None of it made sense. Trevor was everything he’d just listed: successful, wealthy, handsome. But a part of me got what he was saying about wanting to just be Trevor. For so long I’d been anything but myself. I was Homeless Tyler, Sous-Chef and Honorary Little Brother Tyler, Disgraceful Faggot and Disowned Son Tyler. It felt like ages since I’d just been Tyler. I didn’t want to answer his question. I knew Trevor was being as honest as he could, but he was still Trevor and I was still Tyler. And it didn’t matter that we’d become friends, or even friends with benefits, he was still in one league and I was way far out in left field in another league. I didn’t want to think about tomorrow or next week or what any of this meant. All I wanted was to be with him right here, right now and enjoy being Just Tyler and Just Trevor until the bottom dropped.
I shifted my body slightly and disentangled my hand from his. Leaving his question still hanging between us, I leaned in and did what I’d wanted to do since that first night in the car when he’d dropped me off. Barely brushing my lips over his, I kissed him.
“Tyler—”
This time it was my turn to shush him. Slowly, I ran my tongue over the seam of his lips. My body was screaming for me to throw him down and kiss him like we’d done just minutes before, but the small rational part of me wanted him to know I had made my decision. It didn’t matter what might or might not happen tomorrow, tonight I wanted him.
I felt the moment he finally surrendered. There were no more words, nothing between us except the knowledge that both of us wanted this. And when he turned our bodies to lay me flat on the futon that was all that mattered.
Chapter Fourteen
Trevor
The dim light from the kitchen barely illuminated the living room. I wanted to see how the man beneath me shivered every time my teeth grazed over his neck, and the way he bit his bottom lip when my fingers skimmed over the top of his jeans. But even more, I wanted to see his face as every emotion he usually tried to hide flashed in those hazel eyes.
The soft sounds coming from his lips were controlled, as if he was trying to hold them back. I wanted more from him, though. He’d been more open, less inhibited, with his texts. But in person, Tyler had his emotions tamped down so tightly.
Shadows danced over his face as I let my hand drift up from his jeans to his shirt, slowly working it off his body. Tyler shuddered as I trailed my fingers between his navel and chest. His skin was smooth, with just the smallest trace of light brown hair disappearing under the hem of his jeans. I leaned over him, pushing his shirt higher until he lifted up and tugged it over his head with shaky hands. When he settled back on the futon, it took all my willpower not to tear his jeans off right then, but the rapid rise and fall of his chest told me that regardless of how much he wanted this, he was also anxious about it. I began to kiss my way up his abs to the flat plane of his chest.
“This—” I gently rolled one of his nipples between my fingers while I licked over the other one saying, “—is why I shouldn’t have stayed. Because this—” I grazed the nipple with my teeth continuing, “—makes it impossible for me to ever want to leave.”
His moan was accompanied by his hands in my hair, tugging me up his body until I found his lips again. The kiss was slower, deeper, allowing me all the time in the world to explore. I swallowed every sound Tyler made, hungry to hear even more from him. When we broke for air, Tyler grabbed my ass, holding me hard against him.
Keeping my gaze locked on his, I swiveled my hips, creating just enough friction to drive both of us crazy.
Tyler licked his lips and stammered, “You feel...ahhhh.” I added a thrust to the swivel. “Oh God. You feel amazing. I’m not...”
His whimper nearly gutted me. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”
As hard as it would be to leave, I would still stop everything if he called it quits. I had just pulled back when he pushed up on his elbows and kissed me. There was no hesitation, nothing gentle about it, just a mirror of the raw need I’d felt for him since I walked back into his apartment. A soft growl escaped him as his hands slid to the front of my shirt, his fingers shaking as he started to unbutton my shirt. I nipped his lip one last time, but shook my head, gently replacing his hands on the futon alongside his body. I slowly popped the buttons of his jeans. His erection tented his boxers, but Tyler was too far gone to be embarrassed by it. His breathing quickened as I gently skimmed my fingers over the thin material.
The way his lean muscles shifted under his skin, the rise and fall of his chest, the subtle arch of his back were all so erotic. But then I noticed his hands. His eyes showed how much he wanted this, but his hands were curled into fists beside his body. He’d mentioned a guy in high school his parents had caught him with, but he hadn’t gone into any of the details. I couldn’t imagine Tyler selling himself on the streets, even though I’d read way too many news stories to make me blind to the fact it happened. His inexperience only drove me to make this time with him count and not fuck it up.
Sliding my hands along his body, I drank in every shudder and gasp. When I dipped my head down and took his nipple into my mouth, his hips bucked against me, each movement driving me higher. Trying to rein in my need, I slowly moved back, working my way across his chest, nipping and kissing as he writhed under me. Moving my hands farther down his body, I palmed his erection through his boxers.
His wide eyes found mine as I worked his shaft through the thin fabric. Never taking my gaze off his, I murmured, “You’ve been hiding too much under those chef whites of yours.”
There was a hint of begging in his voice when he stuttered, “Oh, God, that feels so fucking good.”
“You’re beautiful, Tyler, but this—” I palmed his cock again, murmuring, “is perfection.”
I let go of him to push down the top of his boxers and jeans, groaning when his cock sprang free. With slow, steady strokes, I let my hand work his length, tightening my palm over the head and twisting before moving back down again. Within minutes, Tyler’s breathing came faster, his hips bucking in time with my hand. Unable to hold back any longer, I leaned over him and captured his mouth, moaning when he gasped. His cock throbbed against my palm. I pulled back just enough to watch him come undone, the warmth of his orgasm coating my hand and his stomach.
When he finally came back to himself, his face flushed a deep red, and he hastily wiped his stomach clean with his discarded shirt. He looked so young lying there. Jamie’s and Ethan’s warnings came surging back, and suddenly I wondered if I’d made the right choice in coming back to Tyler’s apartment. I turned my head, eyes trained on the front door instead of the man underneath me. I could still salvage part of the night. I’d make a hasty exit and leave before things got more complicated than I’d already made them. Tyler already knew I was a selfish bastard who bolted every chance he got. Would it really matter if I confirmed it, if it meant ending all this now before I turned it into a train wreck?
Before the words were out of my mouth, soft lips trailed across my left shoulder blade.
“Tyler.”
I shivered as his lips ghosted over to my other shoulder blade, his hands gently sliding up and down my sides as he murmured. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”
A dozen excuses played on my tongue. A dozen reasons why I should leave and not look back. Instead I focused on his touch, relishing the heat his fingers left in their wake. My breaths came faster as he worked the button of my jeans, then pulled me back against him. I should go. Staying meant complications I wasn’t sure either one of us wanted or needed. But when I tried to force the words past my lips, all that came out was a gasp as Tyler slid his hand down my open fly.
My aching cock twitched when his finger traced around the swollen head. Tyler continued to kiss along my shoulders and neck as he finally freed my cock from the confines of my jeans and briefs, each kiss timed
with the slow stroke of his hand. Unable to stop myself, I rocked my hips, thrusting into his tight grip.
“Just like that. I want to feel you when you come.”
Tyler’s words made his touch all the more powerful, as my hips thrust harder and faster. The rational side of my brain knew this was wrong. Between the promise I’d made Jamie and the two thousand miles separating us, there was no way this could work between Tyler and me.
When I felt his breath behind my ear, I knew I was a goner. A soft kiss, followed by the gentlest scrape of teeth on my earlobe, and with the next twist of his wrist, I let go. A few pumps later, I moaned as heat raced down my spine, spilling over onto his hand.
His grip loosened, but he continued to softly stroke me until I gave up the fight completely and sagged against his chest.
“God, Tyler. That was...”
I could feel his body tense behind me when he asked, “Okay?”
A lazy smile spread across my lips. “I was going to say incredible.”
My smile deepened when I felt his body relax. We stayed like that for a few moments, then I turned to face him, brushing my lips across his before getting up.
“Lemme run to the bathroom real quick.”
I couldn’t help but smirk when I watched his gaze travel lower, resting on my ass before he caught himself and quickly looked away. There was a touch of embarrassment in his eyes, but stronger than that was a look of satisfaction. I could get used to that look on his face.
“Down the hall.”
When I returned with a towel, Tyler’s gaze was fixed on the ceiling above him. I took my time cleaning him up, partly because I wanted to give him time to get over his embarrassment and partly because I wanted an excuse to keep touching him. Reluctantly, I tossed the towel on the floor, and nudged him over, sliding down next to him. It wasn’t the most comfortable futon in the world, but it would do. Not wanting to press him to talk, I angled my body on its side and wrapped my free arm around his chest. He lay there, tense and unmoving for the longest time, until I felt his body begin to relax. With his focus still on the ceiling he finally spoke.
“I’ll understand if you don’t want to stay. I meant what I said earlier about not pushing for any promises between us or expectations we can’t live up to.”
Instead of pulling my usual routine and walking away from anything that remotely resembles drama, I tightened my arm around him and pulled him against me. When it was obvious he wasn’t going to look at me, I hooked my finger under his chin and lifted it until his gaze finally met mine.
“I can’t promise you I know what we’re doing right now, but I can tell you I’m right where I want to be. However, you did foil all my plans to actually be the good guy tonight.”
His face quickly lifted so he could meet my gaze. I had to bite my lip at his look of indignation. Before he could begin ranting, I snuck in a quick kiss, murmuring, “You’re just too fucking sexy for me to stay away.”
I could feel his smile against my lips.
“You obviously need to get out more.”
I exaggerated my nod until both of us were laughing. I could count the number of times I’d actually stayed longer than was absolutely necessary after a hookup. With Tyler in my arms, on the most uncomfortable futon known to man, I didn’t want this moment to end.
I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, but when Tyler shifted to look at me, the dark circles under his eyes told me it was time to call it a night.
Silently, I pulled him to me and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. When he didn’t pull away, I closed my eyes and bumped my forehead to his. “You have an early day tomorrow and I have to meet your boss for breakfast. But trust me when I say I don’t want to leave.”
Tyler finally got up, rebuttoned his jeans and moved to let me up. There were no words spoken as we walked to his door, but before I walked over the threshold into the hallway, I tilted his chin up and kissed him. There were no smiles and no jokes when I pulled back. Instead, with more emotion than I’d felt in far too long, I asked, “Can I see you next time I’m in town?”
Looking all of his twenty years, he hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
Knowing I’d stay if I didn’t walk out of there right now, I nodded, then turned and left. I didn’t remember the walk down the stairs or getting to my rental car, but before I knew it, I was tossing my keys to the valet at the Fairmont. As I looked around the cold, empty hotel room, I sighed and lay back on the bed. I wasn’t quite sure what was happening between Tyler and me or where whatever we’d started was going, but among all the things I didn’t know, there was one thing I knew for certain. It would take a whole team of wild horses to keep me from coming back to Seattle. And that return trip couldn’t come soon enough.
Chapter Fifteen
Tyler
One Week Later
With my stomach in knots, I leaned against the brick wall of the school, watching the car pool line in the circle drive get shorter and shorter. My mind had been a jumble of doubt, excitement and anxiety over the past week as I tried to juggle work, school, volunteering and texts from Trevor. We hadn’t slapped a label on what we were doing, instead just sort of going with the flow and behaving the way any two friends would. Friends who stroked each other off and sexted incredibly dirty things to each other. My body could still feel Trevor’s back arched against mine, spasming in my hand when he’d orgasmed. I still didn’t have a clue where we were going with all this, but I’d made the decision after Trevor had left that night that I wanted as much of him as I could get while it lasted.
Pushing all my doubts and thoughts of Trevor to the side, I focused on the newest source of nerves in my life. Noah Sealth Elementary School. I’d already checked in with the front office and had my driver’s license scanned by some new security system. My ID sticker indicated I was an approved volunteer, but I felt like an interloper in a place that should have felt like a second home.
It was more than a little surreal being back at my old elementary school, but I was the only one to blame. When Donna pulled me aside to talk about the school’s garden program, I was hesitant to put my name down for it. Why would any school want a gay ex-homeless kid volunteering with kids? But Donna wouldn’t let it go and asked me to at least put my name in. Two weeks and a background check later, I nearly passed out when the head of A Greener Youth called and gave me the instructions for registering as a volunteer in Seattle Public Schools. I’d already helped out at two other schools, but standing outside the building that held so many of my childhood memories, I wondered if I should have said no to the entire thing.
“Tyler! We’re in the back.” Nathan, the project leader for the Noah Sealth Elementary garden, was waving me to the far side of the school. I’d already read over all the rules and guidelines for the program, but Nathan was going over them one more time as I joined the team of five volunteers.
“I know you guys already know this, but no touching the kids. You can help them dig and plant the seeds, but that’s it. From what Principal Driscoll has told me, the kids participating are beyond excited. But that excitement can be both positive and negative. Any behavior or language problems go straight to the supervising teacher. We’re here to help them appreciate growing and preparing healthy food, not to be their parents or disciplinarians. If you find yourself in a situation that feels uncomfortable, come find me or Ms. Phelps. A Greener Youth really wants to make this work, so let’s use our heads, in addition to our trowels, out there.”
A few people laughed, but Nathan’s speech did little to ease my nerves. It had been over nine years since I’d been a student here, but I’d been back to visit as recently as three years ago when Ollie performed in the second-grade play.
A bell, immediately followed by excited screams, interrupted whatever Nathan was going to say next. “Looks like the first shift of
kids are on their way. All the tools are over there—” He pointed over to the cart just outside the border of the garden, and continued, “—so each of you pick a section and let’s help make this garden something the kids can be proud of.”
Without much thought, I picked the farthest quadrant and got started.
“Whatcha digging?”
I jumped, almost falling on my ass, but recovered just in time to see a pair of wide brown eyes staring at me. The kid couldn’t have been more than seven or eight, but from the look on his face, whatever I was digging was definitely something he didn’t want to see on his dinner table.
“Hey there. Well, I’m digging up some rutabaga. Wanna help?”
The kid scrunched up his face and leaned closer to the vegetables. “Ruta what?”
I reached into the basket and held up the bulbous root vegetable for him. He looked like he wanted to touch it but was afraid it was going to bite him. “That looks nasty.”
I wanted to laugh, but A Greener Youth’s goal was to get kids to eat healthier foods. If I openly mocked the offending root in front of him, I’d have lost the battle before I even started it.
“Well, yeah. I admit it looks a little funny. But it’s actually good if you know how to cook it.”
He gave me a look that basically said I was smoking crack, but his curiosity got the better of him and he reached out to take it from me. As he turned it this way and that, pain lanced my heart at the thought of what Ollie would say about these offensive vegetables. Ollie had been a picky baby and even pickier kid. The thought of even trying anything with a rutabaga in it would have had him in tears.
The kid plopped down next to me and grabbed a spare trowel, digging not so silently next to me. With every few twists of the tool, he uttered, “nasty” and “gross” under his breath. After a few minutes, he got up and wandered off to the quadrant closest to us. I couldn’t blame him. At his age, I’d never even heard of a rutabaga. The exciting stuff was planting things you’d actually heard of like tomatoes and beans.
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