Eric
It’s eight o’clock when I get a text from Skyla. She always calls, so it seems odd.
Skyla: Could you come over? I need to talk to you … without Chase.
Fuck. What’s this about? Does she know? Maybe it has nothing to do with that.
Me: OK, I’ll be over in thirty. My stomach tightens as I make the drive to Skyla’s. I hate not knowing what I’m walking into. If she knows, will she be pissed at me? I park in her driveway, my stomach aching even more as I walk to the door.
“Eric, come in.”
“What’s up, chick?” She stares at me for several seconds and begins sobbing. Shit. Don’t cry. I hate it when women cry. “Skyla, what’s wrong?” She throws her arms around my neck, so I hug her. Did Chase already hurt her?
I speak as I hold her. “Did Chase fuck up already? Do I need to kick his ass?”
She lets me go and gazes at me, tears trailing her cheeks. “We’re Shooter and Nixie,” she says, barely above a whisper.
Shit! She knows. “I—I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I haven’t known what to do. Please, Skyla, don’t be upset with me. I’ve been trying to protect you both.”
“Why? Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Look, Chase cares about you. You know that, but he blames himself for Bud’s death. If I told, he would’ve pushed you away due to his guilt.”
“You’re right. He would’ve then. He was already pushing me away.”
“Andy and I freaked. Discovering you’re Nixie messed us up. I was afraid Chase would find out and not recover. He finally seemed alive again, and Bud wanted you together. You’re my friend, too, and I was afraid you’d move away.”
“So, what were you going to do? You had to know Chase and I would eventually talk about Bud.”
“Andy and I prayed that by the time you two found out, your relationship would be able to survive it. Does Chase know?”
“No. I found a picture of Bud at his house today. I couldn’t believe it, but then after thinking about it, I couldn’t believe I didn’t discover it on my own. You, Chase and Andy are just the way Bud described, and I’ve thought several times how lucky I am to have found guys that remind me of Bud and his friends.”
“You can’t tell him yet, Skyla. You’ve only officially been together, what a week? I believe he’ll still push you away. He’s nuts about you, but he still thinks he doesn’t deserve you.”
“I’m not a deceitful person. I don’t know if I can keep this from him. He might hate me later if I do.”
“First, he has to believe Bud’s death is not his fault,” I say.
“I can’t convince him of that if I can’t talk to him about it.” She paces around in front of me. “He told me he loves me.”
“He said that already?” I’m shocked. I knew he was falling for her, but I had no idea he cared for her that much already.
“Did you know he used to watch me on the beach before we met?”
“What do you mean?”
“The first three months I was here, I would go to the beach near Chase’s house almost every night since it’s near where Bud died. Lee showed me the spot when I moved here. Chase waited on his steps to watch me and claims he did it the entire three months. I never knew he was there.
“That’s why he was around when Troy and his friends approached me on the beach. He said he always worried about me being out in the dark. It’s as if it was meant to be, like Bud had him watching out for me.”
“He never told me.”
“He also paid Hilda a hundred thousand dollars to retire, so I’d be the one cleaning his house.”
I shake my head and laugh hard. “He’s so rotten. He goes to great lengths to get what he wants. That means he’d already fallen for you then. I know you’ve figured out how passionate he is, but it can be his worst enemy at times.”
“What I’m trying to say, Eric is that he’s cared about me longer than you think, so maybe he wouldn’t push me away.”
“Skyla, you don’t know how bad things were. I almost lost him along with Bud. There were many days that Andy and I didn’t think he’d be alive when we went to his house.”
“I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose him,” she says as she begins to cry again. I take her into my arms and hold her.
“I still can’t believe you’re Nixie, and you’re really here.”
“I miss Bud, Eric.”
I don’t let her go. “I miss him, too, but I feel like he’s with us when I’m near you, Skyla. You’re so friendly and exude happiness like he did.” Dammit. Now I’m crying. None of us should have to deal with this shit.
She pulls away from me and sees my tears. I go to wipe them away, but she beats me to it.
“I won’t say a word. He has to love me more and be with me longer to ensure he can’t walk away from what we have. I can’t risk something happening to him from the guilt he feels.”
“Thank you, Nixie.” I hug her one more time.
“You like calling me that, don’t you?”
“How could I not? You’re Bud’s Nixie. Actually, I have no idea what I’ll call you, but it has to be Skyla for now.”
She frowns. I know it’s going to be hard for her to keep this from Chase.
“If he ever brings Bud up, then I’m telling him the truth,” she says adamantly.
“OK.”
“Thanks for being such a good friend, Eric.”
I point my finger at her. “I’ll see you later. Call me if you think you’re going to crack. Don’t tell him without calling me first. Maybe I can be there to help smooth it over.” I go out the door and inhale a deep breath. The future’s scary.
Back on Board
Skyla
I’ve refused to sleep over at Chase’s for the last two nights. I told him I’d only stay on the weekends, and he’s been pouting ever since. I’m afraid he’s going to get tired of me, and I don’t want to gradually move in with him. If we ever move in together, I want it to be because he’s put real thought into it and asks me.
I haven’t shared those thoughts with him, but I have to admit that if he asked, I’d say yes. That’s moving really fast, but I love him, and I miss him the second we’re apart. I’ll have to tell him that I’m Nixie for sure then. Since he seemed so upset with me last night for not sleeping over, I decide to go see him early this morning before I go to work.
He doesn’t answer the door when I knock, so I go around back to find he’s not on the patio, either. It’s only seven, so I wonder if he might actually be sleeping in. He seldom sleeps, and I think it’s from anxiety. It’s not long before I need to go to work, so I decide to sit on his back steps on the beach instead of going back home.
I brought pastries and fresh pineapple, so I get it out and eat. Staring at the water, I see one male surfer, and he’s awesome. While eating my breakfast I watch him. I’m wondering if I should just call and wake up Chase. I want to see him and be sure he isn’t sulking too badly.
As I stare at the surfer some more, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I think it’s Chase. Oh, please be him. My heart races, and I can’t keep the smile off my face. The more I stare, the more I can tell from his body that it’s him.
I watch in amazement. He’s very good, and I can’t help but think that maybe I played some part in him surfing again. He’s becoming whole. I should leave. He might not want me to see him, and I don’t want him to stop, so I hurry and pack up my stuff. I quickly walk to my car and leave, feeling so much joy in my heart. I’ll make sure we survive this.
Chase
This is where I belong. Damn, I’ve missed this. It feels right, so I know I’m doing better. Skyla’s filled the empty space inside of me that was created from so many losses in my life. I hope that Mom, Dad and Bud can somehow see her and know just how right she is for me.
I’ll be able to surf with her now, and I’m damn excited about it. Eric didn’t have to work this morning, so I told him to come at eight to surf. I needed to go i
t alone at first, but now that I see him paddling out, I’m glad he’s here.
Eric
Chase called me last night and asked if I had to work this morning. He wanted us to surf. I told him I was free, but I lied.
I called my assistant right after we hung up and told her to move my morning appointments when she got into the office today. I wasn’t about to miss a chance to surf with Chase, and I didn’t want to take a chance on him changing his mind.
“Bro, I can’t tell you how awesome it is to see you out here,” I say, sitting on my board.
“It’s time, and I owe it all to Skyla. She showed me that I needed to get off the guilt trip.”
“I’ve been telling you that for almost a year now.”
“Yeah, but you’re a dude. You don’t have a gorgeous face or tight body that’s trying to convince me, and she’s found some creative ways to be persuasive. I’ve let her share all of them with me, too,” he says, chuckling.
“I see King’s crude humor is back, and I think it’s a good thing.” Fuck, why did I call him that? “Man, I’m sorry. It just came out. I guess because this is reminding me of old times.”
“It’s time to hear it again. It makes me feel like he’s here, so it’s cool. Just don’t call me that around Skyla. I haven’t told her about Bud yet, so I don’t want her asking why you call me that. This rides for you, Bud,” he says as he goes to drop in.”
Bud would say that Chase seemed like a king with his fortune and mansion on the beach. He also joked that Chase thought he was king of this part of the beach and ocean. He was right about that one.
Our nicknames have been too painful to hear, especially for Chase. Bud earned his from everyone becoming his buddy. He was too damn nice and funny for anyone not to like him. Damn, I miss him. It’s cool to know I can call Chase ‘King’ again. He’s been King for years now.
I guess it’s still too upsetting for him to tell Skyla about Bud. They’re getting closer every day though, and now that they’re both surfing again, it’s just a matter of time. Guilt would swallow King whole and not spit him out this time if he knew he was sleeping with Bud’s very own Nixie. We finish up surfing and sit on the patio.
“Man, I have to meet Skyla’s brother in a couple of months. I don’t know how I feel about that. She said he’s really protective of her, but she thinks he’s going to love me. She’s wishful thinking. What guy really loves the man who’s banging his baby sister? It’s cute, but damn, she’s naïve. Her twenty years of age shows sometimes.”
I gulp. I don’t know what he said after saying that he’ll meet Skyla’s brother. Lee, or ‘Rock’ as we call him wanted someone to blame for his cousin’s death, so he blamed King. Most people who didn’t want to admit that Bud was flawed blamed him.
It was easy to do since King was taking responsibility for Bud’s death himself. Most people have no idea that it was Bud who got him hooked on hard drugs, not the other way around.
Since King had the dough and the house they could party at, everyone assumed he was the bad influence. I tried to take up for King, but he stopped me and wouldn’t let me say a word. He said there was no way to save his reputation without tarnishing Bud’s. He was right.
We didn’t hang out with Rock that often. Aside from him disliking King over the drug use, he didn’t like that Bud had gotten so close to Andy, King and me, so he was a prick when he was around us. Rock mostly stuck with his Army buddies and saw Bud away from the beach. I didn’t even know he was deployed.
It’s going to be ugly when he finds out King is with his sister. Shit, I’m sweatin’ bullets. This sucks.
Layers of the Soul
Skyla
It’s Friday evening, the day after I saw Chase surfing. I only spoke to him on the phone last night because unbeknownst to him, I drove into the nearest town that has some decent shopping spots. I needed to purchase a surprise for him.
I kept thinking he’d tell me on the phone about the surfing, but he didn’t, and it was probably because he was too busy trying to convince me to spend the night. I hope he tells me about it soon.
He opens the door with a big grin on his handsome face and pulls me into his arms like he hasn’t seen me in months. He pulls back, grabs my face and gives me a passionate kiss. I drop my overnight bag to the floor.
“Baby, guess what today is?”
He’s adorable when he acts like a teenager. “I don’t know, what?”
“It’s the weekend, which means you have to stay the night. You can’t tell me no because you agreed, remember?”
“I remember, and I’ll be honest, I hated not being in bed with you this week. It felt like the longest week ever. I love you.”
He smiles and kisses me again. “I love you, too, and I have a surprise for you.”
“No, Chase. No more surprises,” I say sternly.
“Angel, you’re just going to have to get over this. I’m not going to stop doing things for you. I promise this isn’t a big one, so come with me.” He takes hold of my hand, pulling me behind him.
We go out the glass doors and down to the beach as the sun is setting. I see a blanket and picnic basket with tiki torches lit around it. “Chase, this is romantic.”
He runs his hands down my arms and kisses my forehead. “You deserve much more than this, and I’ll give you anything, but you’re being very difficult about letting me.”
“This didn’t cost much, right? And it’s perfect. See, you don’t have to spend a ton of money on me. Being with you near the ocean is all I need.”
Chase
Night falls as we eat, talk and make out. We lie on the blanket, and Skyla rests her head on my chest.
“Chase.”
“Yes, angel.”
“I’m hearing the most comforting sounds.”
“What’s that?”
“Your heartbeat and the ocean.”
“You’re so damn special. You never take anything for granted, Skyla. Can I ask what makes you love the ocean so much?”
She leans up on her elbow, so she can see my face.
“The ocean is like infinity. To look out and there be no end in sight is fascinating. When I was a little girl, I’d point out toward the water. ‘What’s on the other side?’ I’d ask my parents. I thought if I was a mermaid, then I could go find out,” she says, giggling. “It reminds me how gigantic earth is. It’s easy to get caught up in our own little world and think our problems are huge, so seeing the ocean is humbling.”
“You’re right. We’re merely a grain of sand in the ocean.” I run my fingers through her long hair.
“Exactly,” she says with excitement. “It sounds morbid, but I want to be buried in the ocean. All my greatest memories have been near the water, and my body would become part of it, where my soul’s been fed the most. I would be giving back what it gave to me, feeding that part of the earth.”
I look away from Skyla as tears sting my eyes. I’ve always had so much respect for the ocean, so I wasn’t upset that Bud died the way he did, just when he did, but I’d never thought about it the way Skyla put it. It’s comforting to think of his body becoming part of what he loved.
“Chase, are you OK?”
I blink several times, hoping the tears disappear. I haven’t cried over Bud since those first few days after he died. I need to tell her, but I can’t find the words.
“I’m OK. What you said … it’s just nice.”
She kisses my cheek. “There’s another reason I love the ocean, but you’ll think I’m a real nerd if I tell you.”
“Tell me. I love hearing you speak. You’re the most insightful person I’ve ever met, Skyla.”
“Thank you. Since I wrote this for a school paper, I have it memorized, so don’t laugh. I swear I’m a big nerd.” She starts chuckling. “OK, let me get serious.” She does, and she looks into my eyes with such sincerity.
“I believe the ocean is made up of layers, and they represent each layer of our soul,” she says as she lifts
my shirt and draws an imaginary line across one of the ripples of my abs before she continues speaking.
“The turquoise layer is first. We can see through it and believe we’re seeing all that it encompasses, but there’s so much more hidden below it. It feels like the safety net of the ocean, but it’s only the surface.
“It’s the outer layer of our soul. The one we see when we first meet other people or when we don’t want to look inside ourselves.”
She draws another imaginary line below the first one. “The light blue layer is shallow, and we don’t have to think about what lies deeper. We explore it without feeling vulnerable. This part of the ocean appears beautiful to the eyes of the beholder because the dark and scary parts lie beneath.
“This is where we look inside ourselves and others a little deeper. We’re still comfortable, and the reward outweighs the risk.”
Skyla draws another line below the last one. I stare into her sparkling, blue eyes, and I’m lost in them as I soak in her words.
“The vast deep blue is the next layer. It’s hidden from plain view, and we’re often afraid to look into this darker space for fear of what we’ll find. We feel vulnerable there, yet there are those who get the courage to go deeper to see this extraordinary part of the ocean.
“We want to believe this layer of our soul is who we are. The fears here are scary enough without looking deeper. This is who we let those close to us see, those who we deem worthy, but much more lies underneath.”
She leans down and kisses the middle of my stomach before she draws the next line, and if she doesn’t stop touching me, she’s not going to get to finish her story.
“The last layer is the murky bottom in the furthest depths. When we allow ourselves to move beyond the fear and darkness that resides there, we see all that’s good and majestic in this scariest part of the ocean.
“It takes courage to examine this dark and vulnerable layer of our soul. Most people aren’t aware that when we embrace our fears, flaws and wrong doings, we find peace and become our best selves. That space becomes a place of strength, resilience and most importantly, forgiveness.
The Mermaid and her King Page 14