My parents were going to be so disappointed when I came home tomorrow without a ring on my finger. Yet, Jasper had promised that their disappointment would be short–lived, that they’d be happy soon. What did that mean? Did he know of someone who might be able to give me the love I so desperately craved?
Did I want anyone if it wasn’t Adam?
Was it Adam?
No, that couldn’t be. That didn’t make sense. Adam had told me as much when he brought me here and proposed this marriage. He didn’t want me. He wanted me to marry the duke.
He’d be disappointed as well. Really, I’d be disappointing everyone except myself. At least Hattie and Lillian and Stella would be just as disappointed.
Tomorrow would be a difficult day.
Chapter Nine
Though I was torn and stressed, I managed to sleep that night. Somehow I was comforted by Jasper’s promises, though he hadn’t been able to elaborate on how he planned to keep them. I fell asleep about an hour after I got back to my room, and slept until I was woken by a knock on my door.
I opened my eyes and looked up at the canopy before finding the energy to pull myself from the bed. Rubbing my eyes and yawning, I crossed the room and opened the door. Daisy stood there, shaking like a scolded puppy, holding a tray in her hands.
“Good morning, miss,” she said.
I yawned again. “Good morning, Daisy.”
“Here’s your breakfast.” I stepped aside to let her into the room, and once again, she set the tray on the table at the foot of my bed.
“Please let me know if you need anything else,” she said, bowing her head. Her hands continued to tremble.
“You all right, Daisy?” I asked.
“Long morning, miss,” she said. “Um, you aren’t going to like this next bit.”
I sat down in the chair and picked up the tea cup from the tray. “Oh?”
“Um, you’re going to need to pack your bags, miss. The duke is sending everyone home.”
Oddly, relief washed over me. This was my confirmation that the duke had chosen someone else. I set the tea cup down and jumped from my chair. Daisy cringed as I rushed toward her, as if she expected me to hit her. Instead, I wrapped her in a hug.
“Thank you so much, Daisy.”
Daisy froze in my arms. “Uh, you’re welcome, miss.”
I pulled away, my hands on her shoulders, looking at her. Her eyes had grown wide as she tried to process what on earth I was doing. “Who else have you had to tell?”
She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I’m not at liberty to say, miss.”
“Oh, please?”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
I sighed as I sat back down. “Oh, all right, I suppose. Not even one?”
“I can’t,” she said. “I imagine you’ll find out soon enough.”
I leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms. “Aw, all right.”
She smiled. “I’m glad you’re taking this well, miss.”
I shrugged. “What else can I do?” I asked.
“Others have cried. Screamed. Thrown things at me.”
That explained why she had been shaking, and also supported what the duke had told me last night. The only people who would have thrown things at Daisy were Hattie and Stella and Lillian, which meant Daisy’d had to deliver the bad news to them. Poor girl. That must have been traumatic.
“Am I the last one?” I asked her.
“Almost,” she said. “I’ve got one more person to deliver the bad news to, and then I’m bringing breakfast to the woman he’s going to ask.”
“And you still won’t tell me who it is?”
She hesitated. “I want to, miss, but I can’t.”
I took a bite of breakfast. “It was worth a try. I’ll let you get back to your duties.”
She bowed her head. “Thank you, miss.”
Daisy left the room, shutting the door behind her. I sat on the chair for a few seconds before a grin spread across my face. Jasper had kept his promise. I was not going to be roped into an unwanted marriage with him. I could now go back to my normal, usual life.
My heart was light as I ate my breakfast. I was free from the bindings of engagement and matrimony. I couldn’t stop smiling.
There was still going to be trouble ahead, and that wasn’t going to be fun to deal with. After I left Wolf’s Peak, I’d have to go home to my parents and explain to them that I had failed, that the duke hadn’t chosen me. Their only daughter wasn’t going to be a duchess. I wasn’t going to bring them business or money.
They weren’t going to be able to use me. No one was going to be able to move me like a chess piece in their game. I was not going to be used to gain my father fame and business. I was not going to be used to bring Adam closer to the duke.
What was I going to do now? Whatever it was, it was going to be for me, not for them. Of course, it was easy enough for me to say that now. Who knew what my mother would have planned for me when I returned home.
I couldn’t go back to my old life, the way things had been. I was privileged, surely, to spend my days painting or playing piano or needlepointing. After this weekend, after the talk with Jasper, it was hard to imagine going home and falling back into my old routine. I had a renewed sense of determination. For what, I wasn’t sure, but things were going to be changing in my life if I had anything to say about it.
I finished my breakfast, setting my dishes aside, and opened my wardrobe. I’d left one dress hanging there, a teal gown. I stripped off my nightgown and changed into the dress, twisting my arms to get the buttons done up. I stashed the nightclothes into my trunk and buttoned up my shoes.
I went to the mirror and ran a brush through my hair, letting the caramel waves fall over my shoulders. When I was younger, I’d worn my hair down all the time, but now it wasn’t seen as proper to wear it around my shoulders. Just like I did every day, I twisted my hair back from my face, securing it behind me with pins.
How could I learn to make my face up like Lillian or Hattie or Stella? They always looked so put together, with their rosy cheeks and dark lashes. It was never too much, always just a natural enhancement to their beauty. Their skin was porcelain and unblemished, unlike my freckled cheeks and shoulders. My eyes weren’t wide like an ingénue, they weren’t big and blue. They were a muddled shade of green behind light brown lashes, and unfortunate combination that meant that I had never caught the eye of a man.
I’d like to believe I could change that, be beautiful and alluring, be the woman all the men wanted, but looking in the mirror convinced me otherwise. There was so much work I had to do to make myself appealing. Perhaps my mother could help me. I’m sure she would be honored if I asked.
There was another knock on the door, and I crossed back toward it. I opened it to see Adam standing there once again. His mouth was in a tight line and his eyes emanated disappointment.
My chest tightened. I knew that disappointment was with me, with my failure to seduce the duke and earn the ring that would provide me with a marriage and security for the rest of my life. He had done his part. The rest had been on me, and I had failed him.
“Hello, Hazel,” he said.
I swallowed. “Adam.”
“Has anyone given you an update?”
“Daisy told me that I hadn’t been chosen, and that I was being sent home.”
He paused. “You seem fine with that.”
I couldn’t tell him that I was fine because I had never really wanted to marry the duke at all. He’d be offended, he might even think that I had purposely failed. Was that better than thinking I hadn’t been chosen? Either way, I couldn’t let him down.
“Jasper told me last night,” I finally said.
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. Clearly, Jasper hadn’t informed him about our conversation. “He told you?”
“Yes.”
“You talked last night?”
“We did.”
“About what?”
“I’m not really sure, to be honest,” I said with a laugh. “He was quite cryptic. But he did give me a prior notice that he had already made a choice, and it wasn’t me.”
Adam gazed at me. “I see,” he said, although his expression implied that he didn’t.
“Are you all right?”
“Concerned,” he admitted.
I laughed awkwardly. “About what?”
“About you two…conspiring together.”
“Conspiring? About what?”
“I don’t know. You won’t tell me.”
“Adam, there’s nothing to tell,” I explained.
“If Jasper had a conversation with you, that’s not nothing.”
I rolled my eyes. “Is everything all right, Adam? You’re being a bit paranoid.”
“I’m concerned,” he repeated. “I’m worried you were talking about me.”
“That’s a bit cocky. Why would you assume we were talking about you?”
His face flushed. “Well, I mean, I’m the one who brought you here.”
“Yes, but that’s really where your association with me ends, doesn’t it?” I raised an eyebrow, daring him to disagree.
He pinched his mouth into a hard line. “I suppose so.”
“So I don’t know why you’re concerned.” Of course, Jasper had dropped Adam’s name constantly during our conversation last night, but I wasn’t going to tell Adam that. Besides, Jasper hadn’t been clear what he was planning to do, and so telling Adam that he had been a topic of conversation would only serve to confuse and worry him. I wanted to make him jealous, be a bit passive–aggressive, not scare him.
“Are you ready to go?” he asked, changing the subject.
“Are you taking me?”
“Yes. Jasper wanted all of us to escort our choices home.”
“Great,” I said, plastering on a smile. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck in the carriage with an angry, offended Adam, but there was no way I would tell him that. I’d pretend to be happy until I was safely in the sanctuary of my bedroom. “I’ll just be a few minutes.”
Adam sat in the chair by the window while I gathered the last of my things from the bathroom and around the bedroom. When everything was in the trunk and I had locked it securely, I turned to Adam. “Now I’m ready.”
“Great,” he said, his voice terse. “I’ll send Potter up to collect your luggage.”
He stood up from his chair and opened the bedroom door, motioning for me to follow after him. I stepped out of the bedroom and into the hallway, now illuminated with light from the windows and candles on the walls. The corridor was empty, but as our feet hit the floor I could hear a commotion upstairs.
First, there was a crash, followed by shrieking. I recognized the voice as Hattie’s.
“No! You can’t do this to me! Don’t you know who I am?”
I heard another crash followed by a slamming door. “This is an outrage! My father will hear about this!”
Mr. Potter’s voice tried to soothe her, but we were too far away to hear his exact words.
“He was supposed to pick me!” Hattie said in response to Potter’s words.
“Shut it! You know he was supposed to pick me!” Lillian cried out.
Adam took my arm and steered me out the door. “Perhaps you should wait in the carriage.”
I smirked. “Must I? I’m curious about this meltdown.”
We heard another scream from upstairs and Adam’s eyes grew wide. “No, I think we’re going to wait outside.” He tugged on my elbow, and I took one more glance back, but couldn’t see the commotion from where I was standing. With a resigned sigh, I followed Adam out of the house and into the waiting carriage.
We sat on the plush seats, and I watched the scene play out through the window. After several moments, Mr. Potter carried Hattie out. She continued to kick and scream as she was loaded into Lord Udolf’s carriage. She didn’t stop once she was inside; as they drove away, I could hear her pounding on the window.
“What on earth?” I muttered.
After seeing the perseverance that Mr. Potter had shown with Hattie, Lillian came out with fewer protestations. She crossed her arms and she stomped, but she didn’t need to be lifted off her feet by Mr. Potter or carried into the carriage. Instead she pouted and sulked but went quietly.
Adam hadn’t said a word since we’d left the house, and so I turned to face him. “So, who did the duke pick?” I asked.
He didn’t look at me. “I’m not at liberty to say,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. “You sound just like the duke.”
“So, you do remember some of your conversation!”
“I never said I didn’t remember it,” I corrected him. “I just said that much of it didn’t make sense.”
“Like what? What did he say?”
“I’m not really sure. It was all a bit confusing.”
He turned to angle himself toward me. “Please, tell me.”
“Adam, like I said, he was very vague. Nothing made sense to me.”
“Did he mention me at all?”
To lie, or not to lie?
“Your name came up,” I said, “but only because you brought me here, I think.”
“Is that really all?”
I paused. “He seemed to imply that you might be hiding something. He didn’t tell me what he thought it was.”
Adam ran his hands through his hair. “He thinks I’m hiding something?”
“As I said, he didn’t elaborate much.”
“But—”
There was a knock outside the window, and Mr. Potter waved at us. With the break in conversation, I realized how close together we had drawn, our hands and knees just inches apart. I cleared my throat and scooted backward as Mr. Potter loaded my trunk. When he was finished, he motioned to the driver, and the horses began their trot toward my home.
I had so many things I wanted to say to Adam, but I couldn’t get any of the words to leave my mouth. Instead, awkwardness hung between us, choking me and making me sick. I twisted my hands in my lap.
Adam spoke first. “Are you ready to go home?” he asked.
“I suppose.”
“You don’t sound very excited.”
“Should I be?”
“This is over now. I know you weren’t excited about it.”
“I never said that.”
“No, but it was obvious.”
I squared my jaw. “I tried,” I said.
“Did you, though?”
My nails dug into my hands. “And what would you have had me done differently?”
“I don’t know, try harder, for God’s sake!”
“Try harder?” My voice had risen to match his, and we were practically shouting. “What else should I have done, pray tell me?”
“You had a whole, private conversation with the duke yesterday! You could have flirted or charmed him or something!”
“I’m not flirtatious! I’m not charming! You know that!”
“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?”
The words tumbled out of my mouth. “I don’t know why on earth you chose me to see the duke. I’m not the sort of girl men like. I thought perhaps I had found one who thought me attractive, but then he disappeared for eight months!”
My tirade finished, I looked him straight in the eye, my heart racing, my chest rising and falling with each breath of anger.
Adam was breathing hard as well, but as I spoke my last words, his face softened. “Hazel,” he murmured. Our faces were only inches apart; I could reach out, pull him to me, place my lips on his, and return to the place of bliss we’d visited that night in the woods.
The carriage came to a stop. We had arrived at my home, and I would have to face my family and explain to them why I hadn’t been chosen.
The driver opened the door. Adam began to move to get up, but I turned away.
“Goodbye, Adam,” I said, climbing down from the carriage and leaving him behind.
I stepped out of the carriage, looking at my home in front of me. A beautiful house, the sort that a wealthy businessman might own, with a wide front porch and turrets, a gingerbread house in a sea of rich green grass. A house that made me sick to my stomach. I’d have to go into that house, to greet my parents, to explain to them that their daughter wasn’t going to be a duchess.
I straightened my back, tucked a few errant strands of my hair behind my ear, and started down the brick path toward my house. My fingers fiddled with my gloves, and I took deep breaths. Adam called after me, but I didn’t listen. I soldiered on, each step bringing me closer to the house, sinking the dread in my stomach a little bit lower.
If I thought there was any way to escape to my bedroom, I’d have taken it without a second thought, but our butler had already left the house to collect my luggage, and my parents would know I was home. They’d probably be waiting for me in the house, excited and expecting news from me. I’d have nothing good to give them.
I paused at the white front door, hand on the gilded doorknob. I took a deep breath before turning the knob and pushing the door open. I stepped inside with a deep breath.
“Hey, sis,” said Harry, pushing past me so he could jaunt down the porch steps and across the yard, where Adam was standing outside the carriage. For the first time, I looked back. His gaze shifted from me to Harry, and he put his hands up in a greeting. When Harry made it over, he leaned against the carriage and the two began to talk, glancing at me periodically.
At least Adam would be delivering the news to Harry, and not me. I wasn’t going to have the same sort of luxury with my parents. I stepped into the entryway, brushing my feet off on the rug.
My mother had been waiting at the top of the stairs, and when I entered she rushed down. “Oh, darling, I didn’t expect you back so early,” she said. “How did everything go?”
She glanced at my hand, and didn’t bother to hide the frown that appeared when she noticed I wasn’t wearing an engagement ring. I swallowed. The disappointment radiated from her face.
“Has he chosen a bride?” she asked me.
The Wolf's Choice (The Wolf's Peak Saga Book 4) Page 8