by Barbara Gee
“I’ll be glad to cover for him as long as I’m here, just keep in mind I don’t know how long that’ll be. When my boss is ready for me to come back, I’ll most likely have very little notice.”
Molly waved a hand. “I know, but I’m not going to worry about that right now. I’ll just enjoy having you as long as I can, and hope Bob is ready to return before you get summoned back to your real job.”
“Just wanted to make sure you know I could be leaving you in the lurch at some point.”
“Consider me warned.” Molly reached out and squeezed his forearm lightly. “You can take off after the horses are fed. Our responsibilities for registration day are at an end.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning then.” Tanner quickly took his leave, before Molly came up with any reasons to prolong their interaction.
As he fed the horses, with the help of an eager intern, he found himself wondering what Izzy was doing for dinner. She had told him she usually fixed her own food rather than going to the cafeteria, and eating with her sounded vastly better than braving a crowd of people getting to know each other. His chances of an invite were pretty slim, however, considering her decision to give him space.
As he drove his golf cart back to his cabin, having decided to make a couple of sandwiches instead of hitting up the cafeteria, he thought more about what Izzy had said last night.
She’d told him she was backing off because she was afraid she’d grow to care for him as more than a friend. He had to admit her words had felt good, even though he found it pretty darn amazing that a girl like Izzy saw enough that was attractive in him to feel that way.
It gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, when he called it quits in the undercover world, he’d be able to find a woman who could love him despite his baggage.
He parked the cart in front of his cabin and looked over at his neighbor’s. Too bad Izzy Harding would have been snapped up by some lucky guy long before then.
***
Izzy hung up her phone and let it fall onto the table. She stared into space for a minute, her mind whirling. Then a smile split her face and she got up and did an actual happy dance. An I don’t believe this kind of happy dance. Never in a million years had she expected to hear what she’d just heard. Crazy! Life changing. But did she dare accept what had just been offered?
She had to talk to someone about it. Preferably someone who was already up to speed on her desire to purchase a home. She quickly checked the crockpot, where her dinner had been simmering all day, then went out the front door and through the grass to Tanner’s front porch. His golf cart was parked out front, so unless he’d gone for a run or something, he was inside.
She knocked on the door, listening for footsteps. The big man evidently moved like a cat, however, because the door swung open without any warning sounds of his approach.
“Hey, Izzy. What’s up?”
“I need to run something by you about the house. Do you have a few minutes?”
He gestured toward his small countertop, where he had bread, mayo and deli meat set out. “I was just about to prepare my gourmet dinner, but I suppose I can spare a bit of time.”
Izzy hurried over, grabbed the jar of mayo and the meat and put them back in the fridge, then refastened the twisty on the bread bag.
“Come on,” she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him out the door. “I have chicken and vegetables in the crockpot. I’ll feed you again in return for your time.”
When they entered her cabin, he inhaled appreciatively. “That smells fantastic.”
“Why didn’t you grab dinner at the cafeteria?” she asked. “They put on an extra-huge spread on the first day of retreats. It’s way better than sandwiches.”
He grimaced. “After giving ten tours today, I kind of hit social overload. I decided a quiet supper in my cabin was preferable to a long line in a noisy cafeteria for tonight.”
“Oh, well, sorry to interrupt that,” Izzy said, giving him an apologetic look over her shoulder as she took the lid off the crockpot.
“No problem. I can handle a little bit of Izzy noise, just not a crowd of more than a hundred all talking at once.”
Izzy lifted the chicken from the pot and put it on a platter. “Grab a couple of plates and some silverware while I cut this up,” she requested. “And there’s tea in the fridge, you can pour that.”
He carried everything over to the small table and sat down to wait. She soon joined him, placing the platter of tender chicken surrounded by carrots, potatoes, and mushrooms between them.
“Better than sandwiches?” she asked when his eyes widened.
“If it’s as good as it looks, way better.”
“Let me say grace quick,” Izzy said, bowing her head and offering a simple prayer of thanks for a smooth registration day and the food.
“Dig in,” she said, gesturing toward the platter. “I’m bursting to talk about what just happened, so you eat while I talk, okay?”
He nodded, filling his plate before looking at her expectantly.
Izzy didn’t bother with any food, she just dove right in with her news. “Okay, so my granny called a little bit ago. She lives in Kansas, near my parents. We talk at least once a week, and she’s pretty much the most awesome grandma in the world.”
“Is she your mom’s mother?”
“No, my dad’s. She and Gramps lived only a few blocks from our house, and they were a huge part of our lives growing up. Gramps passed away five years ago and it took Granny a long time to get over that and learn to be happy living alone, but she’s doing great now.” Izzy grinned. “She’s who I want to be when I grow up.”
“My grandmother pretty much raised me, so I can relate to how awesome they can be.”
Izzy tilted her head. “Is she still living?”
“Nope. Like I told you, I don’t have any family.” He took a big bite and gave an approving nod. “It tastes even better than it smells,” he said when he swallowed. “So tell me what Granny said that has you all riled up.”
“She dropped a bombshell on me,” Izzy replied. “I told her I’m thinking of buying a house, and naturally she had all kinds of questions. Good questions. I had no idea she has an interest in real estate. She thinks the duplex has great investment potential.”
“I think she’s right,” Tanner said.
“I told her I like the idea, but the extra cost makes me nervous because it just seems like such an enormous amount of money to borrow. Then she blew me away.” Izzy pushed her still empty plate to the side and leaned forward on her elbows. “Granny told me that five years ago she won the lottery. Isn’t that crazy? I had absolutely no idea! In Kansas, you can stay anonymous, and that’s what she did. She didn’t even tell my dad and mom until a year later. She was almost embarrassed about it, said she didn’t want her friends and neighbors to know because she didn’t want her money to cause any problems.”
“Probably a smart move,” Tanner said. “So her lifestyle didn’t change?”
“Well now that I think about it, she did start going on more vacations right around then. She usually takes one of her sisters or a girlfriend along, but that’s the only thing she did any different.”
“So why did she finally tell you? I assume it’s because of the house?”
Izzy nodded. “She said she gave both of my brothers a large gift a few years ago. And by large, I mean enough to completely buy their houses. She said they’d proven they were hard workers, and responsible, and she knew they wouldn’t waste the money, or let it affect their work ethic. She thought they were ready, so she told them about the money and gave them a bunch.”
Tanner frowned. “Why not you?”
Izzy sighed. “At that time I was definitely not responsible. Granny and I have always been close, so she knew how I was living, and she was afraid I’d blow any amount of money she gave me.”
“You were still in school then, I assume?” he asked.
“Graduate school. And interning here.”
Izzy wrinkled her nose and focused on her tea glass. “I was a little wild. Or a lot wild, to be honest. I always did well in school and I took everything to do with my career very seriously, but when I wasn’t in class or at work, I was going to clubs and partying and causing my family to be very upset and disappointed in me.”
Tanner took another helping of vegetables. “I can’t quite picture that. You’re full of life, sure, but I don’t see the wildness.”
“Because I had a big come to Jesus moment,” she said, glad he didn’t see any evidence of the girl she used to be. “It’s a long story, and it was life changing. A lot of people had been praying for me over the years, and I finally got to the point where I didn’t feel I had anywhere to turn but to Jesus.”
“And you’re happier now?” he asked, his expression genuinely curious.
“Oh, man. That’s an understatement. I used to feel so much pressure to be—I don’t know, the “it” girl or something. I used to hate being alone, so I made sure I was surrounded by people. When I wasn’t working, I was partying, but it wasn’t enough to simply be part of the crowd. I felt like I needed to be the life of the party every time I was out. I had to be the wittiest, the prettiest, the best dressed, the most interesting, the most desirable.” Izzy hunched her shoulders and shuddered. “It was exhausting, and no matter how hard I tried, I still felt so empty. Still so afraid of being alone.”
Tanner gave her a crooked smile and Izzy felt her heart do a funny little jump. “Sorry to break it to you, but I think you could have saved yourself all the hassle. You can’t help but be the prettiest, wittiest, and all that other stuff. You don’t even have to try.” He slanted a glance at her. “That’s a compliment, by the way.”
“Oh.” She felt her cheeks growing warm. “Well, it’s nice to know you see me like that. I always felt lacking, that’s why I tried so hard.” Izzy pondered that for another moment, then shook her hair back and waved a hand. “Whatever, though, that’s not what I want to talk to you about. Back to Granny and her money.”
“Let me guess. She thinks you’re ready for your share now?”
Izzy couldn’t stop a wide smile. “She does. She said she’s proud of me, and has stopped worrying about me regressing back to the train-wreck I used to be. But, Tanner,” Izzy leaned forward again, “the amount she’s talking would more than pay for the house. It would pay for repainting it, and furniture, and landscaping—everything I need and more.”
He raised a brow. “So what’s the problem?”
She huffed out a long sigh. “It’s not really a problem, it just doesn’t seem quite right. I mean buying a house should be the biggest decision I’ve made to date. It should be the result of my hard work and dedication. Like a reward. Having Granny write me a big check seems way too easy.”
Tanner finished his last bite and pushed his plate to the side, leaning forward himself so that their faces were closer together. Izzy saw faint gold flecks in those dark eyes, fringed with impossibly thick lashes.
“The fact that you’re thinking twice about accepting her gift is proof that you’re ready for it, in my opinion. Nothing wrong with letting your grandma make your life a little easier. It’s what she wants to do.”
“I have almost enough saved for the down payment, though. What do I do, just hang on to that? It doesn’t feel right to buy a house and come out of it with more money than I had before.”
“Put it in your retirement account, maybe donate some of it to causes you feel strongly about. Or save it for a rainy day. You have options. It’s not like it’ll go to waste, and it’s certainly not something to feel guilty about. Maybe you won’t buy your house with what you’ve earned yourself, but you could. You should be proud of that.”
Izzy sighed, admiring his ability to reason things out with logic rather than emotion. “You’re a very practical man, Tanner. I try to be practical and decisive, but then I second-guess myself six ways from Sunday. You don’t hem and haw, you just make a decision. I wish I was more like that.”
“It’s a gift.” The corners of his eyes crinkled slightly when he smiled. “You’re not a lost cause, though. At least you know when to ask for advice.”
“And who to ask. As soon as I hung up the phone, I knew I needed to talk to you.” Izzy took another deep breath and let it out slowly. “So you really think it’s okay to accept Granny’s offer?”
His eyes searched hers. “Do you think it will change you? Will you be tempted to start living beyond your means?”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. But I won’t have to become more frugal in order to make house payments, either. Which is what I was expecting to do.”
“Granny wants to make your life easier. She thinks you deserve it, and I think you should let her do it. Maybe you should fly her up here when you’re ready to move and let her help you get settled in. I imagine that would bring her a lot of joy.”
Izzy loved that idea, and she loved that he had thought of it. He really did have a soft spot beneath all that toughness. She was so glad he was letting it show, even if it made him that much more irresistible. “I’ll definitely do that. It’s sweet of you to think of it.”
He winced. “Sweet? I haven’t been called that very often. Probably not since my own grandmother was alive.”
“How old were you when she passed?”
“Not quite eighteen. Just ready to head off to college.”
“Too bad she couldn’t see the finished product,” Izzy said, smiling warmly at him. “I’m sure she’d be proud.”
His brows drew together and his gaze dropped to the table. “I wonder about that sometimes,” he said, his voice low and a little rough.
“Is there really any question?” she asked softly.
He rocked his chair onto the back legs, raising his arms and linking his hands behind his head. “All she’d know is that I’m with the FBI. I couldn’t tell her what I actually do, any more than I can tell you. But yeah, I think she’d be proud, and probably not surprised.”
“It’s probably good she couldn’t know the details. Grannies worry too much.”
His expression was thoughtful. “She wouldn’t like the risks I take, but I think maybe she’d understand why I take them.”
“Why do you?” Izzy asked, hoping he’d share this part of himself with her. “Why are you willing to take those risks, whatever they are?”
His eyes bored into hers. “It’s not because I have a death wish, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
She blinked. “Gosh, I hope not. That’s not what I was thinking at all.”
“Sorry.” He released his hands and wiped them down his face. “I’m required to meet with a psychologist every so often, and it always seems like she’s determined to make me admit I don’t care if I live or die. It’s like the true reason for my motivation isn’t good enough for her.”
“Well, you can’t stop there,” Izzy said quickly. “What is the true reason?”
He gave a short laugh. “It sounds so trite, but I love my country, Izzy, and I resent those who want to cause us harm. I didn’t join the FBI with any specific plans other than I wanted to help keep people safe. That’s what I strive to do every day.”
“I don’t have any trouble believing that. Your psychologist obviously doesn’t know you very well.” She rested her chin in her hand. “If you’ve been in twelve years, you were awfully young when you joined. That’s not usual, is it?”
“I’d just turned twenty-one. I graduated from high school at seventeen, because I skipped a year in elementary school, and I had almost two years of college done when the bureau started recruiting me. Once I made a decision to join, I couldn’t get done with school fast enough. I finished the rest in a year and three months instead of two years, by taking a heavy course load and going through two summers.”
“You must have been some kind of prodigy.” Izzy was proud of him, and also more than a little intimidated, although she tried to hide that part.
H
e shrugged. “I guess I do best under pressure, and with goals. That fall I flew to northern Virginia and started my training. The people at Quantico are pretty good at finding the strengths and weaknesses of their recruits. They steer you in the direction they believe you’ll excel, and then provide all the training and tools needed to prove them right. For me, the training portion took a little over a year.”
“And that’s how you ended up doing what you do—whatever that is,” Izzy finished for him.
“Nah, that’s how I ended up doing the computer part. The rest I grew into.” He gave her a slight smile. “Now you know more about the history of Tanner James than almost any living person, aside from my boss.”
“I’m honored,” she told him. He was a fascinating man and she’d be happy to listen to him talk about himself all night. Not that it would ever happen. She shifted in her seat, deciding to be frank. “I love hearing your history, I just wish I knew more about present-day Tanner James.”
“I know,” he said, leaning forward again, his arms resting on the table between them. “Sorry I can’t go there. I would if I could.”
Izzy couldn’t look away. She felt mesmerized by his eyes and his smooth, deep voice. Suddenly, all she wanted to do was lean forward just a little bit further and press her lips to his. What would it be like to kiss a man like Tanner?
With a jolt, she realized her gaze had settled on his mouth, and she quickly dropped her eyes and shoved her chair back.
“Um, would you like some more tea? Or some ice cream? I have some, but it’s chocolate, not cherry.”
“No thanks, I ate too much already. Aren’t you going to eat?”
“I’m too keyed up right now. I’ll warm some up later.” Izzy carried the platter over to the counter and dug in her cupboard for a container to put the leftovers in.
Tanner joined her, rinsing his plate and putting it in the sink before leaning back against the counter, his hands gripping the edge beside his lean hips. His nearness kept her off balance and jumpy.
Then she became aware of something else. She squinted up at him, her eyes accusing.