by Asrai Devin
It wasn't as good as crawling into bed next to him and laying in his arms.
Not that Trenton had ever been particularly affectionate. At least not spontaneously. He responded to her requests for cuddles and hugs, but even when they slept in the same bed together, he disliked if she snuggled him. He didn’t like to hold hands or kiss her while they were in public. It bugged her for quite some time, but she’d gotten used to it now.
She'd take what she'd get, given the circumstances. She drank her tea while she started her template for his presentation.
Gabe’s physical affection had startled her at first when he first touched her. Then it frustrated her and right now it made her long for something more. She wanted what she couldn’t have. What she shouldn’t want.
Once her tea was gone, she started to feel sleepy, so she went back upstairs. But she couldn't resist one last message. You owe me a coffee in the morning.
* * *
In the morning, Gabe left a mug of coffee on Shanna's desk with a note: Why did I owe you this?
Since the text was sent after midnight, he had a pretty good guess. His words had kept her up.
He smiled as he listened to his phone messages, writing up notes and prioritizing his day. Meetings, endless meetings, endless talking with people and discussions and feeling like very little had been done. Being Bryce was tiresome.
For Shanna, he’d do anything.
In the short time she’d been working with him, he saw her confidence grow in leaps.
Instead of deferring to him, or asking him before she made a decision, she would reply to questions, answer e-mails and make decisions.
They weren’t always what he would have done or what Bryce might have done, but they had all turned out better than he guessed.
It was every bit a coming of age as college or a first job was. Maybe even more so for Shanna. Trenton had kept her stunted for a long time. Away from him, she was blooming, she was growing, she was shining.
Maybe the last one was a stretch. Maybe it was because of his feelings. Or what he still hoped, believed would happen. What he needed.
Slow... slow and steady. He had time to expose Trenton as a fraud, as a user, and he had time to make her remember that she still loved him. He needed to be patient.
He pushed back from his desk, needing to get his day started. Shanna had intentions of going to the hospital in early afternoon to see Bryce. He wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. To maximize the amount of work they could get done. Of course.
* * *
Shanna left her Dad's hospital room to try Trenton for the third time on Saturday night. When she'd talked with him the previous night, he hadn't said anything about going out. She didn't have a problem with it if he had, she worried about him now because he was unreachable. A little courtesy would have been nice.
She rubbed her arms as she stood outside, counting the rings. "This is the personal voice mail of Trenton von Brooke."
She growled at the phone while waiting for the voice mail message to end. "Trenton, call me as soon as you get this because I’m imagining you are dead in our apartment or on a street corner."
She ended the call and looked out into the evening. There was a park close by the hospital and she could hear children enjoying the last rays of sunshine. Despite the late spring date, there was still a chill in the air. She rubbed her bare arms.
A coat wrapped over her shoulders. She recognized the scent immediately. "Stalking me?" She'd left him in the room talking with her father about sales reports due next week and if they thought the numbers would be as high as predicted. Not that she didn't enjoy the business, but sometimes taking a break was nice.
"Worried about you."
She screwed up her face. "Why? Because I'm frustrated that Trenton is sometimes less than perfect?"
"Because your world is upside down and it's hard on a person." He sat on the wooden bench and patted the spot beside him. "Because we all thought your Dad would be home by now."
"If they don't let him go home soon, he will go crazy. Or I'll take pity on him and sneak him some reports and a laptop with access to the office so he doesn't drive himself and us mad with questioning."
"I know. It's hurting me to watch him go through the withdrawal. But I worry that letting him work will do more harm."
"The stress of not working might outweigh the stress of working."
She sat beside him and realized all her annoyances with him had disappeared. He was the only thing she had to lean on now. She needed him. He was the only one strong enough to help her through this. She’d always thought he could do anything. Even though she wasn’t a little girl anymore, she started to believe it was true.
"Except he doesn't have an office. I'm not done with his computer yet."
"He won't be allowed back in the office until well after you've left town. I promise. Once he's home for a bit, I'll think on letting him work from home."
She leaned on his shoulder. "You think you have that much control over him?"
"No, but your Mom does, and I know she is on my side."
They laughed and he put his arm around her. "I'm glad you can still laugh with me."
"Even though I won't go back to the way I felt about you before, I care about you a great deal. You've been there for me more times than I can count."
"You really did do an amazing job today. I didn't tell your dad a story for your ego."
"I decided to come clean with Trenton when I get home. It's only fair."
"If you went home and he told you that he'd kissed another woman while you were gone, would you still say yes if he proposed ten minutes later?"
"I'd have a few days of being upset, but I'd get over it. I'd make him pay. though. But if he's going to dump me over it, then I guess it will be for the best." She'd tell him everything, the kisses, her talks with Gabe the last five years... the entire friendship slash emotional affair. How she'd always been in love with Gabe, a little.
Once the air was cleared, she could accept his ring with a good conscience. And she could leave the teenage dream part of her life behind. Hiding it and holding him were keeping her from truly committing herself to Trenton. Now she could let go and maybe even stop relying on Gabe to fix her life. He wouldn't always be around. Eventually, she would have to stand on her own feet.
The thought of not having Gabe in her life filled her with dread. Like puking. He wasn't only her best friend, he was part of her family. Maybe Trenton would have to concede on the issue and let Gabe have a tiny spot in her life.
She snuggled closer to him. It was so easy to justify, she was so tired and cold and he was warm and strong. If she let herself, she could fall.
"You're tense. You need a good massage, but I suppose a bench in public wouldn't be the best place to start. Perhaps I should take you home and give you a good working over."
"I'll wait until I get back to my massager lady when I get home."
"Masseur."
"Huh?" She struggled to sit up, but he kept gentle pressure on her which held her. She didn’t try too hard. She gave in to the urge to close her eyes and relax.
"Never mind. I suppose I should return you to the hospital room. I need to head home. I have work to be done.”
"Do you ever take time off?" she said, trying to keep a teasing note in her voice, but there was a dose of seriousness to the question.
"I don't usually work after office hours, actually. But I'm doing mine and Bryce's work this week."
"Delegate to others. People who want to show you how much they can do."
“I'm too much of a control freak, Shan. "
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Go home." She slipped off the coat he'd draped on her. "Take your coat."
"You could come and make it more interesting."
She shoved him with her shoulder. "Goodnight, Gabriel."
Too bad the idea appealed to her so much.
Chapter 7
Trenton called minutes after midnight.
Shanna was still up in her dad's home office. Their computer was networked to the work office, so she could continue what she'd started Friday with Gabe.
"Oh, thank goodness," she said instead of hello.
"I'm sorry, baby. I've had a crazy last few days."
She closed the keyboard tray. "How so?"
"You know I had a temporary secretary while you were gone, but I've gone through two this week, because they aren't half as good as you."
"I'm not irreplaceable."
"That remains to be seen."
He would have to find a replacement when she returned. She was done putting off her own life. "What did you do?"
"You know Kendall Cooper, right? You met her at my parent's place."
Sure, she was the same age as Shanna. She didn't strike Shanna as the brilliant type, she liked to skate by on Daddy's money. Somehow she had managed to graduate from college, probably from buying her papers, or the profs or who knows; her father was rich enough to buy the college if he wanted.
"You do realize I'm only gone one more week."
"I know, but you are busy out there and I don't want you to feel stressed about trying to do two jobs at once."
He was thinking of her. Her anger dissipated. "Oh, baby, that's so sweet. I know I've been neglecting you quite a bit."
"A little. I want to get this all behind you. When you get back, we can discuss our future together."
"Yeah?"
"Of course, baby. We've talked about our future before. Father thought it was probably a good idea to start on it right away."
His father thought? Of course, his father had thoughts on her marriage proposal. Had Trenton ever had an idea that didn’t involve Byron’s input?
"Then this last week will go by so fast and I will be back in your arms before you know it. I will get this done for Dad, and he swears he's passing things on to Gabe so I won't have any further obligation."
"Do you see much of Gabe?"
She hesitated. Her stomach dropped to her feet. "Well, yeah, he's showing me the ropes." Truth, mostly. Omission.
"He's not, you know, being a jerk or anything?"
Depends on your point of view. She held her breath a moment. "No, no. He's been very supportive. I know you don't like him."
"I don't trust the way he looks at you."
Probably with good reason.
"I know he's a family friend, but he looks at you like more than a brother. And he's so much older than you. It's totally inappropriate."
"Oh please, I think that's your filter. Gabe is like my brother." If she repeated that, she'd start to believe it. God, she never asked to be caught in this little love triangle. She had to be clear with Gabe next time she saw him that she was marrying Trenton.
She yawned into the phone.
"All right."
"Thank you. Trenton, have you ever kissed another woman, you know, early in our relationship?"
"Why are you asking?"
"Oh a friend, a friend here, she's started dating this guy, but she wound up kissing her ex-boyfriend. She's not sure she's over the ex, and I told her she wasn't married to anyone, so it wasn't a big deal. I worried I've given her bad advice." She crossed her fingers on her left hand as she said it.
He blew out a breath. "We've been together for four years, right?"
"Four and a half."
"Don't fly back and stab me in my sleep. There was a holiday party at my parent's house, you were sick so I went alone. You remember I used to date Micaden Stainforth?"
Oh yes, Micaden had gone to the same school as she and Trenton, and because she was a friend of the von Brooke's, she often found herself in the same circles. Micaden and her little group tried to make Shanna's life hell for the first six months she dated Trenton. "Yes," she said tightly.
"We kissed and I seriously considered, for a week or two, getting back together with her."
"You did?"
"Yes. Micaden and I were sort of chosen for each other as kids. I know that's not really done, but everyone expected it in our families. And the differences with you and my family. I saw her for a couple of weeks."
The idea of Trenton marrying someone else didn't upset her as much as she thought it would. Of the whole conversation, her lack of upset was the most disturbing.
"Are you mad, baby?"
"No. I asked for honesty and I got it. It was two years ago. And honestly, I'm not upset at all."
He let out a sigh. "Good."
Yeah good. She should be jealous, shouldn't she?
"I'm feeling tired Trenton, I should get to bed. As should you. It's even later for you."
"Alright, that's a good idea. Goodnight Shanna."
"Night, Trenton." She hung up the phone and stared at the computer screen. Her response, or lack thereof, confused her. In the end, she decided to text one of her girlfriends,. She wasn't really close to any one female friend in Toronto, so she picked Carmen almost at random. There wouldn't be a response tonight, of course. It was early morning in Toronto.
She shut down the computer and went to bed.
* * *
Gabe knocked on the door of Bryce and Rita's home. Normally he would have wandered in, but he didn't know how Shanna would take the gesture. So he waited politely at the door, a bottle of white wine in his hand, a black velvet box in his pocket and a spring in his step.
Shanna opened the door and her face contorted to surprise then annoyance. So much for a truce. "I'm sorry, we are having a private family dinner."
"Well move on over, sweetheart. You said you thought of me as family, now you are surprised that I'm here."
She stepped out and closed the door behind her. She faced him and crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought I might have a day without you."
"I guess not. Since one could not get sick of me, you must be annoyed that I’m forcing you to think about your feelings for your boyfriend."
"No, it doesn't take much to tire of the one-man Gabriel show."
He ignored her jab. "I never asked... why did I owe you a coffee? Was I keeping you up late the other night somehow?"
She snorted. "Your annoying way of always being around, pushing people. Your bad jokes, and the confusing way you look at me."
He stuffed his hands in his pocket to keep from touching her. "How do I look at you? How do I confuse you?"
Shanna stared at the ground, her toe digging at a rock stuck in the dirt. Finally, she spun around. "Never mind. Let's go in."
He grabbed her chin with his hand and force her to look at him. "I know I'm making your life difficult. That I'm asking you to rethink everything you thought was true. Trenton is not the man for you."
"And what? You are?" She flailed her arms and knocked his away.
He dropped his arms and looked at her for a long second. "Yes." He knew they were meant to be with the depths of his being.
“Why, Gabe? Why would you think that? You didn’t want me five years ago. And I have not forgotten how much it hurt me.”
“At least I know you have strong feelings for me.” She glared at him, not appreciating his small joke. He stroked her cheek with his finger, but she batted him away again. “I did want you back then, but I was terrified of you. I knew I loved you, but I thought you were only feeling infatuation, and I didn’t want to be hurt when you decided to go off with someone your own age.”
“And now that you can’t have me, you want me. Is it a forbidden fruit thing?” She turned in a circle and came back to stare at him, hurt plain on her face.
“No. If I thought that you’d be happier with Trenton von Snootypants, I’d let you go. I would. I’m still far too old for you and I’m tied to this town. But if you marry Trenton, you’ll be miserable. He’s using you.”
Gabe realized he shouldn’t relay his suspicions before he had facts to back it up. His investigator friend was still looking into Trenton’s background. Gabe was hoping for something irrefutable about his rival.
Shanna lifted her hand to slap him,
as the door opened. She dropped her hand and glared at Gabe.
“Shanna,” Rita said, “why are you standing out here with Gabe? Let the poor man inside.”
“We were having a chat, Rita,” Gabe said.
“Sorry, Ma. I needed to clear the air with Gabe. We’ll come in now.”
He took her elbow and steered her toward the house. When Rita turned away, Shanna elbowed him and he let a soft “oof.” He bent his mouth and spoke low enough so only she could hear. “I’m sorry I said that. I know you think the best of everyone.”
“Except you,” she replied. “There is nothing good for me to believe.”
He realized she was lashing out from hurt. “You may not believe it, but I do love you.” He had to tell her eventually. It was as good a time as any.
In a blink, they were inside the house and Bryce was standing. Gabe let go of Shanna. “Sit down, Bry. Don’t strain yourself on my account.”
Shanna still gaped at him.
“Shanna, can you pour Gabe a whiskey? Gabe, there’s pop there as well. Or would you rather wine? Rita and Shanna are having wine. I’m not allowed to have anything that tastes good from now on.”
“With Rita’s cooking skills, she’ll be able to make those low-sodium meals taste like heaven,” Gabe said. “I’ll have a glass of wine with the women. I can get it.”
“No, no let me,” Shanna said, obviously grateful to have a reason to leave the room. She hurried to the kitchen.
“So, how are things going between you two?”
“She’s stubborn, Bryce. Understandably. I’m asking her to give up all the dreams she’s had the last five years so she can come here and live with an old man.”
“You are hardly old.”
"Twelve years is quite a difference."
“Oh, posh. You love her, she loves you.”
“I’m not so sure she loves me anymore.”
Rita and Shanna returned. Rita held a tray of veggies and dip, and she set it on the coffee table. “How are you, Rita?” Gabe said, standing and kissing her cheek. When he sat again, Shanna glared at him.