by Lisa Gardner
She could see the others now. Abe Sanders. Luke Hayes. Shep O’Grady. And Danny, standing with his father’s arm around his thin shoulders and tears on his cheeks.
“How did you find us?” she asked.
“Danny left us a trail with pieces of his T-shirt. He’s been ripping them off and dropping them down his pants leg.”
Danny said simply, “I’m smart.”
Rainie turned her face into Quincy’s embrace then. His arms were warm. His heartbeat strong. He felt so nice.
I’m finally being held, she thought.
And then she started to cry. She wept for Danny, who had caused so much death, and she wept for herself and what she knew she must do next.
EPILOGUE
Two weeks later
The sun was out when Rainie descended the stairs of Cabot County’s courthouse. She wore jeans and a simple white T-shirt, tucked in and belted at the waist. The days were already warm with the promise of summer, and after four hours in the office, she enjoyed the feel of spring on her still-healing face. In the good news department, the swelling in her jaw and eye socket had finally gone down. In the bad news department, her face was now approximately eighteen different shades of yellow and green. At least Richard Mann had not inflicted as much damage as she’d originally thought. Her doctor assured her that she’d be fine within another few weeks—after he muttered that this proved once and for all that she was thick-skulled. Wiseass.
The Bakersville task force had been busy in the days since Richard Mann’s shooting. Abe Sanders had gotten his wish—formal jurisdiction over the case. He’d also gotten more federal agents breathing down his throat than any one man could handle.
The fingerprint results had been stunning. Richard Mann was really Henry Hawkins of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Born to a domineering army lieutenant and his meek librarian wife, Hawkins had moved a dozen times in his childhood. He’d grown up hard, according to his journal, steeped in guns and his father’s quick fists. He’d mastered a chameleon personality as he’d shuffled from town to town, school to school. And he’d honed his rage. At his father’s harsh ways. At the other children who always saw him as an outsider. At his mother, who never stood up for herself or him.
At the age of twenty, Hawkins’s parents died unexpectedly in a car crash, robbing him of any chance for retaliation or forgiveness. And his homicidal rampage began.
At this point, the FBI had linked him to two other school shootings. They were revisiting those cases now, interviewing the boys who’d craved notoriety so badly they’d gone to prison rather than admit someone else had been involved. The feebies were also looking into a handful of other shootings, where children had lashed out unexpectedly while Hawkins was living in their town. No doubt some cases were coincidences. They weren’t sure, however, that would be true for them all.
Hawkins still owned his parents’ house in Minnesota. He had armed it with a number of pipe bombs and booby traps to make the investigators’ lives more interesting. It slowed down efforts but did not stop them. Sanders was leading that raid, and Hawkins had met his match in the state detective’s meticulous nature.
It would probably be months, maybe even a year, before the last of the evidence was processed. Not that it would matter to Henry Hawkins. With no one to claim his body, he had been laid to rest in potters’ field.
Danny’s case was also being revisited. Shep and Sandy were now working with Charles Rodriguez on a plea arrangement. There was still a long road ahead for Danny. He had killed two little girls, and even understanding that he had been influenced by a savvy outsider didn’t change that fact. There should be barriers in all of us, the DA had argued this morning, lines we should know better than to cross. And one of those barriers should be resistance to taking human life. Danny hadn’t possessed that barrier, and that had to be addressed.
In the end, it appeared that Danny would enter an admission to the charge of aggravated murder in return for a guarantee of remaining under juvenile court’s jurisdiction. There he would receive a disposition of serving at a youth correctional facility for a period not to exceed his twenty-fifth birthday. The Oregon Youth Authority would formally assume custody over him, conducting a new mental-health assessment and providing resources for his treatment. It would be up to the OYA to determine when he was ready for parole.
Sandy and Shep put their house up for sale. Chances were that Danny would end up at the Hillcrest facility in Salem, so they were looking to relocate there. Shep was interviewing with various security companies. Though most suspected that he’d engineered the “car crash” that allowed Danny to escape, there was no proof of wrongdoing, so his record remained clear. Sandy wanted to focus on her children and become more active in reforming juvenile law. Technically, they remained married, though the last time Rainie had seen them, she’d witnessed few moments of intimacy. She had a feeling they’d reached a point of living together but separately. Maybe they thought it was better that way, for Becky.
Rainie reached the bottom of the courthouse steps. She was trying to decide whether to head immediately to her car or spend the rest of the sunny afternoon walking around town, when she heard a voice behind her.
“Hello, Rainie.”
Rainie turned and spotted him immediately. She smiled before she thought to stop herself, and then it was too late to take it back.
Quincy leaned against the stone wall, wearing one of his expensively cut suits and a conservative blue tie. It had been two weeks since she’d last seen him. Following the scene on the mountainside, he’d flown immediately to the sites of the other Hawkins school shootings to handle the reopening of those cases. She imagined he’d been flying all over the country since, interviewing youths and juggling more crime-scene photos.
Now he was in front of her, and she no sooner looked at him than she realized she’d missed him. He was smiling at her. Maybe he’d missed her too.
“Hey,” she said.
“Shep told me you’d be here.”
“I didn’t know he spoke to federal agents.”
“Neither did he.”
Quincy motioned to the empty spot beside him. She made a big show of wandering over, trying not to move too fast. He smelled good. Someday she’d have to ask him about his cologne, because, damn, she liked that scent.
“How are things going?” she asked.
“That was going to be my question.”
“Things are looking up for Danny,” she offered. “A lot of people have come out to support him. Not that they condone his actions, but Henry Hawkins/Richard Mann/Dave Duncan fooled the entire town, including the school district. After that, it’s easier to understand his impact on one troubled child.”
“And Becky?”
“Better. The minute Sandy told her Richard Mann was dead, the weight lifted off her shoulders. Apparently in the confusion of the shooting, she ran to find her brother. Unfortunately, she spotted him and Richard together in the computer lab, not far from Miss Avalon’s body. Richard told her if she talked, he’d kill Danny. And if Danny talked, Richard would kill Becky. He was right, you know. Simple strategies can be highly effective.”
“Well, now he and the devil can debate the matter to their hearts’ content.” Quincy’s smile lifted the corner of his mouth. The familiar expression tugged at her. She wished she didn’t feel so awkward. She wished she could touch him.
“Rainie?” he asked quietly. “How are you?”
She shrugged. There was no point in lying anymore. This was the new and improved Lorraine Conner. Telling the truth until it hurt. “I’ve been better.”
“Is the DA going to press charges?”
“Don’t know.” She jerked her head toward the courthouse. “My attorney and I just had a meeting to hear our options. Funky thing, Oregon law. I thought since I shot Lucas when I was seventeen, it would fall under juvenile jurisdiction. Nope. In Oregon, it’s the age I am when it comes to the attention of the court that matters, not the age when I committed th
e crime. That means Man One, up to five years’ jail time. The DA said that ‘given the nature of the extenuating circumstances,’ he might be willing to deal down to less than a year, served locally. All I have to do is plead guilty to a felony murder charge. I wasn’t—I wasn’t expecting that.”
Rainie didn’t have to say anything more. Quincy understood. A felony charge would bar her from law enforcement for the rest of her life. She wouldn’t be able to get a job working security. She wouldn’t even have the right to carry a gun.
“Can’t you fight it?” Quincy asked after a moment. “Plead not guilty due to diminished mental capacity. Or argue you acted in a dissociative state, brought on by the trauma of your mother’s murder.”
“You sound like my lawyer. She doesn’t think the state has a leg to stand on. Frightened seventeen-year-old girl. Rampaging suspected murderer with more tattoos than morals. She considers this case a slam dunk.”
“So you’re pleading not guilty,” Quincy said.
Rainie merely smiled. She peered up at the blue sky, turning over facts that were still new and troubling to her. “I think I want to plead guilty and give full allocution,” she said quietly.
“Why? You have a need to eat jail food?”
“I think I just need to tell, Quincy. I need to get it out in the open. What I did fourteen years ago was horrible. And you were right: no matter how long it has been, it will never be long enough.”
“He raped you, Rainie.”
“Yes.”
“Did you try to go to your mother?”
“Yes.”
“But she didn’t believe you.”
“No. And then I went to Shep.”
For the first time, Quincy was surprised. “He knew?”
“I wanted to press charges, but Shep didn’t believe me. He was just starting out, and I was a seventeen-year-old girl from the wrong side of town. No one gets out of life without a few regrets.”
“So you went back to your mother,” Quincy deduced.
“No. I just went home. I didn’t know what else to do. But I guess she just needed time to think about it. I’m not sure. Later that night Lucas came over. Drunk—what else was new? They had a huge fight and she threw him out, yelling at him to keep his stinking hands off her daughter. I think that’s the first time I felt proud of my mother. The first time I had hope that things might be better.
“Then I came home the next day, and Lucas had shot off her head.”
“And Shep was remorseful?”
“Not when he arrested me. But Bakersville didn’t have any female officers, so he had to take me to Cabot County for processing. There a woman made me strip so she could bag my bloody clothes as evidence. And I … And I was pretty damaged from what had happened. When she left the room, I heard her tell Shep that either my boyfriend really liked it rough or I’d spent a long night with the Hell’s Angels. Poor Shep. It couldn’t have been fun to realize what a mistake he’d made.”
“Did he give you the shotgun, Rainie?”
“No. At that point, I think he simply saw the error of his ways. Between my condition and the neighbor’s report on the time of the gunshot, they put out an APB on Lucas. They figured he’d flee the scene, but I wasn’t convinced. He didn’t have a lot of money, he specialized in being a mean son of a bitch. I think … I think I just knew he’d come back. That had been the point. My mother was dead. Now he could do as he pleased.
“I didn’t have any more weapons. I wasn’t old enough to legally buy a gun. The shotgun was the only thing I knew about. So I went downtown. I waited until six o’clock when the sheriff locked up the office for the night. I knew the volunteer officers were out on patrol. If any other business came up, the department’s answering machine told you how to reach the sheriff at home, so everything was deserted and safe. I broke into the sheriff’s office.”
“There wasn’t an alarm?”
Rainie raised a brow. “In Bakersville? Who’s dumb enough to break into a sheriff’s office, anyway? Even now, one of us forgets to lock up half the time. It’s not like we have a decent coffee maker to protect.”
“You have evidence, though.”
“In a separate evidence locker in the back. These days we use a safe. Very solid, hard to penetrate. Fourteen years ago, however, it was a basic lockbox. I picked it open with a hairpin. And I took my shotgun home.”
Quincy sighed, rubbed the bridge of his nose. He obviously knew where things were going from here. “Lucas showed up,” he said.
“He walked right up to the sliding glass door before seeing me. And then … he smiled, like this was going to be even more fun than he’d thought. He slid open the door. I shot him at point-blank range in the chest. Wouldn’t you know it? He died with that same goddamn grin on his face.”
“Why didn’t you call the cops, Rainie? You could’ve claimed self-defense.”
“I was a kid. I didn’t know the legal system. I just knew my heart, and in my heart it wasn’t self-defense. He had hurt me. He had taken away my mother. And I wanted him dead. I wanted him wiped from the face of the earth. And I’d taken my mother’s shotgun home, just for that.”
“You buried him under the deck.”
“Took me all night.”
“And then you ran away,” Quincy concluded.
She nodded. “I took off for Portland and spent the next four years trying to drown every image in my head.”
“What about his car, Rainie? What about any neighbors reporting the sound of a gunshot—”
“My neighbor had left for a fishing trip. There was no one around.”
“Fine, what about the fact that one minute Lucas was in Bakersville and the next he disappeared? What about the fact that your mother’s shotgun just happened to disappear from the evidence locker one night, only to magically reappear sometime later? This doesn’t sound like rocket science to me. Shep should’ve been searching your place by the end of the week, tops. You didn’t even hide the body well.”
Rainie didn’t say anything.
After a moment Quincy sighed. “He let it go, didn’t he? No harm, no foul. Remind me never to let Shep feel as if he owes me a favor.”
“It’s a small town, Quincy. And small-town policing … The rules are sometimes different. What goes around comes around. It’s not always just, but it can be right. For the record, to this day Shep and I have never spoken of it.”
“Of course not. That would make it conspiracy.”
“I was prepared to pay for what I’d done,” Rainie countered immediately. “In many ways, that might have been better. I could’ve gotten it out in the open. I could’ve faced it, put it in perspective, paid my dues. Instead …” She faltered for the first time. “Lucas had a wife and a kid. I took him from them. For fourteen years, they haven’t even known what happened to him. I should’ve known that. Even if I hated him, I shouldn’t have forgotten that he was human. Rodriguez is right: there are certain barriers we shouldn’t cross, and one of them is the willingness to take a life.”
“He would’ve gone after you that night,” Quincy said gently.
“But that’s the point, Quincy. I’ll never know. I killed him first, and that makes me no better.”
“Rainie—”
She held up a hand. “No platitudes. I did my deed. Now I’m going to get to pay for that. Responsibility and accountability. They’re not such bad things. You know why I dug him up that night?”
“Why?”
“Because I was afraid Richard Mann would take him away from me. When we first got the call about a man bragging that he had proof I’d killed my mother … I don’t know. I just flashed to Lucas, under my deck, and this strange dream I’d had the night before of a man standing there, the man in black. Suddenly, I was terrified. That it had been the killer on my back deck. That he had discovered the body and when I walked into Dave Duncan’s hotel room, that would be the first thing I’d see—Lucas’s corpse waiting to greet me. But then I walked in, and the room was empt
y, and … I realized I wasn’t relieved. In fact, I was even more anxious. What if he still knew, what if he’d taken the body, and then … then I’d have no proof of what I’d done, and I needed that proof. I needed to confess what happened. Danny had made that clear to me.”
“So what happens now, Rainie?”
She had to take a moment. In spite of her best intentions, the answer to that question made her throat close up. She worked on clearing it. She still sounded husky as she said, “The mayor asked me to resign last week.”
Quincy looked immediately pained.
“You know,” she said more briskly, “there’s just something about a cop with a corpse under her deck that people don’t like. And here I’d finally managed to impress a tight-ass like Sanders. But Luke’s in charge now. He’ll do a good job.”
“You could move, start over someplace else.”
“Not if I plead guilty. Things like that are hard to explain away during a job interview. ‘What do you feel is your biggest weakness?’ ‘Uhh, last time I was pissed off and under stress, I shot a man.’ ” She shook her head in disgust.
“Is that why you want to plead guilty?” Quincy asked levelly. “To punish yourself further?”
“I killed someone!”
“Who raped you and shot your mother, all within forty-eight hours. Post-traumatic stress syndrome. Dissociative state. These aren’t magical terms psychologists have come up with to confuse juries, Rainie. They are genuine syndromes, well documented and well known, as your lawyer can tell you. You were seventeen years old. You were frightened. And Lucas came back to get you. Your lawyer is right—there isn’t a jury in this world that will find you guilty. Now how can twelve strangers have more faith in you, Rainie, than you do?”
Rainie couldn’t answer. Her throat had closed up again. She looked down and resolutely studied the cracks on the sidewalk.
“If you really want to move on with your life, Rainie,” Quincy said gently, “move on. Forgive yourself. Go to trial and give the jury a chance to forgive you as well. You’re a good person. You’re a great police officer. Ask anyone in Bakersville. Ask Sanders. Ask Luke. Ask me. I’m an arrogant federal agent, and I would be honored to work with you again.”