Scattered Thoughts (Betrayed by Love Book 1)

by Kelley, HD

  “Is that a new drink?”

  “Actually, it is,” he said, a forced smile crossing his face. “It’s called water.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with one of his tantrums.

  “What’s going on, Spencer?”

  “Izzy, um… I don’t know where to start.” He stared down at the bar.

  “From the beginning.” I reached out and touched his shoulder but pulled back almost immediately.

  He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m an alcoholic, Izzy.” He sat up and looked right at me now. “I made some terrible decisions. I let alcohol control my life. I hurt you. I hurt my family.” He looked down at his hands. “I hurt us.”

  His confession surprised me and I wasn’t sure what to say. “Do you have it under control now?” I asked finally.

  “I’m working through a program. It’s helping.” He reached out and touched my hand.

  I froze, my whole body tensing at once, but I didn’t move. Instead, I sat and listened as he told me about the program, and about how it had taken the divorce to make him realize he had a problem. He admitted that in a small way he was thankful I left because it forced him to re-evaluate his life and take responsibility for what he’d done.

  “I’m not happy I hurt you, Izzy. I’m torn apart about that. But I’m happy to be getting my life together.” We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, neither of us saying a word.

  “There’s more,” he said finally.

  “Ya know, Spencer, we’re already divorced, so you can pretty much tell me anything now.” I laughed as I said it, trying to lighten the mood between us. I was touched by his honesty, and thankful he was getting the help he needed. It was at that moment that I realized I’d always love Spencer, just not in the same way as I did before.

  “The woman in the pictures, Izzy…” his voice trailed off.

  “We don’t have to talk about her. You were right, who she is really isn’t important.”

  “No. I have to tell you.” He took a deep breath. “Izzy, there’s no easy way to say this. The woman in the pictures, the woman I had the affair with… it’s Valerie.”

  I spit Coke all over the bar when her name came out of his mouth. “Valerie who?”

  “You know who I’m talking about, Bella.”

  My head was spinning. Valerie. My best friend Valerie? The Valerie that just left here? It couldn’t be her. Could it? The pieces of the puzzle finally came into focus. “You’re the man she cheated on Cody with.” My voice was weak and my words were barely audible, but I managed to get them out.

  The waiter walked by. “I’ll have a Corona now please, and a shot of tequila,” I said quickly. I couldn’t even look at Spencer. I wanted to run away screaming. Why hadn’t he told me? Why hadn’t she?

  When the waiter returned with my order I grabbed the shot glass and slammed it back as fast as I could. A long drink of beer followed.

  “Izzy, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t, Spencer. You cheated on me with my best friend!”

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I ran into her when I was on a business trip. We got drunk and it just happened.”

  “It just happened. That’s the best you’ve got!” I was drinking faster now.

  “What do you want me to say? I screwed up. I know that. Nothing will ever change that.” He put his elbows on the bar and buried his face in his hands.

  “Why are you telling me this? Why now?”

  “Keeping it from you was killing me. Plus, you have a right to know.”

  “You’re concerned about my rights all of a sudden?” I chugged the rest of my beer and ordered another one. “You should’ve told me earlier if you were that concerned about me,” I shouted, the liquid courage getting stronger with every drink. “I feel like such a fool. I just spent the weekend hanging out with the woman who was fucking my husband!”

  Grabbing my beer, I stood to leave. I had to get away from him. I couldn’t deal with any of this now.

  He grabbed my arm. “She was here?”

  “Yes, she left this afternoon.”

  He ran his free hand over his face. “She’s bad news, Izzy. You should stay away from her.”

  “That’s the pot calling the kettle black, now isn’t it, Spencer.” I pulled my arm free and moved away as fast as I could, leaving him to pay my tab. He owed me at least that much after the bomb he just dropped.

  Tears started to fall as I hurried down the hall to my room. My best friend. My husband. I felt so betrayed.

  Collapsing on the bed, I sobbed uncontrollably. My life was crumbling around me, my husband, my home, the psycho, Alec, and my best friend. It was too much to handle. “Why, why, why?” I cried into the pillow. “Why is this happening? What have I done to deserve this?” I cried so hard I got sick, barely making it to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach came spewing out.

  When the vomiting finally stopped, I climbed into the shower. As I stood under the hot water, I wished it could wash away all the memories of what had happened that year. Replaying the conversation Val and I had about Spencer’s affair brought another bout of clarity. She’d acted so surprised, but it was all an act. Her outrage made sense though. Of course she would be mad hearing Spencer had said she didn’t matter.

  I remembered what she’d said about her lover’s wife, about Spencer’s wife, about me. “His wife cared nothing about his needs. He was miserable.” The words cut me to the quick and the tears started falling all over again.

  The water ran cold, and reluctantly I climbed out of the shower. I’d slipped on the hotel robe and was wrapping a towel around my head when my phone started to ring. My heart skipped a beat as my breathing stilled. “Alec,” I gasped, when my breath returned. I prayed it was him calling to take me back, to take away the pain I was feeling at the hands of my best friend. Only it wasn’t him. It was her.

  Without giving it a second thought I sent Val’s call to voicemail. Nothing she had to say interested me anymore.

  Collapsing on the bed, I turned the television on, flipping through the channels, looking for anything that would take my mind off of all that had happened recently. Nothing worked. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of Alec or Valerie or Spencer. I needed to get out of there.

  After booking a room at the Crowne Plaza for the night, I called housekeeping to see if they could put a rush on my laundry. When I got off the phone I started packing up the rest of my things, beyond ready to leave the suite I’d shared with Valerie behind.

  Housekeeping said they’d deliver my laundry as soon as possible so the knock at the door hadn’t surprised me. I swung open the door. “What the hell do you want?” I asked the second I saw her, the cold-hearted bitch who slept with my husband, well, ex-husband.

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “Nothing you have to say interests me. Now leave me alone.” I tried to close the door but her foot was in the way.

  “I’m sorry, Bella. I wanted to tell you.”

  “I bet you did, Val. I bet you couldn’t wait to tell me all about how you were fucking my husband.” I pushed hard on the door but it wouldn’t budge. “I bet you’re the one who sent me those pictures too.”

  “You had a right to know.”

  “And you had an obligation as my friend, my best friend, NOT to sleep with my husband.” My outburst surprised us both. She took a step back, and I slammed the door shut.

  Val’s fists pounded on the door. “Open the door, Izzy.”

  There was no way I was opening the door for her. Instead, I did a quick check of the sliding glass doors. Locked. They were all locked. Then I pulled the drapes closed.

  “Izzy!” She was screaming by then. “Damn it, Bella! Open the door.”

  Her pounding was relentless, but I picked up the remote, turning the volume up as loud as it would go, doing my best to drown out the sound of her voice.

  When she didn’t stop, I screamed, “Go away. Just leave me alone.�
��

  The hotel phone rang. Shit. Someone must’ve complained about the noise. I turned the volume on the television down and picked up the phone. “Hello.”

  “This is the front desk. Is everything okay?”

  “Yes, everything’s fine.”

  “We’ve received some complaints.” He paused. “Should I send security?” Double Shit.

  “No, the TV, umm… I had it turned up pretty loud. I’ll turn it down.”

  “Thank you, ma’am.”

  As soon as I heard the click of the call disconnecting, I placed the receiver back in its cradle and walked over to the door. Valerie’s screaming had stopped, but she was still pounding.

  “Security is on their way,” I shouted through the door. The pounding stopped then too. “Security is on their way,” I said again.

  “Damn it, Bella. This isn’t over. I won’t be denied this time.”

  Staring at the door, I silently wondered if she’d gone. I looked out through the peep hole, relieved there wasn’t any sign of her. I couldn’t wait to get out of there and headed into the bathroom to finish packing.

  A noise in the other room caught my attention. I turned to see what it was, but something struck me in the head. Instantly, my eyes closed.

  • • • • •

  My head felt funny when I opened my eyes. The light from the television was barely visible. Something was covering my face, my silk nightshirt maybe. My arms, they wouldn’t move. My heart started to race so fast I could barely breathe. I looked to the right, to the left, there were only shadows. The shadow moved. No! It couldn’t be him. How had he found me?

  He moved closer. I opened my mouth to scream, but my voice failed. My eyes were too heavy, and I couldn’t hold them open any longer.

  Muffled sounds surround me. Someone was touching my leg, warmth radiating from his body to mine. I tried to pull away, but my legs wouldn’t move either. I was tied up. When I forced my eyes open again he was standing next to me. I twisted and turned, pulling on my restraints, desperately wanting to escape.

  “I like it when you fight.” That voice. I knew that voice.

  “You take and you take, Bella.”

  Take what. What did I take? I wanted to ask but it was no use. His hand was on my cheek. I turned my head to move away but he grabbed my chin, effectively holding me in place. Ripping the covering off my face he squeezed my chin tight, pulling my bottom lip down, claiming my mouth with his. Something tickled my face. I strained to see what it was. Hair, long, blonde hair.

  When he released my face his hands moved around my neck, squeezing tight, his nails digging in my skin. Nails. Sharp nails. My eyes closed.

  “Stay with me, Bella. I’m not done with you yet!” His hand connected hard with my cheek. “I do matter, Bella.”

  My eyes flew open as I started to cough. He moved toward my feet, trailing his sharp nail down my leg. I could see his hand, his nails. Something wasn’t right. They were long, and red. He moved closer to my feet and I could finally see him, his blonde hair, his long legs, his tiny waist. My eyes moved quickly up his body. Breasts. It wasn’t a man. It was a woman. A woman? But who? She was wearing a mask. Her voice was gruff. Her movements were familiar but my head was too fuzzy to even attempt to figure out why.

  There was a sudden stinging pain on my leg. “I matter, Bella!” I felt the pain again and again. “You always defy me.”

  The blows were coming faster, harder. “Stop,” I finally managed to say, my voice barely above a whisper. “Please. Stop.”

  “You took him from me, Bella.” She hit me again and again. Climbing on top off me she ran the instrument she was holding in front of my face. The brown leather paddle reconciling the pain I was feeling in my mind. She lifted it up and brought it down hard against my breast before lifting it again. Over and over she repeated the process.

  “NO!” I screamed out, my voice louder now.

  “Hush.” Her voice was harsh, gruff. She hit me again. I bucked my hips and pulled at my restraints when she turned her wrath to my other breast.

  “Stop!” I screamed now, my voice having returned. “Stop! Why are you doing this?”

  “It was my life, Bella.” She leaned closer, her face inches from mine. My senses were starting to return. She smelled of whisky and cigarettes. “You can’t keep me from what’s rightfully mine,” she growled in my face.

  Her mouth was on mine. I pulled away but she grabbed ahold of my hair, keeping me in place. She kissed me again, forcing her tongue deep inside my mouth this time. I twisted and turned, pulling as hard as I could on the restraints.

  “Fight me, Bella. I like it when you fight.” She ran her mouth over my chin, my neck, my ear.

  “Please. Stop.” Tears were streaming down my face.

  “You stole him with your sex.” She punched me in the stomach, stealing my breath. “So I will punish you with mine.” She punched me again. Her mouth was on my breast, biting.

  “Stop!” I screamed when my breath returned.

  She sat up, straddling me now. Her hands moved quickly around my neck. “I said HUSH.” Squeezing tight, she continued yelling. “Why do you insist on defying me?” I was seconds from passing out when she released my neck and slapped me across the face.

  “HELP! SOMEBODY! HELP ME!”

  She slapped me again.

  “Help,” I screamed again, but the sound was muffled by the pillow she was holding over my face, making it hard to breathe.

  There was a loud knock at the door. She let go of the pillow, but it was still covering my face. I felt a sharp pinch. My head was spinning.

  The knocking was getting louder. “Security,” the deep voice called out. “We heard screams, ma’am. We’re coming in.”

  Yes. Come in. Hurry. My eyes were too heavy to open.

  • • • • •

  “Oh my God, Izzy. Quick, call 911! Get an ambulance here now.” I couldn’t see. I opened my mouth to speak, but my words failed me now.

  “There’s an ambulance on the way. Stay with us, ma’am.”

  My chest hurt. Too much pressure. “Hurry up. We’re losing her.”

  “We need to start and IV, ma’am. You’ll feel a little pinch,” a softer voice said. He was touching my arm, it was free.

  Something was covering my face. I reached up to move it. “That’s an oxygen mask, Ms. James.” He put the mask back over my mouth and nose.

  My eyes finally opened. “Welcome back,” he said. “I’m a paramedic. The name’s Max. We’re taking you to the hospital.”

  The hospital? Wait, the attack. I remembered. I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer, and they slowly closed.

  • • • • •

  “Get a CBC and a tox screen, STAT.”

  The hospital. I’d made it.

  “Ms. James, can you hear me?” The voice was familiar, but who? My mind was too foggy to place it. A bright light flooded into my eye. “Can you hear me, Ms. James?”

  “Dr. Jensen?” I tried to speak but I couldn’t. It was so hard to breathe. My chest was tight.

  “There was another attack, Izzy. You were drugged.” Something cold touched my chest. “Can you hear me?”

  “She did this,” I whispered.

  “A woman did this?”

  “Yes,” I breathed. It was all I could manage. I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer. Muffled voices surrounded me. There was a loud beeping sound. Pressure filled my chest. I was so sleepy.

  “Clear.”

  I opened my eyes, coughing, feeling as though I’d been kicked in the chest. Someone was standing over me, something in his hands. Shiny. Silver. My eyes closed again.

  “Stay with us, Izzy.” The tightness in my chest stole my breath.

  “Clear!”

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  “Code Blue. Code Blue. ICU. Code Blue.” A disembodied voice was saying.

  A woman stood next to me. “Stay with us, Ms. James,” she was saying. Who was she? She was injecting something
into my IV. I couldn’t breathe. “You’re in the hospital, ma’am. You’re safe now.”

  Safe. I was safe. I closed my eyes. The voices were getting farther and farther away.

  “She’s in V-tach.”

  “Clear.”

  There was that kick again. Damn that hurt.

  “Again.”

  “Clear.”

  My eyes opened wide. “We have sinus rhythm.”

  “Thank God!” Dr. Leonard. She was there too, standing beside me, staring at me. “We had another scare, Izzy.” Another scare, another attack! My heart rate increased.

  “She was here?” I froze, paralyzed by fear that she had found me here.

  “No, Izzy. You’re safe.” She touched my arm as she said it. “Please, try to relax. We need to keep your heart rate stable.” I took a breath, doing my best to stay calm but I was stopped by the enormous pressure in my chest.

  I exhaled loudly. “My chest. What happened?”

  “You developed a dangerous rhythm and we had to shock your heart to stabilize it.” Her normally all business persona had softened. “You have a high dose of ketamine in your system.”

  I scrunched my nose, not at all sure what she was talking about. “It’s a dissociative drug,” Dr. Jensen offered. “It’s what your attacker used to subdue you. In high doses it can cause dangerous heart rhythms like the one you’ve experienced.”

  My eyelids were heavy. I couldn’t hold them open any longer.

  Voices. Lots of voices.

  “Can I touch her?”

  “Yes, of course, just be careful of her IVs.”

  “Oh, Mom, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.” Drew. He was holding my hand in his. I wanted to squeeze it, but my fingers wouldn’t move. My arm wouldn’t move either. Something was holding my legs. I was tied.

  “NO,” I tried to scream but there was no sound.

  My chest hurt. So much pressure.

  Alarms sounded all around me. “Push two units of lidocaine, STAT.”