Attraction Series Boxed Set: Books 1-3

by J B Heller

  That was why the nightmares never came. That was why I felt so well rested. He was still here. He didn’t leave me.

  “Hey, Angel,” he murmured softly. His voice was husky and strained. He had bags under his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before; he always looks incredible to me. But after taking a closer look, I could see that he’d lost weight too. Had our separation been as hard on him as it had been on me?

  With gentle hands, he pushed my hair out of my face then kissed my forehead. His lips felt like heaven, soft and sweet. I died a little more inside. I tried to climb out of his lap but his hands moved faster than I did. He had me around the waist, keeping me in place.

  “I won’t let you go, Ivy. I love you, Angel. I’m sorry I didn’t get there in time to save Tessa. I’m so, so sorry, baby. Please, I’ll do whatever you ask, anything, just please forgive me,” he pleaded.

  I pulled back enough so that I could see his face. He honestly believed I blamed him for what happened to Tessa, “There’s nothing to forgive, Gabe. I don’t blame you for what happened. You couldn’t have done anything for her even if you had gotten there sooner.” I stroked his cheek with my fingertips as I tried to reassure him.

  I still hadn’t talked to anyone about what had happened. Not even Gabe knew what had taken place in that house. I’d been doing my best not to think of it when I was awake; God knows it haunted me enough when I tried to sleep.

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat, “The truth is— there’s nothing anyone could have done to save her.”

  “If I’d gotten there sooner—”he tried to argue.

  I shook my head; I was so tired, even though I’d just woken up. I was tired of this life; I wish Gabe had let me take myself out when I’d had the courage to do it. Now I was left in this in-between zone, not quite living, but definitely not dead. I had left Gabe to protect him. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve this, but it must have been bad. Everyone I loved got hurt or were killed.

  “Will you tell me what happened?” he whispered.

  “No.” I didn’t ever plan on reliving that day, at least not by choice. But the nightmares were beyond my control.

  He didn’t push me for answers, just nodded his acceptance. His arms were still wrapped around my waist like a vice, not allowing me to move. A part of me wanted him to just get up, walk out the door and never come back. But the bigger part, wanted him to keep fighting for me. “Why won’t you leave?”

  “Because you love me, just like I love you. And I know you wouldn’t leave me if our roles were reversed. You would use any means necessary to make sure I was on the road to recovery,” he shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  It was true though, I would do that for him. I would do anything for him. And that was why I’d left him. Maybe the only way he’d understand would be for me to tell him why I’d had to do it. “We can’t be together, Gabe. What you just said is true, and that is why I am doing this. If I stay with you, eventually you’ll get hurt, and I’ll be responsible. I can’t live with that. You would do anything to protect me, and I am doing this to protect you.”

  He gaze turned incredulous as he pushed me back a little, but didn’t let me go, “Are you fucking with me right now?”

  I was stunned, “What? No.”

  “The only thing hurting me right now is you. Your refusal to talk to me, to let me in, to tell me you love me. If I have to live the rest of my life without you, I may as well not live at all,” he fumed.

  I snapped, “But at least you’re alive! Don’t you understand? The ones I love die. My mother, Tessa. You’re all I have left and I won’t let that happen to you.”

  Gabe rolled his eyes, “Do you know how crazy you sound right now? You would rather live without me, than let me get hurt. That’s what you’re saying. Well, I’m telling you, I’d rather DIE than live without you. Don’t you understand? There is nothing I wouldn’t risk to be with you.”

  Tears ran down my cheeks like waterfalls and I couldn’t stop them. My throat constricted when I tried to swallow. He loved me that much. He must be crazy, but in that moment, I didn’t care. He knew what being with me meant and he still wanted to stay.

  I lunged forward, wrapped my arms him and buried my face into his neck. I felt his whole body relax beneath me, and then his hands slid from my waist, around my back and hugged me to him. For the first time in weeks, I had hope that things would get better, one day.

  I fell asleep like that, our bodies tangled together on the couch. His scent surrounded me and I slept soundly, safe in the shelter of his arms.

  She was in my arms again, where she should have been all along. I cursed myself for waiting so long to come for her. She was fading away to a shadow. Hips that used to be curvy and full were now bony. Her breasts were smaller, and her waist was so narrow my hands could touch when I wrapped them around it. Her stunning green eyes had lost all their life; they were full of shadows and darkness. There was no light in her anymore.

  She’d fallen asleep again and I wondered how much she had slept in the last three weeks. I hadn’t slept much, but I could get by with little sleep when I needed to. Not that my lack of sleep was by choice. Every time I had closed my eyes, I had seen Ivy sitting in the corner of that room, rocking Tessa in her arms. That image would haunt me for the rest of my life.

  I squeezed her fragile body in my arms, but I was careful not to hurt her. I couldn’t live without her. That much I knew for a fact. I think I’d gotten that through to her, but I couldn’t be sure. She’d seemed relieved before, when she’d thrown herself at me. But for all I knew, it could have been hysteria from lack of sleep.

  I didn’t care that I was uncomfortable and sitting in an awkward position, all I cared about was having Ivy in my arms, safe and sound. I rested my head on the back of the couch and closed my eyes.

  I woke up to the exquisite feel of Ivy’s lips pressed against mine. I had begun to think I would never get to kiss her lips again. Relief and arousal flooded my body at the same time. My dick jumped to attention. He’d been sulking these last few weeks too; we’d both missed Ivy’s presence in the house, in our bed.

  She ground herself down against me and it felt so fucking good. I wrapped my hands around her waist and shifted her so she was laying beneath me. I thrust my hips between her legs, feeling her wetness through her thin leggings. She let out a deep throaty moan and I hardened even more.

  Her hands flew to my pants, her fingers tugged at my zipper urgently, “Off, I want them off.”

  I didn’t argue; I couldn’t even if I’d wanted to. I had no control when it came to Ivy. I moved back and pulled my pants down, briefs and all. My shirt followed and all my clothes sat in a pile on the floor beside the couch. Her eyes widened as she took me in, feasting on my body with her stare. It sent chills down my spine.

  Before I could reach down to pull her leggings off, she was up on her knees in front of me, cupping my balls in one hand and squeezing my dick with the other. My head dropped back on my shoulders. I’d missed her touch. The light was back in her eyes, and it wasn’t just shining, it was a raging inferno.

  She slowly dragged her hand up my length, running her thumb over the tip of my cock. When she moved her hand back down, her tongue replaced her thumb, lapping at the small amount of come seeping from the tip. I had never let her blow me before, and this was why, I wanted to come already.

  Her hot little mouth worked my cock hard and fast, alternating between sucking and licking. I had to fight the urge to sink my hands into her hair and start fucking her face.

  I let her set the pace and it was killing me. Then she pulled back, letting me feel her teeth graze the underside of my dick, all the way to the tip, she flicked it with her tongue once more then let it pop out of her mouth. She looked up at me with all the heat and passion I felt for her reflected in her eyes.

  I grabbed her face in both hands and pulled her to her feet, then slammed my lips against hers. As I devoured her mouth with
mine, I laid her on the coffee table in front of the couch. I pulled her towards me until her arse sat on the edge then I ran my hands up the length of her beautiful legs until I found the waistband of her leggings. Sliding my thumbs under it, I dragged them down to her feet and yanked them off.

  Slowly I draped each of her legs over my shoulders, then looking up at her from between her creamy thighs I said, “My turn.”

  They were the first words that I had spoken since she woke me. And they would be my last until we’d both come together.

  I buried my face between her legs, licking up and back between her folds. Taking my time, I licked slowly back and forth. Her clit got hard under the pressure from my tongue. I bit it gently and Ivy’s body arched off the table. Bringing my hands to her hips and pushing her back down, I kept my hands there to keep her in place, right in front of my face.

  Her hands grabbed chunks of my hair, pulling my face into her pussy. I loved it; I loved this side of her. I slid my tongue inside her then ran it back up and circled her clit. She ripped my head up and away from my prize. With her hands still in my hair, she pulled me up until my face was level with hers.

  She bit her bottom lip then her tongue slid out and began licking her come off my face. I nearly came.

  My cock sat at her entrance, waiting impatiently, I could feel her juices coating my nob. I wanted to dive in so badly. But I’d never gone bareback in my life. Ivy took the decision away from me. She lifted her feet, placed her heels on the edge of the table either side of her arse cheeks, and then lifted her hips. I slid all the way in. She was hot and tight and the angle was amazing.

  The muscles in my neck contracted, pulling my head to the side, she felt so fucking good. She moaned my name as she clawed at my back. I lifted her off the coffee table, and slid down onto my knees; I glided my hands down to her hips and wrapped her legs around my waist. My thrusts were shallow and fast, and I knew I couldn’t hold out much longer. She arched her back and screamed my name; that did it, I let go. My come shot deep inside her.

  Then I remembered the condom, or lack thereof. I tried to pull out but she wrapped her legs around me tighter. “Angel, I didn’t wear a condom.”

  She was quiet for a moment, and then sighed. She wasn’t mad, which I found strange, I could have just gotten her pregnant. That thought floored me.

  She looked me in the eye and bit her bottom lip again, “That’s why it felt different. Better. No more condoms,” she said with a slight shake of her head.

  What? I hadn’t been expecting that. “Angel, I might have just gotten you pregnant.”

  She lifted her shoulder in a shrug, still clinging to me, arms and legs wrapped around my body. I liked that she wasn’t trying to push me away for what I’d just done. But I still had to ask, “You’re not mad?”

  “It was my fault. I started it, and I honestly didn’t even think about a condom. If I got pregnant just now, you don’t have to worry; I don’t expect you to take responsibility.”

  My spine stiffened. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? She may as well have slapped me in the face. “Fuck off, Ivy. Don’t say that shit to me. You know I would be here for you no matter what. I thought I’d made that clear?”

  Her eyes widened with alarm, “You have, but I didn’t want you thinking the reason I’m not mad right now is because I’m trying to trap you or something.”

  Sweet relief flooded me again, and I relaxed. I was still haft-mast inside of her. I slid my hips back to pull out.

  She held me tighter, “No, don’t.”

  I froze.

  “Don’t pull out yet. I like being connected to you like this. Just for a minute, please,” she asked with a shy smile.

  I grinned back at her, “Anything you want, Angel.”

  I lowered us down onto the carpet and laid on my back, with Ivy’s body wrapped around me. Her arms around my neck, her cheek resting on my chest, and my dick buried deep inside her.

  I could stay like this forever. Ivy was my home. We fell back to sleep just like that. The weeks of endless worry and the constant fear that I had lost her, were finally over.

  I knew I should have been upset or at least worried that I might have gotten pregnant. But I just wasn’t. The likelihood of it happening after having sex once without a condom was very small. Plus with all the stress of the past few months, my cycles hadn’t been right anyway. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a period, maybe two, three months ago?

  When Gabe and I woke up, he was still inside of me. I couldn’t stop myself from sitting up and riding him. As soon as my body started moving, he was rock hard. And that’s just how I rode him, hard. After three weeks without him, I was ravenous. I couldn’t get enough.

  We feasted on each other for the rest of the night and early into the morning until we fell asleep again, this time in my bed.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Two Weeks Later…

  I had moved back in with Gabe, but this time, it was for good. My old house didn’t feel like home anymore. I’d wanted to hold onto it, for all the good memories it held, but those memories were tainted now. At least in this house, I still had happy memories with Tessa. It hurt to think about her. But it hurt more not to.

  I’d thought moving in here and being with Gabe again would at least make me feel better emotionally. But I was still ill. I’d been nauseous for weeks. The doctor said it could be stress causing a physical reaction, my body’s way of trying to process everything that had happened recently. But it seemed to be getting worse. Gabe wanted me to go see another doctor and get a second opinion. I really didn’t want to have to tell someone else about the things I’d been through, even though I was very vague.

  I would explain that I’d been through a traumatic incident involving a stalker, that had ended with the death of my cousin and they would want to know more. When I would refuse to tell them anything else, they would suggest I see a psychologist. No thank you. I was doing a fine job of blocking it out, I didn’t need someone with a notepad and black leather reclining couch to try getting me to open up.

  Besides, I was slowly putting weight back on. So I must have been getting better in some areas. I just felt like crap all the time and I was always tired. I knew after everything I’d experienced, that this was all normal; I’d googled it. I’d read countless experiences from women who had been through similar trauma to mine.

  This morning I’d decided I would text Sloan. I didn’t tell Gabe because I knew he wouldn’t like it. That and I honestly didn’t know how he felt about her anymore. It wasn’t that I doubted his feelings for me; I think if I had to see that look on his face, the one he used to get around Sloan, it would kill me.

  Gabe never gave me any details about what Sloan had been through, but I knew it was bad. Even so, she had come through it. I just wanted to be able to talk to someone I knew, and see how they’d coped afterwards.

  I knew she would know the basics of what had happened; it was all over the news. I wouldn’t have to tell her much more than what had already been aired on TV.

  ~‘Hi Sloan, it's Ivy. I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I was just hoping we might be able to talk?’~

  She replied right away.

  ~‘I was sad to hear what happened to you. I think I know why you want to talk, and if you think it will help you, I’ll do it.’~

  The tension that had built up in my chest released immediately and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  ~‘Thank you. Where should I meet you?’~

  ~‘My place, you know where it is. I’ll be here all day, come when you’re ready.’~

  I hadn’t left the house without Gabe since I’d moved in, so I had no idea how I was going to get passed him now. Rushing around the room looking for clean clothes, I found a long green and black striped tank and a pair of leggings, and threw them on before quickly spraying myself with deodorant. I wanted to talk with Sloan as soon as possible. That meant I had to have a shower in a can.

  When I ca
me out of the room, I knew I would have to tell Gabe something. I couldn’t just leave and have him find me gone; he’d panic. And I didn’t want to lie to him either. So I decided on a half-truth. I found him in his office. He’d been working from home since I’d moved in and Kai dealt with things at the office in town.

  He looked up when I walked in and the smile that lifted his lips made my heart skip a beat. I wanted him, right here, right now. It was so strange, I’d been so ill, but so horny. I couldn’t jump him right now though; I really wanted to get to Sloan’s.

  “Hey, you’re out of bed. You feeling better today?” he asked.

  I tried to smile, “Kinda, I just have to go out for a little bit. I wanted to let you know in case you came in to check on me.”

  He stood up from his place behind his desk and came around to me, “Do you need me to take you somewhere?”

  I started to fidget, picking at invisible lint on my top. I’d always been a terrible liar. I could try to sound casual, but I doubt he would buy it. So I went with something I knew he’d back away from, “No, I can go myself. Just have to sort out some lady business.”

  He paled; I knew he wouldn’t want to help me with lady issues. But then he shocked me. He rubbed the back of his neck a few times then took a deep breath and stood up straighter, “It’s all right, I can take you.”

  My eyes bugged out of my head. He really does love me, like take care of me when I’m sick, make me toast and tea in bed and take me to the store to buy tampons, kind of love. If that’s wasn’t true love, I didn’t know what is.

  Launching myself at him, I nearly knocked him off his feet, kissing his face all over and finishing on his lips. I could feel his smile under my lips.