“Did you say something?” he asked.
“No, nothing,” she said. “Just talking to myself.”
And, with any luck at all, maybe her rampaging libido would get the message. She had a feeling the pleasurable sensations she was experiencing weren’t exactly what Dr. McDaniels had been talking about when she’d discussed one of the side benefits of exercise.
Helen was extremely proud of herself. She had both kids bathed and dressed in neatly ironed clothes by the time Erik rang the doorbell at 5:30 p.m. to take them out for supper.
“My, my, don’t you two look good,” he said to Daisy and Mack, swinging Daisy up in his arms to give her a smacking kiss on the cheek that had her giggling and Mack holding out his arms for a turn.
Then his gaze landed on Helen and his expression changed. He seemed to be struggling to contain a laugh.
“What?” she asked.
“Have you checked a mirror lately?” he inquired delicately.
“No.” Since she arrived home from work, she’d been too busy getting Mack and Daisy ready for their outing. Erik had arrived before she’d had a chance to check her makeup, much less think about changing her own clothes.
“You might want to do that,” he said. “Not that I don’t think you look terrific, because I do.” A wicked grin spread across his face. “Believe me, I do.”
Helen frowned because his gaze seemed to be lingering on her chest. “I’ll be right back.”
In the bathroom, she took one look in the full-length mirror on the back of the door and groaned. Her silk blouse had gotten completely soaked when she’d had the kids in the tub. It was plastered to her chest, revealing the pattern in her lacy bra and a whole lot more. No wonder Erik had gaped.
Her skirt, though not as revealing, was every bit as drenched. She ducked into her room, grabbed another blouse and a pair of linen slacks, and slid her feet into more sensible shoes. Her hair and makeup took two seconds to fix.
Satisfied she was more presentable, she returned to find all three of them on the sofa watching cartoons. Erik seemed as absorbed as the kids.
“I hate to tear you all away from your entertainment, but shouldn’t we be going?” she asked.
Daisy protested, but a look from Erik was enough to silence her. Mack seemed perfectly content to do whatever Erik suggested. He was especially delighted when Erik swung him up on his shoulders to carry him piggyback.
“Go!” he ordered imperiously.
Erik laughed. “He’s taking after you already,” he said to Helen as he headed for the door.
“Something tells me you didn’t mean that as a compliment.” She followed him out and locked the house behind them.
They piled into Helen’s car because it had the kids’ seats, but when Erik offered to drive, Helen accepted. She could hardly keep her eyes open. She’d had no idea how exhausting it would be trying to keep up with kids for several days running.
The fast-food restaurant Erik drove them to was in the next town, and it had an indoor play area. Daisy spotted it at once.
“Can we go play?” she pleaded.
“Not until we’ve eaten,” Erik said. “Why don’t you guys find a table and I’ll get the food? Daisy, you want to come with me to help?”
“Sure!” she said, obviously delighted to be the object of Erik’s attention.
Helen settled Mack in a booster seat, then watched Erik bending down to consult Daisy as they ordered. She was amazed by how at ease he was with the kids. Though she’d relaxed considerably over the past few days, she was still awkward with them. She told herself it was because they’d been thrust into her life with no preparation. She hadn’t even met them before. Truthfully, though, it was more than that. It was the responsibility of keeping them safe and making them feel secure ’til they could be with their mom again. Much as she hated to admit it, she needed a support system as desperately as Karen had. Frances was pitching in, but they needed backup. Maybe Annie would be willing to babysit or just come by to give Helen a break in the evenings. She was still pondering the options when Erik and Daisy approached.
“Why the frown?” Erik whispered in her ear as he set the tray that was piled high with food on the table. “Are you overthinking all this again?”
She forced a smile. “More than likely.”
“Sugar, they’re people. Enjoy them.” He divvied up the huge order, then suggested, “Daisy, why don’t you tell Helen about that story your teacher read in school today?”
Daisy regarded her hopefully. “You wanna hear?”
“I’d love to,” Helen said.
Daisy began with what had to be the very first page and told the whole long, rambling story of a dinosaur, adding some embellishments Helen suspected hadn’t been in the original. Her telling, though, was filled with enough drama and enthusiasm to keep Mack spellbound and Helen laughing.
“Brava!” she enthused when Daisy had concluded. “You’re an excellent storyteller.”
“I could read it to you tonight,” Daisy offered eagerly. “I brought the book home from school. My teacher said it would be okay.”
“I’d love that,” Helen said, and realized she meant it.
“Now can Mack and me go play?” Daisy begged Erik after they’d eaten.
Erik glanced at Helen. “Okay with you?”
She looked at the indoor equipment where several other young children were already playing. “Are you sure it’s safe?”
Erik nodded. “I’m sure.”
She gave her approval. “Just stay where we can see you.”
After they’d gone, Erik studied her. “Letting them go wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“No, I’m trying to get better at it.” She sighed. “I know I’m too uptight, but this parenting business is scary.”
“I imagine that’s how everyone feels when they bring their first baby home from the hospital. You came home with two kids who already have personalities, a vocabulary and who are mobile. It’s no doubt been a shock to your system. You’ll get the hang of it, though.”
“What I don’t get,” she said, regarding him with curiosity, “is why someone who’s as comfortable with children as you are isn’t interested in having a whole crew of them.”
His expression suddenly shuttered as if she’d ventured into an area so personal that any considerate person would have known it was completely off-limits.
“Did I say something wrong?” she asked, not sure why he was so sensitive on this subject.
He shook his head. “Of course not. I just don’t have any plans to have a family. I told you that.”
“But you’d be—”
He cut her off. “Not going to happen, okay?”
If he hadn’t looked so shaken, she might have persisted. Instead she let the subject drop. “I’m sorry.”
He rested his hand on hers. “No, I’m sorry for snapping at you. It was a perfectly reasonable question. I’m just a little touchy. All my plans to have kids were tied up with my wife. When she died, that part of my life died with her.”
He sounded so sad that Helen couldn’t help wondering if the loss was recent. “How long ago did your wife die?”
“Six years and seven months ago,” he said tonelessly.
Helen knew there wasn’t any strict timetable for grief, but that seemed like a long time to be mourning someone’s loss.
“Before you went to culinary school?” she guessed.
He nodded. “I needed to make a complete change after she died. A friend suggested culinary school, mainly as a distraction because she knew I enjoyed cooking. It turned out I loved it. The instructors said I was a natural. And it eventually brought me back to life.”
“But not all the way,” Helen said before she could stop herself.
Erik stared at her, his expression hard. “Meaning?”
“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but it still seems as if some part of you died with your wife,” she suggested.
Rather than snapping at her ag
ain, he merely nodded. “I suppose that’s true.”
“You must have loved her very much,” she said.
“She was amazing.” His eyes filled with a sorrow that looked as raw as it must have on the day she died. “Not perfect. Not by a long shot, but amazing just the same.”
Helen couldn’t turn away, even though witnessing that much pain seemed intrusive. Forcing herself to seek out the children in the play area, she thought what a shame it was for a man as decent as Erik to have shut himself off emotionally.
“Why are you suddenly so pensive?” Erik asked. “I didn’t mean to bring you down.”
“I guess I’m a little envious,” she admitted. “I’ve had a few relationships, if you can call them that, but no one’s ever meant as much to me as your wife obviously did to you. I’m not sure I even believed until recently that love could run that deep.”
“What happened recently to convince you it’s possible?”
“Seeing Cal and Maddie together,” she told him. “And lately even Dana Sue and Ronnie are making a believer out of me.”
“I suspect it’s your line of work that’s made you so cynical,” Erik said.
“You’re not the first to tell me that,” she returned.
“Ever thought about practicing a different kind of law?”
She shook her head. “Not really. I like sticking up for women whose marriages have crumbled. They’re usually so emotionally shattered that they need someone in their corner who’s strong enough to fight for what they deserve.”
“But look at the toll it’s taken on you,” he said. “By your own admission, you’ve shut yourself off emotionally.”
“So have you,” she retorted.
He gave her a rueful smile. “Touché. But at least I loved once with everything in me.”
She nodded slowly. For the first time she really understood what Tennyson meant when he wrote that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. She glanced back at the play area to see Mack and Daisy starting to squabble. “Right now, I think there are other issues in my life. Looks as if those two are getting tired. We should probably get them home.”
As Erik gathered them up and Helen waited for them, the oddest sensation stole through her. For just a fleeting instant, it felt as if she were part of a family.
And it felt really, really good.
Erik couldn’t seem to shake the dark mood that Helen’s questions had stirred in him. He knew it was only her natural curiosity that had made her pry into his past, but every reminder of what he’d lost when Samantha and his unborn child had died always took him right back to the night it had happened. He’d gone over that night a thousand times, wondering if there had been anything at all he could have done differently, anything that would have changed the outcome. Every doctor and EMT he’d asked had assured him that he’d done everything exactly right, but their reassurances hadn’t been enough. He still blamed himself.
If it had been entirely up to him, he would have dropped Helen and the kids back at her place and headed straight home, but Daisy had other ideas.
“I’m going to read a story, remember?” she told him when he tried to make his excuses at the front door.
“I think Mack and Helen will be a great audience,” he told her. “You don’t need me.”
“Please?” she begged, regarding him with such a plaintive expression that he couldn’t say no.
“I’ll stay for half an hour,” he agreed reluctantly.
“Yea!” Daisy proclaimed. “I’ll get the book.”
“She’s got you wound around her finger,” Helen commented, shaking her head in amusement.
He shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for a woman who begs.”
“Just one more reason why you and I would be a disastrous match,” she responded. “I never beg.”
He laughed. “Add that to the list and tell Dana Sue next time she starts meddling.” He reached for Mack and took him from her. “He’s down for the count. I’ll put him in bed.”
Helen relinquished the boy. “Daisy’s going to be crushed that her audience has dwindled to just us.”
“I think it’s us who’re most important to her. Mack’s just her baby brother. She can read to him anytime.”
“Well, I’m looking forward to it. I can’t recall the last time I read a good dinosaur book.”
Erik settled Mack into his bed. It was made to look like a car and painted bright red. “You bought him a bed?” he asked Helen. “Why, if he’s only here for a short time?”
She flushed. “I wanted him to have something special. I thought it would turn this visit into more of an adventure.”
“He’s three. He could fall asleep on a rock.”
She chuckled. “I doubt that’s recommended, though.”
Erik tucked Mack under the covers, then turned to catch an oddly wistful expression on Helen’s face. “You okay?”
She nodded. “Seeing him like that, looking so innocent and sweet, just reminds me of what I’ve missed.”
It wasn’t the first time tonight she’d come close to admitting that her life hadn’t turned out the way she’d anticipated. Just proved that people were more complicated than they appeared.
“You wanted kids?” he asked.
“I took for granted that I’d have them, but time just slipped by,” she admitted. “I’ve been regretting that lately.”
“It’s not too late,” he said, even as he added her desire for children to the list of reasons they were unsuited. “Women with careers are having kids at your age all the time now.”
“I know.”
“Well, then?”
“I’m still weighing my options,” she said. “I have to say that having Mack and Daisy here has been eye-opening.”
“In a good way?”
Her gaze still on Mack, she nodded. “Yeah, in a good way.”
Just then Daisy appeared in the doorway. “Are you ever coming to hear the story?”
Erik chuckled at her impatience. He swung her up in his arms. “How about we tuck you in and Helen reads it to you?” he suggested. “Mack’s already asleep.”
Daisy regarded Helen somberly. “Would you? I like it when Mommy reads to me.”
Helen seemed vaguely startled by the request, but then her lips curved into a smile. “I would love to read it, but only if Erik makes all the dinosaur noises.”
“Done,” he said at once, surprisingly eager to share this experience with her.
He was seeing more and more sides to Helen these days and with each new one, his preconceptions were toppling like pins in a bowling alley. For a man determined to keep her at arm’s length, that was not a good thing.
11
Several days after the supper outing with Erik, on Saturday morning, Helen woke up to the sensation that someone was watching her. Cracking open one eye, she saw Mack standing beside the bed, a thumb stuck in his mouth. He looked as weary as she still felt, even after a full night’s sleep, the first she’d had since the kids had come to stay. For the second time in the past week, she told herself to find some backup ASAP.
She glanced at the clock and saw that it was already 8:00 a.m. She never slept that late, not even on weekends. No wonder Mack had come to find her. She listened intently and heard the TV going in the living room, which was apparently keeping the self-sufficient Daisy occupied.
Mack removed his thumb from his mouth long enough to ask hopefully, “You up?”
“I am now,” she confirmed. “Are you hungry?”
He nodded emphatically.
“Seems as if you could use some clean clothes, too,” she suggested. “You must be getting tired of that Spider-Man shirt.”
“No!” Mack said.
“Okay, then. How about I wash it this morning?”
“No!” he repeated.
Oh, well, it was hardly worth fighting about. First thing Monday she’d send Barb out to see if she could find a few more identical Spider-Man shirts.
In the meantime, she dragged on a robe and headed for the living room, Mack toddling along behind. Daisy was sitting in front of the TV—and she was crying! Helen felt her throat catch at the sight of her. She looked so lost and alone despite her cheery pink T-shirt, orange shorts and bright red sneakers. Her silky hair was tangled and tears stained her cheeks.
Helen immediately crossed the room and sat down beside her, gathering her close. “Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong?”
Daisy lifted her damp face to Helen and inquired pitifully, “Are we ever going to live with Mommy again?”
“Of course you are,” Helen said at once.
“When?”
“Very soon.”
“But when?” Daisy persisted.
“As soon as the doctor says she’s okay,” Helen said.
“Is she really, really sick?” Daisy asked. “When I’m sick, I only stay home from school for a little while. Mommy’s been sick for a long time now.” She glanced at Helen hopefully. “She didn’t look sick last time she came to see us. Maybe she’s better.”
How on earth could she explain this so a five-year-old would understand? Helen wondered. “I know it must seem like a long time, but you’ve only been with me for a couple of weeks,” she said, though she sensed that to a child two weeks could seem like an eternity. “And what your mommy has isn’t like a tummy ache or the measles,” she explained carefully. “It doesn’t just go away.”
“Then how can she get well?” Daisy asked, looking more perplexed than ever.
“She needs to rest and talk to some people and then she’ll be strong again.”
“But she’s really strong now,” Daisy protested. “She can lift all sorts of stuff.”
Helen concluded she was only making things worse. “How about this? Why don’t we call her right now, so you and Mack can talk to her? Maybe she’ll even have time to come by before she goes to work.”
Daisy’s eyes lit up, even though they were still shimmering with tears. “We can call her?”
“Of course you can,” Helen said, regretting that she hadn’t told Daisy that much sooner. Instead, she’d relied on Karen to call and stop by. Obviously Daisy needed to know she could make a call herself if she wanted to. “You get the portable phone and I’ll help you make the call.”
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