I shrank back. She had moved so quickly that the Anthony Hopkins photo drifted under the makeup counter. At least one actor was safe.
She loomed over me. I tried to disappear into my chair, wondering where all those damned assistant directors were, the ones who were usually breathing down my neck, asking after me solicitously, behaving as if I were important. If I was so important, why was I alone in a makeup trailer with a young woman with purple hair and very white teeth, who was aiming a very pointed eye pencil at my face?
Now the makeup pencil, with its extreme sharpened point, was dangerously close to my very best dimple, and although I had a faint hope that Dennie was planning to highlight that, I knew in my heart it was unlikely, since the eye pencil was dark brown and my dimple was a lovely shade of peach. I could smell her breath mints as she breathed heavily on me. Oh, I hoped she didn’t have any germs. When the lead in a series gets sick, it costs the production company big-time.
After all I had been through in the past year, assaulted by home invaders, insulted by strangers, attacked by former friends, was I now going to go to the Green Room in the Sky courtesy of a makeup artist I barely knew?
Dennie had stopped gesturing, which was a good thing. She was staring into my eyes, but not quite focusing, which maybe wasn’t such a good thing.
Then she gave a little twitch, threw her arms around me and landed on me with her full weight, her arms around my shoulders, her head resting next to my ear.
Thrown back into my chair by her weight, I started to babble.
“Dennie, hey, whatever it is, it’s not that bad. Get a grip. I’m due on set in a few minutes.”
This last comment was supremely selfish, but I was thinking not only of my own welfare, but also of the constraints of series television and the financial concerns of Beeswax Productions, who were now my greatest pals and admirers, as long as we stayed on time and under budget. I also noted that my phrasing could have been improved, as “get a grip” could have been interpreted as seducing a member of the electrical crew in revenge, when in fact I was simply urging her to get her emotions under control.
I patted her on the shoulder reassuringly.
“It will all work out, Dennie. You just have to be strong. Centre yourself. I can lend you some excellent self-help books. I’ll even give you my stash of Oprah magazines.” I noted the makeup chair creaking, and devoted a few seconds to trying to assess our combined weight. My math is so lousy that I had to give this up and return to the more evolved approach of shoulder pats and pep talk.
After a few moments of trying to comfort and manipulate Dennie into getting off my shoulder, I began, slowly, terribly, to notice that Dennie wasn’t moving. In fact, she seemed dead to the world. More accurately, she seemed, well, just plain dead.
I screamed, very loudly, using my highest register, the one that had served me well in the previously mentioned horror flick, and I didn’t stop screaming until the first, second and third assistant directors, plus a grip and an extra (who, it turned out, just wanted my autograph) burst through the doors of the makeup trailer. I thought I had stopped screaming by then, but they inconsiderately informed me later that I kept screaming until Gordon, the production manager, stomped onto the scene and poured five ounces of his best Scotch down my throat.
DISCOVER MORE GREAT MYSTERIES LIKE THE ONES HERE AT OUR WEBSITE, TOUCHWOODEDITIONS.COM
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Deadly Fall
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Sitting Lady Sutra
THE HAL BANNATYNE MYSTERY SERIES BY RON CHUDLEY
Act of Evil
Act of Justice
THE LULU MALONE MYSTERY SERIES BY LINDA KUPECEK
Deadly Dues
THE ISLAND INVESTIGATIONS INTERNATIONAL MYSTERY SERIES BY SANDY FRANCES DUNCAN AND GEORGE SZANTO
Never Sleep with a Suspect on Gabriola Island
Always Kiss the Corpse on Whidbey Island
Never Hug a Mugger on Quadra Island
THE MARGARET SPENCER MYSTERY SERIES BY GWENDOLYN SOUTHIN
Death in a Family Way
In the Shadow of Death
Death on a Short Leash
Death as a Last Resort
THE SILAS SEAWEED MYSTERY SERIES BY STANLEY EVANS
Seaweed on the Street
Seaweed on Ice
Seaweed Under Water
Seaweed on the Rocks
Seaweed in the Soup
Linda Kupecek is the author of the bestselling Rebel Women: Achievements Beyond the Ordinary, The Rebel Cook: Entertaining Advice for the Clueless and Fiction and Folly for the Festive Season. She was a columnist with The Hollywood Reporter for ten years, and her writing has been published in numerous magazines including City Palate, TV Guide and Country Collectibles. After graduating from the University of Alberta with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Drama, Linda began her professional career as an actor, appearing in regional theatre, and in classic films such as McCabe and Mrs. Miller, the Robert Altman revisionist Western, in which she had a supporting role, appearing onscreen with Julie Christie and Warren Beatty. She has survived children’s tours, regional theatre, costumes falling off onstage, big-budget films, low-budget films, low-budget fees and is still here to write about it. Born in Calgary, Alberta she has lived in Los Angeles and Vancouver. Linda now lives in Calgary. Deadly Dues is the first mystery in the Lulu Malone Mystery series.
Copyright © 2010 Linda Kupecek
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, audio recording or otherwise— without the written permission of the publisher or, in the case of photocopying, a licence from Access Copyright, Toronto, Canada.
Originally published by TouchWood Editions Ltd. in 2010
with ISBN 978-1-894898-98-0.
This electronic edition was released in 2011.
e-pub ISBN: 978-1-926741-59-8
e-pdf ISBN: 978-1-926741-58-1
Cataloguing data available from Library and Archives Canada.
Editor: Frances Thorsen
Cover design: David Middleton
Interior design: Pete Kohut
Author photo: Bill Vauthrin
TouchWood Editions acknowledges the financial support for its publishing program from the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund, Canada Council for the Arts and the British Columbia Arts Council.
www.touchwoodeditions.com
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