The Wrong Shade of Lipstick

by B. M. Hardin

  Luckily for Zack, I was a fast learner; and I had a good memory. By the second time around he had relaxed and I was like a porn star in the making. I was doing things better than the women I had studied and watched on the flicks in preparation for this very day. I promise I’m being honest.

  I know, that might be somewhat of an exaggeration, but what can I say---I've always thought highly of myself.

  I remembered the way he smelled as he positioned himself on top of me---again. Although he was sweating as though he was standing at the gates of Hell; he didn't smell musty or awful at all for that matter. He only had this sort of manly odor to him. You know that smell; the one that was around the corner from clean...but a long way from stank; Thank God.

  I remembered inhaling his odor and being almost shy to exhale. I feared that my breath was as sizzling as his was to me. I was somewhat nervous because I feared that the hotness of his breath might melt off my drawn on eyebrows. Now that would have messed up the whole mood! Can you say…unattractive!

  I was more than happy when he moved from my face to my left side; near my ear.

  Zack breathed softly, calmly, into my ear almost as if he might start whistling. He managed to nibble on my earlobe in between breaths and whenever he felt like it, he would add a kiss or two into the mix.

  After a while, I mimicked his actions. Allowing my mouth to join in on the naughty deeds as I explored his body with my tongue; well the body parts that were within my reach that is. My hands developed a mind of their own as they began to roam and massage his body freely; rubbing up and down his back slowly; high around his neck and then all the way down to the top of his buttocks.

  I could tell that my participation was exciting him; hell it was exciting me. Then as if he had rehearsed it over a dozen times before, he began reciting all of the reasons why he loved me. And called me silly, naive or what have you, but actually I believed him.

  His hands proudly roamed all over my body causing my body temperature to rise. I couldn’t quite put into words just what his touch did to me. I knew my body inside and out and I was very familiar with pleasing myself; yet nothing could ever compare to a man's touch; particularly this man’s touch.

  The wetness between my thighs could vouch for that. Becoming somewhat aggressive, his tongue harassed my neck for only a second or two before making its way a few inches down to drown my protruding nipples in saliva. Hot and bothered; Bothered and hot, both described me best.

  I moaned loudly, teasingly, as though I was a siren trying to lure in her next mate. He, Zack, only responded with more aggression and thrusts of pleasure. I could feel his manhood began to swell and without warning it found its way to the opening of my pool of ecstasy. Her purrs were similar to the ones coming from my mouth. I gasped as he familiarized himself with my territory once again and….

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride,” Pastor Baylock said to Zack and Charlotte; interrupting my thoughts.

  The churched ranged with laughter and applause as the newlywed couple kissed and turned to face the crowd. Without my permission, I started to fan myself.

  Instantly I had become hot with hatred and angry tears started to torment my eyelids; begging for the freedom to run down my face. But not today; not on her day.

  It just wasn't right.

  Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it was.

  I began to scowl myself for my thoughts and my jealousy. This wasn't about me. Today wasn't about me. It was all about them. It was hard as hell but I tried my best to turn my frown upside down.

  At the sight of my sisters backwards glance in my direction; I hurriedly faked a smile and blew her a kiss as she reached for her bouquet of flowers, in preparation to jump the broom.

  With almost too perfect timing, once my sister faced forward, Zack looked back at me. I quickly turned my head and pretended to be staring at the dancing flames of the candles but out of the corners of my eyes I could see Zack almost with annoyance, waiting for me to look in his direction. I tried my best to ignore him but something way down on the inside of me forced me to look at him. Knowing that we only had a matter of seconds, for the first time, I gave him eye contact.

  Zack’s face expression wasn’t one of a new and happily married man; not even close. His face was a mixture of sadness and regret. His eyes cried help me or maybe they said bitch why didn't you stop me?

  Either way, they weren't saying what they were supposed to be saying on his wedding day.

  Why had I let him go through with it?

  That was a question I had asked myself the entire wedding ceremony, but it was also a question that I could not answer. And besides… it was too late.

  What was done was done and neither one of us could change that now; at least that was the way I saw it. Becoming uncomfortable and somewhat guilty, I dropped my head as he grabbed my sister’s hand and jumped the broom. I followed behind them vowing that I would leave the past behind me at the altar. And believe me, that was my intention.

  ~***~

  I watched him, watching me, as he pretended to play with his daughter. She was so beautiful; the cutest thing I had ever seen. Zack’s daughter, Madison, was as cute as a button; though she didn’t look a thing like Zack.

  I didn’t know the whole story behind Zack having custody of her except from what my sister had shared with me. Charlotte stated that he had taken her from her mother when she was just a baby. But she didn’t know why he had taken her and she said he never told her that piece of information. Not wanting to pry, I left the conversation at that. I guessed that her mama must have had her reasons and from the looks of Madison, I was sure she was stunning. That little girl would grow up to be a heart breaker for sure. But in a weird sort of way Madison actuality could have passed as my sister’s child. I was sure that many had made the mistake of thinking that she was Charlotte's before. I didn’t know exactly how old she was but I knew that she was one of the luckiest little girls in the world to have Zack as her father. And I also knew that my sister adored her and was going to make a great mother for her. And together they made the perfect little family; which I admit made me just a pint of jealous. Just a little bit.

  Yea right…who was I kidding, I was jealous as hell!

  I would’ve made a wonderful mother for her too.

  It just didn’t seem right for Charlotte to have them.

  If anyone should have them…it should have been me.

  I had him first!

  Zack was making it obvious that he wanted my attention; becoming uncomfortable I began to fumble with my bouquet. I hadn't noticed how gorgeous they were. The colors were almost similar to my own wedding flower arrangements.

  Great minds think alike.

  I continued to play with the flowers a bit longer as Zack continued to stare at me. He looked directly at me as though he wasn’t trying to hide it. He spoke loudly to his daughter as if he was doing it on purpose to make me look his way; to gain my interest; so I gave it to him. I allowed myself once more to give Zack the eye contact and that he so urgently required.

  Zack stopped talking abruptly at the sight of my brown eyes gawking at him; although his little girl continued to chat away. He looked at me as if he was a starving lion and as if I was on the menu as his next meal. His brilliant coffee colored eyes seemed dull. As if they had lost their shine. He looked so sad. On the outside, he looked identical to how I felt in the inside. Moments passed before either one of us had managed to blink. I looked away from him because I'd seen all that I had needed to see. I had seen the truth; the answer in his eyes that despite how hard he tried to deny or hide it; he couldn’t.

  Zack was still in love with me and there wasn't a damn thing that I or anybody could do about it.

  Humph, now how about that?

  It raised the question. If you love somebody, I mean really and truly love somebody, would you always love them? But loving someone and being in love with someone was two very different things.


  Logically, it just couldn’t be possible. It had been ten years; Zack couldn't possibly still be in love with me---could he?

  Becoming agitated, I was glad when Pastor Baylock, who was my daddy’s young, and may I add, sexy assistant pastor at the church, asked for the bride and groom as well as the maid of honor and the best man, to join him in the office for the signing of the marriage license.

  Somehow being the last to enter the office, Zack held the door open for me and waited for me to pass by him. He purposely left just a tiny amount of room for me to squeeze pass him. Zack knew that I was a part of the thunder thighs club so he knew that it would be a challenge to get by him without touching him. As my whole left side brushed up against his six foot five physique, instantaneously I was reminded of the chemistry and intimacy that we once shared. A chill slithered down my spine causing me to get mad and get glad all at the same damn time.

  I could tell by the way that Zack cleared his throat that he had felt it too.

  Instinctively, I looked at Charlotte; my poor sister was too happy to even notice. She was glowing and talking Pastor Baylock to death. Well, he seemed to be enjoying her conversation. Either that or he was simply smiling and listening just to be nice. I did that to her all the time, so I guessed he was doing the same.

  With their conversation coming to an end, Charlotte reached out her hand for her husband to grab it; eager for him to take his place at her side. She grabbed the pastor’s pen and without hesitation, signed her name on the dotted line. Charlotte squealed like a little piglet and reached the pen to Zack, but surprisingly… he didn’t take it.

  Uh oh, I thought and looked in the other direction only for a second but I was too nosey to miss anything, so I turned my attention back to the bride and groom.

  Charlotte attempted to hand it to him again; but he didn’t budge. Frustrated, Charlotte smacked her lips, which was followed by a million and one questions.

  But Zack just stood there; in silence, unresponsive.

  His eyes were fixed on the marriage license.

  You could tell that he was in deep thought as though his mind and his heart were having a disagreement and pulling him in opposite directions.

  The constant babbling from Charlotte didn’t seem to faze him. After a minute or two more, Zack finally looked up---but it wasn't at Charlotte.

  He somewhat looked passed her; at me, only for a second or two.

  On demand, Zack’s gaze once again shifted downward, this time looking at the gold band on his ring finger. It appeared as though he had also taken a glance at Pastor Baylock’s wedding band as well.

  After a while longer, Zack took a deep breath before looking the man of the cloth in his face.

  “Pastor, I have a question.” Zack said.

  **********

  ~*Sometimes following your heart will get you into trouble. There is nothing wrong with letting your mind lead the way. Eventually, your heart will follow.*~

  Anonymous

  Chapter Two

  I sat quietly in the rental car, watching my sister from a distance. She sat almost zombie like on our parents’ front porch.

  Charlotte was motionless and she appeared a bit lifeless; hopeless, as if she had not one reason left to live.

  I recognized that look. I had been there far too many times before and I knew exactly how she felt. Or maybe I didn't. I was a firm believer that if a person had never been in someone’s exact situation; then it was impossible for them to truly be able to relate to them. They can guess, they can assume; they could even apply their knowledge and degrees. But the truth to the matter was that unless you have walked that same road…you just didn’t know.

  So, maybe I couldn’t exactly relate to how she felt; but I could definitely relate to heartache and recognized the signs of a broken heart.

  Charlotte was undeniably heartbroken and there wasn’t a thing anyone could do about it.

  None of us were quite prepared for Zack’s question last Saturday. Just before signing his name beside Charlotte’s on the marriage license, he asked Pastor Baylock a shocking and devastating question.

  “Pastor, technically we aren’t married unless I sign the marriage license, right?”

  Instantly, my sister started to weep and throw question after question in Zack’s direction.

  But he ignored her; keeping his eyes only on the Pastor, eagerly awaiting his response.

  “Yes, son, technically, legally; you will not be married,” Pastor Baylock answered Zack almost shyly.

  Zack let out a long, sorrowful sigh and turned to face Charlotte, who was hysterically shaking her head no.

  He took the pen from her hand and laid it down on the table beside the partially signed marriage license.

  For the first time he looked at her. I could see the love that he had for her but I could also see that it wasn’t enough.

  “I am so, so sorry Charlotte,” was all he managed to say as he touched her cheek. He looked passed her again, quickly at me, but it was only for a second. Zack turned his back to Charlotte and headed out of the Pastors’ office with his best man right behind him, on his heels.

  Since that day, Charlotte hadn’t spoken one word; to anyone. That was a week ago. All day long, all she did was cry. We all had tried to get her to talk about the situation but she would act as though we were invisible. She would simply sit and say nothing and most of the time she wouldn’t even acknowledge our presence.

  After watching her for a few more minutes, I got out of the car and headed toward her. I only had a few hours left before I had to catch my flight back home, to California, but I just couldn’t leave with checking on her.

  Secretly, I was so overly concerned not only because she was my sister; but because I knew that for the most part, that I was the cause of her troubles. All I had to do was open my mouth and say something; but instead I had chosen to stay quiet. I felt so, so guilty.

  I was my sister’s keeper; how could I have let things get to this point? She was my baby sister and it had always been my job to look after her and take care of her. I think my love for her had gotten the best of me and despite what I thought and wanted; as always, what she wanted meant so much more. So, in all honesty, my actions showed how unselfish I was and how much more her happiness meant to me than my own.

  But apparently, Zack hadn’t felt the same way. In his case, he had chosen to do what would only make him happy; despite how broken it would leave Charlotte.

  That day, Zack had turned his back to her; leaving her drowning in a puddle of her own tears.

  Which brings me back to my original thoughts…I should have told her. If I had, maybe none of this would have happened. Charlotte wouldn’t have been humiliated and maybe the wedding would have never even taken place. Maybe.

  “Hey Charlotte, how are you?” I asked sitting down on the steps beside her.

  At first, she said nothing. She remained silent and stared straight ahead; unmoving like a British Soldier. The wind gracefully blew her soft, jet black curls. I was in awe of them as they blew from side to side; in a similar motion to someone’s hands waving back and forth as they praised the Man above.

  Everyone had always said that Charlotte and I looked a lot alike. But it wasn’t until that very moment that I noticed just how much. We really could have been twin sisters; no lie. We both had perfectly round faces, bold brown eyes; the same color as brown M&M’s; and we had full lips.

  Our skin was exact shade of dark brown, smooth and rich; like chocolate cake icing. Charlotte and I were also the same height and only about a twenty pound difference in size; although our bodies were formed and shaped the exact same way; the exact curves and everything.

  I just had a little more cushion for the pushing; if you know what I mean. But a hamburger or two more and Charlotte would officially be a member of the Big Girls Club. I had earned my membership a long time ago.

  And from the looks of it; I was more than sure that I had earned my membership for life.
/>   Now, mind you, I use the term big loosely. Big girl didn’t always mean a big girl. I wasn’t big and round. I just wasn't a stick figure. This body of mine had some speed bumps, road blocks and some hills to climb baby! Every bone in my body slept comfortably on a pillow of fat and or meat. Yes, I was considered plus but proportioned was a better choice of a word concerning me. I had hips and thighs for days, a full DD cup of breasts, a smaller than usual stomach, and a pair of jeans full of ass…well at the moment, a dress full.

  “Ski?”

  “Yes, Charlotte?” I answered almost too fast. Lost in my thoughts, she had startled me. I was actually shocked to hear her speak.

  “I had an abortion yesterday,” she whispered; which I was glad that she did. Mama had the ears of a dog. I swear that woman could hear through walls. And I was almost positive that she was within range to “ear hustle”. Apparently, Charlotte thought the same thing. She sighed just before a single tear fell from her eye and rolled ashamedly down her left cheek.

  An abortion…What!?!

  Charlotte was pregnant? Why hadn't she told me?

  Oh how I wanted to scream!

  Words couldn't begin to describe how bad I felt for her. Damn it Ski, what were you thinking?

  If only I had said something then maybe they could have worked it out. And if not, maybe they would have parted ways months ago… before she would’ve gotten pregnant.

  I couldn’t believe that Charlotte had gone to have an abortion; and she had gone to do it all alone.

  Despite our religious beliefs, no woman should have to go through something like that alone. Better yet, no woman should ever have to get rid of her baby. I mean unless---

  “I wanted Zack to be the first to know. I was going to tell him on our honeymoon. It was going to be a surprise. But after he decided not to go through with the whole marriage thing, I decided that I was still going to tell him and we would decide what to do from there. But every time I went by his house, even when I had gone to get my things…he was never there. I tried calling him a couple of times every day but he never returned my calls. Not even once. So, I didn't have any other choice,” Charlotte concluded.