by Wolfe, Sean
The inevitable happened one Saturday night halfway through my senior year. I avoided dating at all costs, under the pretext of throwing myself into my schoolwork and striving for a scholarship. My parents were so proud of their little boy. But JJ and Amber were both out on dates. Dad was at work, and mom was completely oblivious to the world. She worked during the day, and wasn’t able to watch her soap, so she taped the entire week’s shows and then watched them all at once, fast-forwarding through the commercials, on Saturday evenings. Armed with a quart of Chunky Monkey ice cream and five hours of Days of Our Lives she could be distracted by nothing.
So I didn’t think twice about shutting myself off inside my room and beating off to my fantasy boyfriend with the ripped abs and jeans and that treasure trail from heaven. The rest of the magazine was tattered and torn almost to pieces, but that one page was in perfect condition. I didn’t tear out that one page, and laminate it or frame it, but instead kept it inside the rest of the magazine for cover. If anyone had found just the page with my boyfriend on it, I’d be found out. But no one in my family read, not even the trash tabloids, so I knew they wouldn’t pick it up and notice the perfect page with my perfect boyfriend and come to the perfect conclusion that I was a faggot.
What I didn’t count on that night was JJ arriving home early and bursting through the bedroom door.
“Fuck!” he yelled as he slammed the door. “That bitch wouldn’t put out again tonight. Said she’s ...”
He stopped mid-sentence as he looked up and saw my naked body lying on my bed, one fist wrapped around my hard and throbbing cock and the other clutching the open magazine to the page with CK, my boyfriend-in-waiting.
“What the ...”
“JJ, please don’t say anything,” I pleaded as I threw the magazine to the floor and grabbed the blankets to cover myself.
He ran to the other side of the bed as I scampered to cover my naked body, and picked up the magazine. It was still opened to the page with CK.
“Oh, my God,” he nearly yelled. “You’re a fuckin’ homo.”
“Come on, JJ,” I said, grabbing the magazine from him. “It’s nothing, really. Just don’t say ...”
“Mom,” he yelled as he pulled the door open and rushed out into the living room. “Kyle’s a fucking homo!”
Finesse and tact are not qualities that run in my family.
I pulled the covers over my eyes and cried myself to sleep. The next morning I tried to sneak out the door to school without being seen. But there was no way to get out without walking through the kitchen, where everyone was having breakfast. Mom and Dad and JJ were having eggs and bacon and fried potatoes. Amber was having her usual half a grapefruit with artificial sweetener. Normally my plate would be filled with the same food as JJ and my parents. But this morning my plate had a frozen waffle on it. It was topped with pink whipped cream, and a single strawberry capped it off.
I sat down and buried my head in my hands, and everyone at the table laughed at me until they had tears in their eyes.
College was such a blessing. Not so much because I loved school or was even among the brightest. I wasn’t a jock or a computer nerd or a standout in any other way whatsoever. That, in fact, was one of the blessings. I could just get lost among all the other kids and not be noticed, and not a whole lot was expected of me.
The other was that I was away from my family. I love my family. But damn, could they ever get on my nerves. Most of the time, every word out of their mouth made me want to cringe and scream and pull my hair out. I suppose I wasn’t unlike every other teenager in that aspect. But once they knew I was gay, it got worse. They never stopped teasing me. It wasn’t at all mean-spirited or anything like that. Just teasing and poking and prodding and asking when I was bringing my boyfriend over to meet the Fockers. To them it was funny and their way of showing me how open and accepting they were. I love them for that. But for me it was embarrassing and got old after a while and I just wanted to go into a coma or something for a few months until I could get out of the house and be on my own.
Leaving the small, redneck town of Rock Springs, Arkansas, and heading off to college ... alone for the first time in my life ... in the big city of Denver, Colorado, was the experience of my life. No one knew me in Denver, and that meant no one would know that I was gay. That was fine with me, because my only experience of people knowing I was gay was with my family, and I could certainly live without that.
I lived in the dorm on campus, and actually enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. I made a lot of friends there, and there was some kind of party going on almost every night of the week.
My roommate’s name was Tony. Tony was Mr. All-America: five feet ten inches of solid, rock-hard muscle. He was a star on the wrestling and gymnastics teams. Dark blond hair, emerald green eyes, and a smile that put Tom Cruise to shame. To me, he was the perfect guy. He was shy and quiet and sweet, and a real nice guy. And yet he was popular and always the center of attention. He had a way of making everyone feel wanted and appreciated, and he was great at being a leader in everything he did. At the same time, when he was alone with me he confided that he really was shy at heart and was always a little uncomfortable with all the attention.
I had a huge crush on Tony. I wanted to crawl into bed with him and cuddle and kiss and make love. I wanted to lick the valleys that dipped between Tony’s eight-pack abs.
During wrestling season, he would ask me to help him work through some moves. I am not a jock, and am, in fact, one of the clumsiest people I’ve ever known. And so the first few times he asked me to wrestle around with him, I vehemently refused. But one time, after we’d had a few beers and were getting a little restless as the night drew closer to midnight, when Tony asked me to wrestle with him, I agreed. I’m a very cheap drunk.
When he started to undress, I panicked. “What are you doing?” I squeaked as I tried very hard not to look at his smooth, tanned and perfectly muscled chest and legs.
“You can’t maneuver in your clothes, dude,” he said as he slid his jeans off and threw them aside. He stood in nothing but his boxers. “They get in the way and you can’t grab hold.”
I just stood there and looked at him with a mixed expression of stupidity and horror.
“Strip down, dude. To the underwear.”
There was absolutely no excuse I could give that wouldn’t make me sound completely retarded or completely gay. So I stripped down to my white Hanes briefs and just stood there.
Tony had had quite a bit to drink, so I could chalk up a lot of his actions and reactions to the ten or so Coronas he’d had. But as I stood there in only my briefs, shivering like it was twenty below zero inside the room, he looked me up and down and sized me up in a way that led me to believe it was more than just the beer. I’d seen other straight guys check out girls in that same way, and I’d snuck a few similar looks at hot guys around campus myself.
He showed me a few basic moves, then started attacking me for real. He came at me from the front, from the back, from the side. His smooth skin was so hard and warm and sweaty as it rubbed against mine. It didn’t take long at all before I felt my cock harden, and I panicked. Tony must have noticed too, because he flipped me onto my back so my hard-on couldn’t be hidden beneath me, straddled my chest and pinned my arms with his legs. We were both breathing heavily and his crotch was only a couple of inches from my face. His fly was spread wide open, and I could see his dark bush and the base of what looked like a very nice and very thick cock. It was definitely on its way to full hardness.
Tony looked into my eyes, and I somehow found enough courage not to look away. He leaned down toward me, and I braced myself for him to kiss me. At last, the dream of my life would become reality. Tony’s lips would gently touch mine and linger there for a moment before he slipped his tongue into my mouth and kissed me passionately. He would break the kiss and hold my face in his hands and tell me he loved me and wanted us never to be apart.
But that did
n’t happen, of course. This was no Harlequin romance. Instead, Tony fell forward and planted both hands on either side of my head. He turned to one side and vomited all over the floor right next to me.
“I’m so sorry, dude,” he said when he’d finished and collapsed on top of me. He looked like he was going to cry.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, as I helped him up and half-carried him to his bed. As I laid him on top of the covers, the fly of his boxers opened again. I couldn’t help it. I looked inside and saw his beautiful hard cock in all its magnificence. It was every bit as long and thick as it seemed in my preview a few moments earlier, and pink with big hairy balls that lay low between his legs. He was dead to the world at this point, so I could have taken advantage of him then and there, and he’d never have known. But I didn’t. I went to bed, climbed under the blankets, and beat off to the picture of his cock that would forever be engrained in my brain.
I was in love with Tony. There was no denying that. But I couldn’t ever tell him that, or let anyone else find out either. There were no rumors at school that I was a fag. There were certainly no rumors that I was some butch jock or lady-killer, either, but I didn’t have to put up with any prods or pokes like from my family, and no pink whipped cream frozen waffles and no whispered words behind my back or uneasy stares as I walked about campus. And I wanted to keep it that way. So I could never let on that I barely ever looked at CK anymore, or even thought of him, for that matter, but that instead I beat off quietly under the blankets of my bed every night as I watched Tony sleep across the room from me.
My ruse was working pretty well, too, until one fateful Thursday night in early May. I’d been studying for my Psych final exam for the past three nights, and was almost to the point of committing myself. My Tony never studied ... he didn’t have to, and he had a habit of leaving me alone in the room when I needed to concentrate on my books. So I was alone when my cell phone rang. From the caller ID I saw it was Amber, and I almost didn’t answer it. But her birthday was this weekend, and I was heading back to Rock Springs to celebrate with the family the next day, so I picked up.
“I’ve decided what you can get me for my birthday,” she said excitedly, even before I had a chance to say hello.
“A brain?” I teased.
“No. I want a porno DVD.”
“A what?”
“A porno DVD. You know there’s no place here in Rock Springs to get something like that. There must be hundreds of stores in Denver where you can get them.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin to look for one of those places.”
“Check the Internet or the Yellow Pages under ‘porno stores’ or ‘sex shops’, or something like that. You’re smart, I’m sure you can figure it out.”
“But Amber ...”
“Make sure you get me a straight one. You know, with a man and a woman.”
“Very funny,” I said, and stuck my tongue out at the phone.
“And make sure the guys on the cover are cute. God, some of the pictures I’ve seen on advertisements for those things are horrible. The men look like they’ve just been found in the caves of Afghanistan.”
“I am not going to go looking for a porno video for you,” I said. But already I was Googling sex shops in the area.
“Please,” she begged. “I’m twenty-three years old, and have still never seen one. That just can’t be normal. I should be on Springer or something.”
“I think you were, just last week. I saw you pulling some girl’s hair out because she was claiming to be your boyfriend’s baby mama.”
“Fuck you. Are you gonna get me the damned tape or not?”
“Yes, I’ll get you a hot porno tape. You nympho.”
“Fucking faggot.”
“Good night, Amber. I love you.”
“I love you, too, sweetheart. See you tomorrow.”
There were several shops within a mile or so of campus, but I didn’t want to chance running into anyone I knew, so I drove all the way downtown to a sleazy stretch of Colfax Avenue, and found a store very inaptly named Romantix. There was nothing romantic about it. The second I walked in the door I almost vomited a little in my mouth. The stench was overwhelming, and the dozen or so TVs behind the counter were all showing porn videos with the volume turned up a titch too loud.
I kept my head down and walked as purposely as possible to find Amber’s DVD. It didn’t take long; there was a whole room filled with them. There were a few people browsing the DVDs, but no one I knew, so I loosened up and took a few minutes to find one I thought she might like. Okay, so I found one I liked. There were two guys on the cover, and both of them were gorgeous. Smooth and muscular and model-pretty. And they both had huge cocks that I couldn’t take my eyes off. The black guy’s cock was as thick as a beer can, and buried halfway up the blonde girl’s snatch, and still I could see several inches. The white guy’s cock wasn’t quite as thick, but covered with thick veins, and from the look of the chick’s puffed-out cheeks and expanded throat, he was pretty deep inside her from the other end, and again I could still see enough of his cock to get instantly hard. I thought Amber would like that one, so I picked it up and headed toward the counter.
It was then that I saw another whole room with a white neon sign hanging over it that heralded “Gay.” I instinctively dropped my head, so as to keep anyone from seeing me, and walked inside. Hundreds of gay porno DVDs surrounded me. My already hard cock throbbed painfully, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I stained the front of my jeans. So I reached out and picked up the closest DVD and rushed to the counter, where I paid for both DVDs, and then bolted from the building as quickly as possible.
Back at the dorm room, Tony still hadn’t returned. It was only nine o’clock, so he’d probably be out for at least another three hours. I shoved Amber’s DVD into my suitcase, then popped the movie I’d bought for myself into the DVD player. I undressed and lay on the bed, completely naked, and was fully hard even before the opening credits finished. I spat into my hand and slid it up and down the length of my cock as I watched a couple of cute guys kissing and undressing one another.
I was so engrossed in the video that I didn’t hear the door open. It took me a couple of seconds to realize Tony was standing just inside the door, which was wide open, watching me beat off. I instantly had déja vu of JJ walking in and catching me in this same compromising position and outing me.
“Can you shut the door, for fuck’s sake?” I grabbed the blankets and tried to cover myself.
Tony closed the door, and it was then that I noticed he was wearing nothing but a pair of his infamous boxers. They clung to his muscular ass in a way that is illegal in thirteen states. When he turned around, the fly of his shorts tented out in front of him.
“What the hell have you been up to?” I asked, trying to divert the attention away from me.
“A few of us were playing Truth or Dare down in Karen Thomas’s room, and things got a little out of hand.” He was holding onto the door to brace himself, and I was afraid he was gonna fall.
“Well, it doesn’t look like you were too put off by it all,” I said, and glanced down at the very obvious bulge in his shorts.
“Oh, that,” he said, and squeezed it harder. “I didn’t actually get that until I walked in here and saw you beating off.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he said, and strutted toward my bed. My heart raced and my cock grew harder. When he reached my bed, he stood right in front of my face and pulled his cock out of the fly of his shorts. “So why don’t you suck my dick?” he said in a deep and sexy voice that almost made me cream right there.
I reached out with my tongue and licked the salty head of his cock, savoring the sweet taste of his precum. I wasn’t a pro at cocksucking at that time ... in fact, I’d had no experience in it at all. But I did what felt good for me, and Tony seemed to enjoy it as well. I pulled his foreskin back and sucked on just the head for a few moments, and then took a co
uple more inches into my mouth. It was all I could handle without gagging, which I so did not want to do. I sucked on it for a few minutes, and then slid my lips up and down the length of his cock, or at least as much as I could take.
Sucking his cock was the best taste and feeling I’d ever experienced. He leaked a lot of precum, and I lapped it up like I a bear after honey. His cock was thick and long and veiny and hard, and intoxicated me with desire. I wanted all of him. I was in love, remember.
“I wanna fuck you,” Tony said, and then turned me onto my stomach, with my naked ass raised in the air. In a matter of seconds, he had my cheeks spread and was fingering around my hole.
“Tony, this isn’t such a great idea,” I said as I tried to find enough spit to swallow. Every ounce of energy in my body wanted him to fuck me. I’d dreamed about it from the moment I met him, and had beat off to that fantasy a hundred times. But I wasn’t ready. As much as I wanted to be, I wasn’t ready.
“Come on, dude. You can’t fucking tease me now,” he said, as he spat on my ass. “You got me fucking harder than a rock.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” I said, and then cringed as I realized how stupid that sounded. “It’s just that ...”
“Just that what?” Tony asked as he slid one finger up my ass all the way to his knuckle.
I gasped as he wiggled his finger deep up my butt. I truly meant to cry out in pain and shock and horror, and to demand that he stop. Imagine my dismay when instead I moaned and wriggled my ass against his finger, wanting more.
“I’ve never done this before.”
“Yeah, right,” he said as he slid a second finger inside me. and I moaned louder and squeezed my ass muscles around his fingers.
“Seriously, Tony, I’ve never done anything like this,” I said as I tried to pull my ass from his fingers and turn around onto my back.
But he was much stronger, and horny as hell, so he kept me pinned on my stomach and continued to finger fuck me.