by Ancelli
“Lanie, I wouldn’t keep our daughter from you.”
She couldn’t believe those words, after what she’d done. “Why are you being so nice? I abandoned her.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I hurt you. You didn’t ask to be put in that situation. I forced myself on you and every day I have to live with what I did to you. I’m so sorry, Lanie.” He took her hand in his.
“We were kids, and you were so drunk. It’s no excuse, but I forgave you so long ago.” She caressed his cheek, seeing the emotion in his eyes.
“You don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”
“Do you forgive me?” she asked, her eyes getting heavy with sleep.
“I have nothing to forgive you for. You did what you thought was best for her. You were a kid yourself. You didn’t leave her because you didn’t love her. Thank you for giving her life and not taking it.”
Tears started rolling down her cheeks. “I had no choice….” She wiped her eyes with the sheet. “I had no one, no money, no place to go. I was so afraid and lonely. I knew your family would love and protect her.”
Jeremy just stared at her as she dozed back to sleep.
***
When she’d asked him, “Where is she? I want to see her,” he’d thought Malanie was referring to the baby girl she was carrying.
The doctor said they’d tried everything to save her baby, but it was too late. He saw the little girl before they took her away. She was so tiny, but complete.
He watched Malanie as she slept. Her right eye and top lip were swollen. She also had bruises on her arms. What kind of a man would want to hurt a woman as precious as Lanie, and his own unborn baby?
“You’re still here,” she said, trying to smile. “Why?”
Jeremy just stared at her, wanting to tell her the truth. It’s because I never stopped loving you. “Because I still care about you.” He took her hand. “Lanie, I called the cops. They’ll be here to question you. The doctors reported it, too. Who is he?”
“The cops.” She chuckled. “They didn’t do anything all the other times.”
“He hit you before?” He asked, balling up his fist, feeling protective.
She turned her head. “Yes…” she whispered, embarrassed. “He was my boyfriend.”
“Was?”
“I…told him it was over months ago. I was tired of the way he treated me. The baby and I needed and deserved more.” She turned her head to stare at him. “He followed me to the restaurant and waited until my friends left.” She exhaled. “He said who the hell did I think I was, leaving him and taking his baby. I ignored him and started walking to my car, and that’s when he grabbed me and hit me. It’s never been this bad.”
“I know probably shouldn’t be asking this, but why would you let any man put his hands on you?” He clenched his jaw. I hope what I did to you isn’t why you let that bastard abuse you, he thought, getting angry at himself.
“I always said I would never let another man take advantage of me. “ She looked away from him. “When he hit me the first time, he apologized, saying he lost it, that it was my fault for making him mad. I accepted it, but then it happened again and every time I tried to leave, he begged. I was finally done and he knew it.” She balled up her hands, grabbing the sheets. “I’m a strong woman! I had to remind myself of that. I could do anything, and that’s what I did. I stood up for myself.”
“Lanie, no man has the right hit you, no matter what.”
“I was one of those women that always said I would never let a man abuse me, but once I was in that type of relationship, I didn’t know how to get out. To everyone on the outside I’m a strong, independent woman, but behind closed doors, I suffered in silence in so many ways. If it wasn’t for you, he would’ve probably killed me.” She turned, staring at him. “God gave me a second chance at being a mom.” She started rubbing her stomach. That was the moment she noticed her stomach was much smaller. Looking down, she asked. “Where’s my baby?”
“Lanie…I’m so sorry.” He got up and sat on her bed. “They tried everything to save your baby.” He grabbed her and held on tight.
“No, no, not my baby….” She started crying uncontrollably. “Jeremy…please…tell me you’re lying…. Please….”
“Lanie, I’m so sorry—”
“No…no!”
“You’re not alone,” he said, rubbing her back. “I’m here for you.”
She became hysterical, turning pale. “No! No! I want to see my baby.” She tried getting out of bed, but he held her back. “You’re lying to me…is this pay back?” she yelled. “Why?”
“I would never hurt you like that.”
She pushed him away. “Get out! I want to see my baby,” she cried, holding her stomach. “I want to see my baby now!” He could tell she was pain. “I want to see my baby….”
The nurse came in, running. “What’s wrong?”
“I had to tell her.” He backed away. “I had to tell her,” he whispered.
“Is it true?” she asked the nurse, holding on to her wrist.
“Ms. Johnson, the doctors tried everything to save your baby, but it was too late. I’m sorry.”
“Ma’am, she’s in pain,” Jeremy told the nurse. Her face was getting paler, and sweating.
She released her grip on the nurse and stared at Jeremy, crying.
“Sir, I’m going to give her some pain medication. It also works as a sedative to calm her down.” The nurse injected something in her IV. “This is going to help with the pain, and help you relax.” The nurse checked on her vitals and fussed a few more seconds before leaving the room.
“I promise I’ll be here for you. I’m not leaving your side until you’re okay.” He sat down, wiping her tears and taking her hand.
Her doctor came in. “Ms. Johnson, I’m William Conner.”
She just glared at him.
“We tried everything in our power to save your baby, but you had something called placental abruption, which left your baby without oxygen.”
She just stared at the doctor, not saying anything.
“What is that?” Jeremy asked the question he knew she wanted to know.
“It’s when the placenta peels away from the inner wall of the uterus before delivery, either partially or completely, leaving the baby without oxygen. In this case, your baby was without oxygen too long.”
“What caused this?”
The doctor walked over, touching her IV bag. “The specific cause of placental abruption is often unknown. But in my opinion, the possible cause could’ve been the trauma you received to your abdomen.” He turned to Malanie, “Ma’am, we reported this incident to the police.” He checked her chart, “Ma’am, I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Can I see my baby?” she whispered.
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll set it up.” The doctor wrote some notes in her chart.
Trauma. That fucking fool, Jeremy thought. If I would’ve gotten there sooner.
“I’ll be back later to check up on her.” He turned and left.
“God is punishing me,” she said, her eyes getting heavy. “I loved her. I never stopped loving her, Jeremy. I want to see her, please. Please…” she whispered before falling asleep.
He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and called his sister.
“Is she okay?” his sister asked.
“No, she lost her baby.” He cleared his throat.
“I’m so sorry to hear. I’ve been through it. She is going to need all the support she can get.”
“Carolyn, can you please bring Alanie?”
“Are you sure? Do you think this is the right time?” his sister asked with concern in her voice.
“No, I’m not sure, but I do know she needs her. Please.”
“I’ll bring her. Jeremy, are you okay?”
“This is not how I envisioned seeing her again, but now that I have, I can’t turn my back on her,” he said, getting choked up. “I’ll be here for her as long as she let
me, and even if she doesn’t.”
“And I’m here for you. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Chapter Six
“Daddy!” Alanie ran into his open arms. “How is she doing?”
He hugged her tight. “She’s okay.”
“And her baby?” she asked looking sad.
“Alanie, her baby went to heaven with Uncle Jack,” he whispered in her ear.
Her eyes got big. “Her baby died.”
His baby wasn’t a baby anymore. “Yes.”
Alanie backed away from his embrace and asked. “Can I please see her? I promise I’ll be nice.”
“She’s sleeping.”
“I won’t wake her.”
“Alanie, let me talk to Aunt Carolyn for a minute and I’ll take you in.”
Carolyn walked up and hugged him.
“Thank you, sis.” He hugged her back.
“How are you really doing?”
“I’m overwhelmed. I searched for her for years, and when I least expect it, I find her. I wanted her reunion with her daughter to be special, not in a freaking hospital room, but they need this.”
“You found her,” she held his face, “and now that’s all that matters. She’s here now and you two can have closure. You’ll have all your questions answered.”
He just listened to his sister.
“If you need me, call me.” She backed away to the elevator.
He took a deep breath and took Alanie’s hand in his. “Are you sure you’re ready to meet your mother?”
“Yes, Daddy.” She answered anxiously, straightening her dress.
They walked toward her room, and he pushed the door open, Alanie rushed to her mother’s bed and laid next to her. She snuggled into her mother’s arms.
***
Malanie’s memories woke her up. She remembered Jeremy carrying her into the hospital. She’d been in so much pain and the doctor kept telling her to push, and sadly, she remembered her baby not crying.
Malanie opened her eyes and looked over to her left to see Jeremy sleeping in the chair. He was still here, after all her accusations. She tried to move to the right but something was in her way, causing some pain in her ribs. When she looked down, she stared into the most beautiful set of eyes she’d ever seen. It was her baby girl. She was beautiful—no, perfect—with big, brown eyes, like hers. She was a mixture of both of them. Jeremy’s nose and dimples. Tears started running down Malanie’s swollen cheek.
“Hi, I’m Alanie,” she said, taking her small hands and wiping her mother’s tears.
“Alanie,” Malanie whispered.
“Yes.” She sat up. “I was named after you. You just drop the M.”
She didn’t know what to say or do. She didn’t know how much her daughter knew. Malanie just looked at her daughter, with so much love, but then guilt hit her hard. She’d abandoned this beautiful child. All the emotions hit her at once, until her daughter looked up.
“I love you,” Alanie said, hugging her. “Do you love me?”
“Oh God, baby, I’ve loved you from the day you were born. I’m so sorry,” she cried, holding her tight, not caring about the pain.
“I may be little, but I understand. You left me with Daddy because you loved me. Daddy loves you too,” Alanie said.
Malanie looked over at Jeremy. He was awake, staring at them. He’d never spoken ill of her to their daughter.
“Daddy gave me your pictures and told me stories. Ms. Malanie,” she focused on her daughter. “Please don’t leave again,” Alanie said with tears in her eyes.
She cupped her face. “Now that I have you, I will never leave you.” She kissed her cheeks. “I love you. Please forgive me.”
She held on to her mom, and whispered, “I forgive you.”
They held on to each other in silence, each releasing her pain.
Alanie pulled back. “I’m sorry about your baby. I prayed for her. Daddy said she is in heaven with my uncle, Jack. He’ll take good care of her.”
Malanie watched him as he got up and walked out. She would ask him later about his little brother.
“Now you have two little girls, one in heaven and one here.”
“Alanie, you’re so beautiful,” Malanie said, caressing her cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much. Not a day has gone by that I don’t think of you.”
“Why did you leave?”
“Because I wanted the best for you…I had nothing to give you and I knew your daddy would take care of you, and he has,” she said with tears still escaping her eyes.
“He is the best dad in the world.”
Malanie noticed that every time Alanie spoke about her dad, her eyes sparkled. “I can’t believe my dream has come true. I have you here with me. I love you so much.” She kept kissing her cheeks.
“I love you too.” Alanie talked to her about all the different places they’d lived in. “I lived in Germany with my grandma and grandpa, Spain….” She seamlessly began to talk about her friends—“Terry is my best friend. She talks a lot, but she’s nice”—and when she had to stay with her grandparents when her daddy got deployed overseas. “My grandma wanted me to stay with them,” she giggled. “Daddy said no.” She talked until she fell asleep.
“I prayed for this day…I love you….”
Malanie couldn’t believe after all this time she was finally reunited with her daughter. It was so bittersweet; she’d lost one daughter, but gained another.
***
Jeremy pushed Malanie’s room door open. “Hey.”
She looked up when he entered, running her fingers through Alanie’s curly hair. “Thank you for bringing her. You did a great job raising her.”
“She’s an awesome little girl. She made it easy.” He smiled, sitting down.
“What did you tell her about me?”
“I told her you loved her, but you wanted the best for her, and you couldn’t provide it at the time. I also told her I did something really bad to you and you had to leave. I never lied to her. She’s very smart for her age.”
“I see that.” She leaned up, kissing her daughter’s forehead. “What happened to Jacky?” He closed his eyes and looked away. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
He took a deep breath, getting emotional. “It’s been years since his death, and I still miss him.”
“You will always miss Jacky.” She smiled. “I remember you running after him when we wanted to be alone and he kept interrupting, but I also remember how gentle and playful you were with him.”
Listening to Malanie talk about the memories of his brother made him laugh.
“Jack turned out to be a wonderful young man. He joined the Army when he turned eighteen, making my dad proud because he followed in his footsteps, like I did, too. He got married to a girl he met in boot camp and they had a little girl.” He smiled, thinking of his niece Melissa. “He was killed by a suicide bomber on his second tour to Iraq.”
“Jeremy, I’m so sorry.” She grabbed his hand.
“He died serving his country. He was proud of what he did, following in Dad’s steps. I guess we followed our family tradition.”
Tears escaped her eyes. “I loved him like a little brother.”
“He loved you, too. His prayer finally came true.”
“His prayer?”
“He always prayed for you to come back.” There was a moment of silence. “He lives through his daughter. She’s the spitting image of him.”
“I bet she’s beautiful.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“She is.”
“You joined the Army too?”
“I took the easier route. I joined the Navy.” He smiled. “My dad didn’t give me a choice. He said since I decided to be a father, I had to man up. He made me join the military.”
“I’m sorry.”
He squeezed her hand. “Don’t be. It was the best decision I ever made. I went to college and I’m an officer now. I love what I do, and it helped me become a bet
ter man and father.” He stared at her.
“I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me a thing. I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”
“Jeremy, look at me.”
He lifted his head and stared at her.
“I forgave you. You didn’t do it out of hatred. I should’ve told you that Carmen was the one who slept with that guy. He was pointing at her, not at me.”
“You knew what I assumed? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I heard them talking and I saw the expression on your face when he pointed toward me, but if you recall, I’d been talking to Carmen. I wasn’t going to tell you her business, and you never asked.”
“It doesn’t matter. What I did to you—”
She stopped him from talking. “It’s forgotten. I loved you, Jeremy.” She smiled. “I had already decided I was going to give you my precious gift, but you just rushed me before I could.” She looked down at Alanie. “I can’t regret what happened, because you wouldn’t have been blessed with her.”
“We were blessed with her.”
“Are you going to let me in her life?”
“Do you want to be?”
“I do. Oh Lord, I do. I know I have ten years to make up for, and it won’t be easy. She’s being kind to me because of the events.”
“Alanie has a forgiving soul. She will not hold anything we did in the past against us. I raised her to forgive.”
“I’ve searched for the two of you, but would always hit a dead end.”
“I searched for you too. I gave your mother my address when we moved.”
She looked at him, surprised. “You gave my mother your address?”
“Yes.”
“She never gave it to me. I came back home three months later, after entering a deep depression, but you were gone. My mom never said anything, never mentioned you. She kicked me out after a fight. I found out I was pregnant and I made her believe I moved to Canada with my dad, but I didn’t.” She looked away.
“Lanie, where did you go?”