To care for.
She began to devour books on pregnancy and parenthood whenever she had a spare moment, taking Susan’s suggestions and several more that she found at the local library. As she slid into her seventh month of pregnancy, Brandy’s calls to her phone took on a fever pitch. Where the woman had previously called once a week, now her attempts to contact Helena came daily.
Helena thought of blocking her number, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Brandy only wanted information, but the dark-skinned woman was worried that with that information would come the confrontation with Xavier that she had been dreading. She still had time, she told herself. Time to figure out exactly how she could tell him…exactly how she could explain…
“You alright, Helena?”
The young woman bit back a groan as she realized that she was going to have to deal with Elliot’s advances for the second time that day.
God, how many weeks had it been since he’d first asked her to go out with him? It seemed like an eternity. Ever since then, the man had been continually trying to take her on dates. Whether he suggested dinner, a movie, or simply preparing for exams together, it seemed that she could do little to deter him from ‘getting to know her’.
Perhaps if the man weren’t so inherently creepy, Helena would have allowed herself to go out with him – just once. It had been five months since she’d seen Xavier- other than the snippets of him she caught on TV – and part of her wondered if it wasn’t time for her to start looking to her future.
To think about dating other men.
To do so while pregnant, however? That was harder to contemplate – and if Elliot hadn’t been asking her so voraciously, Helena wouldn’t even have considered it. When she closed her eyes at night, she still dreamed of being snuggled up to Xavier’s pale, muscular form, her head nestled warmly in the crook of his neck and shoulder.
No…she was far from ready…and if Elliot had given her enough room to explain such a thing to him, she might have.
“I’m fine, Elliot.” Her tone was slightly short as she struggled to find the easiest way of getting rid of him without hurting his feelings. “Absolutely fine. Aren’t you supposed to be with Bobby and his parents in room nine?”
The immense man shrugged, his eyes turning remorseful. “Susan took over. She says that she thinks Bobby deserves a particularly delicate touch that I may not be able to provide…so I got booted out here.”
To her exasperation, he took a seat beside her behind the desk, his smile hopeful. “So, you know, a great action flick just came out recently. Maybe you’d like to check it out with me?”
Christ. When would this man learn that no meant no? Helena tried to swallow her irritation as she turned away from the screen. The words that scrolled through her head were diplomatic – but those that issued from her mouth were slightly less so. “Elliot, look. I know you’re trying to be nice to me, and I appreciate it, I really do. But I’m…not ready for this. I’m seven months pregnant with another man’s baby, and my main concentrations right now are impending motherhood, and my degree. I can’t really be derailed on either of those, OK?”
For a moment, the man merely stared at her. His green eyes changed imperceptibly –became harder, and she grew cold, deep in the pit of her stomach. Elliot extended his hand to place firmly over Helena’s on the desk and the young woman stiffened. “Helena,” When he spoke, his tone was low enough – firm enough- to send fingers of ice creeping down her spine. “You know you’re safe with me. I would never, ever hurt you.” His fingers curled over hers, tight to the point where the tips began to tingle as the feeling leeched out of them.
Helena exhaled a shuddering breath. “Elliot...” She tried slowly, wondering where on earth Susan and Miranda were. “You’re hurting me now, Elliot.”
Two minutes of eternity passed as Elliot glared at her, his eyes hard. Helena may or may not have stopped breathing as she waited with baited breath for the man to do exactly what he promised he wouldn’t.
Then, all at once, his expression changed. His easy smile was back, his eyes warm, and he released her hand as if he’d never taken hold of it. “Sorry, Helena. I didn’t mean it. I’m just…worried about you.”
Yeah.
She was beginning to be worried about herself too.
Chapter Seven: The Last Stage of Grief
He still couldn’t believe it.
Gazing at the pictures spread across the desk in front of him, Xavier tried to wrap his mind around what his parents had been telling him for the past week and a half.
Helena was still pregnant – and she was trying to keep the baby a secret from him so she could get child support from him after it was born. The idea was like a sharp pain burrowing deep into his chest.
He couldn’t believe it…wouldn’t.
Xavier knew his parents. It appeared that, in reality, they had changed very little. His father feigned sincerity, and then he told him things like this…that the woman he loved was conniving against him.
Garret told him that he only wanted to help Xavier for the sake of rebuilding his relationship with his son…and making sure custody of his grandson landed in the right hands. He said that…but then he provided Xavier with fuel for his grief.
Pictures…at least a hundred of them – secretly taken over the months that he and Helena had been apart. Somehow, his parents had known that Helena hadn’t aborted her pregnancy and since then, had been having someone follow her.
It looked as if there hadn’t been many changes in her life. She was still attending the classes she needed, on schedule to complete her MD in a year, making it to her internship every day. In each and every image, he saw her face as if she’d never left him, hovering before him. Every half-smile, the way her lips pursed in frustration as she tried to open her car door one handed.
In each image he looked at, it seemed as if the tiny swell of her stomach got bigger and bigger. How? How could she hide something like this from him?
She’d been so righteous in her indignation – so intent in her decision before – that he couldn’t begin to understand why she would have done something like this…
And his parents’ words began to gnaw at him.
It was they, and the few images he found of Helena with a much larger man – ex-military, the PI found, that made his skin crawl. He wanted simultaneously to rip the man’s heart out and groan with the anguish she’d caused him.
Was it right? Right that he allow one woman to control him so completely? Almost like his parents had controlled him?
“I’m sorry, Xavier.” Emily’s voice was soft when, one night, she called him, her expression somber. “I didn’t think…I didn’t know…”
“It’s fine.” He cut her off lowly, hoarsely. His meeting for the last stage of the merger was at eight o’clock sharp the next morning, but he couldn’t sleep. As confused as he was – as empty as he felt, he still couldn’t keep from wanting Helena in his arms, close to him, feeling their baby grow between their warm, naked bodies. “I mean, what’s done is done right?”
“What…what are you going to do about the baby?” The young woman’s voice was tentative, her eyes wide. The baby would, Xavier realized, be not only his son, but Emily’s nephew. Brandy’s nephew. It was funny how his elder sister had become silent once his parents got involved, where Emily just seemed more concerned about him.
Xavier exhaled hotly. What a question.
He had no idea what he was going to do. All he knew was that he wanted to see his son. The question was: did that want justify suing the woman he still loved very deeply for custody of a baby she had never wanted. “Xavier, you know…Mom and Dad can send someone…to help you….if you need it, you know?”
“If I need it, I’ll let them know.” He returned sharply, his hands clenching atop the desk as his eyes darted, once more, to a hazy picture of his former lover. This one was taken at night – and she was sliding into her car. Leaned over the driver’s side of the vehicle was the
man who’d been following at her heels for the past few weeks…and that lean looked terribly intimate.
“I…I just need some time to think is all, alright, Emily?”
The young blonde nodded empathetically. “Of course. I understand completely.” At that moment, the young man glanced down to see his phone buzzing. To his mild surprise, it was his older sister.
Xavier stared at the phone for a moment before setting it aside. Before all this had come down on his head, she couldn’t call him enough. But now…now he didn’t know what she might want from him…and he was worried she might want to intervene on Helena’s behalf. Really, he didn’t know how much contact his sister might still be having with her; and now, especially, to stay away from her was safer.
It hurt less.
“Xavier, you know I’ll always be here if you need me…and Mom and Dad…they will be too. They care about you more than you know.”
Enough to break his heart, apparently…even if it was for the sake of a child he hadn’t even known existed.
As Emily hung up, Xavier sank back down into his office chair, pushing away the photos before him until they were beyond his line of sight.
His son…the woman he loved…and the parents he’d never had. Christ, things were one gigantic mess right now.
His phone buzzed again, high on his desk, and he frowned, knocking it aside to stalk to his bedroom.
Christ, things hadn’t been this muddled for him in years…not since Helena had brought clarity he’d never known existed.
And then, just as easily, she’d snatched it away.
She’d left him only one option, really…and it wasn’t one that either of them would weather well. Xavier could only hope that it wouldn’t come to that – that some saving grace would let him see the truth he’d missed.
Either that…or he might have to consider the offer of parents he had never quite trusted.
**
It was probably the last surgical practice she would safely be able to attend. Helena had gotten to the point where it was easier to sit down than it was to stand, and even though she still had a month and a half left, she relished the few hours alone she got after work to find out more about her changing body.
It was still crazy for her to think that in six short weeks she would be a mother. There was still so much going on…tests to get through…big decisions to make…she was still trying to figure out exactly how she was going to break the news to Xavier.
Would he be upset? Angry? Probably both, in small measures. But that, Helena told herself as she swallowed her fear, would be just fine with her – as long as the truth came out.
And her little boy got his father.
She shuffled around the office, humming to herself as she cleaned up a few small messes left by their patients. The young woman felt rather than saw Elliot’s presence the moment he entered the room, and every hair on her body stood on end.
For some reason, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to tell Susan and Miranda about what had happened between she and the older man. She felt almost as if she were being paranoid – that mentioning something would put a name to the weird sensation she felt whenever he was in the same room as her.
She had no idea why the feeling persisted.
Ever since that fateful time the man held her hand in a death grip, he hadn’t touched her. He barely talked to her, and whenever she met his gaze, his eyes seemed wary to her – as if she’d scared him off.
And maybe she had. If that was the case, then Helena was more than relieved. It was a blessing not to have to deal with the unwanted attention –especially when she had bigger fish to fry.
She left the office that night formulating a plan to finally address Xavier about the arrival of their son, and the arrangement she hoped to make with him. The very thought of meeting him face to face – after longing for him for what seemed like an eternity – made he knees weak with desire and heartache.
But they needed to have this talk…and he needed to understand that she was trying as best she could to come to terms with the child she would soon hold against her breast.
And hopefully, he could forgive how pigheaded she’d been all those weeks ago – for the sake of their son.
As the young woman made her way carefully down the steps into the parking lot, she was too pre-occupied to notice the dark, hunched figure that followed her, silently, to her vehicle. She leaned over the car, unlocking the door and reaching in to slide the keys into the ignition first. It would be too difficult for her to slide them around her bulky stomach later.
When a warm hand curled into her shoulder, a soft exclamation escaped her, and she whirled, to be met with a face that was far less welcoming than it had been in the past few days. Helena felt her stomach tighten painfully, and whimpered as the grip on her shoulder became firm to the point of grinding against the bone.
Elliot smiled.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Helena.” He promised lowly, his voice husky with a want that disturbed her as much as it frightened her. “Much.”
**
Goddamn it.
For the fifth time in an hour, Xavier’s phone went off, and he cursed lowly, making every board member present look at him in inquiry.
This was absolutely ridiculous.
Brandy had been calling him nonstop all morning, and he was fit to strangle his older sibling. This was one of the most important meetings he’d have in the history of his company and it seemed Brandy was determined that he shouldn’t attend.
He apologized lowly, excusing himself from the board room in order to yank his phone from his pocket and redial the elder woman’s number irately.
“Xavier!” The woman answered him on the first ring and he fought to keep his calm. He’d been far too on-edge lately, and the last thing he needed was an interruption.
“What is it, Brandy?” He replied tightly, the muscles of his neck and shoulder’s tense. “I’m trying to keep some semblance of a regular life here. Now’s not the best time for you to decide you want to know what I’m up to!” His words were hissed in an irritated whisper as he leaned into an alcove just outside the boardroom.
“Xavier, I’m sorry, really I am. But I called you because I’ve been keeping something from you that I don’t think I can any longer.”
The programmer exhaled a tense breath, trying to keep his cool. “Brandy, can this wait? I’m in the middle of a board meeting.”
“Xavier, Helena doesn’t want to extort you over your son.”
Any words Xavier might have said died on his lips at the unexpected admission. It took him a good minute to recover enough to say anything, but when he could, his tone was incredulous. “Brandy, what do you know?”
“I’m sorry, Xavier. I am. I promised not to tell because she told me she needed time, but the baby’s almost here and…you have to know. I can’t let Mom and Dad do this to you again…and I can’t let you think Emily’s not a part of it.”
“What…Brandy, be straight with me. I don’t have time to mess around right now. What are you trying to say?”
An exasperated sigh echoed over the phone line. “Xavier, Helena always planned to tell you about the baby. After what happened between you….she needed to make some decisions…decisions you can’t make in one or two days. She wants to share this with you, Xavier, but she’s not sure how…and Mom and Dad are trying to exploit her uncertainty. They want…they want the baby…” Her voice softened. “Just like they want mine.”
The words washed over him, sent a ripple of helplessness weaving through his gut.
“Brandy…you’re…” He swallowed thickly, cursing himself for being such a monumental ass. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…”
“Don’t worry about it. Just promise me you’ll go over and talk to Helena, tonight. She hasn’t been taking my calls, and I’ve been worried sick. She’s been doing this by herself. Exams, school, her internship…and this baby…you guys need to talk, and damn what happened between you.”<
br />
Xavier tried to absorb all that Brandy was telling him.
So Helena…didn’t want to fight for money? She’d been trying to tell him about the baby all this time?
That meant that his parents…that they’d concocted this entire story in an effort to make their closeness about getting hold of their grandchild…and they’d almost manipulated him right into their hands.
What hurt the most, however, was the realization that his youngest sister had been their accomplice. “And…Emily?”
Brandy drew a long breath from the other line. “I…tried, Xavier. She seemed really earnest. She wanted to get to know you…to get to know us. But now, it disturbs me a bit to see how easily our parents can use her…how much she believes that their brand of love is really the best for her. I love her…we love her…but trusting her? That might be a stretch.”
Jesus Christ.
This was a bit much to absorb all at once. He’d gone from thinking that he’d gained a sister to his cause to losing her all over again. From thinking he’d lost his only child to learning that Helena had never meant for them to be apart.
That talking to her…seeing her….wasn’t just a viable option, but one that was sorely needed.
“Brandy.” His baritone was soft and apologetic. “I’m so sorry. Are you…are you going to be ok?”
“I’ll figure things out, Xav. I always do. I think right now, your bundle of joy is a little more pressing than mine.”
She was right.
He would go and speak to Helena as soon as his meeting was over. They had a lot to discuss…and he had amends to make.
**
Had it really only been one night?
Helena was barely awake, hanging by her makeshift bonds in her bedroom, barely awake.
For the fiftieth time since Elliot had brought her home, Helena cursed herself. How many times had she felt the need to alert others to the strange way Elliot looked at her – the way he spoke to her? And each and every time, she had refrained, thinking her impulses had to be wrong.
A Kiss of Color: A BWWM Interracial Pregnancy Romance (Book 2) Page 11