by Marchman, AC
“No, please don’t say goodbye. It sounds so...final.” His blue eyes are spilling over with tears and I turn my head so I don’t see them. It only makes me feel worse; makes me think he actually cares.
“It is final.” I grab the door handle to the car. “I told you before, I hate liars. That’s all you’ve done to me is feed me crap. I don’t know what I can believe anymore.”
“I will tell you everything, I swear. Give me a chance to explain.” He falls to his knees and clasps his hands together. “Please, don’t leave me. Stay with me. I’m begging you.” His eyes never leave mine, even though my glasses cover them. I can’t believe he’s doing this right now. I don’t know whether to be embarrassed or flattered. Right now, I only feel hurt and betrayal.
I look at the driver and I stick up my pointer finger, letting him know I just need a minute. He nods, then stares back in front of him. Thank God he’s not paying any attention to the scene outside his car. I place my bag down and take a small step toward the man that is groveling at my feet.
“Is it true?”
He breaks the stare and looks down at the ground, his hands gripping his knees. I already know the answer. He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “When you decide you want to be forthcoming, maybe that’s when I’ll talk to you. Right now, I need to get away from you.” I turn my back to him, pick up my things, and open the door. I turn to look at him one more time, wanting to remember his face, his mouth, his eyes. I know I won’t see them again, and even if he has caused me a world of hurt, I love this man.
The man I see, on the ground looking dejected and pitiful, is not the Donovan I know. Just like my reflection, it is someone totally different. He’s usually confident and has a million dollar smile, making everyone swoon over him. His eyes lock on mine for just a minute and I know there is regret and sadness there, but I can’t let that stop me from leaving. I have to leave. I can’t think clearly right now, and time away is what I need.
He stands and I eye him, unsure what he’s going to do. “Can I have one last kiss before you go?” he whispers.
“Uh, I don’t know if that’s a good...” and before I can finish my sentence, his mouth is on mine. He is gentle and tender, not hungry for sex. There is something different in the way he’s kissing me and it breaks my heart even more. His tongue parts my lips and I try to fight it. Oh, how I try to fight it. But it’s always the same; I give him what he wants and deep down, I want it to. But my stubbornness wins out and I find the strength to push him away before I get sucked back in. “Goodbye, Donovan.” I turn away, slide into the seat, and shut the door.
I watch him as the driver begins to take off, and Donovan tries to keep up with the cab. I look straight ahead as he screams my name again, begging me to stay. As we make our way down the drive, I can no longer hold back my tears and sob uncontrollably. Thank God, the cabbie ignores my bawling in his backseat and turns on the radio. I’ll be damned if that song by Hunter Hayes, Wanted, starts playing and I lose it all over again. I cry the entire way to the Greyhound station.
Chapter 20
Donovan
“She’s gone? Why?” Megan asks. “What the hell happened?”
“Frankie was at the wedding. He told her about Claire buying my house and paying for school. But he didn’t tell her everything. He only told her what he thought would hurt her, and me.” I lay on my bed, still in my tux. When Allie left me in the driveway, I came back in here. I laid in the bed where we last made love and clutched the diamond pendant she left behind. When I didn’t come back to the party, my baby sister came looking for me. She found me like this, an absolute train wreck.
“Oh, geez, Donnie. You never told her?” She slaps her forehead. “All you had to do is tell her the truth. That Claire bought you the house and gave you all the money, but all you had to do is tell her what you did to break ties with her.”
“Look, Megan. You don’t know everything either,” I snap and I’m sorry as soon as the words come out. If I’m going to be honest about everything, I might as well start with Megan. With a heavy heart, I begin to tell her about the affair and when it actually started. I told her that Frankie caught us, and told his dad. I told her all the details, minus the sex parts.
“So, it’s true. You had an affair with a married woman, who is sitting in prison for killing her husband. She got the insurance money, broke you off a piece of the cash, then placed it in a bunch of different banks?” She’s sitting on the end of the bed, staring off into space. She does that when she’s trying to wrap her mind around something.
“Yes, it’s true. But can you understand why I didn’t want to tell Allie all this? If you’re having a hard time swallowing it, how do you think she would have done? You’ve known me your whole life, and she’s only been around me for less than two months.”
“Donnie, I understand your point of view, really, I do. But you have to understand that Allie feels like your relationship is a total lie. You gotta go after her and be completely honest.” She emphasizes the last two words.
“She doesn’t want to see me again. You should have seen the way she pulled away from me when I tried to kiss her after it was said and done.” I close my eyes; they are already hurting from the crying and now they sting from the new tears trying to fall. “How do I know she will listen to me?”
“Brother, I know she will. Right now, maybe she won’t, but she will someday. I can tell you both are crazy in love with each other. A love like that only comes once in a lifetime.” Then, she lets out a giggle. “Of course, Adam is not that guy that for me. Did I tell you I caught him hitting on our cousin?” Surprisingly, Megan seems calm telling me she just broke up with the guy she’s been with for over a year.
“I knew he was a douchebag. I told you”
“Yeah, he is a jerk. But as you can see, I’m not nearly as upset as you are. That right there tells me you love her. I’ve never seen you cry except when grandpa died, at the trial and right now. You told me you didn’t even cry when our mother left us.” Megan’s blue eyes look through to my heart and I know she’s right. I’m not a crier whatsoever, but right now, I feel like my heart was ripped out and stomped on. I love Allie and I have to tell her everything, even if she hates me forever. I spring out of bed and grab my duffel bag. “What are you doing?”
“Going after her, what do you think?” I rush into the bathroom and shed my tux. I quickly throw on my khaki shorts and white t-shirt. “You’re right. I’m not going to let her walk out of my life without a fight.”
“Now, that’s the brother I know and love,” she exclaims, clapping her hands together. “Now, go get her!”
I step out of the bathroom and ask her to return the tuxedo for me. “And please tell Gabe and Stace I’m sorry that I had to run.”
She nods and throws her arms around my neck. “Good luck, I know she loves you.”
Her words encourage me, and I pray she’s right. I dart out of the room and zoom down the stairs. Of course, I run into Donna.
“Donnie, dahling, where are you going? The party is full swing.” Her voice is sickening sweet and it makes my stomach lurch.
“Not going. I’m on my way to get Allie back. Tell Gabe I’m sorry.” I try to push past her, but she blocks my way.
“Are you going after that little bitch?” Her tone turns cold and enraged, so much I take a step back. “Why don’t you just forget about her? I told you last night, you shouldn’t have brought her here. Claire would be furious.”
“You know what, Donna? I know that you think I have some sort of obligation to Claire, but I don’t anymore. I cut her off completely. Why the hell do you insist that we’re going to get back together anyways?” It takes everything in me not to slap her, but I refuse to hit a woman, even her. Although, I’m not sure it would hurt her since her face is made of plastic.
“Because, I know you will. She’s good for you. Look at what she made you become! She gave you another chance at life. Don’t you see that?” Her
hands go to her hips and her black eyebrows furrow.
“First off, she didn’t make me a doctor, I did! She may have funded it, but I made it through at the top of my class. I told her I would pay her back, but she didn’t want it. She may have bought my house. But I had her name taken off the mortgage after I got my trust fund from Grandpa and paid it in full.” I try to swallow the hate down that I feel for both Donna and Claire, then I continue. “Then I donated every penny of the money she gave me to the Children’s Hospital in Atlanta. Besides, why the hell do you care?”
Her face drops. “You mean, you gave five million dollars away?”
“Are you kidding me? I didn’t use it on selfish things and I didn’t just give it away. I donated it and the hospital got a new CT scanner with it.” I shake my head, totally disgusted by this woman. “You got issues, Donna. You should really seek some help for that.” I weave my way around her and head out the front door.
“You know, she’ll be getting out soon. She will find you when she does. You should be ready, Donovan,” she yells after me, but I pay her no mind. She’s just an insane piece of trash that happened to find a man that would put up with her shit; poor dad. Claire’s not getting out anytime soon, and if she does, I don’t plan on being around. If I thought she was nuts before she got arrested, I don’t want to think of what a few years in prison have done to her. I shudder at the thought of her being paroled. I hope to God that doesn’t happen.
I race to my car, swing open the door and slide in. I pull out of the driveway like I’m a NASCAR driver, squealing tires as I turn left on the road. As I head to the interstate, my mind goes in a million different directions. What will I say when I see her? Will she even see me? Does she just need time? I keep playing over and over the last time I saw her, which was just a couple hours ago. It feels like eternity. Her face keeps popping up in my head; her soft hair, her green eyes, her lips on mine. God, I sound like a pansy. I guess this is what it’s like to be in love with someone. I never thought this way about Claire. Allie consumes me; mind, body and soul. I think back to the time when I first figured out I loved Allie.
“Donovan, come here for a minute,” Allie yelled down the hallway. By the time I came around, she had ducked back into the bedroom. She had my curiosity peaked, so I padded down to my room. When I turned the corner, she was standing in front of me, wearing nothing but a white, silk nightie. It was broad daylight, so the curtains were opened. The sun hit her alabaster skin, giving her a radiant glow. Her long, chestnut brown hair swept the top of her breasts. I looked down her body and I saw she was wearing sky high, white heels. She looked like a sexy angel, minus the wings.
“You like?” She spun around, making the hemline twirl and giving me a peek at her ass.
“Oh, baby doll, I love it,” I growled as I quickly closed the distance with two long strides. She giggled and it was music to my ears. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her, long and deep. She grabbed two fistfuls of my hair as her tongue twisted and turned with mine. She pulled apart long enough to take my shirt off. I pressed her body close to mine, the feeling of silk against my bare chest was almost too much. I slipped the straps off her shoulders and the nightie pooled at her feet. She wore nothing underneath; just the shoes. She stepped out and led me to my bed.
“God, you look amazing, baby,” I whispered in her ear as I laid her down. She kissed me again as I unbuttoned my jeans. She sat up and slid them down herself, along with my boxers. My dick was already hard for her and I had barely touched her.
“Make love to me, please,” she pleaded, and I swear I got even harder.
“Your wish is my command,” I said as I laid back on top of her and entered her, making her cry out my name. She was always ready to give in to me. I had the same effect on her as she did on me. I slowly pushed in and pulled out, making her crazy. She wrapped her legs around my waist, begging me to go even deeper. I rested on my elbows as I filled her and I couldn’t take my eyes off of hers. She stared at me with those intense green eyes, silently telling me she loved me. That’s when I knew I loved her for sure. I don’t know why I didn’t say it right then and there, but I held back. I just continued to pleasure her, and myself.
It wasn’t long before she came. She grabbed my ass and held me in place as she rode out the wave of pleasure I had just given her. Once she finished, I gave another few thrusts and I spilled my seed into her. I collapsed on top of her and kissed her, this time gentler than before. She had turned me into a different person, but I was scared to admit it. I just wanted to enjoy the time I had with her, at that moment, and I was in Heaven.
Now, I don’t know if I’ll even get the chance to tell her. I should have told her then. I should have told her about my past. I regret not saying it then, but if Allie gives me another chance, I won’t hold anything back. It’s better to tell her the truth and have her hate me. I hit seventy-five on the interstate and head towards Atlanta, hoping I can piece back together our relationship. I unlock my phone and go to contacts. I see the picture I took of us together and I feel a small smile come across my lips. I hit dial; it rings two times, then goes straight to voicemail. “And the’ not answering my calls’ cycle begins,” I say out loud.
Chapter 21
Allie
“Livey, I’ll call you when I get closer to the station. I’ll tell you about it then. No offense, but I’m not in the mood to rehash it right now,” I sniffle, then hiccup. Great, I have to ride another two hours with the hiccups. At least there isn’t a lot of people on the bus. I hear my phone beep, look down and I see Donovan’s number pop up. I hit decline.
“I’m so sorry this happened. If it makes you feel better, I think you two will get back together. I have a gut feeling about it.” My best friend tries to comfort me, but it makes me feel worse. “I’ll come pick you up. What time does your flight leave?”
“At nine tonight. I just need to get out of Atlanta for a little while, so I think seeing my mom will do me a lot of good.” Thank goodness for smart phones; I booked the first flight to Lynchburg while sitting on a Greyhound.
“Do you want me to come with you? I can still get a flight.”
“No, you have to work. It’s okay, I’ll be fine,” I lie. I don’t know when I’ll ever been okay again. The hole in my heart has grown since I left Savannah and Donovan. I have no idea how I will ever heal. Even Matt didn’t hurt me this bad, and I thought that was impossible to do. “I’ll see you in a couple hours.”
“Want me to bring you a bag?” Oh, how I love this girl. I hadn’t even thought that far ahead. I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge.
“Yes, please. Just throw some clothes and PJ’s in. Thank you so much for being there for me.” I feel that lump forming again in my throat. “I’ll call you in a little while. Bye.” I end the call and slump back in my seat. I start wondering if I did the right thing. I really didn’t give him a chance. But then again, he had so many chances to talk to me. I never held back, but him? That’s all he did was keep things from me. If he really cared, he would have been honest with me about Claire. It wouldn’t be such a big deal to me if she was just some psycho ex-girlfriend, not at all. I can handle some crazy, but she is insane on a whole different level. She scarred him for life, hindered him from being in a normal relationship, and taught him how to lie to get what he wants.
Should I really be blaming Donovan for all his trust issues? Shouldn’t I be blaming Claire? Isn’t she the one that fucked him up so bad? Isn’t she the one that had stalker tendencies and killed her husband? I rub my temples, trying to fight the migraine that’s coming on. The day just keeps getting better and better. I grab some ibuprofen and swallow them down with no water. They don’t go down smoothly due to my throat being so raw from crying.
I try to keep my mind off the day’s horrible events and just stare out the window at the zooming cars. I start playing the game with the license plates; Idaho, Georgia, South Carolina, Georgia again. The last Georgia tag looked like Dono
van’s BMW. I press my face across the glass, not thinking about all the germs that might be on the window. Holy crap, it is him! He’s got to be doing at least eighty. He’s got to be coming after me. Should I let him? Should I talk to him, or do I need more time to process everything? I slam my head against the back of the seat and stare at the ceiling. “What am I supposed to do?” I think to myself. “Lord, can you show me the direction I need to take?” Nothing but silence; not that I expected an answer out loud. If I got one, maybe I should be the one in the padded cell. I know that He won’t let me down, but I wish I could just get a sign.
My phone starts playing ‘Start of Something Good’ by Daughtry, and I know it’s him calling again. I debate on answering it this time, but end up just ignoring it. I’m just not ready to talk. My phone chirps again and it’s my mom. I take in a deep breath and answer. “Hey, Mom.”
“Honey, is everything okay? You sounded so...sad on your voicemail. Did something happen to you and Donovan?” Leave it to my mother; she knows everything about me, and it’s scary sometimes. I swear that I presented myself as normal on the message, but apparently not.