Addicted to the Light

by S. E. Amadis

  “The Lord Jesus Christ is our saviour!” exclaimed Elder Brooks.

  “The Lord Jesus Christ is our saviour,” everyone else responded as one.

  “The outside world leads to hell and damnation!”

  “The outside world leads to hell and damnation.”

  “We are the chosen ones. The rest of the world will drown in the weight of their sins!”

  “We are the chosen ones. The rest of the world will drown in the weight of their sins.”

  “We cannot mingle with the rest of the world or we will become contaminated!”

  “We cannot mingle with the rest of the world or we will become contaminated.”

  When the whole hullaballoo finally ended, the crowd started preparing the table for breakfast. I excused myself to go in search of Romeo, since I didn’t want him to miss out on breakfast. Elder Smith frowned and waggled a finger at me.

  “So, you allow your flaccid offspring to slack off in the all-important lecture of the Scriptures, yet you pull him out of his bed to cater to his animal instincts,” he admonished. “Well, I am sorry, Annasuya, but I cannot allow you to do this. I realize you are our guest, and we are trying to act as hospitably as possible. But you are not proving to be the easiest people to entertain. You awaken my folk in the middle of the night, after a long, hard day of harsh labour, because he is unable to withstand the pure night air out here. It is not the fault of our people that his system is so weakened and overloaded with toxins that he cannot stand even one night of fresh air. Hence, if your son refuses to partake of our nourishment for the soul, we cannot allow him to enjoy breakfast either. You will call him when breakfast is over.”

  I felt my jaw drop open. I wanted to dash away and bawl my eyes out. Lindsay approached me and rested her hand on my shoulder.

  “Don’t mind Elder Smith,” she whispered into my ear. “He’s this way with everyone. He believes the only way to control such a large group of people is through uncompromising discipline. He doesn’t allow any breach of the rules and permits no exceptions under any circumstances. It’s not personal, you understand. When you come right down to, it’s only fair. He can’t allow any sort of favouritism around here, or there would be chaos. You do understand, don’t you?”

  I nodded, stunned and mute.

  The women started traipsing out of the kitchen bearing teensy porcelain bowls filled with some sort of cream-coloured grain.

  “Millet fried with garlic and basil.” Lindsay gestured at my bowl. “It’s our usual breakfast.”

  We were expected to consume this millet, of course, with chopsticks. Everyone else somehow managed to balance the grains on their delicate sticks. I made an effort, really I did. But in the end, as I had the night before, I found myself resorting to shovelling the paltry amount of food into my mouth with my fingers. There was only enough grain for about three mouthfuls anyway.

  After breakfast Lindsay rushed gaily towards the kitchen.

  “I’m on kitchen duty today,” she said. “That means it’s my turn to wash the dishes. Why don’t you go and wake Romeo up while I finish? Then I’ll show you around.”

  Romeo didn’t want to be dragged out of a fretful sleep into a dubious existence.

  “When’re we going back home, Mimi?” He yawned generously, his mouth swallowing up his entire face. “I hate it here.”

  “It’s only for this weekend,” I comforted him, and I meant it.

  No matter how much Lindsay pleaded, I was determined not to let her convince me to stay.

  Chapter 14

  Up at the lodge, Romeo and I passed the time waiting for Lindsay by spinning about the parlour which they used as the gathering room. I thumbed through musty volumes on the bookshelf and pulled one out. It looked like a child’s diary, written out entirely by hand. I opened it to a random page.

  “The modern scourges of television, computers and telephone will lead us to drown in the hellwaters of doom and the Apocalypse,” I read. “We must avoid these evils at all cost. The only purpose to our existence is to await the arrival of the Messiah, when all our deceased will become resurrected and we will lead the coming of a new golden age on earth. All our former enemies will perish in sulphurous flames. They will be burnt even as we sing our praises and the glories of our lord Jesus Christ. It is our mission to bring glory to the earth and punish those who sin. It is our mission to burn, cast away, destroy, rip apart and bludgeon to smithereens, all the individuals who are evil. Who practise witchcraft or worship idols such as television and computers. And most especially, we are called upon to bring revenge upon our own enemies: those people who dare to betray or rebel against the Children of the pulsing red Heart of Christ.”

  “Printed books aren’t allowed here,” a sing-song child’s voice called out.

  I glanced up. Devrah was skipping towards me merrily, her gleaming braid trailing down her back.

  “All the books we have here were written by members of our community,” she boasted proudly. “Our members are very talented. Here, people have the time and the motivation to write books. Out in the putrid outside world, stress prevents people from filling books with the musings of their hearts.”

  I tried to smile at her.

  “So, what do you like to do during your free time, Devrah?” I asked. “Do you play with other kids? Are there other kids here?”

  Devrah nodded.

  “Yes, of course. There’s Eliya. You remember him, right? Sometimes we work in the fields together. But when our work is over, sometimes we go for a walk with my mother.”

  I fiddled awkwardly with my fingers.

  “And how about when you grow up? What do you want to be when you grow up?”

  Devrah cocked her head quizzically at me.

  “Be? What do you mean? What else could I be? A woman, of course. A mother. A member of this community. Like my mother.”

  I tried to search for the right words.

  “I meant, what do you want to do when you grow up? Do you want to teach? Write books? Compose songs, like Raphael?”

  Devrah traced circles on the floor with her toe.

  “Weeell,” she drawled out. “Well, here, everyone does a little bit of everything. So I expect, when I grow up, I’ll help out in the kitchens, and work in the fields, and take care of the little ones. Maybe I might teach, like my mother does. Or I might travel to another community in a different country and pitch in a hand over there, like my older brother.”

  I opened my eyes wide in surprise. “Are there other communities like this one in other countries?”

  Devrah nodded innocently.

  “Oh yes. There are people all over the world who want to join us. They know. They know we’re their only chance for survival.”

  She swiped her hands over a bookshelf as she roamed about the room.

  “My brother’s in a country called Germany, mounting solar panels. Maybe I’ll do that when I grow up. But only if the elders order me to do that, of course,” she added in a breathless rush. “I’ll do whatever the elders order me to do. My brother, Zachariah, went to Germany to mount solar panels because the elders ordered him to do so. Before that, he didn’t know a thing about solar panels.”

  I glanced around, asked myself what else we could chat about.

  “What games do you like to play?” I wondered.

  Devrah glared at me as if I’d said something blasphemous and utterly repugnant.

  “Play? Playing is forbidden. Playing is an activity of the devil. It’s slothful and it’s useless. We never play.”

  I raised my gaze to heaven.

  “And how about other things? What other things do you like? Do you like to sew? To cook?”

  Devrah only continued to stare at me.

  “Do you like blueberries? Cheese?” I continued, frantic.

  Devrah ran towards the kitchen and dragged her mother out with her.

  “Mother, do we like blueberries?” she said. “Do we like cheese?”

  Chaya studied her
daughter with an unreadable expression.

  “Be careful not to allow these strangers to put the devil’s ideas into your head,” she hissed. “They don’t know what they are doing. But not to worry. If they come here to live with us, we’ll teach them properly.”

  She patted Devrah on the head as if she were an obedient sheep, then turned to glare at me.

  “And yes, we like blueberries. And cheese. But only if they’re grown or prepared here within the community, of course,”

  Chapter 15

  Lunch consisted of a tiny plate of salad washed down with a mug of herbal infusion, in which Chaya allowed me to drop one minuscule teaspoon of raw honey.

  “Honey is a prized possession here,” she explained. “We don’t have a lot of it, so we try to spread it out as much as possible. I’m letting you have a spoonful because you’re our guests.”

  After lunch, both Romeo and I were ravenously hungry and raring to take off from here. But I didn’t want to leave Lindsay.

  “Wait for me,” she cried as she dashed into the kitchen. “I’m on kitchen duty today, so I have to do the dishes. But I’ll be with you in a jiff.” She glanced towards the door. “Why don’t you take Romeo for a walk in the gardens? We’ve got all sorts of plants: tomatoes, zucchini, peas. You can pick some if you like.”

  Out in the open air, Romeo seemed to breathe an enormous sigh of relief. We circled about near the bushes, contemplating the beauty of the raw, unspoilt forest untouched by the hand of man. This location was idyllic. It was like a paradise. I could understand this community’s desire to establish themselves here and cultivate this virgin land.

  Nearby I saw some neat rows laid out in some sort of grid and led Romeo that way. The fields turned out to be cabbage patches. Romeo started zipping through the neatly ploughed lanes, spreading his arms out wide and making buzzing noises.

  “Look, Mimi! I’m a pesticide plane. I’m spreading pesticide all over the fields.”

  I giggled, pleased to see him finally cutting loose and enjoying himself again, after all these months of subdued shock. But immediately I felt the presence of someone behind me. I whirled around.

  Chaya stood behind my back stiff as a rod with a puckered-up, forbidding expression on her face.

  “You will discipline that child at once, Annasuya,” she said darkly. “Don’t forget that you are on our property. Have him behave, please. It’s only common courtesy when you are visiting with other people.” She cocked her head at me. “Or didn’t your parents teach you any manners?”

  “I’m sorry.” I gulped. I stared fondly at Romeo as he continued to flutter about the fields making airplane noises. “But I don’t think we’re doing anything wrong. Romeo’s not stepping on your plants. You can see he’s keeping himself to the lanes.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Her lips tightened into a grim line, almost disappearing into her face. “Here we do not allow children to engage in useless and harmful flights of fancy.”

  I was shocked.

  “Harmful flights of fancy? What’s so wrong with fantasizing every once in a while?” I glanced again at Romeo. “And at any rate, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Romeo’s not indulging in any sort of flight of fancy or whatever you call it.”

  Chaya smacked her lips together in disapproval. “He’s pretending to be an airplane. And he is clearly not an airplane. He is a human boy.” She clapped her hands, then turned her back to me. “So Annasuya, while you are here, please ensure that he acts like one.”

  She strode up towards the house without a backwards glance at us.

  I stared after her in stunned silence.

  “Come on, kiddo,” I said at last. “Let’s go back to the house and wait for Lindsay there.”

  We hunkered down in the parlour. But then I got bored and decided to take a short stroll around near the house.

  “I won’t be long,” I told Romeo. “I’ll stay near the house.” I held out my hand to him. “You want to come?”

  Biting his lip, Romeo dropped his head down and shook it.

  I wandered towards the back of the house. A window stood open there, allowing in the fresh breezes of summer. Irate voices drifted out. Unable to resist, I leaned closer.

  “Have Chaya and Tikvah retain them here for one more day,” someone was saying. It sounded like the stern voice of Elder Brooks. “You know that three days is all it usually takes to recruit someone no matter how recalcitrant they are. They are beguiled by our sense of community. By how we help one another, and give them a sense of purpose that they were lacking in their old, insignificant lives. Here they won’t have to cope with mean, fickle bosses. There’s no chance of them getting kicked out of their homes because they can’t pay the rent or mortgage.

  “Our values lure them in. Here we calm the usual, common fears of the residents of the outside world: the fear of homelessness, joblessness. Children won’t get taken away in the case of divorce but rather, they will be free to spend as much time as they like with both their parents. Perhaps our guest, Annasuya, is afraid of a custody battle should she ever decide to leave her husband. Assuming, of course, that she even has a husband at all, since the scourge of single parenthood is a growing curse in the outside world. Did Tikvah explain anything more to you about Annasuya’s personal circumstances?”

  “No.” The voice that replied sounded like Elder Smith’s. “But if she is like most people, she probably has a job and lives in fear of getting fired. I will have Chaya emphasize to her that here she will have no boss above her. She can’t get fired. No matter what she does, we will not refuse to provide for her and her son. I will instruct Chaya to let her know that the idea of someone being ‘not good enough’ simply doesn’t exist in our community. That idea is one of the greatest evils of the outside world.”

  “Very good. That is it, then?”

  “Oh,” Elder Smith’s voice cut in all of a sudden. “Now that I think about it, I do recall that Chaya just mentioned to me a few minutes ago that she caught the child playing. He was pretending to be something that he is not.”

  “Well, that is no problem.” Elder Brooks cleared his throat. “When they incorporate themselves into our community, our rigorous punishments will soon cure him of that ailment.” I heard his fingers rasping against something hard. “It’s been a while since I’ve used this rod. But then again, it’s also been a while since we’ve welcomed any new children into our group.”

  I’d heard enough. Spinning round, I hightailed it to the parlour and seized Romeo by the shoulder, calling for Lindsay as we dashed out the door and down the long stone staircase on the hillside. Lindsay rushed out towards us wiping her hands on a dishcloth.

  “Look, Linds. We can’t take this any longer. We’re leaving.” My words gushed out of me before I could scream with frustration. “Romeo hates it here. And I... I don’t feel too comfortable either.”

  “But... but, you can’t leave, yet.” Lindsay began to wring her hands in dismay. “You just got here. I’ve been waiting so long to see you again. I’ll miss you. If you go, when will I get to see you again?”

  I paused.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted at last.

  “You can’t leave,” Lindsay wailed. “Not after I just got you back. Stay with me. Don’t leave me alone. I feel so alone here.”

  I hooked my arm around Lindsay’s shoulders.

  “So. Come with us. Leave them. You don’t have to be alone. I’ll be with you. Come on.”

  I nudged her towards our trailer.

  “Come on, Linds. You were always my best friend, and I won’t leave you in this, either. You know you can count on me. If you come with us, I’ll help you get back on your feet again.”

  Lindsay started casting about desperately.

  “How? How can I leave? I can’t just walk out of here.”

  “Why not? Did you sign some sort of legal agreement to stay here or something?”

  Lindsay shook her head mutely.

  “
So then, just come. Leave everything. Take us to the town in the van and just... leave with us. Never come back here. I doubt they’d come hunting for you.”

  Lindsay toed at the ground.

  “Probably not,” she drawled out hesitantly. “But... but, they’ve been so nice. I can’t just leave them, just like that.”

  I grabbed her shoulders.

  “Look, Linds. Who do you owe it more to? Who’s done more for you? Them? Or me?”

  Lindsay stared at the ground, then raised her gaze and started staring at the horizon.

  “Look, Linds. Do you have any prized possessions you want to bring with you?”

  Lindsay shook her head.

  “No. We don’t have prized possessions here. Only utilitarian stuff. Useful stuff.” She paused. “Well, I did hand over all my documents, like my passport and driver’s licence, when I came here. But I could get new ones made, I guess.”

  I shook her encouragingly.

  “That’s it. That’s the way to think, girl. Come on. Take us to the village and... just dump the van there. They’ll come by eventually to look for it, when you don’t come back. Get on the bus with us.”

  “Weeell.”

  As Lindsay stood there, gazing off to the distance, someone approached us. I remembered him from the night before as the dude called Yosef. The one who had read Scripture to us.

  “Everything all right here?” he asked with forced cheerfulness. I could tell he was watching us warily, however.

  I eked out a smile.

  “I think we’re going to leave,” I said as courteously as possible. “My son isn’t feeling well, and we’d simply prefer to be back in our own home. We’re really, really grateful for your hospitality. It’s just that, I think we’re better off at home. So, I was asking Lindsay if she could drive us to the bus stop.”

  Yosef squinted his eyes at us.

  “Lindsay?”

  I gestured at my friend.

  “Ah, you mean Tikvah. Well...”

  He glanced towards the main house.

  “Well, Tikvah hasn’t finished washing the dishes yet and here, we don’t allow people to slack off on their assigned tasks. So, why don’t I take you?”