Caitlin watched him a moment, then shaking her head, sat down in the chair again.
Chapter Eleven
“Simon.” The soft voice slowly pierced his sleep, a warm hand held his shoulder. Caitlin, Simon thought.
“Hi,” he said, focusing on her face. “You’re here.”
Caitlin nodded, pulling her hand away from him. “How are you feeling?”
“Much better.” He blinked, and looked around testing his vision. “A lot better.”
“Your fever is down.” She straightened his blankets, her hand lingering on his arm. “You slept pretty deep.”
“Sorry, I would have preferred to talk to you.” He didn’t know how long he slept, but even if it was only an hour, he felt as if it was too long. “What’s on the agenda for the rest of the day?”
Caitlin looked away, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. “Not a whole lot.”
Simon grinned. “Then I have you to myself.”
“Not really. I have to leave this afternoon.”
“For home?”
“No.” She straightened, turning away from him. “I’ve got to catch a plane in three hours. I’m going to Portland to stay with my sister for a week. She had a baby by Caesarean a couple of weeks ago, and I promised her a long time ago I would come and help her. By the time I’m back you’ll be discharged.”
“You’re leaving,” he said flatly.
Caitlin turned to him, but didn’t look at him. “I already have the ticket.”
“Of course. Of course you have to go. I understand.” And he did. He knew the rules. Never let anyone get close, never share anything with someone. He had made them his mantra. And in the past few weeks he had broken each one of them, on his own. If his heart hurt, if he felt a roiling anger beginning, it was his own fault. Well, that was how it went. But now he had one more thing to do.
“Help me sit up,” he said shortly.
“But you’ve been sick.”
“I said, help me up, Caitlin.”
He could see hurt on her face at the anger in his voice, but he ignored it. He had to start relearning the lessons life had taught him.
She raised the bed slowly and an attack of vertigo gripped him. He rode it out, focusing on the wall above Caitlin’s head, forcing himself not to look at her, not to meet her puzzled gaze.
He carefully pivoted himself, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed until he was sitting up without support.
“Simon, what are you doing?” She hurried to his side, her hand automatically catching his shoulder.
“I want to stand up.”
“No. You can’t.”
“The doctor said the plate was fine, didn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then. I was standing before I got sick. Help me stand up now.” She only stared. “Now,” he barked.
She jumped, then he could see her straighten, could almost hear each vertebra snap into place. Now she was angry, as well.
All the better, he thought. It would make everything much easier.
She helped him up and he was surprised to find that his leg didn’t hurt nearly as much as it had before. He was healing, just as everyone had promised him.
Caitlin supported him with her arm. His lay across her shoulder. It was just a matter of turning slightly, slipping his other arm around her waist and he had her.
“If you’re leaving me, I can’t let you go without saying goodbye, can I?” He looked down at her soft green eyes, the delicate line of her cheekbone sweeping down to a narrow jaw. He memorized the curve of her mouth, the faint hollow of her cheeks, each detail of her beautiful, beautiful face. He didn’t want to forget her.
She wanted to fight him, he could feel her tense in his arms, but he also knew she didn’t dare. Not after what happened the last time. Ignoring the flare of panic in her eyes, he lowered his head, capturing her mouth with his.
She resisted at first, her arms stiffly at her sides, then, as he murmured her name against her lips, as he drew her closer to him, he could feel her soften, feel her arms slip around him, then hold him close.
His heart tripped, his breath felt trapped in a chest that grew tighter the longer their kiss went on. What he had started in anger, changed with her soft response. When she whispered his name, when her hand reached up to caress his cheek, to hold his head, he felt a melting around his heart and a pain that pierced with a gentle sweetness. Almost he spoke the words, almost he bared his soul.
But he couldn’t.
She was leaving and so was he. It wasn’t meant to be.
* * *
Caitlin sat on the edge of her bed, staring down at the phone in her hand. Jonathon, her brother-in-law had just called her here at Evelyn and Scott’s house in Portland. By using his connections in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Jonathon had found Jake Steele.
Now Caitlin had the number she had to call and she didn’t know if she dared.
It was the best time. The house was quiet. Evelyn and Scott were already in bed, as were the children.
With the time difference, it would only be nine o’clock where Jake lived.
She couldn’t stop the restless pounding of her heart, the trembling of her fingers. Was she doing the right thing? Did she have a right to intrude on Simon’s life? Simon—who didn’t need anyone?
But she thought of her own brother and knew that if something had happened to him, she would want to know. She thought of Simon lying on his hospital bed, staring with longing at Shane’s family. She knew in spite of what he had done to her, she had to make this call for him.
Caitlin took another breath, sent up a prayer for wisdom, courage and the right words, and punched in the numbers. The phone rang in her ear, and she felt her heart skip. Another ring. A third.
Disappointment and relief vied for attention. She was going to let it ring one more, no, maybe two more times then she would hang up.
And then what?
Caitlin rubbed her hand over her jeans, waited and was just about to lower the phone to push the button to end the call when...
“Hello?”
Her heart jumped and she was momentarily speechless.
“Hello?” the voice repeated.
“Hello, Mr. Steele,” Caitlin replied breathlessly, frantically searching for the right words. What if Jonathon was wrong? What if this wasn’t who he thought it was?
Well, then you make a fool of yourself in front of a stranger you will probably never talk to again, she reassured herself. “My name is Caitlin Severn,” she continued struggling to catch her breath. This was ridiculous. She was acting as if she had never made a phone call to a complete stranger before. A complete stranger who happens to be the brother of a man who you are fascinated and possibly in love with. “I’m a nurse at Nanaimo General Hospital. I’m calling about a patient I took care of, who I believe is your brother. Simon Steele.”
Silence. Utter, heavy and complete silence.
Wrong number, Caitlin thought, stifling a hysterical laugh.
“What happened to him?”
Well, it was the right number after all, she thought. “Before you get too concerned,” she continued, forcing herself to breathe, to remain calm, “I want to tell you that he’s fine now, Mr. Steele. He was in a bad motorcycle accident. Broke his right femur. I was at the accident when it happened and I worked in the ward he was on.” She forced herself to stop, to keep from babbling nervously on.
“How do you know he’s my brother?”
Because right now, you sound exactly like him, thought Caitlin, hearing the defensive tone enter Jake Steele’s voice. This was harder than she thought. “He gave me your first and last name and told me you were his twin. I didn’t think there were more than one Jake Steele born on February 16.”<
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“Did he ask you to call me?”
Caitlin bit her lip. “Actually, no.”
“Then why are you calling?”
Caitlin fiddled with the edge of her sweatshirt, folding it back and forth as she tried to find the right way to explain her reasoning. From the sounds of things, Jake didn’t appear to be any happier to hear about Simon than she presumed Simon would be to hear about his brother.
It disturbed her. “I’m calling because I care for your brother....” The words sounded lame and she knew it. She had been gone from Nanaimo for only four days, and each morning she woke up with a heaviness pressing down on her heart. She had resisted the urge to phone the hospital every day to see how Simon was, reasoning it was better this way. Better for who became less clear each day she was away. She had hoped and prayed that being with her sister and her family would bring clarity to her thoughts. Instead, she felt more confused than before.
She didn’t just care for Simon. She loved him.
Caitlin forced her thoughts back to the present, to the phone in her hands and the muted anger of the man on the other end of the line. “Simon sustained very serious injuries and is currently in the hospital in Nanaimo. He’s been there for about two weeks. He talked about you and the homes you’ve been in.”
Jake was silent and Caitlin could almost feel the antagonism over the phone. Whatever it was she had expected from this phone call, it wasn’t these clipped questions and curt replies.
Somehow she had foolishly thought he would be eager and happy to hear from his long-lost brother. She thought he would be thankful that she took the time to track him down.
“So, why did you think I needed to know this?”
Caitlin straightened, her own anger coming to the fore. “Your brother has been through a lot of pain and has been struggling in many ways, physically as well as spiritually. I called you because in the entire time he was in the hospital, your brother never received one visitor, or one phone call. He is all alone....”
“The fact that my brother doesn’t have anyone doesn’t surprise me,” Jake said, his voice even, almost harsh. “Simon has never needed anyone, never cared for anyone except himself.”
Caitlin almost gasped at the coldness of Jake’s reply. “I can’t believe you’re talking like this,” Caitlin replied, now thoroughly angry. “He’s your brother. Doesn’t that relationship mean anything to you?”
“Simon hasn’t been a part of my life for a long time now, out of his own choice. If he wants to talk to me I would imagine he could get hold of me.”
Caitlin knew the truth of that, but also knew that Simon, for whatever reason, wouldn’t do that. “I don’t know Simon as well as I would like to,” she said, “but I do know that he is seeking and that he is unsure of what he’s looking for.”
Jake was quiet and Caitlin knew she had touched something in him.
Please Lord, help me find the right words, she prayed as she spoke. “He is your family. I have a brother who I haven’t seen for a long time, out of his choice. I know that if something happened to him, I would want to know and I would want to see him again, to be a family again.”
“I don’t think it’s your place to lecture me on family reunions, Miss...” He paused and for a moment Caitlin was tempted to simply hang up and put the Steeles and their brokenness behind her. But she thought of Simon clutching her hand, his eyes full of sorrow and pain he couldn’t express and she knew she had to fight for him.
“Severn. Caitlin Severn,” she reminded him, clutching the phone, forcing herself to stay calm.
“Well, Miss Severn. I suppose it would be incumbent on me to ask where he is right now.”
Incumbent? Oh, brother, Caitlin thought, he sounded just like Charles. Please Lord, if ever I needed to keep a clear head and a soft tongue it’s now. Help me. Help this coldhearted man who I don’t even know to understand how important this is.
“Right now he’s in the orthopedic ward of the Nanaimo General Hospital,” Caitlin said, forcing her voice to a more even tone. “He’s due to be discharged in less than a week, so if you want to see him, I would suggest you go as soon as possible.”
“Well, I thank you for your time and persistence, Miss Severn. Unfortunately I’m in the middle of my busiest season. It’s been a late harvest and I won’t be able to get away for at least another month.”
“Please, Jake. I’m not asking for myself. I’m asking for you and Simon. I don’t know if you’re married....”
“Not currently,” he replied curtly and Caitlin sensed there was a whole other story behind those two clipped words, but she kept on.
“Then you and Simon are all each of you have. I would like you to see this as a gift from the Lord. A gift not given lightly.” There was a man all alone. He had neither friend nor brother. The words from Ecclesiastes came back to her and in that moment she realized they might just as easily apply to Jake. “I believe that you and Simon are meant to find each other. You’re his brother. You can’t change that.”
Silence again. But Caitlin waited, forcing herself not to try to fill it, to let what she said sink in as she prayed and prayed.
“Like I said, I won’t be able to get away for a while, but I will make the effort. I’d like to thank you for your call....”
Which was a neat way of sounding thankful without really being thankful, Caitlin thought. She didn’t know if she liked him.
“Are you currently working on the ward?”
“No. I’m staying with my sister in Portland. If you want more information, you can call the hospital. But you are more than welcome to call me, as well.” Without waiting for him to ask, she gave him her sister’s number as well as the number of the hospital. More silence as she prayed that he wrote them down.
She took a breath and forced herself to continue. “I don’t know exactly what happened to you after you and Simon were split,” she said. “Simon said that you went to a good home. However, I do know that you and he were raised together in a Christian home. I believe the Lord has brought me to you, and I want you to know that I’ll be praying for both of you.”
She could almost feel a melting, a relenting coming across the line.
“Thanks,” he said, his voice quiet. “And thanks for taking the time to call.” Then a click sounded in her ear and she knew he had hung up.
Caitlin laid the phone on the bedside table then dropped backward on the bed, her hands trembling, her heart racing. She covered her face with her hands as she prayed.
Please Lord, let Jake go. Let them become brothers again. Reconcile them to each other.
Because it didn’t sound as if either of them was too eager to meet again.
* * *
“Has Simon Steele been discharged yet?”
Caitlin looked up from her desk with a start at the mention of Simon’s name.
“I’m pretty sure this is his coat,” the orderly in front of her said, holding up a leather jacket. “It’s been hanging around emerg for a while now. One of the nurses who was on duty when he came in just came back from vacation. Said he was up here.”
“He was discharged over a week ago. But we can see that it gets to him.”
“There were some keys in the pocket and a few other things,” the orderly said, handing her a plastic bag holding the personal effects that must have come out of the jacket. “There were a pair of leather chaps, but they got cut to ribbons and had been tossed.”
“I’ll see that this gets to him,” Caitlin said, taking the jacket with a smile.
As the orderly left, Caitlin walked into the office behind the front desk, setting the coat on an empty table. She couldn’t stop a foolish trill of her heart at the sight of Simon’s coat. She reached out, touching it with a forefinger, tracing the rip in one arm of the coat, the marks left behind when he had gone sk
idding across the pavement.
She closed her eyes at the memory of him, lying so helpless on the side of the road. His life had been completely rearranged by that one event.
Unfortunately, so had hers.
Caitlin thought her visit to her sister in Portland would have given her back a sense of equilibrium. Instead she’d spent most of her days wondering how Simon was and if Jake had contacted him.
She wondered if he even gave her a second thought. She knew she should forget him, but couldn’t. Now, seeing his jacket seemed to bring all the memories she had slowly filed away, flooding back.
She lifted up the bag and, ignoring the voice of caution, opened it up. Inside were a set of keys, as the orderly had said, a folded-up piece of paper, a receipt for a restaurant in Vancouver and some change. Curious, she unfolded the piece of paper.
But it told her no more about Simon than did the other impersonal effects. It was merely a listing of numbers, some scratched out and a few calculations. On the other side was an address and the name of an apartment block with a phone number underneath it.
Frustrated, Caitlin put the things back in the bag and the bag in the pocket of the coat. It shouldn’t matter to her what happened to it, but she knew it did.
“What’ve you got there?” Eva, one of the other floor nurses walked into the office and laid a folder on the desk.
“It’s Simon Steele’s jacket,” Caitlin said, forcing an impersonal tone in her voice.
“I imagine that will have to get sent back to him.”
“Probably.” Caitlin shrugged, leaving the room. For a foolish moment she had thought of bringing it back to him herself, of testing the newness of her emotions away from the hospital.
She was crazy, she thought, forcing her mind back to her job. But it was difficult. While she was in Portland her sister commented on how listless she seemed.
She had been listless and she had tried to pray and reason her way out of it. But ever since Simon had kissed her, she had felt as if her entire world had been flipped end over end. She, who so dearly liked order and control.
Before Charles she had dated precious few men. Too busy getting her degree. Then she wanted to work and then she started dating Charles.
A Family-Style Christmas and Yuletide Homecoming Page 12