Forgiveness

by Grace R. Duncan

  With one more deep breath, he focused again on the pencil. This time he forced himself to move it. Lines, rough circles, vague shapes emerged on the page. Within a short time, he turned to a fresh sheet and started over.

  It took several of those pages before he even remotely liked what formed. It was still rougher than he wanted it to be, but he had to admit, he’d been without a pencil for nine years. It was going to take time for him to like what he did.

  Still, he didn’t stop. While the house was quiet and the light was good, he put the picture of the two wolves—one very dark, one lighter—aside and tried something different. Trees formed, rough ground cover joined them, and Eric was pleased to see the picture actually resembled something vaguely forestlike.

  He lost track of time; the only thing indicating its passage was the change in sunlight through the windows. He was, in fact, so absorbed in what he was doing, it wasn’t until the door opened that he was even aware another person was around.

  He scrambled to close the sketchbook, not ready to show anyone what was inside yet, not even his mate. Even so, when Ben walked in, he didn’t try to hide what he’d been doing. “Took a while?”

  Ben nodded. “Yeah, I had to get fingerprinted and set up for a background check apparently. And there was a line for that.”

  Eric stepped up to Ben and leaned in, pressing his lips against Ben’s. Ben wrapped his arms around Eric, who reciprocated with his free one. They got lost for a few moments, simply kissing. When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against Ben’s. “I like being free to do that. I like feeling like I can.”

  “So do I, cariño. I’m very glad you can.” Ben pulled back and tilted his head. “Did I see you with your sketchbook?”

  Eric nodded. “I’m not ready to show it, but yeah. I’ve been drawing.”

  Ben’s face split into a wide grin. “I better make sure my guitar is tuned, then.”

  Eric grinned. “Yep. Though….” He glanced at the clock. “Maybe tomorrow night? If I recall, we’ve got plans.”

  “Yes, we do. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  Eric took a breath but nodded again. “Yes.”

  Ben raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

  With a laugh Eric nodded once more. “Yeah, I am. If you’re there.”

  “I would hope you do not intend to take someone else out on a date meant for me.”

  This brought another laugh from Eric. “Right. Well, we should get ready, right?”

  “Yes.” Ben wrinkled his nose. “The downtown offices were very stuffy and hot, especially for a fall day. I need to shower.”

  Eric made a show of sniffing him. “Yeah, you do.”

  Ben snorted, dropped a kiss on Eric’s cheek, then stepped back. “You are lucky we are fated.”

  Eric flashed a grin. “You’ll keep me around.”

  With an eye roll and another kiss to Eric’s cheek, Ben turned toward the stairs. “I’ll be done shortly.”

  Eric checked the clock. “We have a bit of time. I’ll want a shower too.”

  “All right.” With a wave, Ben started up the stairs.

  Eric watched Ben’s ass wiggle as he took the steps, then forced himself to turn around and sit back down. He had a few more moments to draw.

  ERIC ENDED up having to scramble to get ready. He’d gotten completely lost in a drawing, surprising himself when Tanner tapped him on the shoulder. He’d blinked at the piece in front of him, not sure where it’d come from. A very beautiful wolfy-version of his mate stared up at him, mouth open, tongue lolling.

  “Glad to see you’re drawing, but I think your mate’s ready to go.”

  “Shit!” Eric jumped up, slamming the sketchbook closed, and spun around. “Um… fuck. Tell him I’ll be ready shortly.” With that he dashed for the stairs.

  “Yeah, just don’t forget to actually get clean!” Tanner called to him.

  Eric replied by waving his middle finger over his shoulder.

  He jumped in the shower and scrubbed off—making sure he did, in fact, get clean—then hurried into his bedroom. He grabbed the hanger he’d put aside earlier and almost scrambled to pull on his clothes. He had to unbutton and rebutton his shirt when he realized they were off by one. He blew out a breath and slowed down, finally getting that right, at least. He was annoyed with himself for not leaving enough time to shave, but he’d just have to apologize profusely for that one. Instead, he made sure his hair didn’t look like a train wreck, then stuffed his feet in his new dress shoes.

  When he got downstairs, he was happy to hear Ben in the kitchen with Finley, so he snuck through the front door, ignoring Tanner’s raised eyebrow. Checking himself in the window glass one more time, he rang the doorbell.

  He grinned when Tanner called, “I think it’s for you, Ben!”

  A moment later Ben came to the door, a puzzled expression on his face, then laughed when he looked through the glass. He pulled the door open. “Hello, cariño.”

  Eric grinned. “Hi. I’m here to pick you up for our date.”

  Ben grinned back at him. “Well, I am ready.” He paused, his gaze traveling down Eric’s body, eyebrows going up as he did so. “You look really good. When did you get those clothes?”

  Eric cleared his throat. “Tanner picked them up for me earlier today so I could surprise you. So… I pass, then, huh?”

  Ben nodded. “You most definitely do, cariño.” He smiled. “I especially like the blue on you.”

  Eric glanced down at the blue silk button-down shirt he’d picked out, then to the black twill pants. “Well, it’s not much, not exactly a suit or anything, but… where we’re going, one would be a little too much anyway.” He grinned and winked. “Also, sorry I didn’t shave.” He rubbed his cheek.

  Ben laughed. “It is okay. I like it a little rough. Should we go, then?”

  Eric held a hand out toward the car. He let his gaze travel over his mate’s body, taking in the lean, muscular frame that made something as simple as the khaki pants and basic dress shirt look good. Eric was very glad he’d gone with the pants and shirt he’d had Tanner get for him.

  When they got to the car, he went to the driver’s side and opened Ben’s door for him. Ben raised his eyebrows and Eric grinned. “I asked you on the date. I can’t drive, but I can still open your door for you.”

  “Thank you,” Ben said, then kissed Eric before getting in the car.

  “You’re welcome.” Eric shut his door, then ran around to the other side, pulling out the piece of paper he’d printed earlier. “All right. I want to give you directions, but not tell you where we’re going right away. Is that okay? It’s a little ways away, but I think you’ll appreciate it.”

  Ben nodded. “That is fine with me.” He looked sideways at Eric. “I’m just happy to be going out with you.”

  Eric couldn’t resist leaning over and turning Ben’s head. He cupped one cheek, then brushed his lips over Ben’s. Ben responded, putting pressure behind the kiss, and Eric opened, deepening it. When they broke apart, Eric brushed his thumb over Ben’s cheek, smiling at the look on Ben’s face.

  “I haven’t gotten used to those yet,” Ben whispered.

  “Well, I hope to fix that.” Eric’s smile widened when Ben grinned. “Now…. How about that date?”

  They didn’t speak much as Ben drove. Once they were on the smooth streets, he held Eric’s hand, following the directions he gave. It took them the better part of an hour, especially since they ran into traffic first outside Latrobe, then in New Alexandria, then on the approach into Monroeville. Ben introduced Eric to some of his favorite Spanish singers, and Eric was surprised he knew of a couple of them. Ricky Martin was singing something about goodbye—adiós, actually, since it was in Spanish—as they pulled into the parking lot of the shopping center.

  Eric tensed when they pulled into a spot in front of the Mexican restaurant. He’d done a lot of research to find the place. Even so, he didn’t know if Ben would appreciate it. He took a brea
th, braced himself, and looked over. But Ben had a huge grin on his face, and Eric relaxed.

  Ben leaned over and kissed Eric’s cheek. “Thank you, cariño.”

  “It’s supposed to be the most authentic for the Western Pennsylvania region. I’m not sure how much that says, but….”

  “I am sure it will be good.” Ben kissed him again. “Stay. I will open your door this time.”

  Eric shook his head, but before he could protest, Ben was out of the car and around to his side. “I asked you on the date, silly.”

  Ben shrugged. “So? I can open a door for my mate too.”

  With a thank-you, Eric climbed out of the car. When he drew in a breath, he was thrilled to realize he wasn’t immediately overwhelmed by the smells. Sure, the exhaust was still there, the strong restaurant smells still filled the air, but it wasn’t any worse than it would have been before he’d gone wolf.

  “Are you okay, cariño?”

  “Yes, actually. I’m really good. It seems my filters are finally back in place.” Eric’s face split into a wide grin.

  “That is wonderful!”

  Eric took Ben’s hand as they crossed the parking lot. Ben tensed when they got close to the door, and Eric looked over at him. “What’s wrong?”

  “Sorry, it is just that back in Texas, I would not have held a man’s hand going into a restaurant like this.”

  “Ah.” Eric nodded. “We’re quite a bit more tolerant up here. Even those of other cultures, I think. If you’re uncomfortable with it….”

  Ben studied him for a long moment, then let out a breath and shook his head. “No. I will not hide you.”

  Eric considered him, then nodded and opened the door. Ben stepped through and, to Eric’s happiness, took his hand again when they were both inside. The bright yellow walls, colorful murals, and red tile floors showed the effort the restaurant owners put into making the place look authentic. Eric hoped that extended to the food, which was much more important in his opinion.

  It was a bit busier than Eric expected for a weeknight, but the host greeted them before too long. The man didn’t even bat an eyelash at their hands, simply led them to their table. Eric wasn’t sure if the guy was that tolerant or if he just had a really good poker face. Eric decided he didn’t care and turned his attention to taking a seat at the table. It sat along the back wall, with high booths on either side, giving them a nice bit of privacy. After leaving their menus on the table, the host left.

  Eric looked the menu over, a little taken aback that he didn’t even recognize some of the names of the dishes. He was so lost in reading the descriptions, he didn’t know the waiter was there until the bowl of tortilla chips landed on the table. When he looked up, he was surprised to see a very Mexican-looking man next to them, especially since the host hadn’t been of any obvious ethnic origin. He didn’t know why that would throw him off at all, except despite it being a Mexican restaurant, he hadn’t really expected to find the waitstaff to be as well.

  Before Eric could speak, Ben greeted the waiter in Spanish, and then the two of them went into a rapid string of it that Eric couldn’t hope to follow, not that he understood any Spanish. Finally he heard, “Corona, Corona Light, Dos Equis, Modelo—”

  “I heard Corona. I’ll take that,” Eric cut in.

  Ben looked at him and blushed. “For me too.” He looked back up to the waiter, who nodded and left.

  “I am going to have to learn that.”

  Ben blushed bright red, and fear and panic hit Eric hard across their bond. “I am so, so, so sorry, cariño! I did not even think about it!”

  Eric reached out and laid his hand over Ben’s. “Hey, hey! I’m not upset. Really, it’s okay. I just realized I should learn your native language. If my mate speaks something, I should know it too.”

  “But—”

  Eric got up and stepped around the table. Ben looked puzzled but scooted over, and Eric sat next to him. He turned on the bench a little and took Ben’s hand again. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to always speak in a language other than the one I learned to talk in. If I were in another country—say, Mexico—outside the cities, where English is less common, I would need to speak Spanish most of the time, right?”

  Ben nodded, looking puzzled, but Eric just continued.

  “If I ran across someone who spoke English, I’d slip into it without even thinking about it, because that’s where my ability to talk began. I understand it’s the same for you with Spanish. I’m assuming that’s what your parents spoke when you were little?”

  “Yes. In fact, I did not learn English until I was in school, and even then, it took a while.” Ben frowned. “You should not have to learn, though.”

  “I don’t have to.” Eric shrugged a shoulder.

  Ben blinked at him. “But, I thought you said—”

  “I did phrase it that way, but what I meant was that I want to be able to speak to you in your native language, so I am going to have to learn it if I want to do that.”

  The fear and panic eased, and Eric mentally patted himself on the back.

  Ben peered up through his eyelashes at Eric. “If… if you really want to learn, I will help you.”

  Eric beamed at him. “Good. I sort of slept through French in high school, so I have no basis for learning a language.”

  “Perhaps we can find you a program on the computer or something.”

  “Good idea.” Eric squeezed his hand. “Now, would you order for me?”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” Eric nodded. “Besides… I don’t know what half of those dishes are.”

  Ben laughed. “Okay, cariño.”

  “Hey, you know what I like.” Eric glanced around, and when he was sure no one was watching, he kissed Ben on the temple, then moved back to the other side of the table. “I figure we’re doing enough by being here together,” he said at Ben’s puzzled look.

  “I understand. More tolerant, perhaps, but we could still get bad reactions if we’re too outward with affection.”

  “Yeah, and I don’t really want to get into a fight on our date.”

  Ben smiled. “No, that would be messy.”

  “Exactly. There are much more pleasant ways to get messy on a date.” Eric winked.

  “Yes, yes there are,” Ben said softly.

  The heat in Ben’s eyes went straight to Eric’s cock. He was going to have to adjust himself. He wished, in that moment, with everything he was, that he didn’t have the hang-ups he did about bonding, because he wanted nothing more than to drag Ben home and fuck him into the mattress.

  Eric cleared his throat and looked at the menu again. “So, uh, what do you suggest?”

  EMPTY DISHES, drained beer bottles, and crumpled napkins littered the table between them. Eric sighed as he finished the remaining bits of his last beer. “So… what’s the verdict?”

  Ben grinned. “Definitely authentic, cariño. I mean, it is not my mamá’s cooking, but….”

  “Well, my mom wasn’t much of a cook, but I doubt much would compare to the stuff Tanner’s mom made me, so I get it.”

  “I appreciate you going to the trouble to find it.”

  Eric smiled. “I’m happy to.” He let the smile fade. “I… I can’t do what we both really need, not yet. But… if I can do other things to help our mating, I’m going to.”

  Ben tilted his head. “Cariño… you have not rejected me—”

  “That is hardly enough,” Eric said, scowling. “Look… what I had with Kim couldn’t be considered much of a relationship, I get that. But I learned enough to know they take work. It’s not just about us—” He paused and glanced around, then leaned in and lowered his voice. “It’s not just about us biting each other and living happily ever after. Hell, even Tanner and Finley still work on things.”

  Ben nodded. “I do know that much, but for me… I suppose I never expected to find my… to find you. And I never talked to my mamá or papá about destined, so I did not—” He frowned.
“I mean, my mamá and my papá have fights. I thought that was mostly because she is”—he lowered his voice—“human.”

  Eric shrugged. “I don’t know about that. I’m sure that’s part of it, but I doubt it’s the biggest part. We’re all human, when it comes down to it. With… extra abilities.” He winked and Ben laughed. “But we still have the same human faults, human fears, human needs… human shortcomings. I learned that the hard way. I have no doubt I didn’t do half of what I should have when it came to things with Kim. Maybe it would have gone better, but I suspect not. Either way, I was certainly not perfect. You are important. Too important for me not to try everything I can. I’ll fuck up. I’m apparently good at that.”

  Ben scowled. “You should not talk about yourself like that.”

  Eric grinned. “I’ll count on you to remind me.”

  Ben shook his head, but he was smiling again.

  The waiter brought their check then, and Eric grabbed it before Ben could. Ben raised an eyebrow and Eric shrugged. “I asked, I pay. I mean… at some point, it’ll all be the same money, but… it’s a thing.”

  Ben nodded. “Okay, cariño.”

  Eric pulled out the card Tanner had gotten him with his name on it. It occurred to him that he was going to have to go get a state ID or something until he could get a driver’s license again, in case someone asked for it when he went to pay. Eric pushed the thought off and smiled at the waiter as he took it away.

  Eric sat back and considered his mate for a moment. “You know, if someone had told me ten years ago that not only did I have a destined mate, that it’d be male, not Tanner, and as… gorgeous as you… with the soft brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, I’d have laughed. I most definitely would not have believed them.”

  Ben blinked at him. “Were you in the closet then?”

  “Yes, but mostly I didn’t think destined mates came in the same-sex variety. But I also used to be all about reds, especially hair. That was my thing. Oh how wrong I was.”

  Ben blushed brightly. “Uh….”