So when Finley approached him, asking about dinner, he forced away his reticence and smiled. “I’d love to have steak.” He hesitated—he really didn’t want to piss Finley off—but he didn’t like not paying for his keep, either. “Hey, uh, I know you and Tanner are a little annoyed that I want to, but, um, can I help buy groceries or something?”
He gave Finley credit for not rolling his eyes. Instead, Finley tilted his head. “If it’s important to you, then, yes. How about you give me the money, though, and let me shop? At least until you have your filters in better shape.”
Eric would never in a million years admit he was grateful for Finley’s perception. “Thanks. Yeah, I think that’ll work.”
Finley nodded. “Good. All right, then, I’ll get started. Tanner’s meeting a client.” He wrinkled his nose.
Eric laughed. “Can I do anything?”
Finley shook his head. “Not right now. Maybe I’ll have you scrub potatoes or something later. Or maybe I’ll just stick with something easier rather than baking them.” He waved a hand. “I’ll figure that part out later. I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready.”
ERIC WANDERED out to the living room, flopped onto the couch, and laid his head back. He was more than a little tired after the day he’d had. He was already incredibly frustrated with his lack of filters, his fumbling, and everything else. He could handle zippers better and fasten his own jeans buttons. So that was something. But there were still a lot of things he struggled with. He’d never imagined going wolf for a time like that would lead to him regressing to puppyhood.
It made him wonder what he was going to do for a job. Alpha Noah had done well with the savings he’d put together, but it wouldn’t last forever, even sharing a house with Tanner and Finley. And he couldn’t do that forever either. He had his own mate who, eventually, would want a separate place. Hell, he’d want a separate place when they finally got to the point that they could bond and claim.
And while he had no doubt Ben could take care of basic living expenses, Eric had zero interest in living off Ben. His former mate might have wanted that, but that wasn’t how he worked.
So he’d need a job. But could he get his hands back to working well enough to do his leatherworking? And if not, what could he do?
He sighed, annoyed with his cyclical thinking. Before he could get up, though, and find something to do, Ben sat next to him.
“Are you okay, cariño?”
Eric frowned. “I don’t know?” He shook his head. “I almost said, ‘I’m fine,’ but I know you’ll see through that.”
Ben smiled. “I’d hope so. There are advantages to being your mate.”
Eric couldn’t resist smiling at that. “True. I just… I mean….” He shook his head in frustration. “It didn’t work that way with her, and I don’t get it. Are destined mates that different from chosen? I thought… I thought chosen still had good matings, good relationships.”
Ben frowned. “My parents were destined. They have troubles, but I think Mamá’s humanity causes a lot of that. I have known a number of chosen couples, though, and they seemed to have… if not quite the same closeness my parents do, it was similar. I think….” He frowned, reaching up and touching Eric’s cheek. “I’m sorry to say I think it is because she was not very… uh… invested in the mating.”
Eric sighed. “I guess I knew that. I just… it’s hard to accept because it means I was a bigger fool than I had even realized.”
Ben shook his head. “No, cariño. You are only guilty of loving her.”
“Doesn’t make me less foolish. I should have seen the signs.” He waved a hand. “Anyway.”
“Yes, anyway. I believe the wash is finished. Would you like help moving it over?”
“Yeah. I’ll take that.” Eric stood and held his hand out toward Ben. “Come on, mate. Let’s do something domestic.”
ERIC SAT, staring at the plate in front of him, cursing himself for not giving more thought to what would be required to eat steak. The steak knife mocked him, as did the fork on the other side of the plate. Huffing to himself, he picked them up and forced himself to go slow.
His knife grip was still horribly awkward, but he managed to stab the meat with the fork and work the knife across the piece. He more tore than cut a chunk off the steak and stuffed the bite in his mouth.
He refused to look at anyone else at the table. He knew he looked ridiculous and just couldn’t take whatever look they’d give him. Pity? Amusement? Neither appealed.
Eric hadn’t expected the clatter of silverware next to him, so before he could stop himself, he looked up at Ben—
—who’d put down his silverware and was eating his steak with his hands. Eric blinked at him, uncomprehending, until two more sets of utensils hit the table. Eric turned to look at Tanner and Finley to see they’d done the same thing. They were eating the steak with their hands.
Eric was torn between embarrassment and gratitude. He decided to take the gratitude and put his own silverware down, then picked up his steak with his hands. He tore off a piece, unable to stop the smile at the grin Ben gave him.
“You know, cariño, there is a lot of Mexican food that does not require silverware.”
Eric finished his bite and laughed. “You’ll have to show me.”
Ben’s smile widened. “I can cook. So I will make it for you.”
Eric raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah, you said you could, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” Ben nodded. “My mamá taught me.”
Eric frowned. Ben was leaving something out, he could feel it, but he didn’t know what. Clearly it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss in front of Tanner and Finley, though, so Eric let it go. “Well, perhaps you can teach me.”
“You can’t cook?”
Eric shook his head. “No. My mom wasn’t the most… domestic person on the planet.”
Tanner snorted. “Dude. You ate with us more often than not. And when you didn’t, you ate out.”
Eric grinned. “Hey, I couldn’t help it. Your mom is such a good cook.”
“Well, she certainly didn’t mind feeding you. I’m not sure anyone else would have gotten vegetables into you.”
Eric wrinkled his nose. “What is everyone’s fascination with vegetables?” he grumbled, poking the broccoli on his plate.
“We’re half human, remember?” Tanner asked. “We kinda need a bit more than meat as humans.”
Eric stuck his tongue out. “Maybe I’ll just do all my eating in wolf form.”
“Nope,” Ben said, shaking his head.
Eric looked over at him, raising his eyebrows. “Oh?”
“Yes, no. I promised the doctor I would make sure you ate vegetables.”
Eric rolled his eyes. “Maybe I don’t want a mate.”
Tanner scowled. “You don’t have a choice.”
Eric held up a hand. “Joking!” He turned to Ben and leaned in. “I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean it.”
“It’s okay, cariño. I actually knew that.” Ben smiled and kissed Eric’s cheek.
Eric sighed. “I’ll eat my vegetables,” he mumbled, picked up a piece of broccoli, and put it in his mouth.
Ben grinned at him and ate one of his own—with his fingers, just like the steak. “That was not so bad, was it?”
Eric rolled his eyes but was grinning as he ate another piece of broccoli.
THE STEAK dinner made Eric even more determined to get past this bullshit with his hands and at least be able to do basic things with them. At the same time, he wanted to get his filters in place again. He was tired of feeling like a pup, tired of fighting with that. He wanted to feel normal again.
He was more than a little grateful when Chad showed up only a couple of days later. Jamie came with him, and to Eric’s surprise, they both hugged him. To his annoyance, it still felt… off… for anyone but his mate to touch him. So he had to force himself to return the hug and relax after he stiffened from the contact.
“I’m so
rry,” he mumbled when he stepped back.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Jamie assured him. “I can’t begin to imagine how this feels.”
“Fucking ridiculous,” Eric blurted.
Jamie laughed. “Well, that I can certainly understand.”
“I do get it, at least to a point,” Chad said. “Let’s go outside. There are stronger smells out there.”
“I thought I might talk to Ben a little about how to help you. Will you be okay if we’re in here without you guys?”
Eric actually had to think about it but nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry it’s even—”
Chad held up a hand. “You should have seen us when we first got together. I growled at people—and I didn’t even have a wolf yet.”
Eric laughed. “Wow. I don’t feel so bad, then.”
“Do not feel bad, cariño.” Ben kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you are possessive of me. I like the reminder of our bond.”
Eric turned to Ben and pulled him close, wrapping both arms around him. He savored the feel of Ben’s arms around him too. “I am definitely possessive of you. And sometime soon, I’ll be able to do more with it.”
“I am a patient man, cariño.”
With a kiss to Ben’s cheek, Eric turned to Chad. “Let’s get my damned filters fixed.”
Chad laughed. “Not sure it’ll work that fast, but….”
Eric waved a hand. “Then I want to get to working on it.”
They spent the better part of a whole day outside, with Eric working through the same type of exercises he’d used at the store.
“Remember, first, to take shallow breaths until you can filter. That’s the first thing I had to remember to do. Every damned semideep breath just about did me in. Way too many smells at once.”
Eric nodded. “Yeah. I think that’s the worst part. Just… so many different ones.”
“Exactly. So. Shallow breaths.”
Eric closed his eyes and worked on taking several smaller breaths. Already the sheer number of things to smell seemed to diminish. “Oh, yeah, that’s better.”
“Now, you can’t keep doing that, though.”
Eric laughed. “Yeah, I’d look like a nutjob doing that every time I went out in public.”
Chad threw his head back and laughed. “Yeah, no doubt. So, for me, I found that if I separated the different smells, cataloged them, I could let them go and more or less forget about them.”
“Okay. So, look for specific ones.”
Chad nodded. “Yeah. When you take a breath, think about what you’re smelling, identify them, and your brain will let you ignore them better.”
Eric nodded and once again closed his eyes. He took a—slightly—longer breath. Instead of just wincing and trying immediately not to breathe, he forced himself to think about what he smelled. When he found the pine and spruce, he separated them and was able to ignore them. Next, he recognized the rabbit, squirrel, and deer nearby. It took a moment to ignore his wolf’s urging to chase and instead work to recognize and catalog them. A moment later he felt like he could ignore those too. He opened his eyes and grinned at Chad. “Holy shit, it works.”
Chad grinned back. “Yeah! Let’s work on sounds next.”
By the time Finley was serving hamburgers from the grill, Eric felt like he could, at least, handle smells and most sounds quite a bit better.
And he was feeling a lot closer to normal.
WHILE HIS filters were getting better, Eric was still having problems with fine motor control, but practice with his zippers helped. And he forced himself to eat things for breakfast that required silverware. It wasn’t nearly what it took to do things like cut steak or draw or handle leatherworking tools, but he was better and was starting to feel a lot less useless. He wasn’t sure he could do the steak-cutting or leatherworking yet, but in the end, he was making progress, and that went a long way toward making him feel better about a lot of his limitations.
The next day, Ben had to go into Pittsburgh, apparently to see about transferring his CPA license, so Eric used that time to work on his filters. When Ben came back, Eric didn’t actually hear him until the car was almost at the house. And he didn’t even remotely smell Ben until his mate was in the same room. In a weird sort of way, he was proud of himself for it.
He was surprised, though, when Ben set a bunch of plastic bags down in front of him. “What’s this?”
Ben opened one and Eric peered in.
“Clothes?”
Ben nodded. “After I left the office I went to in Pittsburgh, I passed a Target and thought you might not mind if I picked up a few more shirts and things for you. I figured you would not mind just paying me back, and if I did not get the right colors or sizes or whatever, I could return them later.”
“My filters are a lot better, but… yes, thank you. I’m still not sure I want to be around that many people yet.”
Ben grinned. “Good.”
Eric pulled the clothes out one by one, more than a little surprised that Ben had apparently remembered all of his sizes and color preferences. At the bottom of one bag, though, he found something he wasn’t expecting.
A sketch pad.
“Ben…?”
Ben sat down next to him on the couch. “I found the other one. Tanner said it was yours. You used to do such amazing work, cariño. I thought, perhaps, instead of looking at all the ones that remind you of before… maybe you could start new. I’m sure it’s still there, your art.”
Eric held the sketch pad a little tighter and stared at it, not seeing it. He swallowed. “I… I don’t know.”
“Would it hurt for you to try?”
Eric blew out a breath. “I don’t know. Maybe? But… maybe I should, even if it does.”
“I would love to see you draw.”
Eric looked up at him and tilted his head. “If I do, will you play your guitar for me?”
Ben smiled. “I think I can manage that.”
Eric grinned and looked back at the sketch pad, running his hand over the cover. “I’m not sure I even know where to begin.”
“Perhaps you could draw your favorite place in the forest. I’m sure you have one.”
Eric nodded, the picture of the place Diana had appeared to him popping into his head. “Yeah, I do.”
Ben kissed his temple. “Then you should draw it.”
“I… I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back to the leatherworking, though. And if—”
“You will.”
Eric shook his head. “Such confidence in me.”
“I’m learning about you, cariño. I believe I’m getting a feel for what you can do. How strong you are.”
Eric fought the immediate urge to shake his head, denying his strength. Ben would only argue with it. Instead, he took a breath and said simply, “Thank you.”
“Thank me by drawing for me.” Ben kissed his temple again. “But first… we have laundry to do.”
“Yay,” Eric said, standing and making Ben laugh. But as he set the sketch pad aside to focus on the other things he needed to do, he found himself anxious to pick up a pencil. He was sure it would be crap, at least at first. But maybe… just maybe… he could do some of this again.
Chapter 8
“I KNOW it might seem strange that the first movie I want to show you is fairly recent. I promise, though, you’ll appreciate it.” Ben set the big bowl of popcorn onto the coffee table before taking his seat.
Eric smiled. “Whatever you think. I’ve got so much to catch up on.”
Ben nodded. “That much is true, cariño. We have our whole lives to get you caught up. There is no rush.”
“Well, most of our lives. Another, oh, two hundred seventy years or so….”
Ben grinned. “I do not know if that will be enough time with you.”
Eric’s smile spread into a grin. He leaned over and left a soft kiss on Ben’s cheek. “I suspect, when I finally get my head out of my ass, no amount of years will be enough.”
Ben’s hear
t skipped a beat, and he couldn’t seem to breathe for a moment. “That does me good to hear, cariño.”
With another kiss to Ben’s cheek, Eric sat back. “So, let’s see what’s in?”
Ben picked up the remote and hit Play, waiting impatiently for the piracy warnings and other stuff to pass by. He wished he’d have thought to set it to right before the crawl, but there was nothing for it.
As soon as the menu came up, Eric gasped. “There’s… that’s… is that… Star Wars?”
Ben grinned. “There is a whole new trilogy coming out. This is the first.”
“Oh my gods, fuck yes!”
Ben laughed.
“Wait.” Eric held a hand out. “Is it any good? I mean, I remember when The Phantom Menace came out and it was good, but two and three….” He shuddered.
Ben waved a hand. “No, this is much—much—better than Attack of the Clones or Revenge of the Sith.”
Eric narrowed his eyes and considered Ben. “Well, the bond—such as it is—says you’re telling the truth.” He made a great show of sniffing Ben. “And you don’t smell like you’re lying.”
Ben laughed. “No, cariño, I really did enjoy this one. I did not exactly hate the other two, but….”
Eric nodded. “All right, then. Let’s go.”
Ben was surprised, despite the touching they’d done in the week since they’d met, when Eric put his arm around Ben’s shoulders. Ben settled in against Eric’s side, then took a handful of popcorn and focused on the words passing by on the screen. He decided he liked watching movies with Eric. He reacted, cheering and booing, laughing out loud, and Ben even caught him clearing his throat once, clearly in an attempt to keep from tearing up. Ben had a hard time deciding between watching the movie and watching his mate. Star Wars, of course, won out, but not by much.
“They are so totally gay for each other,” Eric said, nodding at Finn and Poe hugging each other.
Ben laughed. “I can only imagine all the stories written about them.”
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