by Maya Banks
“What are you going to do?”
Nathan leaned back and pulled the sleeping bag around him as he settled down once more. “I don’t know. What can I do? I know nothing about her. Just her name, and she begged me not to tell anyone about her. If I tell what I know, I could endanger her. I don’t know enough to find her.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“You don’t think I’m batshit crazy?”
“Nah. In a weird way it makes total sense. I have no idea how it’s possible. Maybe we’re both crazy. But I know what I felt. I know that whatever she did, she saved us both. Instead of spending time worrying that I lost my marbles, I’m just going to be damned grateful she did what she did.”
Nathan chuckled. “You certainly have a way with words, Swanny. The hell of it is you make complete sense.”
“I do that every once in a while.”
Nathan laughed again, and some of the tension seeped from his bones, leaving him exhausted and barely able to remain awake.
He relaxed and closed his eyes, but he was haunted by the music of her voice and memory of her warmth and gentle touch.
I’ll find you, Shea. Somehow, someway, we’re going to meet again. Even if it’s just in my mind.
CHAPTER 12
THE tie was choking him and it already hung loose around his collar. He hadn’t been inside the high school gymnasium more than five minutes when his skin started to itch and his airway was constricted.
Outside, a gentle rain fell, preventing the commencement ceremonies from being held in the stadium. So Nathan was trapped inside a stifling hot gym with several hundred other people.
His mom tugged him toward the seats that Sam and Sophie had saved for the family. It was actually an entire section where the Kellys had gathered along with “extended” family and friends.
Swanny was sitting this one out. That and the huge family celebration that would be held at Nathan’s parents’ house afterward. He still wasn’t comfortable being around so many people. The scar on his face drew a lot of stares, some much bolder than others.
On the way up the bleachers, Nathan was treated to several hugs, exclamations, slaps on the back and welcoming smiles. Hometown hero and all that shit. He felt like a huge fraud.
Getting captured by the enemy didn’t make him a goddamn hero.
He tugged at his tie some more until the knot rested well below the collar line and then he unbuttoned the top button. Feeling like he could breathe again, he took the seat next to his mom and smiled acknowledgments at the rest of the family. He didn’t miss their looks of surprise at his presence, since none of them had invited him. Only Rusty had. They’d assumed he wouldn’t come.
Joe was sitting toward the end, bouncing Charlotte on his knee. When he saw Nathan, he stood and handed the baby back to Sophie and maneuvered his way down to sit by Nathan.
“Hey, man. Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Rusty wanted me to come,” Nathan returned.
“We all did. I’m glad you came.”
Nathan nodded, not knowing what more to say.
“You look like shit, man.”
Nathan frowned and turned to look at his twin. Obviously Joe didn’t suffer the same affliction of not knowing what to say.
“When was the last time you slept? You were looking good when Swanny first got here. You were smiling and joking again. Now you look like you haven’t slept in a week and are about to freak out being closed in with all these people.”
Nathan shrugged. He couldn’t deny either assertion.
“What’s going on with you, Nathan? I keep waiting for you to snap out of it. I get that what happened was bad. But you’re not getting better. In fact, I swear you look worse now than you did three months ago.”
Though Joe sounded frustrated, his words were tinged with worry. A worry that Nathan saw reflected in his family’s eyes every time they looked his way.
“This isn’t the place,” Nathan said in a low voice.
“No, it’s not. But where is? I can’t talk to you. You’re always working on that damn house, and if I come out and try to talk to you, you just hammer those goddamn nails and ignore me or you answer in one or two words. You’ve shut me out just like you’ve shut the rest of the family out. I’m not just one of your brothers, Nathan. I’m your twin.”
Nathan’s jaw ticked and he turned to stare at his brother. “What do you want from me?”
Joe’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in closer. “I want you to start acting like a goddamn human being instead of a fucking corpse. You didn’t die but you’re determined to act like you did. I get that this fucked you up. I get it, okay? But it’s frustrating as hell to watch you slip further and further away. At least talk to me—someone—and let us know how to help.”
Nathan glanced down the bleachers to see the rest of his family discreetly and not so discreetly watching the interchange between him and Joe. Then he turned back to his brother.
“Look, man—”
He was interrupted by the request to rise for the Pledge of Allegiance and the National Anthem. As he rose, his mom slipped her hand in his and squeezed. Just a reminder that she loved him. God, he loved her too. He glanced at the rest of his family—his brothers—standing with their wives. Van next to Sophie, holding Charlotte, as the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner” faded. Seth, the sheriff’s deputy and honorary member of the Kelly family. Garrett next to his fiancée, Sarah, his expression content as she nestled against his side.
This was as ordinary as it got. Just another family gathering. The very thing he’d prayed so hard for when he’d been in captivity. Just another chance to see his family. Just be.
He smiled, and when the seniors made their entrance, his smile grew larger. He squeezed his mom’s hand back and then pulled his hand from her grasp and wrapped his arm around her.
“I love you, Ma,” he said close to her ear.
She turned and smiled. “I love you too, baby.”
The joy and relief in her eyes were crushing. He wasn’t the only one suffering. Logically he knew that. Had known it all along. But maybe he hadn’t known just how much his family had suffered since his return—and before—when they had no idea if he was alive or dead.
He would be better. He absolutely would work not to close himself off from his family as much. But first…First he had to make peace with the issue of Shea.
Frank Kelly had the huge barbeque pit out and the mouthwatering scent of hickory filtered through the air. In the sprawling backyard, shaded by oak trees, people laughed, talked and joked. The rain had long since stopped, and the sun had peeked from behind the clouds.
Rusty was enjoying being the center of attention—positively this time. It hadn’t always been the case in her young life. Nathan knew she’d worked hard to overcome the circumstances of her childhood. She’d found a home with a family who loved and accepted her.
He watched as she carted Charlotte around, accepting congratulations and hugs from the family as well as the number of family friends Marlene had summoned for the occasion.
Everyone looked happy. Content. Enjoying the day and celebrating a rite of passage for a girl on the brink of adulthood. It should be a fucking perfect day, but here he was, on the outside, worrying about Shea. An invisible, probably imaginary manifestation of his tortured mind.
Except those goddamn emails.
He shook his head. He couldn’t forget her. His life would be easier if he could. He could move on, work out his issues, enjoy being with his family, go to work with his brothers. Enjoy life and living.
But he couldn’t forget her or all she’d done for him. He owed her a debt he could never repay.
“Nathan. How’s it going?”
Nathan turned to see Donovan approaching, a beer in each hand. He held one out to Nathan as he came to a stop, and Nathan took it, but he didn’t open it right away.
“Good,” Nathan replied. “Nice day. Rusty’s enjoying herself.”
&n
bsp; Donovan took a swallow of his drink and then glanced sideways at his brother. “So let’s cut through the bullshit for a minute. I know everyone’s dancing around you, afraid to say shit for hurting your feelings or whatever.”
Nathan burst out laughing. “God, you sound so much like Garrett right now.”
Donovan sent him a disgruntled look. “There’s no need to get insulting.”
Nathan chuckled again. “Just spit it out, Van. I’m not going to come apart at the seams.”
“Well, thank God,” Donovan muttered. “When are you going to come to work with us? I’m recruiting a new team. I want you on it.”
Blunt as ever. Donovan didn’t much see the value in pussyfooting around a subject. He tended to have more tact than Garrett, who gave new meaning to the term bull in a china closet, but it didn’t mean he was any less forceful in getting his opinion across.
“Why isn’t Joe on the new team?” Nathan asked, avoiding the more direct question of when he’d agree to join KGI.
“He’s training with Rio, but I don’t have any intention of leaving him there. The last thing I want is to send my brother off to parts unknown with Rio and his cave dwellers the minute I finally get him home for good. Ma would have a kitten anyway, and I’d likely be ostracized from the family. Since I don’t have a wife to cook for me yet, staying in Ma’s good graces is kind of important.”
Nathan grinned. “You pussy.”
Donovan shrugged, took another drink and then turned his gaze back on Nathan. “So? What are your plans? I’ll understand if you don’t want to join KGI, but you can’t just not do anything for the rest of your life. You and Joe could take this third team, but I have to know you’re both ready for it.”
Nathan sighed and finally opened his beer just to have something to do. It was tasteless on his tongue, but he swallowed eagerly, stalling. For what? More time? In some ways he hadn’t had nearly enough. In other ways he’d had far too much.
“You know I planned to join KGI. We talked about it.”
Donovan nodded. “Yeah, we did. When you and Joe got out. But that was before. I don’t know much about what you’re thinking these days at all.”
“My plans haven’t changed. Just delayed a little.”
“Okay, that’s fair enough. Got a time frame on your delay?”
Nathan’s mouth quirked up. Right now Donovan sounded like a pushy, heartless son of a bitch. His brothers had probably argued over who got to come over for this little come-to-Jesus moment. Garrett would have wanted the task. Sam would have said hell no. For all Sam’s anal hard-assedness, he wouldn’t have wanted to push Nathan too hard. He took his responsibilities as the oldest Kelly brother way too seriously, and as a result, he tended to get a little carried away with the idea he had to take care of his younger siblings.
Donovan would have gotten disgusted with Sam’s and Garrett’s bickering and told them what morons they were right before coming over to do the dirty work himself.
“No time line. There’s just something I have to do before I can commit,” Nathan finally said.
Donovan’s brow went up. “Like what?”
Nathan lifted one shoulder. “Just something I need to take care of.”
“Anything I should know about?”
Code word for can I help.
“No. It’s personal. Something I have to put to rest before I can give a hundred percent of myself to KGI.”
“Fair enough. But don’t take too long, Nathan. We worry about you. I’m only going to be able to keep Sam and Garrett off your ass for so long.”
Nathan grinned. “I figured as much. You’re so self-sacrificing, man. You hit me right here.” He put his fist to his chest in a dramatic gesture.
Donovan flipped him off and then snatched the beer can out of Nathan’s hand. “If you’re going to be so goddamn rude, you can get your own beer.”
Nathan lunged for Donovan’s hand, but Donovan raised the beer over his head. Nathan laughed and reached up to grab Donovan’s wrist.
“You’re not tall enough to pull off that move, big brother.”
“Fuck you,” Donovan said rudely. “I may not be as tall as the rest of you Neanderthals but I can still take you down.”
With a challenge laid down like that, there was no way Nathan could let it go. The two brothers went down, laughing and cursing as each wrestled for advantage over the other.
While such activity might ordinarily get them into trouble with Mama Kelly, she looked relieved to see her sons conducting business as usual. Frank grinned from his position at the grill, and Rusty let out a whoop that could be heard across the yard.
Their brothers gathered around, grinning like fools, while Nathan and Donovan rolled in the grass like two ten-year-
olds.
Nathan flipped Donovan over his head and then rolled to his knees about the time Donovan caught him in a scissor lock. Nathan broke the hold and dove on top of Donovan, determined to pin him.
Donovan was smaller, but he was also a damn good fighter. Nathan didn’t really expect to get the better of him, but it sure felt good to let off some steam.
One of Donovan’s muscled arms snaked around Nathan’s neck, and Donovan twisted so he was atop Nathan, holding the head lock while Nathan wheezed for breath.
Suddenly Nathan was disoriented. His surroundings blurred and spun, but not as bad as they had several nights earlier. There was a vague sense of mugginess, heaviness dragging at his limbs, but his mind was sharper this time.
Nathan.
He went completely still, his brother atop him, holding his arm around his neck.
Nathan, are you there? Please, be there. I need you.
Nathan started struggling, and when Donovan resisted, Nathan started throwing punches, kicking, pulling, anything to get loose of Donovan’s hold.
He was dizzy, and fear and panic overwhelmed him. Her panic and fear.
I’m here, Shea! Don’t go. I’m here. Talk to me. Don’t leave.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Donovan burst out when Nathan almost connected with a right hook.
Ignoring his brother’s bewildered demand, Nathan slung off the concerned touch of another of his brothers and broke away, his only thought to get as far away from everyone as he could.
When Sam stepped in front of him, Nathan curled his fingers into Sam’s shirt and shoved him out of the way. Sam’s eyes widened at the sheer strength it took for Nathan to toss him aside like he was a child.
“Leave him alone,” Garrett barked when Ethan would have made a grab for Nathan. “Just back off.”
Nathan took only enough time to shoot Garrett a grateful look before he all but ran to his truck. Quiet. He needed quiet. He needed a place he could concentrate. It would take everything he had, but this was important. Shea needed him. She was frightened, and now he realized it was her disorientation he felt. Her dizziness. Something was horribly wrong.
Hang on, Shea. Just hang on.
As he spun out of the driveway, his gaze briefly connected with his family, all standing and staring, their faces drawn in deep concern. And hopelessness.
CHAPTER 13
SHEA. I’m here. Talk to me, baby.
Shea nearly sobbed her relief but she had to focus. She didn’t have much time, and telepathy took so much out of her. Energy she couldn’t spare.
She had to keep running. They would be after her. And she was weak. So very weak.
Nathan.
Yes, baby, I’m here. Talk to me now. Tell me what’s wrong.
His gentle words were infused with strength. But more than strength, confidence. His voice told her that he’d protect her. She’d be safe with him. She hadn’t been wrong to reach out to him, to trust him.
I need your help.
You have to know I’d do anything at all for you. Tell me how and I’ll come for you.
She splashed across a bubbling creek, her bare feet slipping on the muddy bank when she reached the other side. She put one hand down
to break her fall but then pushed herself upright again and plunged deeper into the forest.
I escaped. They found me. Drugged me. They want Grace. Had to pretend to be weaker and more drugged than I was. When they moved me, I escaped, but oh God, they’re coming after me. They won’t rest until they get me back. I need your help, Nathan. Please.
She felt the strength of his will like a bolt of caffeine. His mind sharpened. Anger and then determination coursed through his consciousness.
Listen to me, Shea. Slow down and think. Get your breath and focus for me. Your instinct is to run, kill yourself getting out. You’re probably making enough noise to wake the dead and you’re leaving signs all over the place. Tracking you will be child’s play. Even if you manage to elude them, they’ll find you eventually.
She came to an abrupt halt, and then despair sagged her shoulders. Who was she kidding? He was right. Finding her would be easy. She didn’t have a chance.
No! he reprimanded sharply. That’s bullshit, Shea. You’re not a sitting duck. I’m going to tell you everything you need to know to make damn sure you escape.
She swallowed and cocked her ear to the distance, straining to hear if they had drawn closer.
Tell me everything you can about where you are. Do you know? Is the terrain flat? Hilly? Are you in the mountains?
She inhaled sharply. The tang of salt danced through her nostrils. Mixed in was the scent of pine. A breeze ruffled her hair and she turned in the direction of the wind.
I’m facing the ocean. It’s not far. There are lots of redwoods. Big ones. The forest is thick, but the floor isn’t snarled and overgrown.
Okay, listen to me. Head toward the ocean. Where were you last? Where did they find you?
Shea began picking her way through the trees, following the direction of the wind blowing off the water. I was in California. I was planning to head north, farther up the coast. But they found me. They kept me in my own hotel room for several days. Then when they moved me, I escaped. I’m…I’m not sure where I am now. They drugged me. So much is fuzzy.
You’re doing fine, he soothed. Keep moving. From the description you gave, I’d say you’re still in Northern California or maybe even Southern Oregon. I’m coming, Shea. As fast as I can get there. But I need you to keep yourself safe until I find you. You have to protect yourself until I get there, okay?