“What… hit me…?”
His head felt fuzzy, addled and slow. There was a strange ringing in his ears, reminding him of those times he’d smacked his head against a gong for shits and giggles.
“Hawa! Hahaha! Singing, singing~”
That’s when he heard it. The loveliest voice he’d heard since the last time he heard his gothic hottie speak. It was a voice of innocence and naivety, lovely and sweet, like the beautiful melody of a giggling child combined with the lyrical essence of a fully grown woman. He knew who that voice belonged to and his heart, mind, and soul—but mostly his libido—wanted to claim that voice for his own.
Like a zombie rising from the dead, Eric clambered to his feet, groaning.
“Boobies!”
Yes, boobies, not brains.
“Boobies—”
“Can it, ya god damn pervert!”
“Guag!”
Seconds later, Eric Corrompere fell into blissful catatonia again.
***
Two hours into the trip, Kiara switched places with Heather, allowing the woman a small break from driving. The blond-haired female had taken one look at Eric, still unconscious after Christine had smashed his head in, then suggested they all sing karaoke.
Which was how the group found themselves singing, mic in hand, as lyrics appeared on the 50’ inch screen.
“Totemo tsumetai sekaide wa!”
“Watashi wa anata no hikari ni narudarou!”
“Kagayaki ni daun kagayakimasu!”
“Watashi wa anata no hōhō o gaido shite mimashou!”
The first person to decide they wanted to sing was Lilian, and where Lilian went, everyone knew that Kevin wouldn’t be far behind. Seconds after she volunteered to sing, he decided they should sing a duet. Lilian had agreed.
Everyone except Lilian was regretting that decision.
“Mada daremo yoru no naka”
“Ima wa tada”
“KOKORO no oku ni sawatte”
“Afureru atsusa subete”
“Sasagetai!”
They would trade verses constantly, the two of them, acting with perfect timing and synchronization. It should have sounded beautiful, enchanting even, but it didn’t.
“Totemo tsumetai sekaide wa!”
“Watashi wa anata no hikari ni narudarou!”
“Kagayaki ni daun kagayakimasu!”
“Watashi wa anata no hōhō o gaido shite mimashou!”
The problem, of course, was that neither of them could sing. They sucked. They were horrible. The sound of their voices caused ears to bleed and brain matter to liquefy. It didn’t help that they were trying to sing in Japanese, which neither of them knew how to speak.
“Ugh.” Christine covered her ears with her hands, grimacing and wincing every single time Kevin opened his mouth. “Someone,” she groaned, a pitiful whine that resonated with everyone else. “Please… make him stop.”
Sitting beside her, Lindsay also had her hands pressed against her ears. “I’m surprised the windows haven’t broken yet.”
Christine saw her friend’s mouth move, but couldn’t hear a single word being said. “What?”
“I said—oh, never mind.”
“Chikai no kotoba ga”
“Kiseki wo okosu yo”
“Takanaru mune habatake!”
“Tobitateru”
“Negai haruka takaku”
A little ways over, Camellia sat daintily on another couch, laughing and clapping. At least she seemed to enjoy the singing, even if no one else was.
“Hawa! So good!”
Standing beside her, Kirihime was twitching, her smile fixed.
“O-oh dear. This is…”
“Asayake no mukou matteru mono ga aru”
“Akiramenai yakusoku sou kawashiatta yubi”
“Uchiomesaretemo hitoribocchi ja nai”
“Namae yobu sono koe ga CHIKARA wo kureru to”
Iris had buried her head under a pillow. Normally, the sight of her backside sticking in the air, revealing her panty-clad rump for all to see, was something that every male there would have given their left arm to witness. Too bad they were all busy trying to block out the horrible nails-on-chalkboard voice of their tone-deaf friend.
“Ng… oh, god, I think my brain’s gonna pop…”
“Speak for yourself, idiot brother, mine’s already burst.”
Even Eric had woken up from his fist-to-the-head induced slumber. The poor pervert was rolling around on the ground, covering his bleeding ears, as he tried to block out the pain of a thousand tormented souls screaming in agony—which was about what Kevin’s voice sounded like when singing.
The only people not affected by the singing were Kotohime and Heather. They had the forethought to carry earplugs on their person, just in case.
“I’m beginning to think this might have been a terrible, terrible idea.”
Kotohime could not hear what Heather said—earplugs and all that. However, she could read lips.
She was quite amused.
“Ara, ara.”
***
The music eventually stopped and, quite mercifully, so did the singing. Kevin’s and Lilian’s faces were flushed from their exertions. They were also smiling big, wide smiles that nearly caused their eyes to squint shut.
“That was really fun,” Kevin admitted.
“Wasn’t it?” Lilian agreed. “I had no idea singing could be so liberating.”
“Though I do have to wonder why we were singing in Japanese. I don’t even know Japanese!”
“I think the author was trying out a song in order to come up with an opening theme for us.”
“Can we even have an opening theme?”
“Well, maybe… possibly?”
“B-but wouldn’t there be formatting issues?”
“There would indeed,” Kotohime said, taking her earplugs out. “However, that is not something that should be discussed in the presence of everyone else. They won’t understand what you two are talking about.”
“Right, right,” Kevin agreed, then blinked. “What were we talking about again?”
“Nothing, Kevin.” Lilian distracted her mate with a kiss. It worked, thankfully. “So, what should we sing next?”
At the words “sing next,” everybody else quickly shouted them down, including a shrill hiss from the cat.
“NO MORE SINGING OUT OF YOU TWO!”
Chapter 4
The Obligatory Hot Spring Chapter
Not counting restroom breaks, it took exactly six hours and thirty-eight minutes to travel from Phoenix to Los Angeles. Time seemed to fly by relatively quickly for the first few hours, but eventually, that time slowed to a crawl—at least for those who were still awake.
Having been the most rambunctious of the group, Kevin and Lilian conked out first. Lilian had pulled a sleeping bag from her Extra Dimensional Storage Space, and she and Kevin had crawled into it and passed out.
They lay on their side, the two of them. Lilian was snuggled against Kevin’s chest, and the blond human had an arm around her waist, pulling her close. The others had to admit, however reluctantly, that the pair made for an unbearably adorable sight.
“Nya…”
The cat didn’t seem to think so. It glared at the duo with something resembling irritation.
“Brother?”
“Yes?”
“Is it weird that I have this strange urge to squeal ‘kawaii’?”
Alex glanced at what his brother was looking at… then shook his head. “That… I cannot answer.”
“Hmm.” Andrew pondered these words for a second. “What about wanting to wrap my hands around Kevin’s throat and squeeze until his eyeballs pop out of his head and his tongue swells and thickens as he slowly suffocates to death?”
Alex took a moment to think up an answer. “… No, I think your feelings are perfectly acceptable, given the situation.”
“Good.”
“My Lord’s greatness is unfathom
able! I… I’m not even worthy of looking in the same direction as him! I’m not even worthy of standing in his presence!”
Eric cried inconsolably. His face was buried in his left forearm, tears and snot and gods-only-know what else gushing from his eyes and nose.
Lilian and Kevin were not the only ones sleeping. Camellia had long since dozed off as well. She lay on her back, on the couch, her head resting on Kirihime’s lap as she snored away.
“Hawa-hawa-hawa-hawa… zzzz… hawa-hawa-hawa-hawa…”
A most unusual snore indeed.
Christine and Lindsay had also fallen asleep. The two remained on the other couch. Christine leaned her head on Lindsay’s shoulder, lips parted as she breathed deeply and easily.
Sitting on a chair, Kotohime daintily cleaned her katana. It was a task that everyone else thought she did far too often. She didn’t seem bothered by the stares she received, though, and she took great care in maintaining her blade.
She peered outside the window. What had at one point been a combination of desert and city had now become all city. Los Angeles was a sprawling metropolis. There didn’t appear to be any rhyme or reason to the location of buildings; they seemed to have been thrown about at random, dotting the landscape with no discernible pattern. Smog and pollution from millions of cars and hundreds of factories filled the air.
“It’s a rather sickening, yet somehow beautiful city, isn’t it?” Kiara asked. She was sitting next to Kotohime.
“Indeed. Even though it is a complete dissociation from nature, I still can’t help but marvel at humanity’s ingenuity.”
Movement caught Kotohime’s attention. She turned her head and frowned.
“Iris-sama, what are you doing?”
Iris grinned, but did not look up from her work. “I’m playing a prank. What’s it look like I’m doing?”
“Yes, I can see that. What I meant was—never mind. I suppose I know why.”
Kotohime said nothing after that, just watched in silence as Iris continued to draw on Christine’s and Lindsay’s faces. She could see what was shaping up to be the mushroom head of a particularly crude phallus on Christine’s right cheek.
“We’ll be at the hotel in about fifteen minutes,” Heather called from the driver’s seat. “You guys might want to wake everyone up.”
Iris stopped drawing on Christine. She capped her marker and stood up. “I’ll—”
“I shall wake Lilian-sama and Kevin-sama,” Kotohime declared. Iris pouted, but she ignored the vixen. Standing smoothly to her feet, she went over to the slumbering couple, where she proceeded to shake them awake.
“Mmm… munya…”
It was almost amusing to watch the pair wake up. Lilian yawned while Kevin groaned. The two rose with almost deliberate synchronization, stretching their arms and legs as they sat up. Even their blinking was done in synch.
“Oh, Kotohime.” Lilian’s speech was halted by a loud yawn. “We there yet?” she asked. Meanwhile, Kevin stuck a hand under his shirt and scratched his chest.
He’s gained a six-pack, Kotohime observed with a critical eye. Impressive.
“We shall be arriving at the hotel soon, so I suggest you get up,” she said.
“M’kay.”
Together, the two worked to roll up the sleeping bag and put it away. Kotohime was almost positive that Kevin’s participation was just an excuse to fondle Lilian’s breasts without anyone noticing, but she didn’t say anything.
The lovebirds were not the only ones waking up. Camellia also awoke from her nap.
“Hawa…”
Her catchphrase: It could even be used as a yawn.
“Did you sleep well, My Lady?” asked Kirihime.
“Tee-hee, Camellia slept great.”
Kirihime smiled gently at the woman’s childish and innocent expression of joy. Over on the other side, Lindsay and Christine were just waking up to see the many crude and vulgar drawings on each other’s faces.
“The hell happened to your face?”
“My face? You should check out your own face.”
Christine turned towards the window, and then gaped at her reflection. She really couldn’t be blamed. Drawn in big, black, bold marker were several penises: one on either side of her cheeks and pointed towards her mouth. On her forehead was an eyegina. And, as if to add insult to injury, the words “I’m a frigid bitch” were written on her chin and made to look like a beard.
Christine shivered in rage.
“IRIS!”
“Yes, oh cold and angry one?” Iris asked, a smile that was too innocent to be real plastered on her face. To Christine, it looked more like a wicked grin.
Christine hissed. “Explain this!”
“I think it’s pretty self-explanatory,” Iris said, observing the drawings with a keen eye, as if she had not been the one to draw them. “Someone obviously thought you could do with a cock or two.” A shrug. “Maybe they thought having you suck dick would make you less of a bitch.”
Christine lost it.
“Y-y-y-y-you fucking BITCH! I’LL KILL YOU!”
Christine’s shout of outrage was only outdone by the chilling mist that expanded like fog rolling in from the sea. The air became bone-chilling. Everyone shivered as hoarfrost spread along the ground and crept up the walls.
“I-is it me, or has the temperature suddenly plummeted?” asked Alex.
“It is not just you. Damn, who the hell turned the air conditioning to zero?” his twin asked.
“And what the hell is up with this fog? Where did it come from?”
“If you two are going to fight, then get the hell off my bus before you start going at it,” Kiara said. “Otherwise, I’m gonna get involved, and I doubt either of you wants that.”
Iris squeaked while Christine reluctantly ceased using her powers. Neither of them had any desire to fight Kiara. Even if either of them were predisposed towards fighting, which they weren’t, the idea of picking one with the inu was not pleasant. Despite having only a single arm to fight with, she still scared the crap out of them both.
“What the hell, Kiara? Why did you stop them?” Eric groaned.
“Because I’m not gonna have them mess up my bus,” Kiara said.
“Aw, man!” Eric raised his hands as he bemoaned this most terrible loss. “And here I was hoping I would get to see a super awesome catfight!”
“What was that?!” Christine asked, her voice reminiscent to a hissing cat.
“I said I wanted to see you two start ripping each other’s clothes off and—guag!”
All words from his mouth died when Christine punched him in the face.
“Die!”
***
The gigantic bus looked more than a little out of place among all of the tiny cars in the parking lot. Even the large pickup trucks were overshadowed by the mammoth vehicle. It certainly drew numerous looks, pointing, and whispers from the people parking their vehicles that evening.
Disembarking from the vehicle, the group of 12 walked into the open air. It was evening. The sun was going down, casting the city in glowing colors.
Iris peered around at everybody, a surprised frown on her face. “I think we’re missing someone…”
At her words, the others looked around as well.
“We are missing someone,” Kevin muttered, brow furrowing in thought. “Where’s Justin?”
Now that he thought about it, his quiet and unobtrusive friend had been missing the entire bus ride. They’d not seen hide nor hair of him at all. How the heck did that happen? The bus only had one room.
His arms were full of cat. The small black feline looked up at him with a tilted head. She “nya’d” at him, as if asking, “Who is Justin?”
“How did we possibly miss the disappearance of someone in our group?” Alex questioned out loud. “It’s not like we’re that large a group to begin with.”
“Well, it is Justin,” Andrew added, nodding several times as if that answered all of their questions. “He
’s so quiet and tends to go off into his own little world. It’s pretty easy to forget about him.”
“Heh, true that.”
“No, that’s not it,” Lilian declared. “I’m pretty sure the author just forgot to add him into the last couple of scenes.”
Hey!
“I concur,” Kotohime added, “Author-san is very absentminded. And he’s not that smart.”
T-that’s a rude thing to say.
“And he doesn’t really think when he writes. Or at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure he never thinks period,” Iris added mercilessly.
Y-you guys are so cruel!
“What the heck are you three talking about now?” asked a thoroughly confused Heather.
“Ufufufu, nothing that you need to concern yourself with,” Kotohime said, hiding her smile behind the sleeve of her kimono. “In either event, we should probably call his cellphone to find out where Justin-san is. I can only hope we didn’t leave him at one of the rest stops. It would not be pleasant if we had to drive back and search for him.”
Many an eye widened, and several people fished for their cellphones to give Justin a call, when a voice spoke up behind them.
“No need… here…”
Everyone turned. Justin walked slowly down the stairs of the bus. His dull, half-lidded eyes peered at everything and nothing with his perpetually slow look. The entire group stared at Justin, who either didn’t seem to realize, or was ignoring, the “WTF?” looks he received, as he stepped into the semicircle of people.
Kiara recovered first. “Since you’re here, let’s hurry up and get our hotel rooms. This place has a hot spring, and I wanna try it out before hitting the sack.”
“A hot spring?” Lilian asked, her eyes widening.
Iris’s eyes also widened. “Has it finally come?”
“Has what come?” asked Kevin.
“Don’t be dull, Stud. Do you not realize what this is?”
“Um, no. What is this?”
Lilian and Iris stared at each other, then looked at Kevin.
“It’s the legendary hot spring episode!” they said at the same time.
“The hot spring episode?” Eric’s eyes also went wide. “You mean the episode in every anime where all the women get naked together, and the men try to unsuccessfully peep on them, which usually ends in a horrible, yet hilarious moment of perversion?”
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