“Yes, and you deserve someone like that. Rob’s an asshole.”
“He just has issues.”
“Yeah, that he takes out on you, Honey. I wish you would leave him. How many times has he already text you today?”
“A lot, but he worries about me.”
“He threw the biggest fit over you coming here. He’s controlling.”
“That’s only because I’ll be gone New Year’s. I came didn’t I?”
“True, and I’m grateful. I can’t take this. I’m going to go insane waiting.”
“I’m sorry, Nixie. Let’s watch a movie to take your mind off of it.”
Honey turns on a movie, and I pretend to watch as a million images run through my mind. I’m worried Chase and Lee will fight, and this will backfire. I clutch my phone and wait … and wait … and wait.
Self-Loathing
Chase
I haven’t cleaned up the mess. I don’t have the energy. I decide I’ll pay people to do it when I leave and make it worth their while. Looking at the glass and broken furniture everywhere makes me feel more punished.
It’s a fucked up mess like my life. Last night I used the wall as target practice for the steak knives I repeatedly threw. They’re still stuck there like they are in my heart.
The doorbell rings. This can’t be good. Only Eric and Andy would suspect I’m here. I open the door, and sure enough, it’s Eric but also Rock. Why in the hell is he here? “I made it clear how I feel, Eric,” I say before I try to shut the door. Rock grabs it.
“You’re letting me in to speak to you. I didn’t take one of my days away from that hellhole desert to fly here and have a door shut in my face.” Rock looks pissed.
I open it up and move for them to come in. I see the stunned look on their faces and hear the floor crunch from the glass underneath their feet.
“I see you’ve been getting some of your anger out,” Eric says.
“It’s better than the alternative.”
“You’re right,” he says.
They pick up a couple of kitchen chairs from the floor. Rock faces his backwards and sits down, leaning on his arms over the top of it. I lean against the counter with my arms crossed and stare at them.
“You need to come back home. You’re killing Skyla, leaving her the way you did. You know how much she loves you, and your connection to Bud isn’t going to change that. She said it makes her love you more,” Eric says.
Picturing her in pain hurts so fucking bad. “I don’t see how she could feel that way. She should be upset with me for all the grief she’s had to deal with. Why the fuck did she keep something like this from me?”
“We were going to tell you the day after Christmas, but Rock showed up earlier than she expected. She was waiting to tell you until she was sure you loved her enough not to walk away. Don’t be pissed at her because obviously she had grounds for feeling that way. You did exactly what we feared.”
“Don’t even say I don’t love her,” I say angrily.
“I’m not saying you don’t love her, but if you love her as much as you always say you do, then you won’t leave her. Bud made the choice on his own to surf at night when he was strung out on drugs. You fixed what you were doing wrong. You made things more than right because along with getting clean, you treat Skyla like a fucking queen. It’s exactly how Bud wanted it. I told Rock everything.”
I glance to Rock. I can’t imagine why he wants to talk to me, and I really don’t want to hear whatever it is he has to say. My heart slams against my chest repeatedly, and I just want something else to break.
“King, Eric told me about Bud getting you to try the coke. I know he had an unlimited supply because of you, and that pisses me off, but I’m sure he took advantage of the fact you have money.
“He was responsible for his own actions. Even messed up, Bud knew better than to be out in the water that night. If you were still using and treating Nixie like shit, then I’d say to stay the hell away from her, but it sounds like you’ve changed. You went to rehab and punished yourself for months.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever like you, but I hear you treat Nixie well, so you need to go home and take care of her. However, if you ever start the drugs again, I’ll make sure she leaves your ass.”
I stare at Rock. I don’t know if I could ever like him, either, but I’m surprised at what I’m hearing.
“I don’t know how to look at her and not think about how upset she’s been all these months over Bud. I watched her on the beach for three months before I ever met her, and I saw her pain, not having a clue that it was because she lost him … that it was because of me.”
“Didn’t we just cover this? You can give Nixie the life she deserves, not the shitty one she was dealt so far. I saw the pain you were in and the way you looked at her when you found out she’s Nixie. I can tell you love her.
“I can’t stand how depressed she is, so go back to her, and I’ll never breathe another word about you being responsible for Bud’s death. Also, she pushed me and slapped the shit out of me over what I said about you that day, so make things right. I can’t stand having her pissed at me,” Rock says.
I never in my wildest dreams would’ve thought I’d be hearing this. He hated me, and now he’s practically begging me to be with Skyla. Eric made this happen.
“I know how close Bud was to her. He talked about it constantly. I don’t deserve to love his Nixie after feeding his addiction.”
Eric stands up and launches his chair across the room before getting in my face. “I’ve fucking had it with you and this self-loathing shit. You don’t see it, but it’s hurting everyone around you. I took it and dealt with what it did to you, me, Andy and our other friends, but I won’t stand by and watch you hurt Skyla this way!
“If you feel a need to redeem yourself the rest of your damn life, then do it by taking care of her. You’re abandoning Skyla after you told her you’d always be there for her. Bud would kick your ass for treating his Nixie this way, and you know it.
“She’s depressed and barely eating. You fucked up everyone’s holiday, and she’s lain in your bed all day every day, clutching her phone, waiting for you to come back to her. Yes, you heard that right, your bed. That’s an actual reason you should be feeling like shit, not all this other nonsense you want to believe. You’re your own worst enemy, King.”
I’ve never seen Eric this angry. He smacks my chest with a manila envelope. “Take this. I don’t know what it is, but Skyla said it was important for you to see. She’s here waiting at the Hyatt Regency Resort, room 522. She wants us to bring you back, but I refuse.
“I only want you to go to her if you’re done feeling sorry for yourself and have no intentions of walking out on her again. She doesn’t deserve any of this, and I want to know you won’t put her through it again.
“You need a fucking shower, too, and seeing this place would scare the shit out of her, so I’m not letting her come here, either. We’ll be at the hotel until morning.”
Rock points at me. “Don’t keep her waiting, King. If she has to come looking for you, then I’ll be ahead of her to kick your ass,” he says before they both go out the door.
I let out the deep breath I took when I heard she’s in Maui. She’s so close to me, and just thinking about touching her warms me all over.
I’m terrified she’s going to see me different once she spends time with me. She’ll see me as King, Bud’s friend, the drug user and womanizer. Holding the large manila envelope, I fall back on the bed and stare at it. As I run my hand around it, I feel a lot of papers.
I don’t know why, but I’m afraid to look inside. Maybe she just wrote me a letter. I should’ve known she was staying at my place … our place.
Thinking of her waiting in my bed for me day after day crushes me. I left her while she clung to me, begging me not to go. I didn’t even let her tell me how she felt, yet she’s here still trying to get me back.
Eric’s right. I should only g
o to her if I’m going to stop this shit. I can’t hurt her again. I just wish Bud was here to tell me it’s definitely what he’d want.
Skyla
Jumping off the bed, I run to answer the door. It’s Eric and Lee. I move so they can come in before I look behind them, but there’s no Chase. “What happened?” I ask desperately.
“He’s here, and he’s OK. Well, I wouldn’t say he’s OK, but he’s not using. He’s punishing himself with guilt instead,” Eric says.
“So, he won’t come back to me?”
“We don’t know. After yelling at him, I gave him the envelope and told him your room number. I’m just over his shit. I probably could’ve convinced him to come.”
“Then why didn’t you?” I ask with frustration.
“I want him to be sure, Skyla. You don’t deserve this pain. Only he can stop what he’s doing to himself.”
“Lee, what did you say?”
“Don’t worry. I was nice. He’s definitely punished himself long enough. He’s not the spoiled, arrogant guy I met when I moved here. He’s changed. I saw how much he loves you and Bud.”
“I’m going over there,” I say.
“No. I told him I wasn’t letting you. I know you’re desperate to get him back, but you deserve someone who’s not going to be self-destructive. He has to believe he deserves you and believe that this is what Bud would want. He has to make a choice. I think he’ll make the right one,” Eric says.
I shake my head. “No, give me the address.”
Lee walks over to me and takes me into his arms. My brother doesn’t hug, and it feels weird to be in his arms. He pulls back but doesn’t let me go.
“Sis, you don’t need to see his house. He’s destroyed it, and he’s a mess. People can hurt themselves in more ways than doing drugs.
“He has to choose to be the strong man you need. Don’t start a life of enabling him. I know you think you have enough love for the both of you, but if he doesn’t think he deserves it, then he’ll do this again. If it’s not over this, then it will be over something else.”
“You’re probably right. As painful as it is, I have to wait. We can’t fix others. I thought I could fix Chase, but he showed me I can’t.” I hear Brooke and Eric leave the room. They know Lee and I need to be alone to have this conversation.
He pulls me back against his chest. “Dad ran from his grief over Mom. His job over in that hellhole was his way of self-destructing because he thought it was all he deserved since Mom died and not him.
“I’m sorry, Nixie. I see now that I did the same thing to you, joining the Army and going over there just like Dad. We both walked away from you because we didn’t want to deal with our grief. We left you alone.
“You deserve a love you can always count on, one you don’t have to chase after. Make King come to you. I can’t leave the military right now, but I will try hard to be the brother you deserve, especially when I get back. I love you, sis.”
Tears come, stinging before they trickle down my cheeks. “I love you, too, Rock. I love you so much.”
He pulls back from me and smiles. “You called me Rock again.”
“That’s who you are. It’s time to celebrate Bud’s life. I need to continue being the strong woman I grew into. Chase has to choose to live life with me. He’s choosing all of this. I believe with all my heart that Bud had a hand in bringing all of us together, but we have free will. Now it’s up to Chase to hang on to what Bud gave us.”
“You’re special, Nixie. You’re wise and kind. You always have been. I don’t believe King will be able to stay away from you.”
Brooke is Heaven
Eric
Brooke and I leave Skyla and Rock alone in her room. It’s obvious they’re way overdue to have a talk. One of those talks people try their hardest to avoid, especially with family. Rock’s not the man I thought he was. People you hardly know usually aren’t. He’s better.
We stand in the hallway. Brooke is on one side of the door sitting down on the floor with her legs crossed. I lean against the wall on the other side. We stay like this for several minutes before I hear her crying.
What is this? Everyone’s rite of passage?
“Brooke, are you OK?”
Why do we ask this? It’s really a dumb question to ask people when it’s very obvious they’re upset, but we do it anyway. I guess to break the ice, to say ‘you can tell me what’s wrong even though this is awkward as hell’.
“I’m fine,” she says between sniffles.
And that’s the usual answer people give. “You don’t seem fine.”
That really did it. Shit. Now, the girl is sobbing. I know she has a boyfriend, but he isn’t here, and I’m not just going to let her sit here and cry.
I go sit on the floor next to her and pick up her hand, holding it in mine. She pulls her knees up and lays her head against them. I shouldn’t be thinking about it right now, but her legs are awesome. They’re toned and smooth. I’m a guy, so I’m using that excuse.
She keeps crying, and I can see that she needs a tissue. This sucks. I can’t let her do this in the hotel hallway. I let her hand go and stand up in front of her, reaching my arms out.
“Come on, Brooke. Get up. You’re coming with me.” She looks up, her face red and swollen, and she’s still beautiful. “Come on.”
She reaches out and takes my hands, so I can pull her up. She follows behind me down the hall. I pull the room key out of my back pocket and open the door. I step back for her to go in, and she stops. If she’s a decent girlfriend, then I expect as much.
“I shouldn’t be in your room. I guess you don’t know, but I have a boyfriend.”
“You need something to blow your nose with, so get in here. I’m going to be your friend.”
She walks in, and I follow her inside. I get some tissues in the bathroom and hand them to her. After she dries her face and blows her nose, she leans forward and rests her head against my chest.
I don’t know what to do, but it seems she expects me to wrap my arms around her, so I do. It’s probably not the best idea, and I can’t say I’m only doing it for her, but she genuinely needs it. We both do. This trip sucks.
Brooke smells and feels amazing as I hold her. After a few minutes, she pulls back a little, so I assume she wants me to let her go, but instead, she wraps her arms around my neck and continues to rest her head on my chest. She’s petite like Skyla and looks to be around 5’ 5”, so I’m guessing I’m about eight inches taller than her. She fits in my arms perfectly.
She’s too sweet for words but seems a little broken. I can already tell she’s not a cheater, so she must date a loser to be desperate for this kind of hug.
After a few more minutes, I let her go. If I don’t, then I’m going to do something I’ll regret. I want more than anything to kiss her, so I go sit in a chair in the corner of the room.
She sits on one of the beds and falls back onto it. Dammit. Her body stretched out looks enticing. It’s calling for me to be on top of it. OK, maybe not, but my body is calling to be on top of it. Her sweet smell still lingers on me, and God, I’m drawn to this woman.
“What’s got you this upset?”
“I realized from all the stuff you and Rock said that I have some problems in my relationship with Rob. He doesn’t treat me good.”
I don’t want her hurting, but that’s the best news I’ve heard all day, that is if she leaves the asshole.
“Also, I’ve been there with Nixie through all of her losses. If King doesn’t come through, it’s going to break her. How long can she be strong? She’ll only have Rock and me again.”
“And Andy and me. We really care about her and are not going anywhere. I never thought I’d want to get married or have a family, but after caring for Skyla so quickly, I realize I might be boyfriend material after all. After seeing how King and Nixie are together, I know I want that.
“He loves her in a way I’ve never witnessed before, so he’ll come through. He ju
st needed to hear from someone on the outside that Bud dying wasn’t his fault and that he deserves to be with her. Rock gave him that. He even told him to take care of Nixie. King will show up.”
“I think you’ll make a great boyfriend. You’re so much nicer and more open than any guy I’ve ever met.”
Wow, she said ‘any’. “Thanks. I don’t know what your boyfriend does that’s wrong, but you at least deserve to be treated with respect.”
“He loves me. He’s just controlling and doesn’t make me feel the greatest about myself.”
“Then he doesn’t love you the way you deserve, Brooke. I can see you’re special.”
I watch her swallow hard as she stares at the ceiling. I need to shut up. “I’m sorry. I tend to call things like I see it, and I can be a little too honest at times.”
“That’s a good thing. It’s just not what I want to hear since I love him.”
Ouch. Brooke sits up in the bed.
“Shit, I just thought of something. I thought Nixie would be going to King’s place if they worked things out. If he shows up to the room, I can’t be there, so I guess I need to get my own.”
“Yeah, that’s a definite.”
Brooke goes to get her a room, and I rest on the bed. I need to leave her the hell alone. I feel something for her, and I just met her. I don’t even know anything about her other than she’s sweet, adorable and smells good enough to eat. I shouldn’t expect any less since she’s Skyla’s best friend. There’s a knock at my door, and it’s Brooke. She looks really upset again.
“What’s wrong?”
“They don’t have any more rooms.”
“Oh, well, I’ll see if Rock will let me stay in his room. We’re getting along better. Maybe he won’t care.”
“OK, thanks.”
I go to Rock’s room.
“Sorry, but after today, I want a chick in my bed. I’m going out, and I’m bringing one back here.”
“Fine. Good luck with that,” I say aggravated as I walk away. OK, Rock’s better than I thought, but not the greatest if he’s willing to leave Brooke in a bind, especially when he grew up with her.
The Mermaid and her King Page 18