“Please Matt, I’m trying to keep myself together right now. Just take me home.” I refused to look at him. If I did, I would crack and agree to take him back and he might think everything was okay when it wasn’t. I refused to be that girl. One thing my parents drilled into my head since birth was respect for others and me. Harrington’s are better than that, my parents said on a number of occasions for a number of reasons. Even though my dad was a bastard, he still respected my mom enough to go to great lengths to keep his extra activities from her as she did him. I refused to be some weak-minded bitch who took back her boyfriend because he simply said he made a mistake.
He didn’t say anything as he put the car in gear and headed for our apartment. As soon as the tires rolled to a stop, I had my hand on the door, ready to push it open.
“Just because I didn’t push this tonight doesn’t mean that I won’t,” he said, halting my escape. “The next time I see you, and there will be a next time, we are talking about this,” he said, and I was out of the car and through the door of the apartment before I could hear anymore.
Forget him for expecting me to just go run back into his arms, forget him for the last eight weeks of misery, and…and…Just fuck him for everything! I didn’t want him to be sorry now; I wanted him to pay, to hurt like I had, but I didn’t because I was still madly in love with him. Love isn’t supposed to be this confusing and messed up. While my head was a jumble, and I couldn’t formulate a thought other than peanut butter now, I did know with absolute certainty the only thing I truly wanted I wouldn’t allow myself to do, no matter how much I craved him. I would not run back in his arms.
Matt
“You know you call me more than my fucking girlfriend,” my brother said by way of greeting.
“Shut up, you, you love it.” In truth, I knew he didn’t love it, but I knew that under all that muscle and hate, he loved me.
“What I love is getting my dick sucked, which you interrupted. What?”
“Look, I know we are trying to bond and shit, but really…overshare .” It was literally the last goddamn image I want in my head.
“I’m hanging up.”
“Wait, I actually needed something,” I rushed out because my brother was a dick who loved using the end call button on his phone. When I got a grunt, I took that as a sign and went into my reason for calling.
“Look, I fucked things up with me and Em, and she is being difficult.” I sounded like a whiney entitled bitch. I was aware I was the one who did this, but I was out of options. I didn’t expect Ember to just forgive me and then poof we live happily ever after, but I didn’t expect her to flat out ignore my admission of a mistake. I know going to my brother for advice was about as stupid and useless as animals dressed as humans. But what did I have to lose, right?
“Is there a question I’m supposed to answer or…” See, useless.
“You know what, forget I even called.” Who the hell was I kidding? If Harley hadn’t fallen in his lap, he’d still be taking randoms in the bathroom at that shit club he worked in.
“Matty.” His tone halted me.
“What?”
“You love her,” he stated then went on when I didn’t respond. “Stop being a pussy and take what’s yours.”
“What?”
“Ember, she’s yours. Take what’s yours. Don’t let her drag you around by your dick; be a fucking man and take back what’s yours.”
Huh, look at that, my brother actually made some sense .
“Thank…”
“Stop fucking calling me,” he gritted out before the call ended.
Chapter eight
Ember
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” Matt rasped in my ear, and I leaned back into his hard chest.
“Mmmm, that feels good.” His had made its way from my waist to my chest and tweaked my nipple, and warmth spread down my spine, pooling low in my belly. I’d known I’d dream about him, hell it was all I’d been doing since we broke up. But I knew last night, after what I’d allowed to happen at the club, his declaration, and my subsequent breakdown later, I’d really dream of him. I just hadn’t expected it to feel so real.
When I woke up from this and remembered this dream, I’d feel guilty for allowing myself to feel this pleasure when I was so mad at him.
“This will always be mine Rabbit,” he said as he dipped his hand in my panties and cupped my sex. His middle finger stroked my clit lightly and caused my toes to curl.
“Matt.” I bucked against him when he dipped a finger in me and bit down on my neck. Holy…yes… that was so good. My arousal was thick in the air, mixing with his heady scent.
“I want to taste you.”
In an instant, I was flat on my back, and he trailed openmouthed kisses down my body, the scruff of his bread causing all kinds of sensations and reactions I wasn’t used to. I fisted my hands in his hair and pushed him down where I wanted him the most. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it now. There was nagging in the back of my mind that this wasn’t a dream. I was in a half asleep/ half-awake daze and everything felt really good.
Dream Matt, chuckled and moved in between legs that shamelessly fell open at his slightest touch.
“Forgive me, baby?” Matt whispered as he slowly moved the damp fabric of my panties to the side and blew on my clit. The coolness hitting my wet folds produced a groan that was almost pornographic. Not that I watched porn to know what that would sound like, but I can guess.
“Forgive me Rabbit.” He lifted my feet, positioned them over his shoulders, and cupped my ass, which slightly lifted me and gave him the perfect angle to run one long deliciously slow stroke from my ass to my clit.
“Em, let me back in.”
It was like ice water hit me in the form of clarity; that one phrase jolted me from my half dazed state to fully awake.
“What are you doing?!” I shrieked, pushing myself up and out of his grasp. My heart beat so wildly and erratically I thought I was having a heart attack.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Matt— who was not dream Matt, but very real, very naked, and very aroused— asked as I shook off my confusion and arousal because holy shit, naked Matt was very, very distracting.
“What…How the hell…Matt, what are you doing here?” I couldn’t form a clear thought to save my life. Note to self, I freeze under pressure, panic, and obviously, arousal because I couldn’t shake it as I watched him grab his cock and squeeze it at the base before stroking it twice. What was I saying?
“About to fuck you, come here,” he requested in a sexy, dark tone, and for about two seconds, I contemplated it. I thought about how this would play out. I’d go to him, let him do pleasurable things to my body, probably have, like, the best orgasm ever and then…then he’d leave because we had broken up and I’d need more peanut butter than the stores sold.
“How did you get in here?” I asked instead and forced myself to look away when what I really wanted was to crawl over and lick…no, don’t go there Ember. Don’t give in.
“With my key,” he said, still in that tone. How could he sit there and look like that while doing that?
“Matt, you can’t just come in here…”
“It’s still my apartment Ember,” he said on a sigh then made a move toward me. “Come here baby.”
“Oh no, you don’t.” I hopped out of bed and realized just as his eyes darkened as he took me in, that I was practically naked. The thin as shit tank top I wore didn’t even reach my belly button, and the very sheer panties I had on left little to the imagination and were, very clearly, still wet from my arousal.
“Rabbit,” he said in that dark tone that didn’t bode well for my libido or me and climbed off the bed. I needed to make a few decisions. I could run, but then Matt would like the chase and probably see it as foreplay before he held me down and made me scream his name. I could also scream, bu
t seeing as how this was still his apartment, if the cops were called, nothing could be done. Or I could just stand my ground and put on a ‘don’t even think about it’ face and hope he bought it.
Choices. I had them, but I didn’t get a chance to use them before he flipped me around and had me pinned against the wall with his cock pressed up against my ass. If you have ever been thrown up against a wall— not violently but very, very sexually— then you knew it takes your breath away for a minute. He quickly fit his erection in between my thighs and had the head of his cock pushing threateningly against my thin barrier.
“Do you know how fuckable you look right now, how hard I am just watching you trying to fight your arousal for me?” He ran his hands up my inner thigh and cupped both his and my sex, and then he ran his length between my saturated folds. He was playing dirty; he knew I wanted him, like, I really, really wanted him, so much so that I involuntary pushed back against him and caused him swivel his hips seductively.
“My girl is hot for it.” He swiveled his hips once more, and I needed a medal. I needed someone to give me a seriously big ass gold medal because anyone who had ovaries and had to walk away from him, from what would have been a very hot and raunchy wall sex session deserved a medal. With the willower of someone on the Biggest Loser who didn’t want to go back home still fat, I pushed against him, hard, in a get off me manner.
“I’m not you girl anymore Matt; get off.” He paused, and if I turned around now, I knew his face would show his fury. But I didn’t care. This couldn’t happen.
“You want this; you want me,” he stated but he still didn’t move.
“That may be true, but I can’t Matt. If you love me like you say, then please get off.” I used the only weapon I hoped he wasn’t lying about; His love. It worked because he pushed off me and stomped into the en suite bathroom before I blinked my next blink, leaving my body cold from his warmth and my heart grieving.
Matt
Do you know how hard it is to get rid of a hard on? You don’t just stuff that shit back in your pants and call it a damn day; it hurts like hell. My dick was so hard after being pressed up against Ember, I don’t think even getting myself off would do the trick. Being this close to the relief that we both wanted and needed and not being able to get it is torture. I turned on the shower switched it to the cold as ice setting and stepped in. The initial shock of cold water hit me and forced me to calm down a little, but I was still at half-mast every time I closed my eyes and pictured the way Ember’s wetness soaked through her panties. Shit, I needed to think of something else, or I would never get out of the shower.
I had the bright fucking idea to crawl into bed with my ex-girlfriend after talking to Deklan. He said, go after what’s mine, so here I am. With a hard on to end all hard ons. I heard Ember move around in the bedroom, probably trying to throw on some clothes and getting ready to tell me to get the fuck out. I jumped out of the ineffective as hell shower, grabbed a towel to cover my still erect cock, and opened the door to her pulling one of my old t-shirts over her head. I should point that out, but she looked cute as shit in it, and I knew she’d throw it off on principle if she registered that it was mine.
“You want to put some clothes on so you can leave?” she asked, averting her eyes. If I were a bigger asshole, I’d forgo the towel and walk around bare-assed because I knew it would weaken her. Ember could put up a good front when she was pissed, but she and I both knew she loved my cock. We’d had an avid sex life before the split, having sex two to three times a week. It only stopped because I was on some life altering type revelation and shit. You can’t just go from sex several times a day to none; it gets to be uncomfortable.
Instead of answering her, because I knew it would piss her off, I went to the stack of dressers in the corner and opened a drawer to throw on some clothes.
“Where the fuck is all my stuff?” I asked after opening several drawers and coming up empty.
“You left,” she stated simply, like that explained everything .
“Ember, where is my shit?” I asked as I turned to her. She sat on the bed with a smug ass look on her face that I wanted to kiss off.
“You left; you don’t live here anymore Matt.” She emphasized the word left, like I didn’t already know that. I advanced toward her in a slow predatory sway, giving her plenty of time to change her mind about telling me where my shit was. It was only when I my legs bumped her knees did she start to waiver.
“Baby, I’m okay with walking around naked,” I stated and let the towel fall. I watched her eyes widen as my erection sprang up in her face, and her lips parted. I wasn’t being cocky before when I said Ember loved my dick; I could see the yearning in her eyes to take me in her mouth, and I’d let her, damn I’d let her. But that’s not what this game was about.
“In the guest bedroom closet under the stack of books,” she begrudgingly said as she looked away. I couldn’t even smirk at her obvious ire at me having gotten my way since I was so focused on the guest bedroom closet? Is she shitting me?
“Come again?” Because I’m sure I heard her wrong.
“You heard me.”
I stalked across the hall and yanked open the guest bathroom door and stalked over to the closet and my anger rose. Not only were my clothes there, but also everything that I owned was stuffed into this little space. Which I get, I do, but that still didn’t stop me from being pissed about it.
After throwing on some basketball shorts and a shirt, I went into the kitchen for a drink before I talked about this. Ember wasn’t going to like what I was going to say or do, but it had to be done. No more being a weak ass like Deklan said. Just because my whole life was a lie, this, my feelings about this women were not. I hated that I’d needed this time apart and that I’d hurt her to come to this realization but now that I knew, I was not backing down. She would be mine again.
“What are you doing?” she asked as she walked into the kitchen.
“Rabbit, expand your vocab. ‘What are you doing’ is getting a little repetitive,” I said, pouring a glass of milk and then pouring a second glass and adding in three spoonfuls of strawberry flavor for her. Ember hated plain milk.
She eyed the glass like I had poisoned it before she said, “It’s a legitimate question.”
“Let’s talk about what I said last night.” I really wanted to get this out of the way. The quicker she knew I was serious, the quicker this, whatever this was, would end.
“Let’s not. You need to leave.” Ember could be stubborn as shit; she was a politician’s daughter after all so it came natural to her, but I was a Kane, and Kane’s always got what we wanted.
“First, you need to stop spouting out orders when I’m pissed that you threw all my shit in a fucking closet. I have half a mind to spank your plump ass for that. Second, I’m not leaving; I live here.” I watched her eyes enlarge with the spanking reference and pocketed that little thought away. I’ve always loved to slapped her ass a few times while we go at it, but the idea of spanking it red, then fucking her was growing on me. And it would seem she wasn’t opposed to it either.
“In case you forgot, let me remind you. Two and a half months ago, you came home and broke up with me and haven’t been back since. So no, you don’t live here anymore, and we don’t have shit to talk about.”
“You gonna kick me out Ember? Tell me, have you even paid the rent on this place? Did someone come asking for it? Let me answer that for you, no. You know why? Because I paid it. I’ve been paying it so that you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
The series of emotions played out on her as clear as a movie: Surprise, shock, anger, and resentment.
“I didn’t ask you to take care of me .”
“I know, but I wanted to. It was the least I could do after…”
“You broke my heart.” I involuntarily flinched at the hurt in her voice, and I wanted to beat the shit ou
t of myself because I had done that. I’d caused that hurt in her, and I hated myself for it.
“Baby…”
“Matt, please. I’m not over you. I love you, and I don’t think I will be over you for a long time, but I can’t do this with you. I need to let you go.”
“Like fuck,” I grated out.
“You can’t make me keep you.” She sounded like a petulant child.
“That’s where you’re wrong baby.” I stalked over to her and got close, not in her face but close enough to take in her scent. Lemongrass and coconuts . “I’m going to fix this, fix us, and I can’t do that living with Royce, so I’m home. You can try and find someplace else to live, although finding one this nice will be hard , but I’m not leaving Rabbit. Drink your milk before it gets warm.”
I kissed her cheek and walked out of the kitchen to let her process.
Chapter Nine
Ember
Did that really just happen? Did he really just declare he was moving back in and expected me to be okay with it, oh and P.S. he wants us together again?
I hadn’t even though once about paying the rent. In fact, I completely forgot all about it and until he mentioned it, I still wouldn’t have remembered. Getting your heart stomped on kind of has that effect on you. And fuck him for that too! Now I couldn’t hate him for leaving me brokenhearted and stuck with a rent I couldn’t afford because I hadn’t even thought about it and he freaking took care of it.
I drank my perfect cup of strawberry milk and fumed, because he had me, he knew he had me. He was right; I couldn’t leave this apartment because I didn’t have another place to go that wouldn’t require me to sign a lease and going back home had never been an option.
Piss my life.
Why was he doing this? Was this all some game to him? I didn’t get it, but Matt was very persistent and while I was stubborn and could hold a grudge, I was no match for him and he knew it. I needed back up.
Know Me: A 'Me' Novel (Book 3) (A 'Me' Series) Page 6