Karen grinned at him. “You will by the time I’m through with you.”
Elliott cast a woeful look back over his shoulder at Erik as he followed Karen to the dining room. Erik couldn’t seem to work up any sympathy for him. He almost wished he were as smitten with Helen, rather than just in lust with her.
Of course, being in lust with Helen was pretty darn incredible. There were nights when they lay tangled together under his sheets that he couldn’t imagine his life any other way. Maybe he was just a little smitten, after all. One of these days he’d have to think about nipping that in the bud before it led him down a path he didn’t want to travel. He couldn’t afford to risk his heart.
Helen was about to wrap up her paperwork at the office and call it a night when Barb stuck her head in the door.
“You about finished?” her secretary asked.
“Yes, thank goodness.”
“Then let’s go have a drink,” Barb suggested.
Helen frowned at her. “Don’t you have to get home?”
“I have time. I thought we could toast your birthday. I have a present for you, too, but I’ll give it to you when we get there.”
Helen stared at her in surprise, then glanced at the calendar on her desk to confirm that it was, indeed, her birthday. She’d completely forgotten. She was forty-three today, and the truth was she didn’t feel much like celebrating. With every day and week that passed without any sign she might be pregnant, she grew more and more discouraged. She was all too rapidly running out of time. She didn’t need to be reminded of that.
“I don’t know—”
Barb cut her off. “No excuses. Birthdays need to be celebrated. And I know you don’t have plans for tonight or you would’ve mentioned them.”
Caught, Helen conceded reluctantly, “Okay, one drink.” Why not? She’d been avoiding alcohol for some time now on the chance she might be pregnant, but what was the point? She deserved a glass of champagne to mark the occasion.
“Where do you want to go?” she asked Barb as she got her purse.
“Only one place in town that’s classy enough for a birthday celebration,” Barb insisted. “We’ll go to Sullivan’s. Maybe I’ll even spring for dinner.”
“Fine,” Helen said, then considered the fact that she’d heard nothing from Dana Sue and Maddie all day. Usually they were the first to call with birthday wishes. Of course, with all those two had going on in their lives, it was little wonder they’d forgotten. Still, they were her best friends. They’d never missed a birthday in all the years they’d known each other. She was reminded yet again that lately they’d had entirely too little time together. Part of that was her fault. She’d been avoiding them so she wouldn’t have to answer questions about her relationship with Erik.
The parking lot at Sullivan’s was jammed as usual, but Helen finally managed to find a space in the alley out back. “We can go in through the kitchen,” she told Barb.
Her secretary frowned. “I don’t think Dana Sue would want you parading people through her kitchen on a night as busy as this one obviously is. We can walk around front.”
Helen started to argue, then shrugged. Maybe Barb had a point. Helen knew how chaotic it got in there all too well.
Around front, Barb opened the door and held it for her. The instant Helen stepped inside, the room exploded with flashing lights and what sounded like a hundred people shouted, “Surprise!”
Clasping her hand over her mouth in shock, she whirled around and scowled at Barb. “You knew about this?”
“They couldn’t have done it without me.” Her secretary looked entirely too pleased with herself. “I was the one you’d least expect to be leading you into a trap.”
“You’re a very sneaky woman,” Helen accused, but she wrapped her in a hug. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. The party wasn’t my idea.”
Dana Sue and Maddie appeared then.
“Were you really surprised?” Dana Sue demanded.
“Stunned,” Helen assured her. “I can’t believe you two did this. I was just feeling down because I thought you’d both forgotten.”
“What you really can’t believe is that we pulled it off without giving you even a hint of what we were up to,” Maddie said. “As for forgetting, surely you know us better than that.”
“I thought I did.”
“By the way, you shouldn’t be thanking us, at least not entirely,” Dana Sue added. “The party was Erik’s idea.”
Helen’s gaze few across the room to where Erik was standing just outside the kitchen door. “You did this?” she mouthed.
He shrugged, then gave her a sheepish nod.
“How on earth did he even know it was my birthday?” she asked Dana Sue.
“He told me he saw it on your driver’s license the morning you left your wallet at his place,” Dana Sue said pointedly. “I’d like to hear the story behind that one day soon. I know you’ve been staying over there because of Brad Holliday, but being forgetful? That’s the real shocker.”
“I agree,” Maddie said. “Now, get in here and say hello to everyone.”
The packed room was filled with old friends and former clients, as well as attorneys and judges, including Lester Rockingham and Jimmy Bob West, who was keeping his distance from Tess.
“Brad hasn’t been bothering you, has he?” Jimmy Bob asked when Helen greeted him.
“Not so far,” Helen said. “It’s been a couple of weeks. He’s got to be over it by now.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure of that,” Lester Rockingham said. “He’s still refusing to play golf with us. Won’t even take my calls, in fact. If he figures Jimmy Bob and I betrayed him, there’s no telling how he feels about you.”
Erik approached just in time to hear the warning. He stiffened visibly. “You really think this guy’s a danger to her?” he asked the two men.
“I’m just saying she needs to keep her eyes open,” Jimmy Bob said.
“Why not just throw him in jail?” Erik demanded.
“No grounds,” the judge responded. “He hasn’t even made any overt threats, much less acted on them. It’s just a gut feeling Jimmy Bob and I have that he’s going to have a meltdown one of these days. I hear he’s sitting at home with a bottle of booze and stewing about how the court and Helen here wronged him. That’s never a good thing.”
Erik frowned at Helen. “Then you’re not moving back to your place yet and that’s that,” he said.
Though Jimmy Bob seemed a little startled, he nodded. “Makes sense to me to stay where you’re not alone and where Brad’s less likely to look for you.”
Helen wasn’t sure how she felt about more people knowing about her current living arrangements. It meant there were that many more people who would know the truth if she eventually turned up pregnant. They’d all have questions and, more than likely, want to paint Erik as the bad guy if they didn’t marry. She hadn’t meant for that to happen.
“I’ll think about it,” she told them all. “I need to say hello to some more people.”
As she walked away, Erik was right on her heels. “Okay, why did you go all stiff and weird just then? Was it because I mentioned you’d been staying with me?”
“I just thought we’d agreed that the fewer people who knew about that the better,” she told him. She decided to tap-dance around her real reason for wanting their relationship to remain underground. “Do you really want Brad to know exactly where to find me?”
Erik immediately looked guilty. “I hadn’t thought about that,” he said. “Then, again, maybe it’s a good thing if he knows there’s someone looking out for you.”
“I don’t want to count on that,” she said, then stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for thinking of the party. I never had a surprise party before, at least not one that was a real surprise.”
“Never?”
She shook her head. “I’m too nosy. I always found out.”
“I was sure you wer
e going to find out about this one, but I’d have blamed Dana Sue and Maddie for not being able to keep a secret,” he said.
“They really are lousy at that,” she agreed. “But I haven’t seen too much of them for the past couple of weeks. I’ve been otherwise occupied.”
“Really?” he said, drawing her into his arms. “Pleasantly occupied?”
“Amazingly occupied,” she said, lifting her mouth to his.
When he finally released her, he regarded her with an odd expression. “That’s the first time you’ve kissed me—I mean really kissed me—in public.”
“It’s my birthday. I’m allowed to be impulsive and throw caution to the wind. Besides, most of the people here have figured out that something’s going on between us, anyway. We may as well acknowledge it, at least among friends. Keeping it to ourselves isn’t working all that well, anyway.”
“And Brad?”
“He won’t find out from any of these people,” she said.
Erik glanced across the room to where Maddie and Dana Sue were watching them with interest. “I just hope you’re prepared for the consequences of all this new openness,” he warned. “In fact, the primary consequence appears to be heading this way. I think I’ll retreat to the kitchen to put the finishing touches on your cake.”
“Chicken,” she called after him.
“Cluck, cluck,” he responded, laughing as he disappeared from view.
“Why don’t you two just admit what’s going on?” Maddie demanded.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Helen said.
“That act’s not working anymore,” Dana Sue countered. “You’re having an affair. That much is plain. What I want to know is when you’re going to take it to the next level.”
“Which would be…?” Helen asked.
“Marriage,” Dana Sue responded.
Helen shook her head. “Not in the cards,” she said flatly.
“That’s ridiculous,” Maddie declared.
“Why on earth wouldn’t you want to get married to a man like Erik?” Dana Sue asked. “He’s perfect for you.”
“This is a party,” Helen retorted. “And I am not discussing my love life with you now.”
“Tomorrow, then,” Dana Sue said. “Be at the spa at eight or we’ll come looking for you. Won’t it be interesting if we find you in Erik’s bed?”
Helen sighed as the two of them walked away. This whole scheme of hers was suddenly spinning out of control. She didn’t have a doubt in her mind that Maddie and Dana Sue’s questions were going to be tough to handle. And she couldn’t think of a single way to avoid them.
Karen saw that Elliott fit right in at the party. Of course, it made sense since he worked with Helen, Maddie and Dana Sue at the spa, but he’d also gotten along with Maddie’s husband Cal, Dana Sue’s husband Ronnie and even Tess’s Diego. Apparently he’d had quite a chat with Erik in the kitchen, too.
That should have pleased her. Though she worked for Dana Sue, she’d come to think of all of these people as friends. For the first time in her life she had a real support system and knew she could make it on her own. She didn’t want to risk that for a relationship with a man who might shatter her hard-won independence and wind up leaving the way her ex-husband had.
“You’ve been awfully quiet,” Elliott said as he drove her home. “Didn’t you have a good time at the party?”
“I had a wonderful time,” she said. “It was so much fun seeing Helen’s face when she walked in. I think she was genuinely surprised.”
“She obviously loved the picture you gave her of Daisy and Mack,” Elliott said. “It made her cry.”
Karen frowned at the reminder. “Happy tears, I hope, but I’m not so sure.”
“Why would it have been anything else?”
“Just a feeling I have,” she admitted. “I think she wants her own family.”
“Then perhaps she and Erik will get together. There’s definitely something going on between those two.”
“There’s a lot of chemistry, that’s for sure,” she conceded.
He glanced over at her. “Like there is with us.”
Once again, she frowned. “Elliott, please. I don’t want to talk about us.”
For once he didn’t let the subject drop. “Why not, Karen?” he asked. “We’re good together. More than good.”
It was true. He was amazing with her kids and kind and loving toward her. But the idea of allowing herself to give in to the feelings he stirred in her scared her.
She reached for his hand. “I know you can’t possibly understand where I’m coming from, and I’m sorry. I like you, Elliott. I love spending time with you.”
“But what? You’re not in love with me?”
“I didn’t say that. I don’t know what I feel.”
He pulled to a stop in front of her apartment building and cut the engine. Staring straight ahead, he asked, “Do you want to end this?”
“No,” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. “But I can’t promise you anything. It’s not fair to keep you waiting around, either.”
“You’re not making any sense,” he accused. “Are you confused? Scared? What?”
She took a deep breath, then blurted, “All of that. I just started getting my life back on track. I finally feel as if I have some control over it. Falling in love, well, it means giving up some of that control. I don’t know if I can do it again.”
He tucked a finger under her chin and forced her to face him. “I do get that, Karen. I really do. I know what you’ve been through. It’s probably too soon for me to be pushing you like this. I just need you to know where I’m coming from. I can wait, if you’ll just tell me that there’s a chance for us. If there’s not, if you can’t see yourself ever trusting another man not to hurt you, then tell me and I’ll leave you alone. I won’t spend years trying to prove I’m not like your ex-husband.”
“I want to trust you,” she said softly, her cheeks damp with tears. “I’ve seen the gentleness and kindness in you.”
“Then give us a chance,” he said quietly. “That’s all, just a chance. But if you know you’ll never be able to open up your heart, please don’t just go through the motions.”
It would be so easy to say yes, she thought. It would be so easy to start a relationship and see where it led. But the panic that rushed through her just thinking about it proved it was too soon.
Slowly, she shook her head. Touching a hand to his cheek, she said, “I can’t, Elliott. I’m not ready to take that kind of risk. If I were, you’d be the man I’d choose, but I can’t.”
He sat back with a heavy sigh. “Okay, then. If that’s really the way you want it, I’ll back off.”
Holding back tears, she nodded. “I think that’s best.”
“I’ll walk you in.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do,” he said, getting out of the car and coming around to open her door.
He said absolutely nothing as they walked to her apartment. At the door, she lifted her gaze to his. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
She unlocked the door, but when she would have walked inside, he stopped her. “You’re a terrific woman, Karen. I know you’re just discovering that about yourself, but it’s been obvious to me since the day we met. I hope someday you’ll believe in yourself enough to let a man into your life.”
Then he turned and walked away, leaving her alone on her doorstep…and feeling lonelier than she had in years.
17
Karen tiptoed into her apartment, trying not to wake Frances, who’d fallen asleep on the sofa with the television tuned to a late-night talk show. Unfortunately, by the time she’d peeked in to check on the kids, Frances was wide-awake and filled with questions.
“How was your evening?” she asked, fully alert and eager for answers.
“Fine,” Karen murmured, not anxious to talk to a woman who could read her like a book. She knew Frances would be
distraught over her breakup with Elliott. She’d said at least a hundred times how lucky she thought Karen was to have found him.
“I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow,” Karen promised. “Since you’re awake, why don’t you get home so you can sleep in your own bed, instead of being all cramped up on my sofa?”
Frances ignored the suggestion and regarded her suspiciously. “Come here where I can get a better look at you,” she commanded. “Have you been crying?”
Since her cheeks were still damp, Karen could hardly deny it. “It’s no big deal.”
“Tell me,” Frances demanded. “What did Elliott do?”
Her immediate indignation on Karen’s behalf made Karen smile. “He didn’t do anything,” she said. “It was me. I broke things off with him.”
Frances looked stunned. “Why on earth would you do a crazy thing like that?” Even before Karen could reply, she said, “It’s because you’re scared, isn’t it? I should have seen this coming. The more time Elliott spends around here, the more distant you’ve become.”
Karen acknowledged the truth with a nod. “He’s ready for more, Frances. He wants a real relationship with a future and I can’t promise him any of that. I can barely think ahead to tomorrow.”
“Is this about sex?” Frances asked, her indignation returning. “Was he pressuring you to sleep with him?”
Karen felt weird having this conversation with Frances. She’d never talked about intimate topics like this with any of the women who’d been her foster mothers. She’d learned everything she knew about sex from kids in school and even at that, she’d hardly been prepared for marriage. Still, this was Frances, who listened and didn’t make judgments.
“No,” she admitted. “It wasn’t like that at all. Believe me, there’s a lot of chemistry there, but this was all about an emotional commitment. Elliott is ready to make that. I’m not.”
“I see. It would have been easier for you if it had just been about sex, wouldn’t it?”
Karen nodded. “Sleeping with him would be amazing, I’m sure of it. But any more? I just don’t see it happening. I’m barely standing on my own two feet,” she told Frances. “You’ve been here. You know how it was just a few months ago. I can’t risk all the progress I’ve made. I’m stronger now, but I don’t want to backslide and wind up being dependent on another man.”
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