While my experience with my children and Henry is somewhat different, it is far from unique. Our life and struggle is typical of what all families affected by autism live with and have to cope with every day. I hope that in some way this book has helped increase awareness and understanding of the condition.
We want to thank our families and friends and all those involved who helped return our children back to us. Without their incredible professionalism and respect for us and our children’s autism, Dale and Amy would not be where they are today. Because of all these people, Dale and Amy have a normal quality of life in spite of their autism. We are forever indebted.
Of all my children’s achievements, the most wonderful thing, and the thing that makes me most proud, is something many take for granted. On occasions when I have been working, Dale will walk Amy to her school, and the sight of the two of them leaving hand in hand is something I’ll never tire of. One of Amy’s teachers, Grace McKelvie, told me she had “goosebumps” watching them one day, knowing the journey they had both made to get there.
Through the drama After Thomas and this book, Dale and I hope that at long last some lessons will be learned. We would especially like to thank Lindsey Hill because if it weren’t for her dedication and belief in our story, it may never have been told.
Dale and I tried to find the words to describe his wonderful pet and couldn’t, until I found this quote by Hermione Gingold, and Dale agreed it was the most suitable to remember him by:
To call him a dog hardly seems to do him justice, though in as much as he had four legs, a tail, and barked, I admit he was, to all outward appearances. But to those of us who knew him well, he was a perfect gentleman.
Reading Group Guide
1. How do Jamie and Nuala complement each other’s roles and act as a team? Are there any aspects of their relationship you especially admire?
2. Which of the many aspects of autism do you think would be the most difficult to deal with as a parent?
3. For people who do not have challenged friends or family, it is often difficult to know how to interact with disabled people they encounter on the street or meet socially. For example, how do you know when help with a task is needed, or how much help might be perceived as condescending? After reading this book, do you think the way you interact with people with disabilities will change?
4. One of the most cherished relationships in our society is the special bond between mother and son. It seems Nuala feels that, in the early years of her son’s life, autism robs her of the love of her son; Dale is unable to express tenderness towards his mother. How does Nuala cope with this? Would you cope in a similar way?
5. In many ways, our childhood relationship with pets helps us understand and prepare us for some of the more difficult aspects of human relationships we will have later in life. How is this especially true for Dale? As a child, did you have a pet that taught you any particularly meaningful lessons?
6. Death is a constant theme throughout the book. Grandparents pass away, and Henry dies too. Nuala seems to take comfort in Dale’s sweetness during these times. How does a child’s understanding of some of the greatest mysteries of life make those mysteries easier for us to live with?
7. While Dale’s progress is gradual, there are some major breakthroughs throughout the book. What do you think were the most significant leaps Dale made in his struggle against autism?
8. After reading Nuala’s account of her son’s autism, do you perceive children with autism in a different way? What about the parents of those children?
9. Personally, did this book raise fears about having a child with autism or another disability? Or did reading about Nuala’s great parenting and Dale’s progress temper fears you might have already had? Do you think this book would be helpful for a mother or father of an autistic child?
10. It is clear that Henry was a very valuable member of the Gardner family, and that they got a lot out of having Henry as a pet. Do you think that Henry might have gotten something special living with a family with an autistic son and daughter, something that he would not have been able to experience with another family without the same issues?
11. While the Gardner family is the central focus of this memoir, a larger cast of friends, teachers, and others often make appearances. What role does community play in the book? Do you think Nuala would have fought as successfully for her son without the help of this larger community?
12. Throughout the book, Dale’s problems are without a doubt unique to him, and symptomatic of his autism. Yet he simultaneously has to deal with the same issues that all children have to overcome when growing up. Did any parts of Dale’s story remind you of challenges you yourself had to overcome when growing up?
13. Nuala teaches Dale many valuable and concrete lessons in this book, from learning how to talk to learning how to make friends. In what instances do their roles reverse, and Dale teaches Nuala valuable life lessons?
14. Why could Dale communicate with his parents through Henry as an intermediary?
15. In what ways does Henry make life easier and more congenial for Dale’s mother?
16. In what ways are pets like Henry less threatening than humans?
17. While Henry was a buffer for the outside world for Dale, what other figures in his life served the same purpose, and how?
18. What was the relationship between Henry and Thomas the Train, and how did they help Dale in different ways?
19. Do you think a dog like Henry would prove helpful with all autistic children or was Dale’s situation a special case?
20. What do you think would have happened to Dale if neither Henry nor a dog like him had entered his life?
21. Recent genetic research into isolating the chromosome which may cause autism could allow for parental choice on whether to proceed with pregnancy. Given what you’ve learned from Dale and Amy’s story, as well as some researchers’ belief that many of humanity’s greatest thinkers were autistic, from Isaac Newton to Albert Einstein, do you think it would be appropriate to terminate the pregnancy?
A Friend Like Henry Page 22