As he stood there, a lorry drew up and the driver jumped out.
“S’cuse me, son, is this Pudsley Junior?” he asked.
Bertie nodded.
“Thanks,” said the driver. He looked at Bertie and frowned. “Shouldn’t you be in school?”
“Er no,” said Bertie. “I’m um … off sick.”
“Right. So you’re buying ice creams?”
“Oh no, they’re not mine, I’m just looking after them,” explained Bertie.
“Course you are,” smiled the driver. He went back to the lorry, laughing to himself. Another man got out, and together they unloaded two large boxes from the back of the lorry. Bertie watched, licking his three cones.
The driver went to the gates and spoke into the intercom. A moment later, the gates began to open and the men carried one of the boxes inside. This is it, thought Bertie, my chance to get in! But wait – what about Mrs Duff, the school secretary? No one got past her eagle eyes. There had to be another way. Bertie looked at the remaining cardboard box sitting beside the lorry. Quickly, he opened it up. Inside were some flat bits of wood and a bag of screws. Maybe there was just enough room? Clutching his ice cream cones, Bertie climbed into the box.
CHAPTER 4
A few minutes later, the two men returned.
“This one as well? What’s in them?” said the driver’s mate.
“How should I know? Just pick it up.”
Bertie heard a lot of grunting and felt the box lift off the ground.
“It weighs a ton! They got a dead body in here?”
Inside the box, Bertie hardly dared to breathe. All he had to do was wait till the box was set down. Then he could slip out quietly and sneak back to his class. With a bit of luck, Miss Boot hadn’t even noticed he was missing. He licked one of the cones – no point in saving them now…
Back in class, Darren and Eugene were starting to worry.
“Where is he?” hissed Eugene.
“Search me,” said Darren. “Where are our ice creams?”
“Maybe he can’t get back under the fence,” worried Eugene. He looked round and caught Know-All Nick’s eye. Trust that nosy creep to be snooping around, thought Eugene. How much does he know? Did he see Bertie escape? Uh-oh, he’s putting his hand up.
“Miss Boot,” said Nick. “Where’s Bertie?”
Miss Boot looked up. “Bertie?” She stared at the empty chair where Bertie normally sat.
“Where is Bertie?” she demanded.
“I don’t know,” said Nick slyly. “I haven’t seen him since break. Maybe he’s run away!”
Miss Boot frowned. “Darren? Do you know?”
Darren’s mind was a blank. “Oh he’s er … he’s…”
“…He’s gone to wash his hands,” said Eugene, quickly.
“Why?” said Miss Boot.
“They were dirty,” said Eugene.
Miss Boot narrowed her eyes. Bertie’s hands were always dirty, but he’d never felt the need to wash them before. Besides, it was ten minutes since break. Where had the dratted boy got to this time? Knowing Bertie, he was somewhere he shouldn’t be.
“Give him one minute, then go and fetch him,” she ordered.
Just then there was a knock at the door.
Two men in blue overalls shuffled in, carrying a large box.
“Delivery,” panted one of them. “Where do you want it?”
“Put it over there,” said Miss Boot.
She had been waiting for the new TV cabinet for weeks. But she could deal with that later, once she’d found Bertie.
Inside the box, Bertie was getting cramp. His knees were squashed in his face. Maybe it was safe to get out now? He peeped through a tiny hole in the box. He could see a thick pair of woollen tights. Yikes! He knew those tree-trunk legs – they were Miss Boot’s! He was back in his own classroom.
There was nothing for it but to sit tight and wait till everyone went home. At least he still had one cone left.
CRUNCH!
Know-All Nick looked up. What was that noise? It had come from the box. Should he tell Miss Boot? He shot up his hand.
“Miss!”
“Not now, Nicholas,” sighed Miss Boot.
“But Miss, I think there’s something in the box,” said Nick.
“Yes, it’s a TV cabinet,” said Miss Boot.
“But I heard it, Miss, it made a noise!”
Miss Boot frowned. First it was rats by the bins, now strange noises – there was something funny going on. She approached the cardboard box. Eugene and Darren looked at each other. Surely it couldn’t be…?
Miss Boot ripped opened the flaps. She gasped.
A face rose slowly from the box. Bertie had ice cream round his mouth. Large blobs had dripped all down his shirt.
“The greedy pig!” gasped Darren. “He ate them all!”
“BERTIE!” boomed Miss Boot. “What are you doing in there?”
“Um … well…” said Bertie.
Miss Boot pulled him out by the arm. “Wait, what is that on your face?” she said. “Have you been eating ice cream?”
Bertie swallowed. He brought out a messy blob from his pocket.
“Chocolate flake?” he said.
Collect all the Dirty Bertie books!
Worms!
Fleas!
Pants!
Burp!
Yuck!
Crackers!
Bogeys!
Mud!
Germs!
Loo!
Fetch!
Fangs!
Kiss!
Ouch!
Snow!
Pong!
Pirate!
Scream!
Dinosaur!
Zombie!
Smash!
My Joke Book
My Book of Stuff
Copyright
STRIPES PUBLISHING
An imprint of Little Tiger Press
1 The Coda Centre, 189 Munster Road,
London SW6 6AW
Characters created by David Roberts
Text copyright © Alan MacDonald, 2013
Illustrations copyright © David Roberts, 2013
First published as an ebook by Stripes Publishing in 2014.
eISBN: 978–1–84715–473–6
The right of Alan MacDonald and David Roberts to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work respectively has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved.
Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any forms, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publishers or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
www.littletiger.co.uk
Toothy! Page 3