It took a near-Herculean effort, but Ben struggled to pull his wits together while Eric continued kissing the sensitive flesh. “Cariño! If you are not careful, we could—ohfuck—bond.”
Eric looked up, his face serious. “I know, baby.” Then, his gaze still on Ben’s, he slid his fingers under Ben’s boxers.
Ben gulped. “Car—Eric, you are not ready for this.” It took everything Ben had to say that, but they’d made so much progress, and he was scared it would panic Eric and send them backward. Ben bit his lip, not sure what else to say.
But Eric tilted his head. “I don’t know, Ben. I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready to bond. I may, someday, just have to take the leap. This isn’t going to cause a full bond, though. And I’m not ready for that—I know that and so do you. And hey, it might not even cause a partial one.”
Ben frowned. “But it might. I… please do not misunderstand, cariño. I would give anything for us to be ready to bond, but—”
Eric reached up and placed a finger over Ben’s lips. “I promise not to freak. If we do bond, then we do. But I will be damned if I hurt you again.”
Ben wanted to argue more, wanted to find some way to make sure, but he took a risk of another kind if he pushed, and he didn’t want to do that either. With another hard swallow, Ben nodded. “O-okay, cariño. If you’re sure.”
The smile Eric gave in return caused Ben’s cock to twitch. “Oh, yeah.”
Before Ben could even slightly prepare himself, Eric pulled Ben’s boxers down past his cock and balls and engulfed Ben’s dick in his mouth in a single move.
Then promptly choked on it.
Were it not for the fact that he was in the process of getting his first ever blowjob, Ben might have laughed. As it was, he was more alarmed than anything. “Cari—”
Eric held up a finger, coughed a couple of times, then pulled at Ben’s boxers again. “Let’s take these off.”
Ben nodded, lifted his hips, and kicked them aside when Eric moved. A moment later Eric was back, his own underwear now at the bottom of the bed somewhere.
“Let me try this again… maybe a little more carefully.”
This time Ben did chuckle. “If you are—”
Eric looked up at him, almost frowning. “Please… I am, okay? Just….”
“I’m sorry. Um… please?” Ben rocked his hips a little, glad when Eric smiled again.
Ben wasn’t sure it was the best idea, though. As Eric ran his tongue down one side of Ben’s cock, then back up the other, Ben grasped the covers—pausing long enough to force his claws to retreat—and tried to keep from exploding. How could a tongue feel so damned good? Just a tongue ghosting over his cock?
That only got worse when Eric wrapped his lips around the tip of Ben’s dick and slowly—very slowly, this time—moved his mouth down the length. He didn’t get far, but Ben didn’t care. It felt absolutely amazing, and Ben wondered how many financial statements he was going to have to make up in his head to keep from exploding down Eric’s throat in three seconds flat.
Eric pulled up, then worked his way down again, a little farther this time, swallowing around Ben’s cock as he did. Ben groaned, trying to keep from bucking, the feel of Eric’s mouth on him stealing every bit of sanity he had. He needed a distraction, needed something else to focus on.
He put a hand on Eric’s head, tugging on his hair. When Eric looked up, Ben managed to clear his throat and speak. “At least turn around? Let me…. Let me pleasure you too?”
Eric hesitated but then nodded. It took them a moment to find a comfortable way, as inexperienced as they both were, but finally they settled on their sides. Ben leaned in, ran his tongue over Eric’s cock, and almost moaned at the taste. Mostly clean skin, but there was a slight salty flavor as well. He cleaned the precum dripping from the tip, then reminded himself to retract his teeth before wrapping his lips around Eric’s cock. It wouldn’t do to bite Eric’s dick for a whole bunch of reasons, not the least of which was that he didn’t want to hurt Eric.
When Eric took Ben into his mouth, Ben was very glad he’d suggested this. Focusing on Eric helped Ben be a little less desperate, and he could stop thinking about accounting and instead work on pleasuring his mate. He savored the feel of Eric’s cock in his mouth, loved the smell—the slightly musky version of Eric that filled his senses. And every moan Eric let out when Ben did just the right thing went straight to Ben’s own dick.
Despite Eric’s assertions, Ben was a little afraid to let go. He needed to—more than a little desperately—but he held on with every bit of willpower he had to keep himself from coming. And he wasn’t going to be able to hold back entirely.
Then Eric did something—sucked a little harder, took Ben in a little farther—and Ben couldn’t hold back anymore. He pulled off Eric’s cock to give warning. “Cariño! I’m….” He tried to pull at Eric’s head, but Eric grabbed Ben’s hand to stop him and kept bobbing his head.
Ben gave up. He swallowed Eric’s cock the best he could and let go, his orgasm crashing into him hard. A few seconds later, Eric’s cum flooded Ben’s mouth as Eric came too.
On the heels of that, that invisible something that Ben had felt when they’d first kissed surrounded them, pulling them closer. Their bond! The link between them strengthened, and pleasure and love not his own filled him.
Love! That was…. Ben pulled back, looking up at Eric in awe. Eric pulled off Ben and held a hand out toward him. Ben took it, dropping his gaze to their joined hands, then back to Ben. “Is that… you, cariño?”
Eric nodded, his smile a little shaky but there all the same.
Ben probed their link, but the only fear he found was very weak. “You are not afraid.”
“No. I mean, a little—you can feel that, but… not like I thought I’d be. Dear gods, Ben, this is….” Eric shook his head and tugged on Ben’s hand.
Ben turned and resettled, lying against Eric and cupping his face. “It is amazing,” he whispered.
Eric smiled. “Yeah, that. Gods, I… I love you, Ben. And I can feel it from you. Wow. This is going to take some getting used to.”
Ben raised his eyebrows. He was loath to bring her into that moment, but he was confused. “You mean—”
Eric shook his head again. “No. Nothing like this.”
Letting out a breath, Ben nodded, glad Eric understood without him having to say it. “I… I am glad.”
“Me too.” Eric leaned in to brush his lips over Ben’s, and Ben opened to him. He tasted himself on Eric’s tongue, but was too focused on the feel of their kiss, the bond between them thicker and buzzing with happiness and love, to get aroused by it. Eric wrapped his arms around Ben and pulled that tiny bit farther until there wasn’t a molecule of air between them.
When they broke apart, Ben brushed his fingers over Eric’s cheek. “I cannot tell you how… amazing this is for me.”
Eric flashed a grin. “You don’t have to. I can feel it.”
That surprised a laugh out of Ben. “Indeed. And you really are okay with it?”
Eric nodded, but his smile did diminish a little. “I won’t lie, Ben. I still don’t want to lose you. I don’t think I’m ready to bite yet, but this? This I can handle, I think.” He cleared his throat and dropped a kiss on Ben’s lips. The happiness faded a bit and anxiety replaced some of it. “You’ve been incredibly patient with me. Just keep doing that, okay?”
Ben swallowed, aware his own anxiety was coming across their bond, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He nodded, though. “I will, cariño. I can be patient for as long as it takes.”
Eric closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Ben’s. Ben closed his eyes too, savoring the connection. “I like this,” Eric whispered. “It’s a little weird and nothing like I’ve ever felt before. It’s a little scary—I really can’t lie to you now—”
Ben laughed at that. “That’s true.”
“I don’t want to anyway.” Eric smiled again. “But you can
’t either.”
“That is also true, though I would not.”
Eric tilted his head. “Maybe not lie, but you try to spare my feelings a lot. Can’t do that either, baby.”
Ben frowned. “I guess not. I do not want—”
“You’re not going to hurt me.”
Ben raised an eyebrow. “How did you know what I was going to say? We are not bonded like that.”
Eric chuckled. “I know you well enough by now. I don’t need the bond for that.” He shook his head. “You won’t. And even if you do, I’m a big boy. I can deal with it. And I need to. We’ve got to stop tiptoeing around each other.”
Ben sighed. “You’re right.”
That brought a grin. “Glad you recognize my—”
Ben poked him. “Do not get too full of yourself, cariño.”
“I’ll count on you to keep me humble,” Eric said after rubbing his chest.
With a chuckle, Ben kissed him. “We should get some sleep. It’s been an eventful day.”
“Yeah, that it has. Thanks for being there.”
“I’m happy I could be.” Ben kissed Eric once more, then started to sit up.
“Where’re you going?”
Ben frowned. “To get my boxers.”
Eric raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think that matters now, does it?”
Ben blinked at him. “I guess not.”
“Besides, it’s not like I’m going to accidentally fuck you in the ass… not without getting punched across the room, anyway.”
Ben laughed. “Good point,” he said as he lay back down against Eric.
“I’ll at least get the lube out first,” Eric murmured into Ben’s ear.
Ben chuckled. “You better do more than that.”
“Mmm. I will. For now, though….” Eric yawned.
“Yes. Good night, cariño,” Ben whispered.
With a kiss to Ben’s temple, Eric whispered, “Good night, baby. I love you.”
Ben returned the words and fell asleep with the biggest grin he’d ever had on his face.
Chapter 15
ERIC SCOWLED at the coffee maker, willing it to go faster. Ben was up in the shower at the moment, and all Eric wanted to do was go up and join him—or, at least, get back to bed when Ben was done. He was tempted to forget the coffee, but his mate was more than a little grumpy without it, and Eric didn’t think a grumpy Ben would be as open to what Eric wanted without a bit of liquid energy.
Because now that they’d taken the step to start bonding and he wasn’t—yet—freaking out about it, Eric wanted to spend the day in bed, exploring the multitude of ways they could strengthen that bond. He tried not to let his imagination wander with the possibilities. He was wearing jeans, but those wouldn’t hide an erection as well as he might like. And in a house full of wolves, visual was hardly the only way someone could sense arousal. Instead of imagining all the positions he wanted Ben in, he focused on how he hadn’t freaked out yet.
He wasn’t sure he would freak out. It felt… weird… and yet good all at the same time. Telling Ben about his fears and feelings the day before seemed to have opened something in him. It felt right, good, in a way things hadn’t in a while. It felt a lot like when he’d managed to get over their first kiss and apologize… then kiss Ben for real. That had felt right.
With a sigh Eric switched mugs, put a fresh K-Cup into the machine, and started Ben’s coffee. He wanted to be over the last of this—hesitation, anxiety, worry, and more—but too much fear still lurked for him of what would happen if Ben was taken from him.
That thought brought Eric up short. If Ben was taken from me. Not if Ben leaves.
Had he gotten past the idea that Ben would leave? Eric blinked into space for a long moment, trying to work that through in his mind. As he thought about it, though, it felt right. Ben, given the choice, wasn’t going to take off like Kim had.
Part of his certainty, he realized, had to do with their newly strengthened bond. Nothing in all the emotions he’d sensed from Ben—especially those since the night before—had even remotely hinted at that. While the idea that he could sense Ben’s feelings—and, thus, Ben could sense his—was still really weird, it wasn’t bad either. It calmed him, quieted even more of his fears.
The bond with Kim hadn’t felt like that. He wondered, yet again, if it hadn’t been that strong to begin with, if Kim had held herself back and given only the part of herself she absolutely had to in order to make that bond work. Eric didn’t know if that was even possible, but he knew other chosen mates who had a good, strong bond. Alpha Noah and his wife did. So had Kim been able to hold back and that was why he never sensed her the same way? He didn’t think it was entirely the difference between destined and chosen.
Though he and Kim never had a partial bond in any way, wouldn’t the emotional part still have happened with the final bond? Or, perhaps, their bond had only been as… weak as it’d been because she didn’t really want it. Did that mean it would have been worse if they’d really, fully, bonded before she took off?
Somehow, even thinking this through, realizing the bond between him and Ben was even stronger… somehow that didn’t scare him more, didn’t lessen his frustration over the fears and the hesitation to fully bond. The fears keeping him from it were valid, and he reminded himself of that. But they still didn’t need to rule him.
Gods, he really wanted to finalize that bond. Would the last of those fears, the last of this gods-awful worry, finally be laid to rest as the partial bond seemed to help with, so far?
He rested his forehead on the cabinet and closed his eyes. “Help me, Diana,” he whispered.
“She will, you know,” Tanner said, more gently than Eric might have expected, considering Tanner’s words the day before.
Eric swallowed, struggling with his emotions. “Have I spit in her face with this?”
“Aw, hell no.” Tanner crossed the room and stood next to Eric, who turned and looked at him. “I doubt she expected less. Dude, you’ve been living with that pain and fear for nine fucking years. That’s a long time.”
“Yeah, but… wouldn’t the argument also stand that I had all that time to get over it?”
Tanner didn’t answer right away. He frowned, then shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think that might have been what brought her out to prompt you. She knew it was time for you to get past this.”
Eric turned to the coffee maker, a little annoyed he’d let Ben’s coffee sit that long. Frowning down at the now cold brew, he dumped it in the sink, then started a new cup. His own was cold too, but he didn’t care as much. “I just don’t know. I want to be past it, for what it’s worth.”
“Hey, Ben understands. It’s only been a fairly short time that you’ve been back and in human form. Considering how we think as wolves versus how we think as humans? It’s going to take time to deal with the human side of that.”
Eric peered at Tanner. “Weren’t you just poking me yesterday to deal with this?”
Tanner’s nose twitched. “I know you’ve already taken steps to work on it.”
Eric rolled his eyes. “Asshole. You didn’t have to be obvious that you know.”
All that got him was a snicker. “Look, I told you yesterday, I get if you’re not ready for a full bond yet. That final step is huge. I was worried for myself, remember?”
With a snort Eric shook his head. “That was only because of me, though.”
“Doesn’t change my fear. I knew what that step was. I know how serious it is.”
“Hey, you just didn’t want to share my ass with the rest of the pack,” Finley said as he came into the kitchen.
Tanner rolled his eyes. “That was hardly all of my hesitation.”
Finley joined them next to the coffee maker and gave Eric a sideways hug. “You know, I was never the most devout about our gods until I met Jamie—who is scary devout.”
“One of the reasons he’s my beta,” Tanner added.
“But he showed me our
gods don’t fuck around. If Diana brought you here, it’s because she understands you. Sure, she prodded you, but despite her status as a deity, she’s not going to expect things overnight. Neither is your mate.”
Eric nodded, then smirked. “Who is currently worried, probably at why I’m taking so long.”
That brought a grin to Finley’s face. “So you partially bonded, then? Yes!”
Eric sighed. “Why is everyone so worried about my sex life?”
Tanner laughed. “Now you know how I felt right before Finley and I finally mated.”
With a shake of his head, Eric picked up the cups. He paused to look at each of his friends. “Thanks. I needed to hear some of this—not all of it,” he said at their chuckles. “Assholes. Why do I manage to have my best friends be assholes?”
Finley and Tanner just laughed at that. “Get up to your mate. We’re going out for a while,” Tanner said, stepping aside. “A couple of pack members are moving and we’re helping. You and Ben will have the house to yourselves most of the day.”
“Do you want help? I’m sure Ben would be fine with that.”
“Nah. Go strengthen your bond,” Tanner said, making Eric sigh.
“Yeah, right. Get lost,” Eric said, heading out of the kitchen. Laughter followed him up the stairs.
He found Ben in bed, looking worried, his phone in his hand. “Something wrong?”
Ben looked up. “No, not really.”
Eric raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
With a sigh, Ben set his phone on the bedside table. “Yes, really. This is just another kitten picture from Tina.” He held his phone up and waved it a little. “As for you… I was a little worried—”
“Yeah, I felt it.”
“—but you do not seem upset, except perhaps with me not answering you.”
Eric chuckled at the scowl on Ben’s face.
“That is not funny, cariño.”
Eric sighed, handed Ben his coffee, then set the other mug on the table on his side of the bed. He took a seat facing Ben and took his hand. “I know you’re worried about me. I get that. Last night was kind of a big step—”
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