Chapter Five
Colin and I were stiff and formal with each other the next day. I hated myself for falling for him, for being trapped with him on an island when Katie needed my help, and most of all, for still finding him attractive.
I couldn't deny that his imposing physique, deep green eyes and square jaw made my body quiver - more so now that I knew what we were capable of together. But I had even better reasons to ignore him, now that I knew he was inconsiderate and cold-hearted.
When we were outside near the others, I tried my best to act like I was in love. I let him wrap his arm around my waist, and I smiled happily, ignoring the urge to either shove him away or turn around and kiss him.
We headed to a conference room after breakfast the next day, and we sat through presentations by Roger, Keith and Colin. I grudgingly admitted to myself that Colin's presentation was the best by far - he painted a picture of exclusive luxury, a holiday experience that would appeal to families and couples. Colin covered both the practical aspects of the development, the potential income and profitability, as well as creating a romantic overview of the whole development. It was clear that he'd prepared well, and his presentation left us all impressed.
Keith's presentation was impressive, but lacked a few practical details. On the other hand, Roger gave the worst presentation of all - he seemed to have put little thought into the whole thing, and had very few practical numbers and details on hand. But Don still nodded, and said that his idea was promising, and they could go over the exact numbers later.
At that, I groaned internally. I might hate Colin, but I chafed at the injustice Don was committing by favoring Roger - he was giving up a better resort just to work with someone who was his friend's son. But Colin didn't seem to be phased by it all, and afterwards we all had a lovely seafood lunch and everyone retired to their bedroom for siestas.
I couldn't stand to be in the same room as Colin, and after a few minutes of fiddling with my phone and texting Katie, I left to take a walk. I strolled around the gardens, and found a paved courtyard where Celine was sunbathing. She smiled when she saw me, and I walked over despite myself.
"Isn't it bad to lie out in the sun so much?"
Celine gave a tinkling laugh and said, "Maybe. But I've got sunscreen, and those bitches in New York better be jealous of my tan!"
I laughed with her, and wondered if she had any real friends. Celine's world seemed so lonely… I'm not sure how it happened, but I asked her about her friends in New York and Celine started telling me about how her "friends" backstabbed her, and how she made sure nobody knew too much about her real life.
I nodded and commiserated, even though I was sure Celine returned their favors whenever she could. But I felt genuinely sorry for her. Sometimes I feel very lonely - since my parents died, I've never had enough time to make friends and hang out with them. I guess the fact that I'm alone makes it easy for me to understand when other people are lonely.
I sat down beside her and we chatted a while longer. The sun was moving lower, and we knew everyone else would be up soon, and joining us for drinks and dinner.
I got up to go and change and Celine rolled to her side. "Listen Lisa," she purred, "I hope you've got no hard feelings because of me and Colin?"
I shook my head. "It's in the past."
She nodded and lay back again. "You're nicer than I thought. I guess I know what Colin sees in you - you're different from the other bitches out there."
I laughed. "What makes you so sure of that?"
She grinned. "Well, you haven't asked me for my plastic surgeon's details, and you haven't told me I looked terrible in last week's issue of People."
"I still have a chance to do that."
We both laughed and I left.
The next few days were a blur of sumptuous food, beach visits and relaxed quietness. Colin and I barely spoke to each other - I ignored him when we retired to our room after dinner, and we slept on far sides of the bed. I'm not the kind of person who throws tantrums or cries like a baby; I prefer to hide my emotions and I hid the way I felt about Colin by avoiding him.
I tried not to look into his eyes - whenever I looked, there was something wary and guarded there, and I felt guilty. And then I felt angry with myself for feeling guilty - he should be the one to feel guilty! He could've let me go back to New York, I couldn't see any good reason to stay, but he wouldn't change his mind.
Whenever we were with the others, we held hands, laughed and teased each other. I tried not to let the charade break my heart - this was what we might have really been. He'd told me he cared about me, and it was tempting to imagine a world where all that was true.
But I did my bit stoically, trying not to feel wistful. I avoided Colin during the siesta time by going outside and chatting with Celine. She was fickle and self-centered, but I couldn't blame her. She'd grown up with rich parents who spoiled her with everything she wanted to buy, but never gave her their time. I figured that's why she was starving for attention, but she claimed she loved her childhood - "I could do anything I wanted and buy anything I liked, that's all that matters."
I wasn't sure she was right, but I didn't contradict her and merely nodded.
I tried to call Katie once a day, and though she was sad, she seemed to be doing well. Her mother had come down from New Jersey to spend a few days with her, and on Thursday and Friday night she went out clubbing with some single friends from work. She seemed to be having fun with her work friends, and I felt a twinge of jealousy that it wasn't me she was having drinks with. But I was happy she was doing well.
I called my brother Alex every other day, and he was making good progress at rehab. He seemed stunned and grateful that I'd paid off his debts so soon, and promised to be clean once he got out. I hoped he'd stick to his word, and I made a mental note to keep an eye out for any signs of a relapse.
On Saturday, I told Colin that I'd be accepting the job with Brian Brito Designs.
"I thought as much," he said. His voice was deep and calm, and he didn't seem surprised at all.
"It's not like you're about to get this Manchala project either," I said snidely. His calmness irked me, and I couldn't help being a bit mean.
But Colin didn't seem to care and just shrugged. "You never know how things turn out."
We eyed each other warily. He hadn't tried to kiss me or touch me since the night Katie called, and a part of me felt hurt by that. Did he no longer find me attractive? Or was one night enough to satisfy his curiosity and mark me as "done"?
But it's not like I would've responded to his caresses anyway, I told myself. Of course, that was a lie - I had learned not to trust my body. But having a physical relationship with a guy I hated wasn't a good idea, so part of me was thankful that he didn't seem to care about being with me.
On Sunday morning we said goodbye to Don and Diane. The jeeps drove the six of us down to a bay and I could see a large boat in the distance.
"Surprise," said Colin drily, "I arranged a boat for us instead of the plane."
I was surprised and touched. He must've done this soon after we landed and I was so relieved I wouldn't have to get on that kite-plane again. I hugged him gratefully, since I knew that's what everyone expected me to do. His muscles were hard and lean and I pressed myself against him, but I let go soon - it was all just a charade.
I wanted to kiss him and tell him how sorry I was that things hadn't gone as we'd hoped for in Manchala, and how thankful I was that he'd arranged for the boat. But Colin seemed detached and aloof, and everyone was watching, so I didn't say anything.
Instead, we piled into small speedboats which took us out to the larger boat and we climbed up onto it. The boat took us a bit longer to get to St Bart's, but it was much more pleasant. I loved the feeling of the waves rolling us gently, the blue ocean surrounding us on all sides.
Of course, Celine immediately went to the top deck and stripped down to her tiny bikini to sunbathe, and I sat down beside her.
&
nbsp; When we arrived in St Bart's, we said goodbye to Keith and John, who had their own plane to take them back to London.
Celine and Roger would stay on in St Bart's for a few days. Celine hugged me and said, "Keep in touch, bitch."
I smiled wryly. "I'll try."
I realized I'd actually miss Celine, and was sorry to have to say goodbye. I wondered if I'd see her again, and whether she'd still want to be friends with me when I was no longer with Colin and no longer a part of her society.
Colin and I boarded his plane again, and we began our flight back to New York. Once we were in the air, I thought it would be courteous to thank Colin for arranging the boat.
I tried to stutter my thanks, but he just shrugged and said coldly, "Don't mention it."
His disinterest was hurtful and I hated to end things this way. I meant to say something diplomatic, but instead, I wound up saying softly, "So one night was enough for you."
Colin turned and looked at me. His jade eyes were blanketed with a shroud of disinterest and he shrugged. "I have enough people around who don’t care about me and if I just wanted sex, I've got lots of choice."
His words stung and he didn't have to mention that most of his choices were prettier than me, but I knew that was the truth.
I didn't bother to mask my hurt and I said, "I really did care about you, Colin. Until you showed that you were a massive jerk."
"Because I didn't let you break your promise to me and go running back to a girl who doesn't need you around?"
I narrowed my eyes and jerked up my chin. "You would've been fine without me. I knew you weren't going to get the contract anyway, and Katie needed me."
"Really? And how's she been doing these past few days?"
I hesitated, and Colin knew enough. He snorted derisively. "You're a fool who doesn't understand when people care about her and when they're taking advantage of her. You get these two backwards."
I wanted to protest that Katie never took advantage of me, that I was the one who always smothered her with attention. But maybe he was right - I should stop trying to save everyone around me. They seemed to do fine on their own anyway.
I took a deep breath and tried to be the bigger person. "Look Colin, I don't want to end things like this. I appreciate the opportunity you've given me, and though I think you were unreasonable when you didn't let me leave Manchala early, I think I may have overestimated how badly Katie needed me."
"Really?" Colin wasn't about to accept my half-assed attempt at an apology. "And how about how badly I needed you?"
I tried not to lose my cool. "You didn't need me, Colin! You knew you wouldn't get the project and there was no point for me to be there."
Colin shook his head. "You just don't get it, do you?"
I sighed. We could go on like this forever, in circles that never ended. "I can't apologize for wanting to leave, Colin. You didn't need me, there was no point for me to be there. But I am sorry that you think I didn't care about you. I did. I really did like you and… well, we had fun together. I don't want to argue about this."
Colin nodded, and looked back at his tablet. We were silent for the rest of the flight - there didn't seem to be anything else to say, and there was no point discussing the weather or other nonsensical trivialities.
When we landed at Teterboro Airport, I followed him out to the limo and he dropped me off at home.
"Take the luggage," he said drily, "I've got no use for it."
Colin's manner was formal, and his jade eyes were cold and distant. So this was goodbye, I thought. I couldn't help feeling the twinge in my heart. I was sorry that this was how things would end. For a moment I wondered if I'd been unreasonable when I asked to leave Manchala, but I quickly brushed that thought from my mind.
I knew I'd never see Colin again, and I tried not to think about that. I took a deep breath, leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek, savoring the smell of his oceanic scent and the feel of his smooth skin against my lips, one last time, and I stepped out of the limo before I got all emotional and teary. Colin didn't turn around or react when I kissed him, and I knew there was nothing more to say.
I left the luggage and the clothes in the car with Colin - I didn't want to have any reminders of my time with him, and I walked away quickly, trying not to think about how differently things between Colin and I might have been.
Chapter Six
Brian Brito Designs was a small firm, and I reported directly to Brian. He and his partner had a few wealthy clients, and my job was mostly to get coffees and take notes during their meetings.
I tried not to be too disappointed with my work, but I couldn't help thinking that I was making a grave career mistake by not working with Colin. He had promised me a job with his firm even if he didn't get the Manchala project, and I stopped myself whenever I caught myself in the middle of a daydream about redesigning a hotel lobby.
Katie had gone through her breakup just fine without me, and it turned out that even after I came back home, she preferred the company of her new, bar-hopping work friends to boring evenings spent with me. I tried not to feel ignored, and I knew Katie needed to enjoy some wild freedom and drunken bar-hopping to get over her ex. But I finally admitted to myself that Colin was right - I had no reason for wanting to leave Manchala just because of Katie's crisis.
The logical part of my mind told me to swallow my pride, apologize and beg Colin for a job. But I would never do that. I had no intention of taking advantage of him, and I didn't have the stomach to face him as a boss.
Even worse, I missed Colin. I wouldn't admit this to myself during the day, when I tried to keep busy with work, but at night, just before I fell asleep, I'd remember the way he smelled, the way his muscles felt when I pressed up against him… He'd been so kind to me, arranging that boat when he learned how I felt about tiny planes, and he'd trusted me enough to confide about his past.
And I'd repaid that kindness and trust with impetuous and unreasonable demands. I realized now that I'd acted like a spoilt child. But it was too late - I might care about Colin, but I didn't think he'd forgive me for my behavior. The sex had been great, but he didn't need me around for that. He had lots of choice and for all I knew, he was onto his new "girlfriend" by now. I studiously avoided looking at the tabloids, but I couldn't keep Colin off my mind.
On Thursday, I went out to lunch with Margaret, the receptionist. We'd gotten to be friends quickly, and I thought it would be nice to get to know her better.
We chatted about work and the weather for a while, and then she told me about the other people who had applied for my position.
"You were a last minute choice for the firm," she confided, over a chicken salad.
"How come?"
"Well, Brian had someone else in mind. But Colin Anderson called him the week before and told him you were a great designer."
My heart thumped wildly and I tried not to choke on my sandwich. I felt as though I'd stopped breathing. What was going on? "Why did he do that?"
Margaret shrugged casually. "He said he knew your work through that blog, and Brian assumed you'd done some private work for his firm but he didn't want to admit it. Are you feeling ok?"
I'd lost my appetite and I must've turned quite pale. I nodded silently and clutched my stomach, pretending I had cramps.
Margaret poured me a glass of water and looked a bit confused about what to do, but I regained my composure and drank the water.
"Thanks," I stuttered. "I don't know what happened there."
"Oh, it's ok," she murmured. "It happens sometimes."
I nodded, and stayed quiet, answering in monosyllables when Margaret asked me questions, and allowing her to spend the rest of the meal telling me about her cats. But I barely understood what she said. The image of Colin calling Brian kept turning over in my mind - why had Colin helped me get this job? What was he trying to do and why?
I couldn't find the answers to those questions and I felt confused as I went through the rest
of the day, doing basic admin work and filing papers.
When I got home, I shut myself up in my room and tried to figure it out calmly.
It didn't make sense, I hadn't agreed to do anything for Colin when he called Brian. He must've thought I wouldn't agree to his proposal, and maybe wanted to help me get a job if I didn't wind up working for him. Or had he foreseen the possibility that he wouldn't get the job in Manchala, or that things might go wrong between us?
I felt sick and skipped dinner. I didn't want to take advantage of Colin, but wasn't I doing that just by working at my new job? And why had he helped me out for no reason - what would have happened if I hadn't gone to Manchala?
I spent the next day conflicted about what I'd just learned, wondering if I should call Colin and thank him, or if I should just ignore it and move on.
Bride By Design 3: Manchala Nights (Taken By The Billionaire) Page 4