaged than I already was? I'd heard of men who woke up and fought, hurt people without even knowing it occurred. Would I be one of those men and hurt Hyacinth or the child we'd surely made? I couldn't live with myself if anything ever happened to her, especially because of me.
So when I found her in her bedroom, I took her without finesse. I couldn't be a gentleman and I fucked her as I'd needed, rough and base and very dirty. I'd seen the furled rosette of her ass and couldn't resist touching her there, let her know that I would claim her there someday. When she came because of my finger pressing gently into her, filling both of her irresistible holes, I couldn't hold back. I'd come so hard.
It was her admission, her longing for a baby that nearly destroyed me. I wanted to see that dark haired little girl we would make, but the army had other plans. If I were to leave her, then I needed to give her everything her heart desired. If that were a baby, then I would ensure that happened. Fucking her frequently would help and it would not be a hardship. Time, though, was limited, so I spent the next two days doing just that with an enthusiasm and vigor that was akin to desperation. I claimed her again and again, filling her full with my seed, burning her into my memory; the scent of her, the feel
of her skin, the way her pussy gripped my cock, the sound of her cries of pleasure. All of it.
I walked her to the big house and kissed her brow before riding into town with my father to meet Colonel Jeffries. I'd told her I was helping my father with the supply run, not leaving her behind for her own good. That was all. I couldn't say goodbye, for the words were clogged in my throat and it took all the willpower I could muster to step back and walk away, knowing surely a baby was in her belly. She could be happy with at least a piece of me until I returned. Someday.
HYACINTH
I spent most of the day at the big house, working with Miss Trudy to sew new curtains for the parlor. While the others could have helped her, I had a finer stitch and I didn't chatter as we worked. Miss Trudy seemed to find both important for this project. With Jackson in town, I didn't have to worry about him dragging me into a dark corner and having his way with me, although the idea did have merit. It was after four when Miss Esther had come in the kitchen to begin fixing dinner that we cleaned up and I walked home.
Home.
The small house that had been just Big Ed's, then became his and Jackson's, then temporarily, mine and Jackson's. I saw it as home. While I'd lived in the big house since arriving in the Montana Territory when I was a little girl, Jackson's bedroom seemed more of a home than anywhere else. It wasn't the room, for it was not very interesting with its sparse furniture, but it was where Jackson was, where he held me through the night, where he turned me to him and kissed me, where he tucked me beneath him and took me. I belonged with him, no matter where that was.
I saw Big Ed ride toward me and I offered a wave, squinting into the brightness of the sun.
“Hello Hyacinth,” he said as he pulled the brake on the wagon, then stepped down. Jackson's horse was tethered to the back. He didn't seem his usual lively self. In fact, he seemed fairly grim.
Something was wrong; I could feel it in my bones. “How was your trip to town?” I asked neutrally.
He removed his hat and pursed his lips. “Jackson's gone away.”
It felt as if I'd swallowed a ball of lead and I felt instantly hot, then cold. I wasn't one to given in to fainting spells, but it was possible in this moment I would crumple.
“I beg your pardon?”
“This isn't easy to do and we talked about the best way to tell you. There really is no easy way.”
“All right,” I replied woodenly.
“The army called him back.”
I frowned. “Back? I thought he'd been discharged.”
My fingertips tingled and my heart was pounding so loudly it was difficult to hear his answer.
“He had been, but you know how good a shot he is. You've seen it.”
I nodded.
“They need him still. Someone came for him and he had no choice but to go.”
I shook my head now as I spoke. “He said he wasn't with the army anymore, that we could build a house, or buy a ranch. There was no mention of his leaving.”
Big Ed took a step closer, put a big hand on my shoulder. “He didn't know. Not until the other day when the Colonel came.”
I looked up into the older man's weathered face. The man had come the day after we wed. Big Ed had told him of our nuptials and he'd left. That meant….
“You knew?” I took a step back. Both he and Jackson had known he'd have to leave and neither told me. “He knew, too.” Tears clogged my throat and I couldn't speak. I stepped back again and stumbled and Big Ed reached for me, but I held up my hand to keep him away. “He...he didn't even say goodbye.” Tears streamed down my cheeks and I brushed them away.
“He couldn't. He...I swear, sweetheart, that this was killing him. He didn't want you to worry, to be caught up in the horrible things that are happening with the army, the Indians. All of it. He wanted to protect you.”
“Worry? Worry! He didn't want me to worry?” My voice had gone up and the horses stirred in their harness. “I'll go to him and tell him he's being ridiculous.”
I marched off toward the wagon, ready to ride it right back into town and talk sense into Jackson, but Big Ed curled his arm around my biceps and spun me back to face him. “He's gone, sweetheart.”
“No. No! You rode into town this morning. He can't be gone.”
“They rode out an hour after we got to town. He's needed in Fort Tallmadge.”
“But—” I didn't understand. “I need to go to him.”
“He made me promise him I'd stay in town until late in the day for just this reason, so you can't follow.”
I blinked at him, trying to see him clearly through the blur of tears.
“He...he doesn't want me, would rather be in the army. He didn't even say goodbye,” I repeated.
I turned and fled, running toward the small house that was no longer mine.
“Hyacinth!” Big Ed cried. “He loves you. He loves you enough to leave you.”
I heard the words, but if there were truth to them, it made it all that much more painful. I felt sliced open, as if my heart was exposed and bleeding. I'd fallen for Jackson, for the man he was, his scars and all. I didn't care he had nightmares. I didn't care that he had done bad things for the army. I just loved him. That didn't seem to be enough. I was never enough. If he loved me, he would have at least told me and explained, or taken me with him. There were wives stationed with their military spouses. What was wrong with me that I couldn't have gone with him?
If he loved me, he wouldn't have left me behind.
***
“Hyacinth.”
I burrowed further down under the covers, tucking one of Jackson's shirts closer to my chest. I'd only spent several days in Jackson's bed, but I had no intention of giving it up yet. Surely Big Ed would want his house back eventually, but he hadn't bothered me since I ran away from him.
“Hyacinth Reed.” The voice called again, this time louder and with much more intent. “Get out from beneath that blanket and let's talk.”
Miss Esther. I inwardly groaned. I couldn't hide any longer, for if I didn't pull the covers back on my own, she would yank them off of me. I sighed and pushed the covers down so I could look up at her.
The room was dark and I could barely see her. I heard the scratch of a match and it flared to life. She lit the lamp beside the bed and the room filled with a gold glow. Miss Esther looked down at me with a pursed mouth and narrowed eyes. I recognized that look. Disappointment.
“You've been in that bed for a day.”
She only pricked my ire and I narrowed my eyes right back. “And I plan to stay here at least another.” I tossed the covers back over my head, but they were yanked down.
“So you're going to wallow in your own stink and feel miserable.”
“For the foreseeable future, yes.”
She humphed. “I expected this kind of behavior from Iris, maybe even Dahlia. But you?”
I sat up at that and tossed Jackson's shirt at her, which she caught easily enough. “He left me, Miss Esther. I should think being left by one's husband less than a week after marrying allows me some amount of self-pity.”
“He didn't die, Hyacinth,” she countered, placing her hands on her hips.
“This is even worse. He chose to walk away. He chose the army over me.”
Her eyes went up at that. “You are an ungrateful little….” She took a deep breath, and then started again. “I had a man once. He loved me and I loved him. We were engaged to be married and I would have left my parents house where there were too many mouths to feed. Do you know what happened?”
I shook my head. I'd never heard this story before and Miss Esther in love was a complete surprise. She'd been alone ever since I could remember.
“He died. A fever. It swept through the city and took many lives, including his. Everett was a good man and he was to be mine. Instead, I followed Miss Trudy to the brothel a week later, my parents unable to feed me any longer. While that man of yours is alive, you have a chance.”
Tears filled
my eyes at what Miss Esther lost, what she'd never really had. I'd had almost a week with Jackson and I wouldn't trade that time for anything. She was right; he wasn't dead. Instead of making me feel better, it made me feel so much worse. I couldn't help the tears, for while I'd cried most of the day, there seemed to be more. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to hear about your man. You're right. I am ungrateful. It's just that...it's just—” I hiccuped, then sniffled, “—he left me! He didn't even say goodbye.”
“Do you think for one moment that man wanted to leave you?” She pointed to the doorway, although I knew he was not beyond.
I started to nod, then stopped. We'd spoken of making a baby, of building a house, but then he'd stopped. It had been right about the time he knew he was to leave. While he'd known he had to go, he'd put aside our dreams of a life together, for he knew he'd be lying. Instead, he'd taken me over and over as if he couldn't get enough. Each time he fucked me he'd been so attentive, so dominant in his attentions that it had felt like he was making it the best, because it could have been the last. He was filling me with his seed, giving me the one thing I wanted the most. A baby.
“He told Big Ed some things about his career, but I'm not telling you anything until you get out of that bed, put on a fresh dress and come out to the kitchen.”
She turned on her heel and left. I heard the clattering of the coffeepot on the stove and I knew I had to move. Curiosity alone had me up and freshening myself. Miss Esther could coerce a snake out of a hole.
I sat down at the small table waited quietly as Miss Esther made coffee for both of us and settled herself across from me.
“You've heard of Custer and the fight with the Indians down in Crow Territory.”
My eyes widened at the mention of the bloody massacre. It had been over ten years ago, but having it happen in the Montana Territory made it still fresh for everyone. Many accounts of what had occurred circulated, but I knew many men died on both sides of the battle.