by B. R. Myers
I gently pushed him away giving the excuse the boys were still awake. As if on cue, a fart from the other side of the door proved my point. Devin gave me a wink and left with a smile on his face.
But I wasn’t smiling.
Dear Diary,
Today was super shitty. Again, the universe is telling me it pointless to try and get my life back. No matter how much I try to fix stuff or do whatever I think is the right thing, it always ends up worse than if I’d done nothing…
I ended up writing at least two paragraphs about Devin’s slimy technique. I turned the page and thought about my talk with Lewis. What if Chloe had never hurt her foot that day? What if I didn’t have her for a best friend? She’d been a life saver since Dad died.
I glanced at the door, thinking of Spencer. He had latched onto the twins so quickly. Lewis told me Spencer spent the whole summer here.
The whole summer away from his family—just like me.
And what about Scotty? He was just as familiar with this place as Spencer. What about his family? He seemed so sweet. If I were his mother I’d miss him like crazy.
And the twins? Most people thought Liam was the one in charge, but I’d watched Duff sign enough to know he was the one with all the ideas. I wondered if he knew how much his brother depended on him.
I chewed the end of my pen then wrote a few more lines about Cabin 4A. It was a bit sappy, but who cares? Being sappy is better than wishing they were all chained together in handcuffs—which had entered my mind more than once. Besides, it was only for me to read.
I shut the diary and hid it back under my pillow. Turning out the light, I closed my eyes and let Devin and Cabin 4A disappear from my mind.
My fingers touched my bare throat. Please, Saint Anthony. Then I fell asleep, thinking of eelgrass.
FOURTEEN
The first thing I noticed was the smell. I’m dreaming, I thought, remembering the eelgrass and the cold black bottom of the lake. The second thing I noticed was the weight. I’m swimming, and the water is pressing down on me. But I wasn’t panicking; I still had air in my lungs. I took a deep breath through my nose. Yup, it was stinky.
Boy stink! Oh god, are they in my room?!
My eyes flew open, but my bedroom door was closed. The smell hit me again, and I froze.
Ominous violins played in my head as I realized that I wasn’t alone in the bed. I moved my legs to the edge of the mattress and felt the extra weight of the stranger shift on the sheets.
A gaping black jaw lined with little razors smiled back at me.
I screamed into the face of that dead eel. Letting out another string of incoherent hysterics, I jumped out of bed and stood shaking, looking at my first overnight visitor.
The long, greasy, black body almost reached the foot of the bed. I put a hand to my mouth, fighting the urge to puke, only to taste eel goo—I was covered in slime.
Clawing at the doorknob, I ran into the big room and was hit with boy morning breath. Few people have breathed such fumes and lived to tell the story.
I burst out of the cabin and hung over the railing. It took a few minutes for my head to clear. Snorts and giggles from inside snapped me awake. I balled up my fists and marched inside.
“Get it out!” I screamed at Spencer.
“I can’t,” he smirked. I’m allergic to fish.”
The two Irish terrorists couldn’t breathe for laughing. Scotty was busy studying the ceiling.
I ran back to my room, grabbed the eel by the tail, and dragged it along the floor. My hands slipped off a few times, but my anger was making me immune to the grossness, and I managed to lug it out to the porch. Running backwards the last few feet, I heaved with all my strength, and flung that poor dead thing through the air like I was a Scotsman at a caber toss.
With an unexpected sense of satisfaction, I watched it spin head over slimy tail a few times, before it hit its mark. Unfortunately, that happened to be at the feet of Kirk and Lewis.
They stood on the grass, coffee mugs in hand, looking down at the monstrous worm that had flown through the air towards them. They turned their stunned faces to each other, and then up to me, still standing on the porch.
“What did he ever do to you?” Lewis called out.
I gave a weak wave. “Morning,” I said.
Kirk nudged the eel with the toe of his flip-flop.
“I’m impressed,” Lewis said. “Do you know how deep you have to dive to catch these things?”
“Yeah,” Kirk frowned. “I do.”
I was determined to look in control. A slimy fish wasn’t going to embarrass me. “Do you think it’s dead,” I asked, “or just asleep?”
Kirk looked up and took a sip of his coffee. He kept staring at me.
Finally I made him speechless!
He smiled, unaffected by my wit. “Are you going for the Putnam Award?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“Um…Jesse?” Lewis said, pushing up his glasses. “Do you walk around like this in front of the boys?”
I blinked down at them, not understanding. Then the breeze against my bare thighs reminded me I was only wearing my purple underwear and an extra small T-shirt, slick with eel goo.
“Go twenty-four!” Kirk laughed.
I stumbled backwards into the cabin, ran to my bedroom, and slammed the door. I pressed my butt against the wall. I wanted to explode. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to cry.
Instead, I saw the messy sheets and groaned. I slid down the wall and sat on the floor. There wasn’t even time to cry; a trip to the laundry room would have to be made before breakfast.
Interestingly enough, Cabin 4A, or, as I liked to refer to it, the pit of putrefied puberty, had been teamed up with Lacey’s group—again! Although the sight of the beauty queen surrounded by her loving entourage was a constant reminder of how much my cabin hated me, the regular exposure of my boys to the cupettes seemed to be having a positive effect.
There was a noticeable difference the dirty little apes put into their personal grooming when they were only with me compared to when they were with Lacey’s ladies-in-waiting.
We were clustered on the beach, waiting for the kids to pair up for a round of canoe races.
“Lacey,” Spencer said, holding his stomach. “I don’t feel so good.”
Lacey was wearing a different bikini. The one for Thursdays, I guessed.
She put a perfectly manicured hand to his forehead. “You don’t feel warm,” she said.
His hand travelled from his stomach to his chest. “Yeah,” he moaned, “but I’m finding it hard to breathe.”
“All right.” She looked uneasy. “Go see the nurse. She’s in the tiny room off the counsellors’ lounge.” Lacey shot me a look as if the relocated nurse’s pitiable digs were my fault.
Spencer pressed on. “Really?” he said weakly. “If I lie down for a while, it’ll go away.”
Lacey said nothing but simply excused him with a wave of her hand. “Everybody find a buddy,” she called out.
“Are you kidding me?” I asked her.
“Up to your cabin for the morning, Spencer,” Lacey ordered, totally ignoring my mouth hanging open at her pathetic response. Who knew Lacey was such a pushover?
“I hope you’re feeling better for the talent show tonight,” one of the cupettes cooed as he strutted by her. He didn’t even slow.
“You know he’s faking,” I said to Lacey.
“No, it’s true,” one of the girls defended. “He has allergy-induced asthma.”
Lacey and I exchanged a look.
“What’s he allergic to?” I asked.
“Shellfish.”
I looked over at Liam and Duff, who were rolling their eyes.
“Well, it makes sense,” the cupette continued, flicking her own little blond ponytail. “We’re on th
e beach.”
“Of a lake,” Liam said.
Duff gave a few signs. I caught his eye then signed back a few words they’d taught me. The twins grinned back, and we had a bit of a laugh at the cupette’s expense. Each day they taught me new words, and I had to admit, the inclusion felt good.
Lacey frowned at us. “I’m not going to be held responsible for his death,” she said. “Besides, his dad owns the camp. I’d be fired for sure if he complained.”
Spencer had made his way all the way up the slope without dying. He disappeared into the cabin. No wonder he’s a little shit, I thought. Everyone rewards him for it.
As our two groups claimed canoes, it was obvious Liam was the favourite. The girls were actually fighting over who would race with him. In the end he chose Duff, who watched the whole scene looking bored.
Scotty, the only one close to being human, brilliantly manoeuvred to get a pretty girl with almond shaped eyes in his canoe. Her jet black hair was dyed pale blonde at the ends. She was too cool to be hanging out with any of us losers from Cabin 4A. Still, she smiled at Scotty when she handed him her oar.
I was still sore about the eel joke, but I had a soft spot for Scotty. It wasn’t his fault he got stuck with Cabin 4A. I was beginning to suspect the “A” stood for arseholes. Besides, I’d learned my lesson. Never underestimate these little brats. I had to keep my senses sharp. I needed to stay in the moment and always be prepared for the next attack.
It was like the Pink Panther movies with Peter Sellers that Grandma loved to watch. Living with Spencer and the twins made me feel like Inspector Clouseau. Arriving home he would be attacked by the martial arts expert, Cato. The only difference was that in the movie, Cato was hired to keep the inspector in good fighting shape, while my Catos just wanted to embarrass the hell out of me.
FIFTEEN
Devin cornered me in the main hall at lunch.
“J.J.,” he said, pulling me aside, “I want to see you tonight.”
I pictured myself hiding under the covers with the window closed. “Tonight? Isn’t it supposed to rain?” I crossed my fingers under my tray of tacos and watermelon slices.
He ran a hand through his hair and grinned. “I don’t mind getting wet. Besides, there’s this place I want to show you. Secret…you know.”
I tried to open my mouth, but I all could think of was Barney’s huge pink tongue mopping the kitchen counter. My stomach flipped. It was time to shut this thing down. “Look, Devin, you’re a really nice guy and I’d like to keep things…uh, simple. The truth is I don’t want a boyfriend right now.” Or your tongue down my throat.
He tilted his head—I swear just like Barney does when you tell him no more treats. “It’s not you,” I said quickly. “It’s me. Um…I’m worried about getting fired, and uh, the boys might start pulling pranks on you. And—”
“I’m not looking for a girlfriend,” he interrupted.
Oh.
He stepped closer. “So, if you’re not looking for a boyfriend, and I’m not looking for a girlfriend…we can keep meeting at night, right?” He squeezed my shoulder and gave me a wink like we’d officially signed a contract to be friends with benefits. Stunned, I watched him saunter out of the main hall, hands in his pockets. He paused at the doorway for a moment, but instead of turning to see if I was still looking, he fixed his shirt sleeve and did a bicep flex.
“I even suck at breaking up,” I whispered. I took usual my place at our table, across from Scotty. My gaze focused over his shoulder—straight across the room, where Kirk was sitting.
Since the flying eel episode, he’d only said two sentences to me. I guess my soccer shirt wasn’t as cute as I thought. Whatever. Who cares?
He caught me staring, but neither one of us looked away. My pulse pounded in my ears. Our eyes locked on each other until one of his buddies punched his arm, getting his attention. He didn’t look back after that.
I let out the breath I’d been holding and studied the pattern of watermelon seeds on my plate, trying to slow down my pulse. God! What was his problem? Was it that I almost took him out with a dead fish?
Conversation about the upcoming festivities gave me something to think about besides Kirk and my racing pulse.
I cleared my throat. “Hey, Liam,” I said. “Are you going to be in the talent show tonight?”
He signed back to me.
“Oh, sorry, Duff.”
He gave me an exasperated look.
“Well, you guys are identical,” I reasoned, “with the same hair. Anyway, you could still be in the show.”
Liam said, “It’s just going to be a bunch of stupid lip syncing, and bad stand-up comedy.” He nudged Duff and gulped down the last of his chocolate milk.
I noticed Scotty’s plate. He’d barely made a dent in his tacos. “What about you?” I asked him.
“Me?” he said. “No thanks.”
I thought his trip in the canoe with the dark-haired cutie would have lightened his mood. “Are you sick too?” I asked.
“No. Um…I’m just waiting.”
I was about to ask him about this when I smelled cinnamon. Lewis arrived with a fresh sticky bun.
I smiled, reaching for the plate. “How did you know they’re my favourite?”
Lewis sat in Spencer’s vacant spot. “You told me the other night,” he said.
I closed my eyes and inhaled. “Did you put the tiny crushed pistachios in them?”
“Yup, just like your mom does, plus a pinch of cardamom,” he nodded. “Go on, taste it, I’m anxious to get your opinion.”
It was perfect. Gooey and sweet, with the right amount of cinnamon and caramelized brown sugar on the bottom. I cut the bun into equal pieces and gave one to each of the boys.
“Are you sure?” Scotty asked, his eyes looking glassy.
“Good food always tastes better when you share it,” I said.
Mom’s mantra.
“Thanks, J.J.,” Duff signed.
The table grew quiet as everyone chewed.
“I thought you might need a treat after you kicked your lover out of bed,” Lewis said. “But really, Jesse, you should know better. Your worlds are too different, you were never meant to be together.”
Scotty turned an interesting shade of green.
“Scotty.” Kirk was standing behind Scotty with a hand on his shoulder. “A word, NOW!” Without looking back, Scotty obeyed and left the main hall with him. The twins exchanged worried looks.
“What’s that about?” I asked.
“That’s what he was waiting for,” Liam said, licking his fingers.
“Should I go after them?” I asked.
“Trust Kirk,” Lewis said. “He’s the head counsellor.”
The whole episode left me feeling suspicious and a bit pissed. Of the four brats in my cabin that needed a lecture from the jerky head counsellor, Scotty was the least deserving.
I was going to follow them anyway, but once I’d left the main hall, Cabin 4A looked a little too quiet. Since I was already feeling suspicious, I checked on Spencer. He was asleep on his bunk. Maybe he was really sick? I left a ham and cheese sandwich and a brownie on the table beside him.
That afternoon, I took the boys to sailing class while I kept one eye glued to Cabin 4A up on the slope. Lacey must have picked up on my paranoia, because she once again offered to take Scotty and the twins to their soccer game against another junior boys’ cabin. I figured it was the least she could do, since it was her decision to forgo the nurse and let him lounge away the day.
I hated the smug look on her face when she left with my guys, as if it proved I couldn’t handle the job. But I decided to stay back, partly because Spencer was still asleep, but more realistically to make sure he didn’t skip out on his sickbed duty.
I was sitting on the porch step with a book when I heard my n
ame. Devin ran up the grassy slope. Oh, crap. It was too late to run into the cabin, he’d already seen me. I was going to have to face this. He walked the last few steps, his wide-open mouth showing all his teeth. Each time I saw Devin, he reminded me more of Barney.
Mouth. Open. Wide.
Where’s a PFD when I need one? If I don’t make an evasive move soon, I’ll be drowning in Devin spittle. He stopped right in front of me, panting in the hot sun.
“Hey,” I said. “You look overheated. Do need a dish of water? A glass! Do you need a glass of water?”
“Nah.” He shook his head, sending bits of sweat through the air. Then he used the bottom of his shirt to wipe off his face. Okay, the view of the six-pack was nice, but seriously, he was showing off. I’d been competing for years alongside guys this ripped. Besides, the effect of his muscles had worn off after my nighttime face cleaning at the Devin Car Wash.
“Listen,” he said, putting his foot on the bottom step. “I checked the forecast and you’re wrong.”
“Sorry?”
“There’s nothing but a clear sky full of stars. I can show you that secret place tonight.” He swooped in and sat beside me, pressing his sticky thigh against mine. As a former jock, I’m certainly no stranger to sweat. But, ew! Oh god, I wish I had a doggie treat to distract him.
“So?” he prompted giving me a nudge.
The screen door opened and closed. Spencer came out with his hair standing on end, eating the sandwich I’d left for him. Devin turned and nodded to Spencer, then stood up and looked back at me expectantly. “So? Later then?”
I could feel a cool spot on my leg where he must have left a sweat print. Spencer grunted something that sounded like surprise.
Devin waited for my answer and I gave him the only one I could think of. “Later,” I said. I meant goodbye, but it was close enough to get his tail wagging happily. He gave me that wink again then jogged across the lawn toward the main hall.
“What was he doing here?” Spencer asked with a mouth full of food.
“Counsellor stuff,” I mumbled, hiding behind the book.