Chapter Ten
An unfamiliar doctor with thick red hair and a strong Scottish brogue greeted her a few minutes later. He raised his eyebrows at her when she explained everything that had happened.
“Well,” he said heartily, “it sounds as if you’ve had an interesting afternoon.”
He didn’t know the half of it, Megan thought miserably. She’d just spent the worst few hours of her life, and had blown her one chance of happiness. Things couldn’t be much worse.
She watched anxiously as the doctor examined her arm. All she needed now, she thought, was for him to tell her she’d be permanently disabled. That would make the whole day just perfect.
To her relief, he straightened up with a smile. “You were lucky, young lady. No permanent damage, as far as I can see. You’ve aggravated the injury, but it should be all right as long as you rest it. I don’t think you need a sling, but try not to use it for a day or two. I’ll have the nurse wrap it, just to make it more comfortable.”
Megan sighed. “It was just beginning to feel better.”
“Well, you’ll just have to curb your swashbuckling for a while.” The doctor looked at her with a piercing blue gaze that reminded her of Tyler. “If I were you, lassie, I’d leave that sort of thing to the police from now on.”
“Don’t worry,” Megan assured him as she slid off the bed, “I intend to. That was just a little too close for comfort.”
She walked slowly back to the waiting room where she’d left a grim-faced Tyler. She could understand how he’d felt. She’d felt much the same way when she’d worried about the mugger shooting him.
All she’d wanted to do was prove to him that she could handle her life very well without him having to hover over her every second. Now she’d only made matters worse. He’d never respect her now. She’d well and truly blown it.
“What’s the verdict?” he asked her, when she walked up to where he stood at the window.
“It will be fine after a day or two. I just have to rest it, that’s all.”
“Is that the doctor’s opinion or just yours?”
She flushed. “The doctor’s. So you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
“Where’s your car?”
“It’s still at the library.”
“I’ll take you home and have someone pick up your car.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that.”
She followed him out to the car, her heart aching in misery. He sounded so abrupt, so fed up with her. She couldn’t really blame him. She had to find some way to make him understand how sorry she was for causing him so much trouble.
She waited until they were once more out on the freeway before saying the words she’d rehearsed in her mind. She glanced at him, but couldn’t tell much from his expression. He seemed so far away, his gaze concentrated firmly on the road.
“Tyler,” she said hesitantly, “I’m sorry for being such a pain. I guess you were right, I did something pretty stupid. I know I should have waited for you to get there. I know I shouldn’t have gone after the mugger on my own.”
Apart from a slight tightening of his mouth, he gave no sign of having heard her.
She pulled in a breath and tried again. “I just want you to know that I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll never do anything like that again, I promise. From now on I’ll be more careful. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
Still no response. Refusing to give up, she went on doggedly, “I know I’ve caused you a lot of trouble, and I won’t bother you again, but I would like to finish the lessons on self-defense. I realized when I tried to throw that brute that I still have a lot to learn, and I’d really feel more secure if I knew what I was doing.”
She saw his eyebrow twitch and went on hurriedly, “I’m not planning on using it against anyone, or anything like that. It’s just as a precaution, in case I should ever need to defend myself.”
Much to her dismay, he still didn’t answer her.
“I understand, of course, if you don’t want to give them to me.” She looked hopefully at him, willing him to look at her. “What I’m asking you to do is sign me up for the fall classes. My arm should be fully healed by then.”
When there was still no response, she sank back in her seat, feeling as if her whole world were crumbling around her. There was no doubt about it now, she’d really blown it. The only man who’d ever made her hear bells and she’d lost him.
She sat in silence until they reached the parking lot of her apartment building. Tyler nosed the car into the parking space and braked, bringing them to a standstill. She braced herself to say goodbye to him, determined not to let him know how much she was hurting inside.
She turned to him, ready to say the words that would allow him to walk out of her life. To her surprise, he shut off the engine and opened his door.
“You don’t have to come up with me,” she said quickly, terrified she’d break down if he didn’t leave right now. “I’ll be all right.”
“I’m coming up with you.”
She watched him slam the door and stride around the hood. He didn’t touch her as she climbed out, and she led the way up the stairs to her apartment, praying that she’d hold on to her composure long enough to say goodbye.
“I do want to thank you for everything you’ve done,” she said as they reached the top of the stairs. “I really don’t know how I would have managed last week without your help.”
He paused in front of her door and held out his hand. “Give me your key.”
She swallowed, trying to get rid of the hard lump that had formed in her throat. If he didn’t leave now, she thought frantically, she was going to make a complete ass of herself right in front of him. Her voice sounded strangled when she spoke. “Tyler, I can manage.”
He held out his hand. “The key, please.”
She chewed her lip. He was still treating her like a child. That would at least make it a little easier to say goodbye. A little, but not a whole lot.
She dug in her purse with her left hand and found the key. She handed it to him and he took it without a word. She waited in silence for him to open the door, then walked past him into her living room.
Filling her lungs with air, she turned to face him. “Thank you, Tyler,” she said stiffly, “for everything. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” She held out her hand for the key.
Instead of giving it to her, he stepped inside the room and closed the door, standing with his back pressed against it.
Not another lecture, she thought, staring wearily into his set face. She couldn’t stand one more word. She’d done everything she could do, now it was over. She’d had about as much as she could take.
“If you’re going to remind me of all the terrible things that could happen to me on the streets of Portland,” she said bitterly, “forget it. I’ve had enough lectures, and heaven knows enough hands-on experience to last me a lifetime. I know you don’t trust me to tie my shoelaces, but then that’s not really your problem, is it?”
He opened his mouth to say something, but she was on a roll and she wasn’t about to give up now. “From now on I’m just another citizen, another one of those members of the public who rely on the police and expect them to perform miracles when in reality they are just as human as the rest of us. That’s not your fault, so from now on, you can forget I ever existed and go back to your work with the satisfaction of knowing you have made the world safer for one enlightened woman.”
“Will you please shut up?”
She snapped her mouth shut and stared at him. The purposeful gleam in his eyes made her heart start to race. She wasn’t sure what that look in his eyes meant, but she desperately wanted to know. “Tyler, I—”
Her words ended on a gasp as he stepped forward and pulled her hard against his chest. “Did anyone ever tell you,” he said softly, “that you talk too much?”
Before she could recover enough to answer him, he effectively prevented her from saying any
thing at all by covering her mouth with his.
Surprise, relief, delight and excitement followed in quick succession as the bells clamored joyfully and unbelievably loud inside her head.
Although he was obviously being watchful of her injured arm, he somehow managed to hold her tightly enough to squeeze all the breath out of her lungs. Not that she minded, of course. She was happy to expend her last breath on him just as long as he would go on kissing her with such satisfying passion.
She felt decidedly light-headed when he let her go, as if she were floating three feet above the carpet. If this was love, she thought, gazing up at his wonderful face, she wanted to wallow in it forever.
“Now that we’ve got that straight,” Tyler said, in an amazingly matter-of-fact voice, “I’ve got a few things I want to say.”
He led her to the love seat, and pushed her gently down on it. She went eagerly, anxious to know what it was he wanted to tell her. He sat down next to her, put his arm around her and drew her into his side.
He was quiet for a moment, his expression serious. She watched his face, suddenly afraid that her joy had been premature. Then he started to speak in a hushed voice that unsettled her.
“When I got to the library this morning,” he said, “and you weren’t there, I nearly went out of my mind. I can’t tell you the ugly pictures my imagination conjured up. All of them highly possible. I was frantic.”
“I’m sorry,” she started to say, but he touched her lips with his fingers.
“No, let me finish. Being a cop has certain disadvantages at times like these. I’ve seen so many terrible things, it’s easy to imagine the worst. Especially when I got the report that a woman had been attacked in the park. Somehow I knew it was you.”
She felt bad. She remembered how she’d felt worrying about Tyler getting shot.
“The report said that the mugger was down,” Tyler went on, “but that the woman was injured. I couldn’t get any more than that. I kept imagining you lying on the ground with a bullet in you, maybe dying. I couldn’t get there fast enough.”
He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “In those few minutes it took me to get to the park, I realized just how much you meant to me. I was facing the possibility that I could lose you, and I knew then just how miserable my life would be without you.”
He opened his eyes again and looked down at her with a rueful smile. “I spent a lot of time trying to kid myself, Megan, but I can’t fight it anymore. I love you.”
Tears filled her eyes. She loved him so much. It was overwhelming to know that he felt the same way. “I love you, too,” she whispered.
“I was hoping you did.” He dropped a gentle kiss on her mouth, barely brushing her lips. “I never would have forgiven myself if anything had happened to you.”
“It wouldn’t have been your fault, Tyler.”
“I would probably have found a way to convince myself it was my fault.”
She sat up, moving out of his arms. This was important, and if they were ever going to find happiness together, it had to be settled between them here and now. “You just can’t go around making yourself responsible for everyone you meet,” she said, laying her hand on his arm. “Everyone has to take responsibility for themselves. Even children have to learn that they are responsible for their actions.”
“Some of them can’t be,” Tyler said. He massaged his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. “My brother, for instance. He was born with Down’s syndrome. He relied on me for just about everything.”
She uttered a cry of dismay. “Oh, Tyler, I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged. “Just one of those things. Mason was three years older than me, but it seemed more like the other way around. I kind of watched out for him. He had a rough time with the kids in the neighborhood, and needed someone to stand up for him.”
“So you protected him,” Megan said, beginning to understand.
“I guess. I would have died for him if I had to, and I know he felt the same way about me. When he died...”
His voice faded, and Megan reached for his hand and clung to it.
“When he died,” Tyler repeated after a long pause, “he was only nineteen. I was devastated. I couldn’t understand why the sweetest, gentlest, most affectionate person I’d ever known had to die so young. I felt as if I’d let him down somehow. That there must have been something I could have done to save him. He depended on me, and yet I’d let him down in the worst possible way.”
Tears spilled down Megan’s cheeks as she pictured the sixteen-year-old Tyler’s grief. “You didn’t let him down, Tyler, how could you?”
He nodded. “I know. His heart just gave out. But it didn’t stop me from torturing myself with guilt. Even now, I find myself wishing I could explain to him that I was powerless to help him.”
“I’m sure he knows.” It sounded trite, she knew. She wanted so desperately to find the right words of comfort. They just weren’t there.
“I hope so. I guess when he died it made me realize how vulnerable we all are. Life is pretty fragile when you think about it. It can be all over in a second. Nothing teaches you that better than being a cop, unless it’s a stint in the military.”
“You can’t dwell on it, Tyler. It must make your job very difficult.”
He shrugged. “You get fatalistic about it, I guess. If the bullet’s got your number on it, there’s nothing you can do about it, so why worry.”
She smiled. “So you worry about everyone else instead, is that it?”
“I guess I do.”
“And that’s why you became a cop. To protect people.”
“Something like that.”
She lifted his hand to her mouth and pressed her lips to it. “I’m sorry about Mason. It must be terrible to lose a brother so young.”
“We were lucky to have him as long as we did. He was a really wonderful person, always so eager to please and so ready to give everything he had to those he loved.”
“He wasn’t afraid to love.”
He gave her a rueful glance. “No, he wasn’t.”
She lowered his hand again. “I’m so sorry I worried you so much, Tyler. I guess I really wanted to show you how well I could take care of my life without you around to constantly protect me.”
He sighed. “I guess I did go overboard on that. Bad habit of mine.”
“Well, you were right in this case. I could have done with some of that protection in the park. I thought I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t. If that mugger hadn’t hit his head when he fell, I’d have been in real trouble.”
“I’m glad you realize that. I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but don’t ever tackle anyone unless it’s your last resort. In most situations, unless you think your life is in danger, it’s better to submit than fight.”
Megan pulled a face. “I don’t submit easily. Besides, he came at me with a knife.”
He clamped his arms around her and held her tight. “I know. But most petty crooks stay away from murder, unless they’re strung out on drugs. He was probably just trying to frighten you.”
“Well, he certainly succeeded,” Megan said with feeling. “From now on I’ll leave the police work to the people who know what they’re doing, instead of trying to play Superwoman.”
Tyler chuckled. “All things considered, you handled it pretty well.”
“I was lucky.”
“I’m not going to argue with that.” He pulled her toward him and kissed her soundly on the mouth.
“I hope this doesn’t mean that you won’t trust me out on my own again?” Megan said lightly.
Tyler’s smile faded. “As a matter of fact, I did some pretty deep thinking about that while I was waiting for you in the hospital.”
She eyed him warily. “And?”
He leaned back, and folded her hand in his. “Once I’d finally admitted to myself how I really felt about you, I knew that if I was going to make you happy, I would have to accept the fact that I can’t
be responsible for you every minute of the day. I know you need your own space to make your own decisions, and I have to respect that. I have to trust you to know what’s best for you.”
Feeling a rush of tenderness, she leaned over and kissed him. “Thank you.”
“It’s not going to be easy,” he warned, shaking his finger at her. “Don’t test me too much at first. I’m likely to forget now and again.”
She shook her head. “I won’t test you at all, Tyler. I understand now why you feel so protective and I’ll try to respect that, too. If we both work at it, we’ll be okay.”
“I know we all have to make mistakes in order to learn,” Tyler said soberly. “Like with the cooking.”
Megan raised her eyebrows. “The cooking?”
“Yeah, I learned from my mistakes. That’s how I learned to cook.”
She didn’t have the heart to tell him he still had a long way to go before he could challenge Julia Child.
“I know everyone needs their own space if they are to grow,” he said, pulling her close to hug her. “I’ll learn to live with that, but I can’t promise to stop worrying about you.”
“I hope you won’t have to.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “I’ll pay more attention to you from now on.”
He grinned at her. “What the heck did I do to get so lucky?”
She smiled serenely back. “You made me hear bells.”
“I did?” He narrowed his eyes. “You know something, I think I heard them, too, when I kissed you at the door. Maybe I should kiss you again, just to make sure?”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Megan said happily.
His kiss made her forget about everything except how wonderful it was to be in his arms. After a long time he lifted his head, and Megan regarded him anxiously.
“Well?”
He slowly nodded his head. “Bells.”
The Marriage Beat Page 15