by Hana Starr
They were both cast adrift among the stars now, after all.
That somehow made it feel both far less and infinitely more lonely to her.
Chapter 6
“What was your life like before, Oracle?” Ordar asked suddenly, just as Mary had been sure that she would fall asleep in the quiet of the room. The question startled her into being awake, and she turned her head toward him. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling, as if looking up at it and not her made it easier to talk to her. She wondered if it did.
“Why do you ask, Ordar?” She answered his question with one of her own, turning onto her side and propping her head up with her hand.
“This... this Empire that I am a part of has changed so much since even I was a youth.” Ordar admitted, still keeping his eyes above him. “I want to understand what your culture is, in comparison to what mine was, and what it has become.”
“Seeing which side you want to take?” She half joked with a weak laugh.
“Perhaps.” He said enigmatically, eyes still staring into the ceiling as though it held a canopy of stars for him to enjoy. “I am curious. Indulge me, Oracle.” She sighed and rolled onto her back once more to look back up at the ceiling, its blank slate making it easier to picture what her life had been a mere few days ago.
“It was... not that exciting, to be perfectly honest.” She admitted. “Though I've said that before.” She saw him nod his head out of the corner of her eye. “But I liked it that way. I chose to make it boring.”
“Why?” His question didn't sound condescending, but merely curious at her explanation. Almost like he couldn't fathom why she would make such a choice but needed the answer all the same. She wasn't sure she had an answer that would be satisfactory to him, but gave it her best shot anyway.
“Because on the off chance that I chose to do something exciting, it stood out.” She smiled a little. “I could control, to a large extent, how much adventure was in my life. I could create my own happiness or sorrow. My success or failure was mine to have.” She smiled grimly. “Until about a day ago, at least.” She added wryly, some part of her hoping that he at least felt a little bad for invading her home planet and kidnapping her now.
“That is a strange concept to me,” He said with a frown after a lengthy pause in which he digested the answer. “The Empire brokers no failure, chosen or accidental. You either succeed, or you atone. If you do not atone, then you pay for your transgression against the Empire and her people. If you cannot pay, then you die.” He sighed. “I have only failed once. I made the mistake of asking a question out of turn.” Wordlessly, he held up his arm. “It was a lesson hard learned, but I learned what I did wrong, and I atoned for it.” She looked in his direction, eyes widening on the scar that ran along his arm, from shoulder to elbow, that she hadn't seen before.
“How old were you?” She asked in a whisper. “When that happened, I mean.”
“I imagine your species' concept of time is different than mine, but I will do my best to answer.” He mulled over his words for a few moment before going on.“I was a new recruit in the Imperial Army.” He said, pausing to think. “I was just barely what you would consider and adult.” She flinched, wondering how horrible the pain had been, her heart aching for him all over again. “But this is not about that.” He let his arm drop onto the bed softly. “I still wish to know more about your life.”
“Okay,” she said, looking back up to the ceiling. “What else do you want to know?” He hummed in thought for a moment. She wondered if he had thought out his questions, or if he had just had a general want to know about her.
“What did you do every day?” He finally settled on.
“Work.” Her answer was immediate. He laughed, and the sound was rich and deep and made her heart warm to hear it.
“I mean apart from work.” He elaborated once the rumble of his laughter had subsided. “You speak as if you have done other things with your time. I am curious about those things. Tell them to me.”
“I read a lot of books,” she sighed, for the umpteenth time mourning the extensive bookshelves that she had left behind. One of the few things that had become her pride and joy in her young adult life. “I like to drink hot tea no matter how warm it is outside, but I have a tendency to forget that I have a cup out once I start doing something and it gets cold, so I have to heat it back up a lot of the time.” She sighed, wondering just what she was willing to do for even a cold cup of tea at this point. Or if she had left another cup on her counter the morning that she had been abducted. She found that she couldn't remember. “I play some video games, like I said earlier. I like to sew, paint, and write.” She sighed. “I like to stay indoors for my free time most of the year. So, I like to do activities that are indoors because of that.” She giggled. “It works out better that way.”
“When did you want to go outside?” Her smile grew wistful.
“Autumn.” She said softly. “The temperature was cool, but not cold. It was perfect to go out into the woods during the day and just... wander the trails that had been made.” She felt tears sting her eyes. “The leaves were usually green during the spring and summer, but in the fall,” she sighed dreamily again. “They were red, or gold, or brown, or sometimes there was a little green left over still. There was color.” She sniffled as she felt her tears begin to leak from her eyes. She let them. “Even with all of the trees and the grass dying around me, I felt alive.”
“It sounds beautiful.” He said softly. “How much free time did you normally have?”
“Depended on my work schedule and what days I had off.” She shrugged. “Some times of the year were busier than others.” He frowned.
“I cannot picture not having a set regiment.” He confessed. “The schedule that I had as a soldier is the only schedule I have known since I went into the Imperial Army. When I am told to take the rest of the day off, even though it does not happen very often, I am at a loss as to what to do.”
“Do you not have any interests? Hobbies?” She turned to him, her tears now being shed for the both of them and the thought that his existence must be a painful, lonely one. Something that she could, to some degree, relate to.
“I have gone on virtual adventures, as I have mentioned before,” he said after a long pause. “And I have always enjoyed them. The ones that took place in darkened forests in particular were pleasant and exhilarating all at once. There were times where I felt as though I never wanted to leave them.” The small smile that had been on his face faded. “But even those were to help me train for combat and exploration situations.” His eyes grew sad. “Nothing in my life is my own. It is all for the Empire.” He sighed. “This is how it is, and how it has been, for all of her citizens.”
“Then is it your life?” She asked. He did not answer.
“What would someone like me do on Earth?” He spoke up after along silence, still looking at the ceiling. She didn't answer immediately, not knowing what to say.
“Anything that you wanted.” She finally settled on saying, and hoped that it would be enough.
“I do not know what that would be.” He frowned. “Being given the choice to make as my own? I cannot recall a time where it was so.”
“For anything?” She asked surprised. “What about a favorite food? Or drink?”
“The Imperial Army rations out the same food and drink to us for every meal.” He said. “It does not truly have a taste, but it provides us with the energy that we require for battle.” His eyes became downcast. “There is nothing that I can say that I want or would want to do, if I had the option. The chance has never been given to me.” His voice dropped to a soft whisper. “I would not even know how to begin to look for something that I would want for my life.”
“I would help you find it, if you lived on Earth with me.” She said softly before she could stop herself. She saw his eyes widen but still he didn't move his head. “I wouldn't mind it, you know. I'd actually enjoy it a lot.” She smiled, her eyes water
ing as she made an effort not to picture how much happier the both of them could be if they weren't stuck where they were now.
“I... I think that I would want that as well, Oracle.” He admitted quietly, almost to himself.
“Mary.” He finally turned to look at her, as if the word was one that he had never heard before. He probably hadn't, now that she thought about it. “I don't know if there's room for my name in all of... this,” she waved a hand in front of her in a vague gesture. “Or if anyone would ever call me by my name ever again, considering that this is my life now. But my name is Mary. Mary Ingram.”
“Mary.” He let the name roll off of his tongue as if he were tasting it. She hadn't realize how much she took for granted hearing someone call her by her name until she heard him say it, but now she never wanted to be called anything again. “It is a nice name.” He decided with a smile and a nod. “I shall call you Mary when it is just the two of us.” The fact that he was even willing to do that made her heart swell with affection, not for the first time when it came to him.
“Thank you.” She reached across the space between them and laced their fingers together. “You don't know how much that means to me.”
“I do not.” He admitted with a shake of his head. “But it makes you happy. That...” his eyes widened. “That is what I want.” He breathed, as though the thought had only just dawned on him. He looked into her eyes like they held all the hopes and dreams that the Empire had taken away from him. “I do not know what else I would want, but I want to make you happy before anything else.” He smiled at her so tenderly that she felt a new wave of tears hit her. “It is all that I have wanted since I was appointed your Guardian.”
“I could help you find other things that made you happy,” she whispered, like it was their own little secret that they had to lock away in their hearts. “It's all I want, now that I know you better. Now that I see you for you.”
“I...” she watched his throat bob with a swallow. “I do not have a name for what I am feeling.” He looked away for a moment. “But it feels warm. And I do not want it to go away.”
“I know,” she smiled through her tears. “I feel the same thing you do.” She brought their intertwined hands to her chest, over where her heart pounded against its cage of bones. “I think I could love you, Ordar.”
“I... I confess, I do not know what that word means,” he laughed softly. “I have never been told that before. But I would like to learn, with you.” He rolled over, draping himself over her frame, his face close to hers. “If you would allow me, Mary Ingram?” Her heart throbbed in her chest at hearing him call her by her name in such a tender way.
“Yes.” She whispered just before their lips touched, as if sealing the promise between them.
Chapter 7
As their lips parted, Mary allowed herself to take a shaky breath to steady her tender heart, knowing that it had been beaten down for the better part of the day and that letting her emotions get the better of her would only put it through more strain. And yet, when she thought of how Seig had handled her, how things almost ended for her, she found that all she wanted was to feel Ordar more fully. She chased him as he began to pull away, pressing their lips together once more before she had the chance to think the decision over.
Perhaps it was the shock of what had happened fading, but she found that she couldn't stop shaking. Even as Ordar stroked her sides lightly with the calloused tips of his fingers, all she wanted was for the both of them to purge any trace Seig had left on her, body or soul. She could still feel those cold, unforgiving arms pinning her to the corner of the room, the way his mouth was close to her ear as he talked with that icy and emotionless voice about how he took such pleasure in killing humans.
The thought had made her tremble with suppressed fear. Ordar must have sense that she was growing frantic, desperate to rid herself of the feelings Seig had instilled in her, because he pulled away from her kiss again, gently taking her face in his colossal hand and pressing a kiss to each of her cheeks, where there were still trails of tears she had shed. His other hand resumed its tender stroking of her side, his touch cool but reassuring, and never made her feel chilled.
She wrapped her arms around his muscular back and clung to him, burying her face into the crook of his neck and breathing deeply of his scent. He smelled of ozone and stardust; hot and cold all at once, and she let her senses grow drunk on it. His shimmering hair felt soft against her fingers as she raked a shaky hand through them. He pressed an open mouthed kiss to her shoulder, exposed from the way that she had shifted on the bed and allowed her pajama top to slip.
She hadn't even realized that he had also changed clothes until her shirt rode up on the abdomen, and her bare stomach brushed against something soft. She peered down, surprised to see that he was wearing a simple sleep shirt and something akin to boxers. The outfit was so human and natural looking on him in spite of everything that she almost allowed herself to pretend that she was at home, and she could show him how to find his happiness.
It was a pretty thought, but not a likely one.
But all of that, all of the impossibilities that came with dreaming of them living somewhere that wasn't here and away from the heel of the Empire didn’t matter right now. He had come to her at her worst, scared and more or less held against her will, potentially to be killed in mere moment, and he had dove between her and her assailant with no thought to his own safety or how things would possibly turn out for him.
The thought that he was capable of that kind of selfless devotion to her after only knowing her for a day allowed a tiny part of her heart believe that he could truly learn to love her, given the chance. It was a chance, however, that they would most likely never have, and the thought made her heart hurt so much that she forced it from her mind. In this moment, all she wanted was him. He held onto her just as tightly, just as ardently, as she had clung to him. Their embrace was so tight that neither one was entirely sure where they ended and the other began.
“I do not care if you make mistakes,” he murmured. “I do not care if you are even slightly at fault for something. I want you.” He confessed earnestly. “All I want is to take you somewhere...” he frowned, and she placed a hand on his cheek, her thumb running along his cheekbone. “Anywhere. I want to take us somewhere where our lives could be better.” His face relaxed as she continued to stroke it. “Where you are not in danger and I can see you happy.” He sighed softly as she kissed the corner of his mouth. “It is all I have wanted since I stopped Seig.”
“Ordar...” Mary whispered, kissing him again.
“I only want to go somewhere that we would be alright.” His voice had dropped to a mere whisper, and she relished in this affection that she felt from him, in spite of him talking of dreams that could never be.
“I would be okay anywhere that you were.” She kissed his palm as it slid along her cheek. “If the last day and a half has told me anything, it's that I feel the most safe and sure of myself.” He must not have known what to say in response to that, as he simply kissed her again.
One of his hands left her waist, and she wondered what it was he was trying to do when she felt him patting the bed around them, as if in search of something. Her question was answered when his arm came back up, and with it, she felt the downy soft blanket that they had completely forgotten slipping over the both of them. It wasn't a heavy blanket, but once it had been situated around the both of them, she couldn't help feeling like they were in their own little cocoon of warmth.
“Are you certain that you can handle this?” Ordar asked as he pulled away from her again, looking down into her bright eyes, still shimmering with tears. She took in a shuddering breath and nodded, a smile sliding onto her face more naturally than it had since her capture. He brought her smile back, and knowing that made her heart ache sweetly.
“I can handle it,” she confirmed, wrapping her legs around his hips. The motion inadvertently caused their hips to press flush together,
and they both shuddered at the sensation, even if they were still clothed. “I want to handle it, because it's you, Ordar.”
He nodded, brushing some of her hair away from her face with the tips of his fingers before cradling her head in his palm. The gesture was so loving, as if he was holding something precious, the most important treasure in the world to him, that it made her want to start to cry all over again.
Thinking back on the last few hours alone, she realized that there were a great many things to cry over. Were she to give in and weep again, she would cry for how far away from home she was, how different her life had become in the span of a day. She would wail about the fact that the only reason that she was still alive was because she was useful, and that someone had made an earnest attempt on her life mere hours ago.
But as much as she would weep for the sadness and the turmoil that she experienced, she would also weep for the joy that she had unexpectedly found. She would cry for the protector that she had found in Ordar. She would weep for how unfairly he had been treated by a system that he had genuinely believed in. She would shed tears for how much he cared for her, and how they had found solace in each other.