March of the Lemmings

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March of the Lemmings Page 37

by Stewart Lee


  This evening, as I write this, eight indicative votes, designed to give some direction to the country’s next Brexit move, have all been rejected by Parliament. Michael Caine’s coach cantilevers on the cliff edge. The gold he coveted slides towards the doors. You shoulda killed me last year!! Save. Press ‘send’.

  Stewart Lee. When all this Brexit shite is over people like you better be prepared to bung some money up North to places like Teesside or Hartlepool. Disabled Scapegoat

  1 My friend, the performance artist and writer Ben Moor, emailed me after reading this piece to say he had lived in the area described many years ago, so I sent him a photograph I had taken of the layby where the march assembled. ‘Yes, that’s it,’ he replied, ‘we’d ride our bikes and find porn mags in that exact layby.’ Ben and his friends were all twenty-eight years old. I am now retiring this joke.

  About the Author

  Stewart Lee began stand-up in 1988 at the age of twenty and won the Hackney Empire new act of the year award in 1990. In 2001 he co-wrote the libretto for Richard Thomas’s Jerry Springer: The Opera, which went on to win four Olivier awards. His most recent live shows have been Carpet Remnant World (2011), Much A-Stew About Nothing (2013), Room with a Stew (2015) and Content Provider (2017). In December 2011 he won Best Male TV Comic and Best Comedy Entertainment Performance at the British Comedy Awards and his BBC show Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle won a BAFTA in 2012. In 2018, he was described by The Times as the world’s greatest living stand-up comedian.

  Also by the Author

  THE PERFECT FOOL

  HOW I ESCAPED MY CERTAIN FATE

  STEWART LEE! THE IF YOU PREFER A MILDER

  COMEDIAN, PLEASE ASK FOR ONE EP

  CONTENT PROVIDER

  Copyright

  First published in the UK in 2019

  by Faber & Faber Ltd

  Bloomsbury House

  74–77 Great Russell Street

  London WC1B 3DA

  This ebook edition first published in 2019

  All rights reserved

  © Stewart Lee, 2019

  Cover design by Faber

  Cover image adapted from Wanderer above the Sea of Fog by Caspar David Friedrich, with photographs of Stewart Lee © Steve Ullathorne

  The right of Stewart Lee to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

  Those pieces first published in the Observer reproduced with kind permission

  This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly

  ISBN 978–0–571–35704–8

 

 

 


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