“Hi there,” he welcomed, remaining on the ground.
My stomach fluttered at the sound of his voice. “Hi,” I beamed back. “What are you looking at?”
“Come, take a look,” he motioned me down with enthusiasm.
I joined him on the ground and watched a small colony of insects march across the rocks and disappear into the dirt. I leaned in closer to examine their exquisite markings. Vivid colors of red and blue split their round bodies. They had a faded yellow marking down the middle. They were about the size of a dime and wiggled as they moved.
“They’re so cute,” I whispered, trying not to disturb them.
“They’re called cloaker bugs. Hey, watch this,” he said with a glint of excitement in his eyes.
He rose and stomped a foot near the bugs. They instantly disappeared.
“Whoa, where’d they go?” I asked.
Orion appeared pleased by my surprise. “They can camouflage into their surroundings. When they’re startled and hold still, it looks as if they’ve disappeared.”
I squinted my eyes and leaned so close I was sure they could feel my breath. I could barely see the faint outlines of their bodies. “I guess that’s why they’re called cloaker bugs, huh?”
Ten more seconds of silence passed by, then their color returned and they continued their journey across the rocks. I stood up and faced Orion. He was roughly 6’2” with broad shoulders and a slender waist. I followed the entire length of his body with my eyes before meeting his stare. His eyes dazzled against the sun.
“You have pretty eyes,” he said softly, looking down at me.
I was stunned by his words and slightly abashed. I wasn’t used to getting compliments from men, Mitchell aside.
“Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you. My eyes are just plain brown,” I rebutted.
Orion stared intently in my eyes. “There is nothing plain about you Alexis, especially your eyes. A rich and lustrous chestnut color with swirls of brown textures like that of an ancient oak.” His words were as smooth as his voice.
“Wow, um, thank you,” I stuttered.
I looked away, embarrassed from the compliment but flattered. It only took a moment of my eyes not on his to feel a deep longing to gaze back into his stare. I glanced back into his hazel eyes and saw a momentary flash of light, a spark. My body raged with an intense yearning. This feeling was still immature and raw to me; it was hard to control. It took every shred of restraint not to kiss him. I had never wanted anyone so badly in my life. I bit my lip to resist the urge.
“I was just going for a hike. Do you want to join? Or we could do something else if you wish,” he asked, breaking the tension.
“A hike’s perfect,” I answered and let out a deep breath. How thoughtful that he was willing to change his plans for me if I desired.
We hiked through the forest and Orion pointed out the different plants, animals and insects that we encountered. He was well versed in the subject and eager to share his vast knowledge. His face lit up each time I asked a question. I enjoyed his refreshing enthusiasm.
After a long while, we came upon a pond in a small valley hidden among the tress. A family of ducks floated by, leaving minute ripples across the otherwise still water. The more time I spend there, the more impressed I became with this dream - this world.
“Wow,” I gasped.
I turned toward Orion and felt a quick pull… and then everything shifted to black. I blinked and focused my sight on the cedar ceiling above. I sat up and glanced around my bedroom, dimly lit by the early morning sun.
Chapter 3
It was a quiet Sunday afternoon. Mitchell was studying at home. I was at the community garden doing yard work. I dreaded tedious yard work, but Dad thought it would be good to add some volunteer work for my college resume. After he died, well, I guess I just kept doing it. I still didn’t enjoy it though and would rush through it as quickly as possible.
Today was different. I took my time and embraced the fresh air. I was also distracted with my recent dreams. I thought about them constantly. Was it possible that place was somehow real? What were the odds that I had three nights of a continuous dream? I bet stranger things with dreams have happened before though.
I had a dream once where I was shot in the head. I felt the pressure of the bullet pushing through my skull. For a brief moment after, I was encompassed in darkness, waiting for death to come. I could hear voices of panicked onlookers as they hovered over me in shock. I knew I was dying and felt the tug of my soul being pulled away. It unzipped from my body and floated above it. I looked back down as the image drifted smaller and smaller. Then suddenly, I woke up in a panic. The next night started with the same dream, but this time I knew I was dreaming and tried to change the outcome. Of course it didn’t work and I died again. I even had the dream again a third night.
Not exactly the same as what I was experiencing, but it proved the mind has a powerful imagination when you’re asleep. So, maybe they were just dreams after all… but… they still felt very different. Usually in my dreams everything was unfocused and fuzzy; certain details didn’t make sense. Once awake, I always knew I had been dreaming. The new dreams felt immensely different. All of my senses were heightened; the imagery was crisp and every fiber of my consciousness was crying out that it was real. When I awoke, my mind felt heavy and cloudy, like I was now in a dream… not the other way around.
As I was deep in thought, my cell phone rang and pulled me back to reality.
“Hello?”
“Are you the daughter of Martha Hartwell?” asked an unfamiliar voice.
Oh no. Only bad news comes from these types of calls.
“Yes, what’s wrong?” I rushed.
“Your mother’s been taken to Mercy Hospital for chest pains. She’s stable and we’re running tests on her right now.”
“Thank you, I’ll be right over.” I hung up the phone and quickly sped to the hospital, leaving a message with Mitchell on the way. When I entered the emergency room, Jeremy was already there with Anna in tow.
Great…
Anna was sitting in the waiting area, bent-over and fumbling through an oversized handbag. Her dirty-blonde hair spilled out of a clip and hung in front of her face. I turned my head to avoid staring down her low-cut fuchsia shirt. It wasn’t much better than her jean shorts that were far too small for her chubby figure. Jeremy stood near her, talking with his back facing me. I could have recognized his dark buzzed-cut hair anywhere.
“What’s going on with Mom?” I asked impatiently, as I hurried over toward him.
Anna glared at me with her typical impertinent stare but didn’t respond.
Jeremy turned and yawned casually. “We were just talking and she sorta slumped over. I asked what’s wrong… she said her chest was hurting.”
“You were with her?” I snapped.
I guess I knew the answer, apparently.
“Well, yeah. Who do you think called 911, Alexis?” he snorted and looked back at Anna, who grinned and rolled her bloodshot eyes.
I shot her a nasty glare and she looked back down at her purse, in defeat. Even at a time like this, they were insensitive. Anger crept up and I tried to push it back down.
Just try to focus on getting answers.
“Have they come out to talk to you yet? Have they told you anything? Have you asked how she was doing?” I interrogated as I moved closer to him, now inches from his face.
“No, Alexis. I just decided to sit here doing nothing,” he snarled back with his hands squeezed into fists.
He stiffened his posture, probably for intimidation, but with his small stature it didn’t carry a threatening effect. When I didn’t flinch, he turned away, taking a few steps to calm down. His hands relaxed slightly and he sighed.
“Yes, I asked but they don’t know nothing yet,” he murmured through clenched teeth.
“Why didn’t you call me?” I lectured, turning back toward him.
“I was goin
g to, but I thought calling 9-1-1 was probably the priority,” he spat sarcastically, locking onto me with his deep-set dark brown eyes. “Besides, the ambulance chick said she would call you. Don’t attack me please.”
He looked around nervously and paced. Anna played with her phone, pretending not to hear us. I took a deep breath to calm down and looked around for the check-in desk. The emergency room was fairly empty, compared to most in this city. The woman at the counter was only several feet away and glanced in my direction, probably anticipating my approach based on the lack of adequate responses from my brother. I accepted her invitation and hurried over.
“What’s the patient’s name, dear?” she asked as I approached.
“Martha Hartwell,” I rushed.
She typed quickly on the computer. “Let me go check on her for you,” she replied and disappeared around the corner.
Waiting impatiently and full of trepidation, I glanced back at Jeremy and Anna who were slumped in the waiting room chairs talking quietly about who knows what. Fighting back tears, I tried to tell myself not to worry; everything would be okay. But the truth was that everything was already a mess. Before Dad died, Mom and I would talk every evening and she listened intently at the trivial dramas of my day. She was always supportive and never complained.
After Dad died, I would sit with her quietly as she broke down day after day. After a while, the crying stopped and was replaced with silence from both of us. I felt stupid for complaining about the insignificant details of my day when I knew she was hurting inside. Before I knew it, we didn’t really have much to say to each other. She was still my best friend, but I missed her every day.
Several minutes passed, but before I could worry that the nurse wasn’t back, Mitchell came through the door and rushed over. We met at the counter and he wrapped his arms around me.
“How is she?” he asked, still holding on.
“I don’t know anything yet. The nurse went to check on her.”
Jeremy and Anna walked over at the same time the nurse came around the corner.
“She’s fine, but will probably stay overnight for precautions. You can go see her if you want. Go through those doors and down the hall. She’s in room 107,” she said, pointing toward the double doors on our right.
“Thank you,” I nearly cried with relief and dashed toward the door.
I was the first to enter her room. She was sitting in bed, staring silently out of the window. She resembled a zombie; her sunken face stared out toward nothing with a blank expression and unfocused caramel eyes. I ran to her bedside and hugged her tightly.
“Mom, thank God you’re okay,” I cried.
She put her arm around me. “Oh honey, of course I’m okay. You shouldn’t worry about me,” she answered casually and softly patted my back.
Even at this age, that comforted me.
Mitchell, Jeremy and Anna were huddled around her bed. Mitchell stood next to me and placed his hand gently on Mom’s. Jeremy stood on the other side of her, while Anna was near her feet staring at me. I looked away and released Mom.
“How are you feeling?” Mitchell asked her.
“I’m fine. They say it was probably just a panic attack. I’m not sure what happened - I was talking with Jeremy, then I was lightheaded and nauseas…” she said, as her voice started to train off.
She pulled her hand free and touched her face, turning toward the window. “My face felt hot, burning hot.” She rubbed her hands together and wrapped her arms around herself. “Everything went blurry. I must have been hallucinating… I saw strange things that I can’t explain,” she muttered, shaking her head. “My chest tightened and I fell to the ground. That’s all I can remember until the ambulance came.”
“What did you see?” I asked.
She shot a glance at me and it looked like fear in her eyes. She looked back to the bed and mumbled, “I don’t remember.”
“Yep, a panic-attack all right. I used to have them all the time in juvi,” Anna affirmed, while picking at her fingernails.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, hoping that she saw it. I glared at Jeremy who wasn’t paying attention and appeared uninterested in the conversation.
“I’m sorry Mom. I’ll stay with you tomorrow night,” I directed.
“That’s really not necessary Alexis, I told you I’m fine,” she reassured.
I sighed again - Mom was more stubborn than me.
After confirmation from the doctor that Mom was not in any immediate danger, I kissed her goodbye and waited on the bench outside the hospital while Mitchell finished talking to Jeremy and Anna near the entrance. My growling stomach reminded me that I missed lunch. I wrapped my arms around my waist to calm the hunger.
The three of them glanced over; I knew they must have been talking about me. They soon dispersed and Mitchell joined me on the bench as Jeremy and Anna left without saying goodbye. Whatever.
“I think I should move back in with her,” I announced before he could sit completely down.
“Uh, I think we should weigh all the options before we jump into something like that,” Mitchell stammered.
I snapped my head around at his answer. “That’s my mother and she needs me right now! How can you just sit there and tell me what to do?” I accused.
“Whoa now Alexis, I’m just saying that we don’t have to make this decision tonight. Let’s wait until you’re not so… emotional,” he responded.
Emotional?!
My face grew hot with anger. I needed to get away. I jumped up and stormed toward the parking lot.
“Alexis! Where are you going?” he called with annoyance.
I didn’t respond nor turn around. I continued to march away. Once I reached my car, I shot a quick glance back but did not see Mitchell behind me. I climbed inside and rested my head on the steering wheel; beads of tears rolled down my cheeks. The pain of losing Dad was still a fresh wound. Maybe it always would be. I couldn’t imagine losing Mom too. The thought of her all alone in that house, depressed and not eating, was hard to bear. Now she was having panic attacks? I wanted to take away her pain. I felt helpless.
After a few minutes, I started the engine and went for a drive to clear my head. It didn’t take long once I left the borders of the city for the scene to transform to foothills. I drove aimlessly along the freeway until I noticed something that sparked a tinge of comfort. The surrounding trees had changed from oak to pine. The passing sign indicated I was entering Colfax.
Without thinking, I turned off the first freeway exit I found and followed the windy road into the woods. I pulled off the shoulder and turned off the car. Excitement tickled my chest as I stared into the forest. I climbed out of the car and began to hike. I trudged through the woods until all evidence of civilization ceased. I walked until I was out of breath, which wasn’t very long. The ground was covered in dead needles and dry brush, compliments of the summer sun. I glanced upward to study the pine tree above. They were pretty… but stale compared to the image I was hoping to see.
I sucked in a deep breath and tasted the air… clean. Nothing more.
I closed my eyes and felt… alone.
I opened my eyes again. I wasn’t sure what I expected exactly. To feel the connection I felt in my dreams? Feel the life force flowing inside of me? Feel like I belonged? Or maybe a small part of me was hoping I would see him again…. My head told me I was being stupid, but I still felt disappointed.
The blue-gray sky reminded me that the day was coming to an end and I should probably head home before Mitchell worried. Disheartened, I trudged back to the car.
When I returned home, I rushed into the bedroom. I kept my gaze straight ahead, avoiding eye contact from Mitchell. I had a tiring day and was not in the mood to continue our argument where we left off. I striped off most of my clothes and crawled into bed early. Exhaustion and hunger were taking a toll and it didn’t take long until I felt my consciousness slowly slipping away. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft rhythmic s
ound of my breathing.
In less than five minutes, the sound changed to that of the rhythmic waves crashing against the shore. I opened my eyes to an ocean stretched out across the horizon. The shore was outlined with majestic snow-peeked mountains. I was standing erect with my feet planted in the wet sand. A warm breeze tickled my face and blew fresh salty air against my lips. A wave rolled over my bare feet, caressing my calves for a moment before pulling back with a tug. I took a few steps deeper into the water and waited for another wave, just as I spotted Orion farther down the beach.
I blinked several times. This couldn’t be real. I couldn’t be caught in this dream again. But as I watched him from afar, I forgot that I was dreaming. Excitement bubbled up. I tried to brush it off. I kicked the water a few times, telling myself I was acting like a foolish schoolgirl with a crush. When enough seconds had passed by to satisfy my self-control, I started down the beach to join him. My heart raced faster the closer I got.
I was halfway there and then something grabbed a hold of my arm. I felt a quick yank, then darkness…
“Alexis? Are you asleep?” he whispered.
I cracked my eyes open to Mitchell, kneeling on the edge of the bed.
“Huh?” was all I managed to say, still confused.
“Honey, I just want to say I’m sorry. Of course you can move back in with your mother. That’s not what I was trying to say. I just wanted to discuss all of our options to see what is best for her. But I will support whatever choice you make, okay? Let’s not fight, please,” Mitchell pleaded.
His tone was sincere. I reached up and pulled him down next to me, and embraced him in a hug. “Thank you,” I whispered back.
I knew I overreacted and was grateful that he was willing to be the one to apologize. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. He slid his hand down my back and gently grazed my butt. I kissed him back and ran my hands over his shoulders. I caressed the modest muscles of his chest, thinking about how different they were from Orion’s. I pictured Orion’s robust chest, bare and dripping with sweat as he swung the ax with intense force. I wondered how different Orion’s naked body would feel pressed against mine. Taking advantage of Mitchell’s advance and the image of Orion, I rolled on top of him and stripped off the remainder of my clothes. Mitchell moaned as I fulfilled my fantasies of Orion with him.
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