“I wuz boozed up, Mikey, I wuzn’t thinking straight. Anyway, you didn’t touch her.”
“I’m just like my mum, you are too.”
Tama’s face hardened. “No, we’re not. She’s a sick bitch. What she did to you, that shit ain’t right.”
“Have you ever raped anyone?”
Tama breathed in sharply.
“Well ... have ya?”
Shaking his head, Tama looked down at his boots. Jess should be his anyway, and it wasn’t the same as what Aunty Trina did to Mikey.
“I almost did,” Mikey said.
Tama looked back up. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Who?”
“One of those girls you passed onto me. Casey sumpthin’. I told her all I wanted wuz to do her from behind, but she kept tryin’ to touch my dick and kiss me. I went nuts at her and she got scared. She tried to leave, so I forced her down. She begged me to stop just like I begged Mum.” He looked down. “Thank God I snapped outta it before I took it too far.”
“Why the fuck ya blaming yourself for that skank? It’s not your fault. Casey wuz a right tart who deserved all the balling she got.”
“It is my fault! But what makes it worse wuz I had it done to me.” The beeping from the monitor by Mikey’s bed increased. “Do ya know how degrading it feels?”
Tama shook his head, Jess’s whimpers resurfacing.
“It feels like you’re worse than shit. I’ve wanted to kill myself so many times, yet I still tried to force Casey.” Tears glistened in his eyes. “I wished I’d fuckin’ died last night so it would save me from havin’ to top myself when I get outta here.”
Tama shook his head, horrified by Mikey’s words. “Shit, don’t talk like that. You’ve just been through a lot.”
Mikey continued as though Tama hadn’t spoken. “The cops came today. They took Mum away.”
Tama growled, “Fuck.”
“Why you pissed? She deserves to be locked up.”
“She deserves to die.”
“No, I want her to suffer in jail. And I ain’t worth getting put away for.”
Tama huffed. “It’s where I’ll prob’ly end up anyway.
“Are ya turning yourself in for stabbing Maia?”
“Hell, no! I’m goin’ up north with Jess once I take care of Nike.”
“Why would she go with you for?”
“Cos she’s mine.”
“No she ain’t, she’s Nike’s. The last time I spoke to her she wuz scared shitless that you were gonna gut him.”
“When didja speak to her?”
“The day after you stabbed Maia. I saw her at the supermarket and followed her. I wanted to apologise for what happened—“
“It wuzn’t your fault, it wuz mine.”
“Don’t fuckin’ interrupt me!”
Feeling like he’d been slapped, Tama closed his mouth. The kid barely said boo to anyone.
Mikey continued, his voice soft again. “She wuz scared when I told her you were at Sledge’s, cos that’s where Nike went.”
Tama remembered how Nike had shown up.
“There’s no way she’d go with you willingly,” Mikey said.
“She’ll come.”
“You’re kidding yourself if ya think that.”
Tama snapped, “I’ve had her, so why wouldn’t she?”
Mikey’s face hardened. “I knew you fuckin’ lied.”
“About what?”
“You raped her.”
Tama shook his head.
“Don’t bullshit me. I know what she means to you, plus Naf told me about it. He thought you were hot shit that she wanted to do you even when she had Nike.” Mikey sniffed. “There’s no bloody way she would’ve unless you forced her.”
“I lied to Naf. She wuzn’t there that day.”
Mikey sneered. “Then ya fuckin’ did it today, didn’t cha?”
Tama looked down.
“I knew you’d go back for her,” Mikey continued. “You’re just like Mum. She always found me even when I ran.”
Tama shook his head. “Jess likes me.”
“Bullshit! Did she cry? Did she beg you to stop like I begged Mum?”
Tama lifted a shaky hand to his head. Why was Mikey doing this? He was making him feel awful, no, he was making him feel like he was worse than a disgusting piece of shit. No, fuck it! Jess was different. He’d never done this to anyone else and she was always meant to be his.
He looked back up at Mikey. “Nike stole her from me!”
Mikey turned away. “Go away, Tama.”
“No, you fuckin’ listen to me! I’m not the same as your cunting mother.”
Mikey turned back, his face full of rage. “I told ja we’re all the same, so fuck off!”
Tama raised his hands to his head. All he’d wanted to do was to check on his cuz and all Mikey did was crap on him. How the hell did this argument even start?
Someone coughed behind him. “Is everything alright in here?”
Tama glanced over his shoulder. Standing in the doorway was a pudgy nurse with greying hair pulled into a bun.
“He’s just leaving,” Mikey said.
Tama shook his head as he looked back at Mikey. “I don’t wanna leave you like this. I don’t want you hating me.”
Mikey’s face softened. “I could never hate you. I love you more than anyone else.”
Tama smiled shakily. “I love you too, cuz.”
The nurse coughed again. “Just keep the noise down. There are patients trying to sleep.”
Tama grunted as she left.
Mikey looked down at his lap. “Did Naf and Corey tell ya what happened to your mum?”
“She’s dead,” Tama said, the words almost choking him.
“The funeral’s tomorrow at Nahi cemetery at eleven.”
“Thanks.” Tama paused, afraid to ask the next question. “Naf and Corey wouldn’t tell me how she died. What happened?”
“You don’t wanna know.”
“Just tell me. Please.”
Mikey’s gaze lifted. “She slit her wrists.”
Tama covered his face. He knew exactly what Mikey’s words meant ... his mother had killed herself because of him.
55
Jess
The rumble of the traffic continued unimpeded. Cars beeped and trucks thundered by. Down the passage Maia was crying while Sally was trying to calm her down. A car drove into the carport, the engine cut, a door slammed. Rory’s loud voice filled the house. “I just saw the police leave. What happened?” Maia’s sobs grew in volume, followed by Rory’s cry of, “What?”
It was all background noise to Jess, muted, unimportant. Curled up under a blanket, the loudest sound in her head was the continual replay of Tama’s moans and grunts as he’d moved in and out of her. Behind her eyelids, all she could see was his face looking down at her. His smell still lingered on her skin, his taste in her mouth, and the feel of his cum between her legs. She wanted it all gone, but felt too paralysed to move.
The door opened and someone came into the room. She didn’t open her eyes, too ashamed to look at whoever it was.
“Jess...” Rory paused. “I’m so sorry for leaving you by yourself...” She could hear him breathing. “God ... Shit ...” His voice cracked. “Sally said the police want us to take you to the hospital.”
The sobs came again. How could she even think about going there, knowing that the doctors would prod and invade her like Tama did. Humiliate her. She curled up tighter, wishing Rory would go away.
“They need to examine you, Jess,” he said.
Another car arrived and Jess’s stomach turned over. She knew it was Nike. Seconds later his voice came from the lounge, “Where is she?”
Thumping came from the passage. Jess covered her head with the blanket. She couldn’t face Nike. How could she look at him, knowing that another man had taken her?
“Jess, baby...” His voice broke. “Sweetheart...”
She
started crying again as she gripped tighter onto the blanket. She couldn’t let him see her covered in Tama’s semen or the bruises on her arms where he’d held her down.
“Jess.” The bed went down next to her. “Please.”
She wiped her eyes and uncovered her head, her need to see him now outweighing her shame. Nike stared back, his eyes bloodshot.
“We need to take her to the hospital,” Rory said.
“Please leave the room,” Nike said, without looking at him.
“But, she needs to be examined.”
“Leave!”
Without another word, Rory closed the door behind him.
Nike pulled the blanket down. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment then reached out for her. Jess scooted away from him, dragging the blanket with her. Desperate to wash Tama off, she rushed for the door. Nike followed her into the bathroom. As she turned on the shower Rory ran in, his large body making the small room feel claustrophobic.
“You can’t wash,” Rory said. “A doctor needs to examine you first.”
“I’ve gotta get him off me.” She looked at Nike pleadingly. “Please ... I need him off me.”
Nike’s gaze moved from her to Rory, his pained features uncertain.
“If you want to put the bastard away you need to be examined,” Rory said.
Jess clutched the blanket tighter. “Please ... I need to wash him off.”
Nike held out a hand. “He’s right, Jess.”
She stepped back. “But it’s my body!” She caught herself in the mirror behind him. It reflected someone she didn’t recognise. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, her cheeks blotchy, and her hair wild.
“Do you want him put away?” Rory said.
Jess felt rage at his words. Tama going to jail would never be enough. “I want him dead!” She turned to Nike. “I thought if I told him I was pregnant he wouldn’t rape me, but instead he threatened our baby if I fought back.”
Nike looked shattered. “Oh God, Jess.” He reached for her.
“Don’t touch me!”
He dropped his arms. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. It’s not your fault! He’s all over me. I don’t want you to touch it.”
“Please, Jess, let us take you to the hospital,” Rory said. “The sooner you do this, the sooner you can wash yourself.” He had a look of grim determination. “Let us take you.” His voice softened. “You can’t let him get away with this.”
Jess looked at Nike. He was in shock, like she’d been, unable to process what had happened. But once he snapped out of it, she knew he’d be filled with rage. She took a deep breath and nodded. When Nike went after Tama this time she wouldn’t stand in his way.
56
Nike
Jess lay asleep on Annie’s bed covered in a patchwork quilt. Nike sat in a chair next to her, watching the rise and fall of her breathing. A loud wolf whistle sounded outside. He pulled back the yellow curtains and peered out at a group of teenagers. Four boys, dressed in Wera High’s black pants and red jumpers, were walking a few metres behind a couple of giggling girls from the same school. Nike recognised the loudest of the four as Ash’s cousin, the boy’s dreadlocks and swagger hard to miss.
Nike dropped the curtain and glanced around the room. Floral wallpaper and dainty furniture filled the space, the surfaces bare. Nike knew the drawers and wardrobe would be barren too. His Aunty Celia was certain that Annie had taken off with Lil Jay and Jayden, and was dreading telling his Uncle Matt.
Nike no longer cared what Annie did; it was her life to fuck up, her choice alone. But Jess’s choice had been ripped away from her. He felt so helpless sitting next to her, knowing that the moment she woke she’d be in tears again. The hours at the hospital had been gruelling, the examination causing her to break down more than once. All he’d wanted to do was to hold her and tell the doctors and nurses to piss off, but instead he stood back as they photographed her body for evidence and took samples of what Tama had left behind.
On the trip home he’d been too numb to think about Tama, his grief overwhelming everything, but now as Jess whimpered in her sleep the only thing he wanted to do was to kill the bastard.
He stood up and headed for the lounge. Aunty Celia, his mother, and Rory were talking in hushed tones. Maia sat on a floral chair with her chin on her knees and her arms wrapped around them. Nike felt ashamed. He’d not only failed Jess, but he’d failed his li’l sis too.
The others stopped talking and looked up at him.
“Is she asleep?” his mother asked.
Nike nodded. “I’m goin’ out.”
She jumped up and rushed over to him. “No, Nike, leave it to the police.”
Nike’s face burned. That was exactly what she’d said the last time when he wanted to go after Tama.
“No! If they did their fuckin’ job properly Jess wouldn’t have been...” He stopped, the word sickening him. “I’m goin’ out and I’m not comin’ back until he’s dead!”
His mother grabbed his arm. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Rory pushed up off the couch. “Let go, Sally. He needs to do this.”
“No!”
Nike winced as her nails dug into his skin.
Rory pried her fingers off, then wrapped his arms around her. “My keys are in my jacket pocket,” he said. “Take as long you need.”
For the first time Nike felt that Rory belonged in their family. His stepdad had held it together better than anyone else, doing all the talking at the hospital as well as calming down his mother and sister. In the past Nike would have laughed if someone had told him he would feel respect for the man, but right now he felt just that ... and more.
“Thank you,” he said. He pulled the keys out and headed for the front door.
***
The moment Nike pulled up to the Ratas’ house he knew that Ash wasn’t home. The green Chevy was nowhere in sight, only Dante’s Holden sat parked in the driveway. Nike slammed the car door shut and yanked open the gate. He didn’t give a fuck who gave him a gun, just as long as he got one.
“Dante!” he shouted as he headed up the path.
Rap continued to blast inside. Nike banged on the front door. “Dante!”
The music stopped, and swearing started up in the house. The door swung open. Dressed in ripped jeans and a black jumper, Dante glared at him. “What the fuck do ya think you’re doin’?”
“I need your gun.”
“Fuck off!” Dante went to close the door.
Nike tried to push his way inside. Dante shoved him. Nike tripped on a step and landed on the footpath. He went to get up, then stopped, his shoulders sagging. What the fuck was he thinking? Dante didn’t give a shit about him. If anything he probably hated him after what had happened with Sledge. But if he mentioned Jess would it be different? He’d lied when Dante had asked him if he knew more about Ash’s attack. His dad had told him that Dante had been there, and had tried to stop it.
“I’m sorry—” Nike said.
“I don’t give a shit about your apologies,” Dante snapped. “And I don’t care what Ash says, you ain’t welcome here, so fuck off.”
“My wife…”
“What about her?”
“Tama. He … raped her.” He closed his eyes, trying to stop himself from imagining what had happened. He willed himself to think of something else, anything. An image of Tama a few weeks back at Finley Park took form. A little girl had been chasing him, both of them laughing, having fun. In that moment Tama had appeared normal. Someone that could care. Not hurt. But it had all been a fucking illusion. The image of Jess lying naked under Tama resurfaced. Nike jammed his palms into his eyes.
Dante pulled Nike up by his arms. Nike kept his eyes closed, too ashamed to look at him.
“Come inside,” Dante said, his voice gentle.
Nike shook his head.
“Open your eyes, Nike.”
“Please … just gimme a gun.”
“I
can’t give it to you out here.”
Nike’s eyes shot open. “You’ll give it to me then?”
“Yes. Come inside.”
Nike followed Dante to his room. On the floor neat rows of white packages were lined up next to a box.
“Wait here.” Dante closed the door on Nike. After a minute he reappeared holding a gun with a silencer attached. He held it out. “Make sure you do a clean job. You can’t leave any evidence. Your wife will need you even more now. You’ll hafta watch her closely, cos this shit can make people do things they normally wouldn’t. Wait here a mo.” Dante opened the door and slipped inside. Seconds later he came out with a card. “Here’s the name of a lady that helped Ash…” Dante cleared his throat. “She’ll be able to help you too.”
Nike took the card and slipped it into his back pocket. “Thanks.”
Dante nodded grimly. “Once done, phone me. I’ll come get the gun off you.”
Nike stared at Dante for a moment. Christ, he looked like Ash, even more so with his sombre expression.
“This is between you and me,” Dante said. “I don’t want Sledge knowing I gave you my gun.”
“Okay.”
“Then get outta here. Ash and Sledge are s’posed to be home soon.”
Nike turned and headed down the passage, the gun cold in his hand.
At the front door, Dante grabbed his arm. “Put it away, man. You can’t walk out there displaying the fucker.”
Nike slipped it into his waistband and covered it with his shirt and jacket. Without a word, he pushed open the door and headed down the footpath. Something crashed in the house. He looked back. He could see movement through the parting in the lounge curtains. Another crash sounded, then rap started blasting from within, twice as loud as before.
“Nike? Why aren’t cha at Craven’s?”
What the hell? Ash’s car wasn’t here. Nike turned around. His gaze shot from Ash to Sledge. The youngest Rata followed his brother through the gate, the sneer on the prick’s face all the ammunition Nike needed.
Nike pulled out the gun and pointed it at Sledge. “Where’s Tama?”
Ash pushed Sledge behind him. “What the fuck you doin’?”
Behind the Hood (Behind the Lives) Page 24