by Kelley, HD
“At least you don’t have kids,” I said, thinking of what my own kids had been through.
“Never!” Val snapped. “This body wasn’t meant for babies, Izzy.” I laughed even though I knew she was serious. Valerie would never be willing to make the kind of sacrifices motherhood required.
“Are you still seeing that guy you had the affair with?”
“No. He broke it off.”
“Really?” The news was hard to believe. That made two men who had ended things with her. That was so not Val. “Why? What happened?” I asked, recovering my equilibrium.
“He was married. And before you judge me you should know he was miserable. His wife cared nothing about his needs. He needed me.”
“Is that why you cheated on Cody? Because you were miserable?”
“Kinda. I was lonely. He worked all the time and, well, you know how I like attention.” I wondered if Spencer had been lonely too, if that’s why he’d cheated on me. It still wouldn’t excuse what he did, but part of me really wanted there to be some simple explanation to why he’d thrown away nineteen years of marriage.
“Why don’t you ever talk about your third husband?” My line of questions surprised me but I realized I was just searching for answers, anything that would help me understand what had happened between me and Spencer.
She flashed a pouty look then flagged down the waiter for another round. “I need something stronger. Bring me a Jack and Diet Coke.” She batted her long eyelashes at him and he blushed, almost dropping his tray in the process. “And do try to hurry.” She was incorrigible at times, but I was prepared to let that go if it meant I’d get the answers I was seeking.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said then hurried off toward the bar.
It wasn’t long before he returned. She accepted her drink, staring out at the ocean as if looking for something she’d lost there. I took a drink of the Pina Colada he brought for me, strengthening my courage. “Didn’t you love him?”
“Who?”
“Husband number three.”
“We’re back to that?” she snapped. “He didn’t love me. Hell, he didn’t even know me. Not the real me anyway. He wanted me to be someone I wasn’t and it drove us apart.” She took a long drink. “Let’s talk about something else now, okay?” I could tell there was more to that story, but I let it go. There would be plenty of time to get answers during our week long vacation.
“What do you want to talk about then?”
“Me!” She laughed but I knew she was serious. “I’m putting my life in order, Izzy. Righting a few wrongs if you will.” A smile crossed her face and she took another drink. “Whisky makes me want a cigarette, do you mind if I smoke?”
I rolled my eyes. “If you must.” I hated the smell of cigarettes, and whisky, and especially the two of them together. A chill ran down my spine as thoughts of my nightmares flashed through my mind.
• • • • •
We closed the tiki bar down before finally calling it a night. Valerie was pretty drunk, but luckily she was still mobile and managed to stay on her feet long enough for me to get her back to our suite. She lunged for the bed, falling face down onto the comforter. I tried to get her back on her feet and out of her sandy suit but she was out cold.
Grabbing my phone off the coffee table, I headed into my room. I’d left it there earlier and was anxious to see if Alec had called. I said a quick prayer then glanced down at the screen. Nothing. No texts. No calls. No emails. The sting of disappointment filled my eyes. It was my fault I hadn’t heard from him. I left him. And when he asked if I was coming back, I hadn’t answered. I had no right to expect anything from him after that.
After showering I climbed into bed, willing myself to sleep so I could finally stop thinking about Alec.
The next morning I woke feeling surprisingly refreshed after crying myself to sleep. I opened the drapes and looked out, past the sea of people, all the way to the emerald green water. It reminded me of the Wyndam and of Alec. I quickly closed the drapes.
We skipped dinner last night, a fact my stomach was reminding me of now. I peeked through the door to Val’s bedroom to see if she wanted to get some breakfast, but she was still sleeping, so I ordered room service instead. I was really hungry and who knew how long she’d stay in bed after the amount of alcohol she’d consumed last night.
While waiting for the food to arrive, I changed into a clean swimsuit. I’d resisted the urge to check my messages. I was sure Alec hadn’t called, and I didn’t think I could take the disappointment of knowing for certain on an empty stomach.
The porter pushed the cart out onto the terrace before disappearing into the hall. I wasted no time digging in. First the French toast then the eggs, stuffing bite after bite into my mouth, trying not to think of Alec or the French toast we ate that first morning at the beach house.
Valerie was still sleeping even after I’d finished eating, so I decided to get some work done, desperate for any distraction I could get at that point. I opened my email program, scrolling through the new messages first, flagging a few for follow up next week, and responding to a few others. There was still nothing from Alec. I considered emailing him, but I didn’t, reminding myself of why I hadn’t already.
“Hey.”
I looked up from the screen. “Well hey. I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all day.”
“I’m on vacation, Izzy. You do know what a vacation is, don’t you?”
Her sassiness made me giggle. “How are you feeling?”
“Like hell. I can’t believe you let me drink so much.”
“Let you?” I laughed. There was no way she was blaming me for her drunken state. “There was no stopping you, Val.”
“Well, today it’s your turn.”
“No way, you know I don’t like being drunk.” The last time I got that drunk was the night Spencer took the three of us to Miami. After that night I promised myself I’d never be that drunk again. “You do remember what happened the last time I got drunk, don’t you?” I only remembered bits of pieces of that night, but it was enough to know I never wanted to give up that much control again. We’d all been drunk, without inhibition, given no consideration of tomorrow. It almost cost me my best friend and my relationship with Spencer.
Val bit her lip and grinned, clearly remembering it differently than me. “Okay, so maybe not that drunk, but you are going to loosen up today.” There was no point in arguing with her. Telling Val no only made her want it more. She was impossible when she didn’t get her way.
“You want some breakfast?”
“No food. I need a Bloody Mary. Get dressed.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. Vacation, remember?”
I closed down my laptop, did another check of my phone, hoping against hope there was some word from Alec. When I saw there wasn’t, I tossed my phone onto the bed, ready to drink away the memory of what I’d done.
Fifteen minutes later we were sitting on a stool at the same tiki bar we closed down last night. “Two Bloody Marys,” Val ordered.
“I’m just going to have water for now.” If I started drinking that early it would be an early night for sure.
“So order some water, those are for me.”
I burst out laughing. I should have known she wasn’t ordering for me. “I’ll have a bottle of water, please.”
“Don’t be a party pooper, Bella. Vacation, remember?” She exhaled loudly. “Order a damn drink already.”
Much to my surprise, I quickly gave in. “Corona, with a lime, too, please.”
“Sure thing, ladies.”
“Geez, Bella, don’t sound so excited about it.”
“Cut me some slack, Val. I ordered a drink didn’t I?”
We hung out on the beach all afternoon, talking, and laughing, as Valerie ordered drink after drink. I’d wanted to tell her about Spencer’s affair but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. She’d be mad I hadn’t told her sooner, and
I didn’t want to spoil our time together.
“What’s going on with you, Bella? Something is clearly bothering you. Now tell me what it is so I can finally enjoy my vacation.”
I should just tell her. Maybe it’d even make me feel better to get it off my chest.
“I’m waiting,” she snapped.
Liquid courage, that’s what I needed. “Let’s get another drink. Then we’ll talk.”
“Now you’re speaking my language.”
The tiki bar was crowed. Val had worn her bikini to the bar, not bothering to cover up, her gorgeous, sun kissed body glistening in the late day sun, so it hadn’t surprised me that she was able to get our drinks quickly. She handed me a metal bucket full of ice and Corona and we made our way back to the beach chairs we’d just left. “You have your drink. Now talk.”
Pulling a bottle of beer from the bucket, I took a long drink, the ice cold liquid hitting just the right spot.
“Talk!”
Wow, was she demanding. I took another drink. “Oh, Val, I don’t know where to start.” I stared out over the water, searching for the right words. “My life is spinning out of control.”
“Seriously, Izzy?” she snapped. “You’re the most in control person I know.”
“Not really.” I kept drinking. “I’ve lost control of everything. My marriage, my home, my career…”
“What? Your marriage? What are you talking about?”
“It’s over, Val. Spencer and I got a divorce.”
“When did that happen? And why haven’t you told me?”
I was drinking faster now. I opened my mouth and the words rushed out. I’d finally said it. The dam had been broken. “I started having nightmares, and then the attacks started, and I lost my home and Alec and maybe my job too.” I rambled on and on. I finished the first beer and immediately pulled another one from the bucket.
“Izzy, I can’t believe you haven’t told me any of this.”
“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t talk about it. I’ve been so confused.”
“What happened with Spencer?”
“He cheated on me.”
“No way! Not Spencer.”
“It’s true, Val. There are pictures to prove it.” The liquid courage was really starting to kick in. I pulled another beer from the bucket.
“Who is she?”
“He wouldn’t say.”
“What do you mean, he wouldn’t say!”
“All he said was she didn’t matter, that he’d made a mistake.”
“That’s bullshit. I can’t believe he didn’t tell you who he was seeing.”
“He’s right, Val, it doesn’t matter who she was. He cheated. Our marriage is over. That’s all I need to know.” Her eyes narrowed and her mouth formed into a thin hard line. She chugged the wine in her glass until it was empty and I knew I’d hit a nerve.
“Where are you living?” she asked after a while.
“Well, after we found out the attacks were really attacks, and not just dreams like I’d thought. Alec moved me to this amazing beach house, but we had a fight and I left.” I took another drink. “Now I don’t know where I’m going to live.”
“I don’t like him, Izzy. I know he comes across as this charming gentleman but he’s controlling and abusive.”
“How do you know that?”
“You know he was married before, right?” I nodded, wondering what she was getting at. “Did he tell you why she left?”
“Not really.” That wasn’t my story to tell, so that was all I was willing to say. “That doesn’t answer my question, Val. How do you even know Alec?”
A grin crossed her face. “Let’s just say I know Charlee.” She pulled a beer from the bucket and took a long drink. “Did you know he used to tie her up and hit her? And he never took no for an answer, especially when it came to sex. You’re lucky you got out when you did, Bella.”
Her words rolled around my mind and before I knew it, tears had pricked the corner of my eyes.
“Oh, don’t cry! You’ll ruin my buzz.” She took another long drink of beer. “It sounds like we both have fucked up lives.” A seemingly satisfactory smile crossed her face as she said it. Sitting back in the lounge chair she stared out at the water. I followed suit, slowly sipping the last beer.
“Drink up,” Valerie said after a while. I’ll be back with another bucket and I want that gone.”
“Val, I’ve already had too much.”
“No, no, no. You’re not quitting on me. Now drink.”
Reluctantly I took another drink, knowing full well resistance was futile. The more I drank the chattier I became. I told Val how I felt when I saw the pictures. I told her about the divorce, about all the time I’d spent with Alec, and about the amazing sex. She asked me question after question about Spencer, Alec, my job, never once stopping to talk about herself. It was definitely not typical Val. Not typical at all.
Chapter Twenty Eight
My head was pounding when I opened my eyes. A bright light was seeping through the crack in the drapes. The realization of what happened last night slowly sank in. I’d told Val everything—the nightmares, the pictures, and the sex with Alec. I shivered at the thought of what else I might’ve said.
I spotted a carafe of orange juice on the bedside table with a note. My legs were weak and unsteady as I climbed out of bed.
Bella,
Thanks for a great vacation. I had to jet. The room is covered for the rest of the week.
See you soon, Val
“What time is it?” I asked out loud, looking around for my phone, finally finding it on the chair next to my clothes. I unlocked the screen. I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was twenty after one. How much did I drink last night?
After a check of my email, and voicemail, and text messages, there was still no word from Alec. I poured myself a glass of juice and drank it down, the tangy liquid instantly quenching my thirst. It didn’t do much for the queasy feeling in my stomach, but I hadn’t expected it to. Making things right with Alec was the only thing that was going to ease that feeling.
Digging the bottle of Advil out of my bag, I popped four pills into my mouth before sending Val a quick text thanking her for the room. My body was achy and stiff, and a soak in the tub sounded enticing.
After filling the tub I climbed in, the warm water quickly enveloping me. I closed my eyes, doing my best to push the uneasy feeling surrounding last night out of my mind, but it didn’t take long for thoughts of Alec to take its place. I wondered if I should call him and tell him where I was staying but quickly reconsidered. It’d been almost a week since I’d heard from him. He’d probably moved on already, something I would need to do soon.
My phone rang, sending me scrambling out of the tub. By the time I reached it the call had rolled to voicemail. Praying it was Alec, I held my breath and scrolled through the call log. Spencer. He was the last person I wanted to talk to right now but considering all the break-ins I knew I had to find out what he wanted.
His voicemail didn’t provide many clues to the reason for his call. He’d said he wanted to talk, that it was really important. Reluctantly, I dialed his number.
“Izzy, thanks for calling. I was afraid you wouldn’t.”
“You said it was important. What’s up?”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. What makes you ask?”
“No reason really, I just care about you.”
I was not in the mood for his considerations. All I wanted was to find out why he called so I could get on with my life. “You said we needed to talk, Spencer. What is it?”
“Getting straight to the point as usual, I see.” The tone is his voice changed. “I need to tell you something, Izzy, and I don’t want to tell you over the phone. Can we meet somewhere?”
“Spencer, I’m not sure—”
“Please, Izzy. It’s really important.”
“Alright,” I sighed. “I’ll be in Pensacola for a few more days.” I didn’t elab
orate beyond that. My life was none of his business anymore.
“Can we meet tonight?”
“Sure. I’m staying at the Margaritaville. Come whenever you want.” Alec assured me Spencer had been cleared, so I wasn’t worried about telling him where I was staying anymore.
“Thanks, Izzy. I’ll be there at five.” I glanced at the clock. It was after two and I looked like hell. I’d definitely need to change that before Spencer arrived. The last thing I wanted was for him to know how far out of control my life had become. I quickly dressed and headed to the lobby in search of food.
The tomato soup was just what the doctor ordered. Plus, the saltiness of the crackers seemed to have calmed my stomach. I paid the bill then headed to the hotel gift shop in search of clothes. I’d only packed a few things when I left and most of what I’d brought was being laundered.
They had a small selection of summer attire, mostly touristy t-shirts and stuff, but I managed to find two sundresses I liked. After paying for them both, I hurried back to my room to get ready.
Spencer called from the tiki bar to let me know he’d arrived. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves before heading out to see him. I hadn’t laid eyes on him since graduation, and it felt strange to be seeing him now.
My eyes ran from one end of the bar to the next, but I didn’t see him.
“Izzy, I’m over here.”
“Spencer?” He was almost unrecognizable. He’d lost a lot of weight, not to mention his hair was overgrown and he was sporting a goatee. He opened his arms for a hug. I didn’t want to be rude so I moved closer, allowing him to wrap his arms around me. The feeling of him next to me was familiar, maybe a little too familiar, and I pulled back.
“You look great, Izzy.”
“You too,” I said cautiously, still unsure why he was here.
The waiter approached as soon as I sat down.
“What’ll be?” he asked.
“Just a Coke, please.”
“Sure thing.” He placed a paper coaster in front of me. The Coke quickly followed.
Spencer reached for the glass in front of him. He’d always been a bourbon drinker and I couldn’t help but notice the drink in front of him was clear.