by Barbara Gee
“Oh yeah. Especially at night. I love to lay out here and look at the stars. It never fails to give me some perspective as to my small place in the world. Keeps me humble and grateful.”
“Grateful for what?” he wondered, digging into the cobbler.
“For lots of things, but mostly for being important to the God who created those stars, even though I’m but a tiny speck in the universe.”
He appeared to think about that for a while. “I like your certainty.” He grinned at her. “I’m not quite there yet, but then again, I’ve only said one prayer.”
“Are you gonna say another one tomorrow?” she asked hopefully.
“Is that going to be added to my daily assignment?”
“I think it should be. Did you memorize the verses?”
Of course he had, and proved it.
“Do you remember the first two I gave you?”
He did, and recited those, too.
“You’re good, Tanner. You deserve a gold star. Too bad I don’t have any.”
“I don’t need a gold star.” He took another bite, then looked over at her. “But it would be nice if you’d think of me sometimes, when you’re looking at the stars.”
Izzy chuckled. “Now that you’ve said that, I’m going think of you every time.”
“Even when I’m gone?” he wondered.
Her throat tightened with emotion, but she forced the words out. “Especially then.”
He finished his dessert in silence, then leaned over to put the empty bowl on the grass. He carefully laid back, then maneuvered around so he was stretched out lengthwise. “Come here,” he murmured, running his hand down her back.
Izzy kicked off her sandals and curled up on her side next to him, pleased when he brought his arm up and wrapped it around her. She laid a hand on his chest and settled her cheek in the crook of his shoulder.
“Don’t forget about our date on Saturday,” he said lazily, putting one foot over the side and pushing his toe against the ground to give them a gentle swing.
“It’s a real date?” she asked, not even trying to hide her delight. “Not just a friendly dinner?”
“I think it’s time we had a real date.”
“Good. I think so, too. Can you tell me what we’re going to do yet?”
“Nope, because I haven’t decided. It’ll be good though, I promise.”
“But you don’t know where anything is around here, how are you going to know what to plan?”
“I have resources. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
“I’m not worried, just curious. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on an actual date.”
“Why would that be? You can’t tell me you haven’t had the opportunity.”
She chuckled. “I do get asked sometimes, but I’m kinda picky. And a little gun-shy.”
“Huh. And I didn’t even have to beg. Lucky me.”
She tapped her fingers against his chest. “You knew you wouldn’t have to beg. It’s no secret how much I like you.”
“I like you, too, Izzy-B.” His voice was low and deep and his fingertips drew circles on her upper arm.
She closed her eyes and breathed him in, so aware of his warm, long body against hers. She was right where she wanted to be, and she concentrated on memorizing how it felt. She knew she’d need this kind of memory once he was gone.
“I’m glad you came to the ranch,” she said after a while, her voice just above a whisper. “Regardless of what happens, or how hard it might be, I’ll still be glad.”
“I hope so,” he said heavily. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you.” He paused, his arm tightening around her. “I’m afraid that might be inevitable, though. It’s just a matter of the degree.”
Another warning. Izzy was pretty sure she’d figured out why he felt compelled to keep doing that. Tanner was a man who was used to bearing burdens alone, taking them on so others didn’t need to. He was the kind of man who sheltered and protected, so causing her any kind of stress went completely against his grain. It made him feel guilty for allowing things to progress.
She understood, but she didn’t want to be viewed as yet another burden he had to bear. “Don’t underestimate me, Tanner,” she said, issuing a warning of her own. “I’m stronger than you might think. If the eventual outcome is important enough to me, I can make it through the hard times in order to get to the good part.”
“I’m not doubting your strength,” he assured her. “I’m just not sure you’ll have the will.”
“Once I know the whole story, you mean?”
“Yeah.”
That one word conveyed a whole lot of dread. Although she felt sure there was nothing she could learn that would change her mind about him, his certainty that his job was going to be an issue, maybe an insurmountable one, concerned her.
She sighed and wriggled a little closer, sliding her arm all the way across him and tucking her hand between his ribs and the hammock roping. “No more talking about that.”
A soft chuckle vibrated through his chest. “We have to talk about something, Iz, or I’m going to start thinking about other things.”
She spoke before she thought. “I’ve been thinking about other things since you walked in the door this evening.”
“Oh yeah?”
She heard the smile in his voice, even though she was too embarrassed to look at him. She grimaced and sat up. “Yeah, but I can’t believe I admitted it. Sorry. That wasn’t a very lady-like thing to do.”
“I’m glad you did. I need to ask you something along those lines.”
“Fine, but now I’m too mortified to stay in this hammock with you.” She swung her legs over the edge and stood up, bending to pick up her sandals and the discarded dessert bowl while he also got to his feet.
He stopped her when they got to the deck. “Sit here with me,” he said, urging her down onto the top step.
She put the things she was carrying aside and sank down, keeping a good foot of space between them. Whatever he was going to ask, along those lines, she was pretty sure it would result in her being embarrassed.
He reached out and she felt his fingers in her hair, threading slowly down through the thick waves. After a moment he spoke.
“I admire your decision to give up sex until you’re married, Izzy, and I would never try to talk you out of that.” He paused briefly, then pushed on. “Is there more I need to know, though? I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, so you need to tell me where your line is.”
She forgot to breathe as she felt a wave of heat roll through her. Did asking that question mean he wanted to do more than just snuggle in a hammock? And did that “more” involve his mouth on hers?
She could only hope, and did she ever. “Um, I don’t know if I have an actual line. I haven’t thought about it like that, but, uh, I guess since I won’t have sex, I need to not let myself get so carried away that I might forget I won’t have sex.”
He turned slightly toward her, his eyes almost black in the rapidly fading daylight. His hand left her hair and settled on the small of her back. “So I’m good as long as I don’t approach that point of no return?”
Izzy couldn’t deny it—she liked where this seemed to be heading. She raised her brows, trying to come across as innocent and confused, even though she knew he wouldn’t buy it. “Do you have a specific question you’d like to ask me, Tanner?”
He wasn’t one to duck from a challenge. “Yeah, I do.” His hand moved slowly up and down her back. “Would it be okay if I kissed you, Izzy-B?”
Yes, yes it would. It would be just fine. And the sooner the better. She didn’t say that, of course. Instead she scrunched up her face and pretended to think about it. “Hmm. I might consider risking it.” She tried to keep her eyes from dropping to his mouth, but it was impossible. “Are you any good at it?” she teased.
The lips she was trying not to look at curled into a sardonic smile. He dipped his head a littl
e closer to hers. “Yep, so I’ve been told.” His voice was only a murmur now. A seductive one. “If you’re lucky, sweetheart, I’ll prove it to you sometime.”
With that, he pushed gracefully to his feet, grinning and reaching down to tousle her hair as if she was a child. “Good night, Izzy.”
It took her a few seconds to come out of the oh wow I’m about to be kissed fog, and by the time she’d managed he was halfway across the deck to the French doors.
She stood quickly, smoothing her mussed up hair. “You’re rotten, Tanner,” she accused.
He stopped and looked back at her, chuckling unrepentantly. “Hey, I never said I wanted to kiss you right now, I just wanted to make sure you’d be okay with it. You know, in case the time is ever right.” He gave an exaggerated shrug, raising his palms in fake innocence. “Sorry if I got your hopes up.”
She glared at him, determined not to let him have the last word. “It’s probably for the best.” Tossing her head, she moved toward the door. “After all, I’d hate to be disappointed with your technique—oh!” She gasped when he put his hands on her waist and lifted her right off the ground. He took a few steps and set her down in the doorway, which was one step up from the deck where he remained, bringing her to within a few inches of being eye-level with him.
Her wide eyes met his, and she saw the heat in their dark depths. Her heart raced as he lifted one hand to the side of her face, while the other found its place at the small of her back.
“Izzy,” he said quietly, the pad of his thumb moving lightly along her lower lip. “I’m thinking the right time is right about now. What do you think?”
She nodded slightly. “I think you’re right. I also think you need to stop teasing me and get on with it,” she said, her voice fading to a whisper as he stepped closer.
He moved his thumb under her chin and tipped her head up. “But what if you’re disappointed with my technique?” he asked softly, his dark eyes sparkling with humor in the light coming from inside the cabin.
Izzy slid her hands up onto his shoulders. “Pretty sure I won’t be,” she said, sounding a little breathless. “Please kiss me, Tanner.”
He searched her eyes, perhaps making sure she wanted it as much as he did.
“Please—” she started to say again, and then he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. For a long moment he didn’t move, just kept a gentle pressure, prolonging that first intimate, heart-wrenching touch. Izzy felt her knees weakening and she swayed toward him, causing him to wrap his arm around her and bring her body against his.
He raised his head ever so slightly. “Okay?” he whispered, his breath warm on her lips.
Her eyes opened slowly as she nodded. “It’s so okay,” she whispered back.
He claimed her then, his mouth coming down hard on hers, his tongue sweeping inside when she willingly opened for him. And her mind was blown. Incredible.
Tanner’s kiss wasn’t a mere precursor to meaningless sex, like the kisses she’d had in the past. His kiss told her he cared for her, valued her, and yes, wanted her. Only her. It was all there, clearer than words. It was the most beautiful, sensual, real moment she’d had in her twenty-six years of life, and she felt tears squeezing past her closed eyelids. Tears she was powerless to stop.
She’d always thought kissing was way overrated. Not totally unpleasant, sometimes, but way overrated. Now, with Tanner, she finally knew what all the fuss was about.
***
Tanner slid his hand into her hair, cradling her head as he changed the angle and deepened the kiss. Amazing. Kissing Izzy Harding was everything he’d known it would be. Her lips were soft and full, the sweetest he’d ever kissed, and she had responded to him the very moment he’d put his mouth on hers, proving she’d been wanting this as much as he did.
What he hadn’t expected was to feel so totally shattered and complete at the same time. Only Izzy.
He held her slim, warm body against his, feeling the vibration of her soft moan as she slid her arms tightly around his neck. He brought his hand to her face, stroking the silky skin of her cheek with his fingertips, noticing the tears when he did so.
He broke the kiss and raised his head, brushing a soft curl from her face before gently wiping her tears with his knuckles. “What’s up, Iz?” he rasped. “Please don’t cry, sweetheart.”
She opened her eyes and raised them briefly to his, then pressed her face against his shoulder. Her hands moved down across his chest and stomach, grabbing onto his belt loops. Even though he’d loosened his arms in case she felt the need to escape, she stayed closed to him. Hanging on.
“I’m fine, they aren’t sad tears. It’s just—Tanner, I honestly didn’t know it could be like that,” she said shakily. “All this time, all those years, and I had no idea.”
He put his arms around her shoulders and kissed her temple, fiercely glad to be the one to make her feel that way. The stark truth was, he hadn’t known it could be like this, either. And another truth—he wasn’t sure how he was going to walk away when the time came.
They stood there silently for a moment, enjoying the closeness, thinking their own thoughts. Finally, she lifted her head, her warm eyes shyly meeting his.
“Okay, I’m composed again. I think the shock has worn off.” She gave a beautiful but tremulous smile. “So, can we maybe do that again?”
He smiled, his heart so full of this girl. Full of both hope and dread. Threading his fingers once more into her hair, he cupped her head in his hands, tilting it back and smiling at her expectant look.
“You know what, Iz?” he asked, nudging her nose with his. “I’d choose kissing you over every cherry dessert there is. And you, of all people, know how much I like cherries.”
Her look of delight made him chuckle. “You can have us both, Tanner. Me and cherries.”
He brushed his mouth across hers. “Sounds like heaven.” He angled his head and kissed her long and deep, gratified when she rose up on her toes and strained to be even closer. Then his phone buzzed.
Izzy gave a soft groan as he pulled reluctantly away, slowly opening her eyes. “It’s okay, you can take the call,” she said, her voice a little slurred.
He didn’t want to, but it was his secure phone, so he had to at least check to see who it was. Fishing it from his pocket, he froze when he saw the name on the screen. “It’s Luther,” he said grimly.
She winced and nodded, some of the passion in her eyes replaced with trepidation. “Go ahead and talk. I’ll go start cleaning up the kitchen.”
He dropped a quick kiss on her forehead, then walked to the corner of the deck and answered the call. She thoughtfully closed the door, so he wouldn’t have to worry about her overhearing something she shouldn’t.
Because she was just awesome like that.
CHAPTER 15
Izzy felt like she was in a fog, moving in slow motion. She stacked the dishes by the sink, ran some water, and put in a squirt of detergent. All this was done in automatic mode, because her mind certainly wasn’t on the dirty dishes. Rather, it was whirling with a mix of emotions she wasn’t sure how to handle. The thrill of Tanner’s kisses was foremost, also the growing knowledge that her feelings for him ran strong and deep, more so every day. And, of course, the painful knowledge he would be leaving her at some point.
A horrible thought struck her as she plunged the first plate into the soapy water. She’d assumed Agent Luther’s call was to talk to Tanner about letting her in on his secrets, but what if it wasn’t that at all? What if he was summoning Tanner back to work?
Her hands shook as she determinedly scrubbed the dishes, glad she had something to do other than pace and wait. By the time Tanner came inside, her stomach was churning and she was sure he was going to tell her he had to leave immediately. She heard him open and close the door, but she didn’t turn around. She didn’t want to see the regret on his face, or hear the words I have to go.
He walked up behind her, sweeping her hair to one side and
pressing his lips to the curve of her neck. “You okay?” he asked against her skin.
She nodded jerkily. “Of course. Why?”
“Uh, because you’re washing a pot holder?”
Izzy held it up, watching the water drip from the quilted fabric. “Oh.”
He let out a low chuckle. “What’s wrong, Iz?”
She swallowed and released the breath she’d been holding. “Did Agent Luther call to tell you he needs you to come back?”
He put his hands on her shoulders, kneading her back with his thumbs. “Not this time.”
She slumped over in relief, resting her palms on the edge of the sink. “Thank God,” she breathed.
He turned her to face him, picking up a towel and drying her hands, then reaching behind her to let the water out of the sink. “That’s exactly what’s going to happen at some point, though.”
She nodded. “I know, but it’s not now so I’m grateful. We need more time.”
He put his hands on her waist, urging her closer. “Luther wants to meet you. He’s flying in tomorrow to have dinner with you, me, Tuck and Ryan. He’s talked to them and they both support bringing you into the loop, but he wants to talk to you himself first. If he decides you can be trusted, he wants to be the one to tell you about my job with the FBI. I don’t know why, exactly, he just said it should be him, not me.”
The thought of meeting his boss made her almost unbearably nervous. What if he found her lacking and refused to tell her anything? Or what if he turned out to be a real jerk and she couldn’t help but give him a piece of her mind?
“Tomorrow is fine,” she assured Tanner, sounding more confident than she felt.
“Good. Tuck is going to put him up in the guest house over by the Desmonds. We’ll eat at Tuck’s place. Maddy and Caroline will spend the evening at Virgil and Kay’s.”
“Libby and Maddy don’t know about you, either?” Izzy asked, because she’d wondered whether they did know, and just weren’t at liberty to tell her.
“They know a little, but not the whole story.”
“Okay.” She managed a smile. “This is good news, right? It’s what you wanted?”