by Martin Ash
Had it been a memory that had stirred then, when he called the weapon and it had flown arrow-straight to his hand?
It disturbed him. The mystery. The not-knowing. He felt the stirrings of anger, and looked hotly at Shenwolf.
'Time passes, Sire,' Shenwolf said.
Leth shook his head resignedly. Somewhere . . . the Soul of the Orb . . .
'Aye,' he said leadenly. 'We must make our preparations.'
iii
The parting was not easy. Prince Galry and Princess Jace, distressed at their father's leaving, clung to him and wept and would not release him. Patiently, with tears welling behind his eyes, Leth explained to them, to his best ability, the reasons why he must depart. He hugged them to him and promised his speedy return, with profound pangs of guilt and misgiving, for it was a promise he was not sure he could keep. At last he was obliged to tear himself away, commanding Prince Galry to take his little sister's hand and comfort her. With a heavy heart, reluctantly leaving the two in Triune's care, he departed the Tower of Glancing Memory.
An hour earlier Shenwolf had taken his leave. Like Leth, he was equipped with talismans provided by both Triune and Urch-Malmain, which would ward off the disorienting and maddening effects of the Shore of Nothing. But even with these, Leth had felt it unwise for the two of them to walk the Shore together. The memory of his experience there with Lakewander was still strong. He knew he had turned upon her. The atmosphere of the Shore had robbed him of mind and reason. He had been overcome by frenzy and had wanted to kill her. Instead . . .
Instead . . .
He did not know exactly what had happened. An experience that compared to nothing he had known, the culmination of which had delivered him to Urch-Malmain's door.
Leth had watched from a window as Shenwolf left Urch-Malmain's tower and made his way down the steep rocky trail to the head of low bluff overlooking the Shore of Nothing. At the lip of the bluff the young soldier had paused and turned back. Beyond him the coloured sands shimmered in a vivid, uncertain haze. High overhead the Orb of the Godworld blazed. Shenwolf had raised his hand in a final salute, which Leth returned. Then Shenwolf turned again and commenced his descent to the Shore. Within moments he was enveloped in the haze and lost to sight.
*
Now Leth made his own way down towards the Shore, the Orblight glinting off his bright sapphire armour. At some later point, almost certainly, another would follow.
Shenwolf, relieved of the obscurity Urch-Malmain had placed over his past, had immediately recognized Count Harg. Harg, contrarily and unsurprisingly, showed no sign of knowing him. Leth had told him Harg's story, as much as he knew of it. Shenwolf showed shock and concern, for he remembered Harg, as Lakewander had previously intimated, as a just and fair-minded man, if somewhat proud and hedonistic.
Thus, before Leth left, Urch-Malmain was put to work to undo the iniquities he had performed upon Count Harg. Leth had added a condition - that Harg be given full recall of all he had done whilst under Urch-Malmain's influence, but that equally he be made aware that everything had been at Urch-Malmain's irresistible behest.
'Perhaps then he may stand a chance of retaining some shred of sanity when he confronts the wrongs you had him commit,' Leth had remarked acidly as Urch-Malmain made to lead Harg away. He gained Urch-Malmain's - and he hoped more reliably, Triune's - assurance that his command would be obeyed, but even so he wondered if it was the right thing. Could Harg survive the knowledge of himself that he was about to confront?
*
As he wound his way down towards the Shore of Nothing Leth knew that he was watched: by Galry and Jace, by Triune. His heart was full, his blood and nerves charged with the anticipation of peril and the unknown. Like Shenwolf, he paused at the lip of the bluff overshadowing the Shore, and looked back. In a high window the small, pale round faces of his children could be seen. He waved, and his heart throbbed as he saw them wave back.
Be safe, my sweet, precious ones!
He turned and with heavy steps descended into the silent waiting enigma of the Shore of Nothing.
iv
It is a void, and I fear it like I have feared nothing before.
It is both outside of me and within.
Timeless. Spaceless. Nothing.
I cannot grasp it.
The End of the World.
I cannot bear to face it.
*
He stood alone upon the Shore, staring into the impossible and ungraspable. Around him the strangely coloured sand and shingle threw up its distorting haze. It danced before his eyes, teasing and perplexing his vision and reason, but unlike before it had not robbed him of his mind. Not quite.
His thoughts, if distracted, were lucid - certainly moreso than when he had come here with Lakewander. The talismans did their work, so he supposed. He had tramped for some minutes along the Shore's soft sand, wading through phantoms and illusions, seeking details to fasten his gaze upon but finding little. Both Orbelon and Triune had advised him that he must penetrate deep along the Shore before turning to enter the Nothing. But now he had gone far enough, and had turned to face his fear, and was filled with dread and paralyzed.
Why? Why must I go there? I am afraid, I admit it. I am afraid!
A voice spoke soundlessly - in his ear? In his mind? He could not tell.
'You fear, Leth? That is good. That is proper. But what is it that you fear? Is it truly Nothing? Here, where you quite literally cannot know?'
Orbelon? Leth gazed about him. Orbelon? You are with me? Where?
'I am within you and without you, Leth. As you, also, are both within and without me.'
I do not understand.
'Do not try to. It is Mystery. But you and I are joined, just as our worlds are joined, existing one within the other. Worlds within worlds within worlds; minds within minds within minds. Each containing the other, and being contained; each creating the other, and being created. We are one, Leth, and we seek our immortal Soul.'
Our Soul? Leth blinked, shook his head. Before him the void loomed, and he could not bear to rest his eyes upon it. It seemed to invade him, to have worked its way somehow within him, tormenting him, enveloping and suffocating his soul.
'Be strong, Leth. Go forward. Do not falter.'
I do not want to step over!
'If you do not then we are lost, all of us. The cost will be greater than you can imagine. Think, Leth. Consider what it is that you are facing here.'
The End of the World!
'Or its beginning!'
Leth recalled standing at the other end of the Shore with Lakewander. Her words: 'I have seen someone - several people - step from the beach. They have never been seen again.'
She had bent and taken up a handful of small pebbles and tossed them into the Nothing. They had vanished, simply vanished, without shimmer or sound.
'What is Nothing, Leth?'
I do not know.
'Look upon it.'
I cannot!
'Look! It is not No-thing. It is a plenum, a seething maelstrom. It is unconsciousness, pure unconsciousness. It is unconscious awareness - without perception - of existence. In some form it knows, perhaps, that it is, but it does not know what. It is not aware, yet it senses an inner necessity. It is Nothing, as we perceive it, but it is imbued with ultimate need to become Something. It is a sea of potential becoming; the unawakened Self of my World. And within it, so we must trust and hope, lies my Soul. Reunited, we can begin to direct this void, guide it towards becoming what it should become, allow my World to grow and know itself again. But sundered, we wither, Soul and Creator, both impotent and helpless, imprisoned in our separate voids.'
Into Leth's mind sprang an image: the Imprisoned Souls clad in their metallic casings, dotted in their scores and scores across the bare plain beyond the far reach of the Shore of Nothing. With a flash of comprehension, he knew suddenly what it was they were trying to achieve.
They make sacrifices of themselves as embodied Souls, subs
titutes for the Soul that has gone. The Godsoul, the Worldsoul. It is that, as much as the God, that they await. It is your unity!
'And that is what you must strive to bring them, Leth, so that those who still suffer may step free, and so that no others will be drawn to follow in their wake.'
Are you truly saying that with the return of the Godsoul all suffering in the world will end?
'I am saying that without it the world cannot survive. It will destroy itself, slowly and certainly, even if Urch-Malmain does not do so first.'
Leth stared again into the unbearable emptiness before him. He felt himself gasp with the shock of it, as though he was witnessing it for the first time, and his sanity was once more assaulted.
Orbelon, when I step over into the void, what lies there for me? Is it Death?
'I can give you no sure answer, Leth. Your consciousness enters the world's unconsciousness. Mine also. You will be entering the unconscious Dreaming of Becoming. Together we will in some way alter what is, or perhaps what is not and what is yet to be. Together we will initiate change. Now, Leth, delay no longer.'
Leth steeled himself. Then, before another conscious thought could arise to weaken his resolve, he stepped forward into the void.
v
He was rising, or falling. He could not tell. There was nothing to judge by. No ground supporting him, no sky above, no sound, no contact, only the vertiginous sensation of motion. He twisted his head to see back over his shoulder. The Shore of Nothing had gone. There was only the void.
And himself.
'Leth, Nothing is to be relied upon. Nothing is real!'
Rely upon? How? Where am I going?
'Focus upon the Soul, Leth. It is the one reality. Bring yourself to it!'
Where? I do not know where.
The sensation of motion increased dramatically. He was rushing, headlong and blind, spinning, twisting, without sense of direction. He felt sick and disorientated, a wild churning in his gut, a pressure upon his skull as though a giant hand had closed around it. It seemed his innards were being sucked out of him.
'Orbelon!'
'Empty your mind, Leth. You have closed yourself to me. Cease resisting. Open yourself and allow me in!'
It was as though a silent, powerful gale raged, tossing him back and forth in the immensity of Nothing.
'Direct the Nothing, Leth. It is the Dream of Awakening. Allow it to Become!'
With an effort of will that strained him to the limit of his abilities, Leth forced his mind to dismiss the terror of what was happening to him. He focused until he was concentrating solely on his own thought, his own inner vision. Gradually a calmness came over him. The buffeting ceased, the motion slowed.
'I am with you, Leth. Do not let go. Focus upon the Soul.'
Leth directed his mind, allowing nothing but the thought of the OrbSoul to intrude. All was still now. He felt himself gently rising. Surrounding him, emerging from what had been pure emptiness, vaccuum, Nothing, was light. White, brilliant light that sparkled like diamond glints on snow or a million tiny stars. There was nothing else, but light was everywhere. And into his mind came the thought that this was all there ever was. This was the true reality behind the illusion of the world. Behind trees, behind rocks, fields, sky and ocean, there was only the energy of light. Forever. Eternal.
He experienced a sudden, empowering sense of freedom. Nothing troubled him; nothing could hold him back. He was exhilarated, exalted, expectant, and charged with a renewed sense of purpose.
The experience lasted for no more than a few pulsebeats. The light passed from his perceptions, though Leth knew in his heart it was still there and would be always, unchanging, lying behind everything, whether realized or not.
All was still. Far, far below him was Orbelon's World, and he was suspended. He could not move. His arms were outstretched, his ankles locked together. He twisted his neck, saw the chains that bound him, yet could not see to what he was bound. He realized he was naked, and did not know how: a man in chains against the sky. And he knew, in some uncanny wise, that he had been here before, that he had been here for long, long ages, throughout eternity, awaiting this moment.
He wept.
The Dream of Awakening.
He strained, to no avail, against his bonds.
Nothing is real!
A distance away, across the wide sky, the radiant Orb of the Godworld. He stared at the brilliant sphere, until his eyes hurt and he was forced to look away. And he thought: two bodies rest in the firmament of Orbelon's World.
Two bodies.
Above him, high above, he could make out now the vague, unreal landscape of the sky. Twisting folds and impenetrable canyons, dark gorges and shadowed vales, impossible highlands bald and encompassing, stretching beyond the limit of his vision.
Two bodies. He understood, there was only one place he could be.
It is the World's Agony that binds me!
He struggled. The chains held fast.
'Leth, that is not the way. To flee the World's Agony is to deny your purpose here.'
What must I do?
'Turn around.'
I can’t move. I am bound fast.
'You are bound only for as long as you resist. Turn around. You are struggling to escape yet you do not even know what from. Accept the World's Agony. It is yours. Face it and it can no longer bind you.'
He turned. Inexplicably the chains no longer restrained him. As he gazed into the World's Agony they fell away. He was drawn inwards. A sheet of darkness rose and cast itself at him. Consciousness fled.
*
The dark passed by slow degrees, until at last - and he did not know how long - he opened his eyes and peered dazedly around. Disoriented, he brought himself slowly and weakly to his feet. He was clad in the sapphire armour again. Freezing sweat soaked his flesh within. His body ached. He could see nothing, nothing at all, though the floor had been solid beneath his supine form and was solid still beneath his feet. Though his mind spun, he crouched and touched his fingers to the floor. It was hard, cold, solid, smooth as beaten metal. He straightened, drawing the Orbsword. He felt a tremor run through the mottled blade.
Ascaria is within.
'And now she must return, to be absorbed into what she has done.'
Where am I?
'You are within the World's Agony. Leth, step forward!'
Something resisted, as though invisible hands pressed against his breast. He leaned against the force as if into a determined gale, and pushed ahead, though he still lacked perception of what lay before him.
'Somewhere here, Leth. It is close.'
The OrbSoul?
'I sense it, yet we remain apart.'
This place oppresses me. I ache and my strength is gone. I can see nothing. I do not know where I am going.
'Let the Soul guide you, Leth. It has been imprisoned for so long. It awaits us and wishes to be found. Focus upon it. Do not falter. Let it reveal to you where it is hidden.'
'A door!' said Leth aloud. 'A door has appeared.'
In his mind Orbelon's voice was cautiously jubilant. 'At last!'
The door, narrow and arched, stood no more than ten paces ahead, the sole feature in the obscuring gloom of the World's Agony. Leth pushed himself forward but the unseen resistance became stronger. He could make no headway and was in danger of being pushed back.
Leth was forced to his knees, dragging himself forward though there was nothing to grip on the smooth floor. He was weakening.
What is happening here?
'You have lost the focus, Leth. Concentrate upon your goal, not the distractions that lie between you and it.'
Though he was pressed now almost prone, he pushed his attention away from the force that resisted him and attuned his thoughts to the Soul of the Orb. Almost immediately the resistance ebbed. Though exhausted, Leth was able to rise again and stagger forward.
'Sometimes our most sombre adversary is our yearning for distraction, our need to look els
ewhere.'
Leth reached the door. He grasped the iron ring that was its handle and wrenched the door open. Something seized him and hauled him through, sucking his breath from his lungs. He was high, high above the world, and falling. Orbelon's World beneath him, the strange, embracing sky above.
'Focus, Leth! Focus!'
Somehow, as he tumbled, gasping for air, he found the presence of mind to dismiss his terror. He gulped in cold air, filling his lungs, and cast away all thoughts of the ground that rushed towards him. He envisaged again the single objective of the OrbSoul. As he did so, as if the very act of focusing was enough, he ceased falling. His direction changed. He was borne at breakneck speed across the sky, the piercing wind whistling past his ears. The world slid by beneath. Ahead of him something loomed, vast and brilliant, throwing out light that blinded him. The Orb of the Godworld, radiant and reflecting, growing ever larger as he rushed towards it. Now it filled his vision; there was nothing else. His speed did not decrease. He yelled out in terror, shielding his head with his arms as he hurtled towards its bright metallic surface.
Sealed in a crucible of shining adamant . . .
And he thought: The Orb that gives light to this world. It is there that the Soul is hidden!
Of course!
Where else?
He sped, ever faster, directly into the Orb . . . and passed to his surprise through its outer shell, without impact or resistance. It gave as though composed of nothing more than air or mist or some other insubstantial thing. Now he was floating down in a haze of watery blue, and around him, all around and above, was the wall.
Half-disbelieving, half-despairing yet filled with wonder and questions, Leth descended slowly through the eerie semi-twilight towards the ground far below. What did this mean? Somehow he had entered the Orb of the Godworld again. The Orb that was formerly the prison domain of Orbelon, where Orbelon had endured, separated from his world and only vaguely knowing of its existence. And it was here that he, Leth, had wondered alone with Galry and Jace, believing that Orbelon had abandoned them. The Orb that was also the blue casket which he carried now in its wooden chest inside a pack upon his back.