by Mz. Robinson
“Damon, what exactly are you asking me?”
“I want us to be together,” he said. “Exclusively.”
“I want to know that you want me the same way I want you.” He said. I looked away without saying a word. I wanted Damon but I wasn’t completely sure it was on the same level he claimed to want me.
“You don’t feel the same.”
I could hear the disappointment in his voice. For the first time in my life I felt bad for not being willing to give a man my heart. “I’m just not ready…”
“I understand,” he said, cutting me off. “But you will be and when you are I’m going to be right here waiting.” He stroked my cheek with his fingertip then pulled me into his arms.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.
Damon acted like he was cool with me not wanting to commit to him but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was not. Mama had warned me that he was not the type to settle for just sex and I knew in my heart she was right. I could have and should have just let him go, walked away from him, but I couldn’t. It was like there was some force pulling me to him. I could say that it was selfishness. I didn’t want to give him what he needed but I didn’t want to let him go.
Chapter 25
It only took six weeks for the gash on my leg to heal and for my cast to be removed but for me it seemed like forever. I was ecstatic to see that aside from a small scar from my cut, my leg looked exactly as it had before the accident.
Alfa paid my car off but I had yet to start looking for another one. Mama offered to let me drive her car, rather than me having to go through the trouble of paying for a rental. I accepted her offer, even though Damon assured me that he was fine taking me from A to B. The day my cast came off, I packed my overnight bags and told him I was going home.
“You don’t have to leave,” He said. “I love taking care of you.”
“Thank you for everything,” I said, sweetly. “But I need to go back to my own place.” The truth was that I felt like I was using him. He was giving me more than I had ever allowed any other man to give me, but I wasn’t giving him what he needed in return. My conscience was eating me up! Sexually, I’m all about my own needs but I’m far, far from being a gold digger.
I woke up at three a.m. to the sound of the wireless remote on Mama’s keychain beeping. I opened my front door and heard her car alarm screaming. After throwing on a pair of sweats and some tennis shoes I ran downstairs to check on her Jeep. Walking from the driver’s side to the passenger’s side I inspected all the windows and doors. Kicking the tires I looked for signs that they had been tampered with. All of them looked fine.
Running my fingers through my hair I ran back upstairs to my apartment. Locking the door behind me I kicked my shoes across the living room floor. All the lights were off in my apartment. I stumbled around until I finally found the lamp sitting on one of my end tables. Reaching for the switch I felt a sharp pain go from the top of my head to my neck. Someone was pulling my hair. Screaming I struggled to break free. They grabbed me by my neck then placed a gloved hand over my mouth. My heart was beating like crazy as I fought to break loose.
Thump!
I heard the end table and lamp hit the floor. I was next.
My attacker threw me on the floor and slammed both of my arms down above my head. My wrists were burning from the pressure being applied to them. Raising my knees I kicked wildly. I moved my head from side to side attempting to get their hand off of my mouth. But the intruder was too strong. It was at that moment that I knew it had to be a man. My heart continued to pound inside my chest like a drum as I struggled to get up. I was screaming but my screams sounded more like whimpers under his hand. He was on top of me in between my legs. He’s going to rape me! Please God, don’t let him rape me! Please don’t let him kill me... please! He applied more pressure to my arms, pressing them harder against the floor. So much pressure my wrist felt like they were going to snap. He spread my legs with his then ripped my pants down. I tried to focus my eyes in the darkness but there was no use I couldn’t see a thing. I heard him unzip his pants and that’s when I knew it was now or possibly never. I stopped struggling underneath him and his body weight lightened.
“That’s right,” He moaned. His voice was distorted but it sounded familiar to me.
“Give me this pussy.” Beau? My adrenaline began to pump through my body like the blood flowing through my veins. I fought with all my strength, kicking until I finally landed one good blow to his dick.
“Aughhh!” He hollered, falling off me. I scrambled trying to get up on my feet but he managed to find my ankle, then pulled me back towards him.
“Help me!” I felt across the floor for something, anything that I could use in my battle. My hand landed on the base of the lamp. I quickly flipped over on my back and without any sense of direction; I swung but managed to hit my target.
“You bitch!” He screamed, releasing my leg. I struggled to get up, stumbling over the table until I was finally on my feet. I ran, bumping into the wall, until I finally reached my bedroom. I didn’t waste any time trying to find the light switch. I could hear him in the other room struggling to get up. I dropped to the side of the bed, closest to the door and quickly felt underneath the bed. I found the metal box I kept hidden for safe keeping and quickly pulled it out. I popped the latches open, then pulled out the birthday gift Daddy had given me for my twenty-first birthday, a chrome .9mm. I steadied my hand then slipped the safety off. I heard my intruder hit the doorway to my bedroom. I focused in the darkness then squeeze the trigger. The loud clap from the shot echoed in my ears as the spark glowed like a tiny firecracker.
“Augh!” He screamed. My bedroom door cracked as he fell into it. I cocked my gun allowing another bullet to fall into the chamber. I aimed ready to fire again. I didn’t have to. I heard him stumble, then fall until finally light came into the living room as he opened the front door. I sat with my back against the bed and my weapon clutched to my chest, my heart pounding fiercely.
Moments later the police arrived. One of my neighbors had called them reporting gun shots coming from my apartment. I was shaken up but I managed to sit through their questioning. I called Mama and despite my protesting, she came over with Daddy right by her side.
“Ms. Ellis you’re sure you didn’t see anything?” Officer Todd asked me again. I looked at the young uniform officer like he was stupid. What part of, it was dark, doesn’t this ass understand?
“Didn’t you hear her say the lights were off?” Mama snapped. She sat on the couch with her arms wrapped around my shoulder.
“Yes, ma’am but this is just basic questioning.” Officer Todd explained. Mama sucked her teeth then looked across the room at Daddy.
“Calm down Charlene.” Daddy said, coolly.
“Whoever he was, you grazed him.” Brown said. Officer Brown was one of three other officers who had responded with Todd. He stood in my bedroom doorway staring at the bullet lodged in the wall. There were tiny blood splatters surrounding the hole and across the wall. I looked at Daddy, and he was smiling proudly. I knew if he had his way I would have killed my intruder. Daddy was an ex-cop but he was a father first.
“Ma’am is your gun registered?” Todd asked me.
“Of course it is.” Daddy finally interjected.
“Just basic qu…”
“I know all about basic questioning.” Daddy said, walking across the floor. “I served on the force.”
“Right along with Chief Rowland.” Daddy continued. “Whom I’m sure would be real happy to know that you’re in here badgering his goddaughter rather than out there looking for the bastard who attempted to rape her.” Goddaughter? I didn’t have a Godfather.
“By the way tell Steve that I said we’re still on for golf on Friday.” Daddy said, crossing his arms. Daddy was pulling rank and it worked.
“I’m sure we’ve got enough information.” Todd said, quickly.
“We’ll be in touch.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Damon asked, holding me in his arms.
After the police left my apartment, Mama insisted that I come home with her. I didn’t want to be alone but I also didn’t want to endure the questions I knew she and Daddy had for me. We all agreed that the car alarm had been intentionally set off to get me out of my apartment. Not only did I take the bait but I left my front door wide open. Careless! Daddy asked if I had any idea of who might want to hurt me. I immediately thought of Beau but I lied and told Daddy that I couldn’t think of anyone.
After I packed a few clothes, I had my parent’s drop me off at the hotel. I didn’t bother to call him before I came; I just took the chance that he might be alone. He opened the door and smiled at the sight of me. I had taken the right one! I brought along the cuff links, I had yet to give to him. To be honest, I had contemplated several times returning them to the store but I bought them with him in mind, therefore I wanted him to have them. I was just waiting for the right time.
“I’m fine,” I said, looking at the bruises on my wrist.
“I want you to move back in here with me for awhile,” Damon said, kissing my forehead.
“Damon you barely have room for yourself here.”
“You’re right,” he said, pulling me onto his lap,” That’s why I think it’s time I look for a permanent place to live.”
“Permanent?”
“Yeah,” he said,” I’ve invested too much time in the new office to let someone else take over.”
“What about your home in Atlanta?”
“I’ll work something out,” He said,” Besides you know what they say.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
Wrapping his arms around my waist he pulled me closer, “Home is where the heart is.”
“And where is your heart?”
My heart is with you.”
“How do you know, Damon?”
“When I opened the door and you told me someone attacked you,” He said, his eyes watering. “All I could think about was what if he hurt you or what if he had done more.” He took both of my wrists in his hands and softly kissed the black bruises on each one at a time.
“He didn’t,” I whispered, watching the tears fall from his eyes.
“I know but I keep thinking “What if,” He continued,”I went my whole life without you and now that you’re here, I never want to let you go.”
I searched his eyes and expression to find some sign of insincerity. I couldn’t find one. I then replayed the scene at my apartment in my head. What if that man had raped me? What if he had taken my life? It’s amazing how your life can change in an instant for the better or for the worse.
“Maybe God’s trying to tell you something. “ Shontay’s words echoed in my mind.
Brushing his tears away with my fingertips, I paused to gather my words.
“Damon until I met you,” I began. “ I never let a man get close enough to know me. Never let a man stay the night and definitely did not let one meet my family.”
“That’s why your Aunt Rachel thought you were gay.” We both laughed when he said that.
“Yeah,” I smiled,” That and plus Aunt Rachel is full of shit.” I still could not believe she told Uncle Leroy I was a lesbian.
“I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship,” I said, watching him. “ Then I met you and everything just seemed to fall in place. I still think you may be too good to be true.”
“I’m the real thing.”
Running my fingers across his smooth head I said sincerely,” I sure hope so because I want to try and make us work. I’m willing to try if you can be patient with me.”
“I can,” he smiled.” And I promise I will.” I took a deep breath then exhaled. I had made the first step towards commitment and I was nervous as hell.
Smiling I wrapped my arms around him.
“I have something for you.” I said, getting up to get my bag.
“What is it?”
“You’ll see.” I pulled the velvet box from under my clothes, then handed it to Damon.
“I bought these a little while ago,” I said. “I was waiting till the right time to give them to you.” He opened the box and smiled when saw the diamond studs.
“I love them!” He said, kissing my cheek. “Thank you baby.”
“You’re welcome.” I said, proudly.
“What are they for?” Damon asked, pulling me into his lap.
“Just to say thank you for everything.” I said, sincerely.
“You don’t have to thank me.” He said. “Just love me.” We held each other for what seemed like forever. Finally Damon picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. We showered together then we crawled into bed soaking wet.
We held each other in silence. As the sun came up I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep, praying to God that I was doing the right thing.
Chapter 26
After all my drama Mama spoke of postponing the wedding.
“Just until the police get a lead on the person who attacked you,” she said.
“You’re not canceling the wedding Mama.” I had told her. It had been two weeks since the incident at my apartment and in my mind it was an open and shut case. I wasn’t going to put my life on hold for the psycho who was obviously out to get me nor was I going to allow my parent’s to put off their life together any longer.
The wind blew lightly as I walked my mother down a path of white and red rose petals. She looked breathtaking, and indescribably beautiful in her gold and ivory chiffon off the shoulder gown. Marcella had created a masterpiece of a dress complete with a four foot pearl and sequined train. As we approached the center of the rose garden, I smiled at my father. He looked so handsome in his cream tuxedo. He stood in between Pastor Davis and Damon watching us. Shontay stood opposite of them wearing an ivory sleeveless A-line gown. Marcella made both of our dresses. The only difference between the two was that mine was gold with a slit that teasingly showed my thigh.
My cousin, Darlene’s voice rang out through the garden as she sang Brian McKnight’s “Still in Love with You.” That’s one thing that girl can do. Sing. That and make babies.
Holding a rose bouquet with her left hand, Mama held my hand tightly with her right hand. When we reached the center of the garden I placed her hand in my father’s,” I love you both,” I said, sincerely.
“We love you too,” they said, almost in unison.
Among a garden of red roses and our family and friends, my parent’s exchanged their vows.
“Your parents are so happy.”
Damon and I swayed to Anita Baker’s Sweet Love at my parent’s reception. My parents were dancing beside us on the dance floor. The two of them were smiling and gazing into each other eyes.
“They deserve it,” I smiled.” This has been a wonderful day.”
“Thank you for sharing it with me,” Damon said, pulling me closer.
Laying my head on his shoulder I closed my eyes. The day had been perfect in every way. I was happy. My parents were happy. Opening my eyes I watched Shontay and Kenny slow dancing. Looking at me Shontay gave me a huge smile. Even my best friend was happy.
“May I cut in?” Daddy was standing besides us with his arms open.
“Only if I can dance with the beautiful bride,” Damon told him.
Smiling, Daddy said,” Only because you’re my best man.”
Kissing my cheek, Damon let me go. Smiling at my Daddy I extended my hand.
“Hey, baby girl,” Daddy smiled, taking my hand in his.
“Hi, birthday boy.”
Scar changed up the music and put on the old school track “My Girl” by the Temptations.
“You look beautiful,” Daddy said, smiling.
“And you make a handsome groom,” I smiled, looking at him.
“I can’t believe that I just got remarried.”
“Were you surprised?”
“Surprised,” He said his eyes wide. “I was blown
away.”
That was a part of the plan. Daddy thought he and Mama were meeting Damon and me for a picnic lunch for his birthday. Damon and I had a limo pick the two of them up as a part of Daddy’s birthday gift. When they arrived at the Botanical Gardens, Damon and I were waiting and dressed for the ceremony. When they stepped out of the limo, Mama asked Daddy to marry her.
“I’ll never forget the look on your face when Mama asked you to marry her,” I told him.
“I wasn’t expecting it,” He laughed.
“You looked so terrified I thought you might say no.”
Daddy shook his head then laughed.” It took me a minute to absorb everything but there was no way I was going to say no,” He said.
Looking across the dance floor Daddy nodded at Uncle Leroy and Aunt Rachel. “How did you get those two to keep the secret?” He asked.
“They didn’t know,” I informed him. “We didn’t want to take any chances on them blabbing their big mouths. So we told them we entered Darlene in a talent search for American Idol.”
Laughing Daddy shook his head. “Is that why she kept singing to the videographer?” He asked.
“Yes, Sir.”
We both laughed. Daddy kissed me on my forehead then stared at me. “I love you Octavia,” He said.
“I love you Daddy,” I said, fighting back tears,” And I’m sorry.”
Frowning, Daddy asked, “For what?”
“For being mad with you for so long,” I said, looking down at my feet. “I’m the one that should apologize,” He said. “For not being honest with you.”
Looking up at him I asked,” Why didn’t you tell me you had a problem?”
“A father is suppose to be strong,” He said, his voice shaky.” I was fighting a demon that made me too weak. I couldn’t let you see me like that. I had too much pride baby.”
“Daddy your human, not Superman.”
“Baby girl, that’s just it,” He said. “ In his daughter’s eyes a man should always look like a hero.”