by Anne Douglas
‘Two apple tarts,’ interrupted the waitress. ‘With custard, I’m afraid – there’s no cream.’
‘What are you going to do, then?’ asked Roz, beginning to eat.
‘Buy a car,’ he told her, taking pleasure in seeing her eyes widen. ‘Second hand, of course – there aren’t many new ones about as yet and they’re hard to get – but it’d make all the difference to me to have my own wheels. Everything’d be so much easier, you see. Why, I might even use it at work, if they’d give me a petrol allowance. That old Hillman’s not going to last much longer but I don’t see old Banks replacing it in a hurry.’
‘You’re going to buy a car,’ Roz repeated, her eyes alight. ‘That would be wonderful, Jamie – if you can afford it.’
‘I’ve enough. And I won’t be going for a Jaguar or a Humber, or anything like that. It’ll be something small and easy to run. The sort you could learn on, Roz. It’s time you learned to drive.’
‘That’s what Mr MacKenna told me. He said it would be useful. I thought lessons would be too expensive.’
‘Driving school lessons? Sure, but you’d have me. I can teach you.’
‘Would you?’
‘You bet. As soon as I get the car. I’m already looking at adverts – I might even try auctions.’ Jamie laughed. ‘What I need is a sale from one careful lady owner! And remember to take that description with a large pinch of salt.’
It was still warm and very light when they left the restaurant, the June evening being only a little while after the longest day, and they walked slowly, enjoying the air.
‘Isn’t this what they call white night time?’ Jamie asked, taking Roz’s hand. ‘You know, in places like Shetland it never gets dark at all at this time of year.’
‘I’ve heard that. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever get dark here.’
‘Nice for most people. But perhaps not lovers, who prefer the dark.’
Roz gave Jamie a quick glance. ‘I like it like this. We get enough dark nights in winter.’
‘True,’ he said easily. ‘But what are we going to do now? I wish I could have shown you my flat, but Alan will be there, working on some plans. He’s an architect.’
‘I think I’d better make for my tram anyway,’ she said quickly.
‘Not by yourself,’ he said firmly. ‘I’m taking you home tonight. Don’t say there’s no need. You surely don’t want to say goodnight yet, do you?’
Her eyes rested on him again. ‘No, I don’t, Jamie, it’s been so nice. I do appreciate it all, you know that.’
‘My pleasure, Roz. Now, which tram do we get?’
‘If we walk up to Melville Drive we can get one for St Leonard’s.’
‘Could always get a taxi?’
‘A taxi? Don’t be silly. You’ve spent enough.’
‘I quite like trams,’ he said thoughtfully when they reached the stop. ‘They’re a bit of a novelty to me, you see. We don’t have them in Kelder.’
‘No novelty to me,’ Roz laughed. ‘I seem to have spent half my life on trams, or else at tram stops.’
‘And now you’re at another stop. But here comes a tram – will that one do, Roz?’
‘That’ll do. And look, I’ve got the coppers for the fare. It would have cost us at least a shilling for a taxi.’
Holding hands, they were quiet on the tram and also when they left it, until they reached Deller Street, where they stood outside Roz’s home and she told him that that was where she lived.
‘It’s very nice, Roz. Not old, but attractive.’
‘Has no quality, we’d never claim it had.’
‘Never mind, I like it. Listen, you’re not going straight in, are you?’
‘Ma and my sister will be at home. You could come in, if you like.’
‘Well, maybe not tonight.’ Jamie looked around. ‘Still not even dusk! Oh, Roz, I don’t want to leave you – isn’t there somewhere we can go?’
‘I don’t think so, really.’
His gaze on her very intent, he suddenly drew her into his arms. ‘There’s no one about,’ he whispered.
‘I know,’ she whispered back.
And then their mouths met and the kiss was long until finally they parted.
‘Couldn’t we meet again soon?’ Jamie asked. ‘On Saturday, or Sunday?’
‘My brother’s coming for the weekend. I can’t see you then.’
‘Oh, yes, you told me. All right, we’ll just have to wait. Thank God I’m getting a car soon.’
‘I’ll see you tomorrow, anyway,’ Roz said, drawing away. ‘Jamie, thank you again. It was a lovely evening.’
‘So polite …’ He shook his head. ‘Till tomorrow, then.’
‘Tomorrow.’
He watched her go into the house, turn and then wave before walking slowly away. As for Roz – she was floating. Did folk say on cloud nine? Somewhere wonderful, anyway.
Twenty-Four
In the morning, things were different. Looked different, anyway. When Roz had gone to bed, all was wonderful. The memories of being with Jamie, the talk, the feeling of being special, the startling pleasure of his kiss – she’d scarcely been able to sleep for thinking of them. But with the cold light of day came worry. That same worry she’d had from the beginning, of how the attraction they had for each other could possibly be concealed. And if it weren’t concealed, what would happen?
She didn’t, of course, want to conceal it. She wanted to shout her feelings for Jamie from the rooftops. At the same time, she didn’t want to lose her job, and she knew Jamie didn’t. Perhaps there should be no question of it, but of what she knew of Mr Banks, Roz was sure he would not take kindly to the idea of two of his staff being attracted to each other. Going out for drinks, having a meal, kissing …
The only way to be safe was to step back, to go no further. Even since she’d thought about it on the tram, the attraction between herself and Jamie had progressed very quickly, like a fire taking hold. Who knew how it would end, if not damped down? To be sure of causing no trouble that was what must happen, but, oh, God, it was the last thing she wanted.
‘What’s the matter with you?’ asked Chrissie, rattling cornflakes out of the box. ‘Last night you looked like sunshine – now like you might have had bad news – what’s up?’
‘Nothing’s up!’ cried Roz. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about!’
‘Having second thoughts about going out with your boss?’ Chrissie smiled. ‘Look, if you had a good time with him, don’t worry – I mean, whether he’s the boss or not. It’s time you enjoyed yourself, instead o’ just thinking o’ that job o’ yours.’
Scraping butter on her toast, Roz made no reply.
Flo fluttered in, smiling and clutching her shawl around her shoulders. ‘Today’s the day!’ she cried. ‘Dougal’s coming home!’
‘Not till this evening,’ said Roz, rising to make more tea. ‘But it’ll be grand to see him.’
‘I canna wait,’ said Flo, taking a chair and pushing aside her cereal bowl. ‘Is there no porridge, Roz?’
‘Too warm for porridge, Ma. Have some cornflakes.’
‘I’m too excited to eat anything. Have you got my tea there?’
‘Anybody’d think, the way we’re going on, that Dougal had been away for months,’ Chrissie murmured. ‘Talk about putting the flags out!’
‘It’s a big thing for him, this going back into the army,’ Flo said coldly. ‘Not something you’ve had to do, Chrissie.’
Roz, making the tea for her mother, shook her head at Chrissie, who had just opened her mouth – clearly ready to say Dougal hadn’t had to do it, either – but, at Roz’s look, shrugged and said nothing.
‘We must think o’ something special to do tomorrow,’ said Flo. ‘I’ve got the day off, anyway. But I’ll have to find him something nice to eat, eh? Not going to be easy.’
‘I can do some shopping if you like, Ma,’ said Roz, at which Flo brightened.
‘Would you, pet? That’d be
a help. I get so tired.’
‘Trust Ma to rope you in,’ Chrissie said later. ‘Getting her to do anything these days is like pushing a stone up Arthur’s Seat.’
‘Just be grateful that she’s swung right round over Dougal and we’re not having to worry about her being depressed.’
‘For now,’ said Chrissie.
‘For now. That goes without saying.’
Last night, thought Roz, hurrying for her tram, she was so thrilled about seeing Jamie again at work that nothing else was in her mind. But now, though she was in fact longing to see him, she couldn’t help letting her fears overtake her, so that all she could do was think about telling him – what? They must back pedal? Think of their jobs, instead of their feelings?
It was in distinctly low spirits that she arrived at the property department and with some apprehension looked for him, but for once saw she was there before him. A breathing space, thank God! Quickly, she put down the post and ran into her office, where she took the cover off her typewriter and sat down at her desk. Then leaped up and combed her hair. Sat down again, sorted through papers, tried to stop her fingers trembling.
‘Roz!’ she heard him say. And there he was in her little office, bending down, his arms around her. ‘Oh, Roz, good morning. I was awake all night, thinking about you!’
She couldn’t believe that he seemed about to kiss her, and sprang up from his arms.
‘Jamie, we’re at work! What are you thinking of?’
‘Of you, like I said.’ He was laughing, stepping away from her. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I’m behaving like a schoolboy, but there’s no one here, no one to see. I couldn’t resist coming in to find you, then kind of lost my head.’
‘It’s all right.’ Her eyes fastened on his face. She was lost in gladness at seeing him again, and though she knew she must be strong and tell him what they must do, being in his arms again had not helped her resolve.
‘But Jamie, we really can’t be like this, can we?’ she managed to say. ‘The fact is, I’ve been thinking—’
‘Thinking?’ Suddenly, he was quite serious, his smiles, his banter quite gone. ‘I don’t like the sound of that. What have you been thinking, then?’
‘Well, I was so happy last night, you see, but then it seemed to me this morning that – what you said about risk … maybe we shouldn’t take it.’
‘You’re afraid you’ll lose your job?’
‘Yours as well, Jamie. That’d be more important, because you’re a professional. I could get something else, but you’d be throwing a lot away.’
‘So, you want to give me up?’
His hazel eyes without their smile seemed strange; she could no longer meet them.
‘No!’ she cried. ‘No, I don’t want to, Jamie! I just think … maybe we shouldn’t go any further. It’s too difficult. How can we keep it a secret?’
‘Tell me what you mean by “it”,’ he said quietly. ‘Would it be love?’
‘Love?’
‘Love. Are you saying you love me, Roz?’
As she seemed unable to speak, he took her hands and made her look at him.
‘Because I love you, Roz. Yes, it’s been quick – love at first sight, in fact. It happens, you know. Happened to me when I saw you in this very department, with those other two guys who were in for the job and your Mr MacKenna. I didn’t really believe it at first, but then I began to think you might feel the same. We had that drink, that meal, I kissed you and … Look, for God’s sake, do you care for me, Roz?’
‘I do, Jamie. I do care for you.’ There were tears in her eyes. ‘I do love you.’
He gave a little sigh and very gently kissed her brow.
‘All right, I’ll tell you what we’ll do. We’ll be very careful. There’ll be no repeat of me coming in and going on as though we’re not at the office. We’ll be absolutely without reproach until we meet outside of work. And then, you see, we’ll have the car.’
‘The car?’
‘Yes, I’m going to look at one tonight, and I’ve two more lined up for tomorrow. By Monday I should have one and then we’ll have transport to go out of town, go wherever we like as far as we can from Tarrel’s. How does that suit?’
‘Oh, Jamie, it suits!’
‘Fine.’ They exchanged long, rapturous looks but nothing more, until Jamie turned to go back to his own desk. Just once, he looked back at her.
‘Better do some work, I suppose?’
‘Oh, yes!’ she cried. ‘To work!’
But it was some time before she could settle.
Twenty-Five
It was in the late evening that Dougal came home, at the same time that Chrissie arrived back from work and the MacGarry boys were about to climb their stairs.
‘Hey, who’s this Scottish soldier, then?’ cried Bob, the younger of the two brothers, both tall and black-haired, their bright eyes slate blue. He slapped Dougal on the shoulder. ‘But you’re looking well, eh? As though you’ve been on your holidays.’
‘Holidays!’ cried Dougal, laughing. ‘I wouldn’t say that.’
‘But you do look well,’ said Chrissie, throwing her arms round him. ‘I’m sure you’ve put on weight.’
It was true – in his well-fitting tunic and trews, a forage cap on his fair hair, Dougal did look well, and if he had put on a little weight, it only made him appear stronger and more at ease with himself. There was no doubt that he had not been suffering in his first few weeks of army life.
‘Like the uniform,’ Evan commented. ‘You have to wear it on leave, too?’
‘No, I’m going to change soon as I get in the flat. Nice to see you guys – we’ll have to have a drink sometime.’
‘You bet,’ the brothers promised and ran lightly up their stairs, while Dougal followed Chrissie as she opened their front door.
‘How’s Ma?’ he asked in an urgent whisper, putting his hand on her arm.
‘She’s fine. No problems at all. You’re the absolute blue-eyed boy now, I’m telling you.’
‘Only while I’m away. I’m back now. How’s Roz?’
‘Got a young man. Just like I’ve got my Richard.’
‘Dougal, is that you?’ came Flo’s voice. ‘Oh, come away in, then, we’ve been waiting for you!’
‘Oh, Ma!’
She and Roz were standing together, Roz smiling, but Flo, her lower lip trembling, was only just keeping back tears as Dougal, dropping his kitbag, strode towards her and hugged her close.
‘It’s all right, Ma, I’m back and I’m well.’ He laughed uneasily. ‘Now, don’t I look well? Nearly as well as you!’
‘You’ve filled out!’ she exclaimed, holding his arms, her smile wavering. ‘And you’re in your uniform, eh?’
‘I’m just going to change, Ma – I needn’t wear it over the weekend.’
‘How about a hug for me?’ asked Roz, gently moving her mother aside to kiss her brother’s cheek. ‘Dougal, you look grand!’
‘You too,’ he said, holding her at arm’s length and studying her. ‘You look terrific – have you had a new hairdo?’
‘No, there’s nothing new about me, nothing at all.’
‘What a lie!’ cried Chrissie, laughing. ‘She’s got a new young man, and he’s her boss!’
‘This I’ll have to hear about,’ said Dougal, ‘as soon as I change.’
‘Hurry up, then,’ said Roz. ‘Then we can have something to eat. Your favourite, Dougal – ham and egg pie. Ma’s been fussing over it all evening, but don’t ask me where she got the eggs.’
‘Know something?’ asked Dougal. ‘I’m very happy in the army, it’s just what I expected, but it’s nice to be back here, too.’ He picked up his kitbag and set off for his mother’s room. ‘Very nice,’ he said firmly. ‘These weekend passes are a damned good idea.’
If only it could always be like this, Roz thought, as they later sat round the table and ate the meal Flo had prepared. So relaxed, so much at ease, all of them happy. Of course, she’d no way of knowing
how other families were, but she was sure they didn’t live as the Raineys usually did, perched on a knife-edge, fearful if things were going well that they might soon experience the opposite. Perhaps this time they wouldn’t? Ma did seem well and so happy to have Dougal back – maybe their luck was ready to change?
Roz smiled to herself as her mother passed the last portion of her ham and egg pie to Dougal and beamed around the table – talking of luck, Roz’s had changed, hadn’t it? Something she’d never expected to happen, and still couldn’t believe, had quite suddenly changed her life. Not that she had forgotten her ambition, or her pleasure in her work – they were there still, a part of her she’d never give up, but something very precious had come to her out of the blue and already meant so much, she couldn’t imagine being without it.
It was just a wee bit worrying that Dougal had seen a difference in her that she was hoping others wouldn’t, and if her happiness was sending out such signals, she must try harder at work not to give anything away. But another factor she might have considered – which was where the new-found love between her and Jamie would end – she purposefully put from her mind. With such an ecstatic beginning, she’d let the future take care of itself.
After their meal, when they’d cleared away, the women of the family listened while Dougal, comfortable in his own clothes, smoked a cigarette and entertained them with tales of the sergeant major, the other ‘lads’ in the barracks, how tough it was being drilled into being a soldier and yet how enjoyable.
‘Fancy!’ and ‘Imagine that!’ cried his family, marvelling at how well Dougal seemed to have settled in, though Flo was worrying about what the recruits had to eat and what the sergeant major was really like. Not too hard on the lads, was he?
‘He’s got to be hard, Ma,’ Dougal explained. ‘Got to get us into shape. Of course, I’ve done it before, in my national service, so it’s not been too bad for me, though I’m finding that being a regular is not the same as just being called up. The thing is that you know all the time when you’re called up that it’s only temporary, that you won’t be staying. Being a regular, it’s going to be your life, eh? It’s different.’