“How can I know that?”
“I guess you can’t,” she answered, almost with a smile in her voice. “You can either trust me or not, but either way, you cannot kill me, and if you decide it, I may have a way to help you escape your pain.”
I was confused for a moment, processing everything she had said. “Take away my pain?”
She nodded.
“How?”
She put her hand up. “I can’t explain now. I will tell you all you need to know in time.”
“Will you?”
“Come with me. We can do no more here. Everything will be sorted out. You are up for inheritance, Clem.”
“How do you know that?”
She tapped her finger against her temple. “I know how to make things happen.”
I shook my head slightly. This was too strange and all happening so fast. I didn’t know what to make of it.
“My name is Luna,” she said.
“Last name?”
“Is not important,” she answered. “I am Luna. That’s all you need to know. Come with me.”
“Where?”
“To my home.”
“What about my home?”
“It will be yours once the law has taken care of it.”
I pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to get my head to stop throbbing from the grief that was quickly turning into anger.
She led me outside to a silver Honda parked crooked at the bottom of the long, curvy driveway.
“Nice parking job,” I muttered.
“I was in a rush.”
“Uh huh.”
“Just get in.”
The drive was silent. It wasn’t a very long drive but long enough to make me irritable and uncomfortable. She drove to a house that almost looked like it was in the middle of the forest. She opened the door, and the house was beautiful. The front room was spacious with old-fashioned, upholstered furniture—a couch, loveseat, and chair—which all appeared to be from the mid-1800s, with redwood and floral patterns. The light was dim, casting soft shadows on the walls. There was a china cabinet to the left of the redwood door, filled with elegant artwork. I would love to be a painter, I thought. The carpet was beige and completely spotless.
“It’s—”
“I know.” She laughed. “A nice home is an important thing to have.”
A smile forced its way across my face when I looked at her. “Beautiful.”
She laughed. “Are you all right?”
I pulled my eyebrows together.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Of course you’re not. I’ll make us some tea. It will make you feel better. I promise.”
“I doubt tea is going to do much,” I said, sitting on the redwood-framed couch.
“Sure it will.” She disappeared into the other room.
I sighed and looked around again. There was a coffee table in front of the couch, packed with books. There was no television on the desk against the wall. Not that I minded that; I had grown up without it. I was lost in my thoughts and had almost forgotten where I was until Luna came into the front room with two steaming mugs.
“It’s a special herbal tea,” she said. “It will make you feel calm and may help you sleep.”
I took a sip. “It’s sweet.”
“Rosemary and lavender. I picked up the recipe recently from a friend of mine, a witch down in Coos Bay.”
“Interesting.”
“It has a bit of spice in it too,” she continued. “Small sips.”
It did help me to feel calm, perhaps mind over matter, but the numbness I was feeling had become comfortable. My grief had exhausted me, and the tea had relaxed me.
“You need rest,” she told me. “You’ve been through quite a lot.”
“You have no idea,” I mumbled under my breath.
She led me into the bedroom down the hall. It wasn’t big, but it was spacious. It had a queen-sized bed with a floral mattress and a wrought iron frame. The walls were a sky blue color that matched the blue in the bedspread. There was a vanity in front of the bed, against the wall with a large, round mirror. Perfume bottles and pictures were crowded together, yet it still looked elegant.
“I will make sure to retrieve your things from your home. Leave that to me,” she said.
I was too tired to argue over her being in my room around my treasures. For some reason, I trusted her. It was like she was all I had now. I fell asleep within minutes, still in my clothes.
Luna woke me late in the morning the next day. I gasped, sitting up instantly, my hands up defensively.
“It’s okay,” she soothed. “Just me. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
I sighed. “Sorry.”
“I got some of your things for you, clothes, mostly, and this.”
She handed me a brown teddy bear with a red ribbon around its neck. It took everything in me not to cry. My mother had given me that for my birthday one year, before she had gone too insane to drive. It meant a lot to me. I snatched it from her hands. I didn’t want her touching it.
She smiled. “So…I did okay?”
“I’m sorry, Luna. Thank you.”
“Are you hungry?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll make you some breakfast. I put your clothes in the dresser. The bathroom is just down the hall. I think you can take it from there.”
“You don’t need to take care of me.”
“Well, right now, Clem—somebody does.” I heard her quietly laugh as she left the room.
She was probably right; I needed somebody if only for a while. Luna was sweet, but she wasn’t beautifully innocent like Vivian. She seemed like there was a dark, ghastly secret she was hiding from me. Sometimes I got a grim feeling when she looked at me. I tried to ignore, but there was something interesting I was waiting to learn about her. I was hoping it was something good, something that could help me.
The bathroom was huge. There was a white marble tub bigger than any tub I had ever seen. I wasn’t comfortable enough to relax here yet, so I settled for a quick shower. I daydreamed about resting in that tub with Vivian; my mind even brought Luna into the picture but pushed those images away. I would never see Vivian again. I would never be able to look at her that way again. I could feel myself becoming numb to those emotions I had felt. I knew it was wrong before it had happened, and now for some reason, that mattered. I never wanted to let myself hurt again. I would guard my heart as best I could. I would never fall in love. Didn’t I promise her I would come back? Didn’t I promise her that I loved her? Maybe I would have to break that promise—to protect myself. Maybe that was the right thing to do. If protecting myself meant protecting her too, then I had to. I would only hurt her in the end.
I wrapped myself in a towel and headed back to my room. Luna came in without knocking.
“Good God, Luna. Don’t you knock?”
She laughed. “Sorry. Thought you were still in the bathroom. I was just going to put some more of your clothes away for you.”
“Um…thanks.”
She chuckled again. “Nice towel.”
I was frozen still for a moment. She closed the door, but the look she had given me had paralyzed me for a moment. She had given me a crooked stare, keeping me wondering what she was thinking. Nobody had ever looked at me so solidly before, so…unyielding to anything I could have said. It made me uneasy. I cringed and got dressed quickly.
I walked into the kitchen, and she was just setting the plates on the table.
“Hope you like this,” she said, not turning to look at me.
“I’m sure I will.”
She turned then, smiling, wiping her hands on her little white apron. She pulled it over her head. “Getting chilly out today.” She pulled the pin from her hair, and I watched the blood-red locks fall perfectly in place over her shoulders. I didn’t respond. I was mesmerized for a moment. She seemed not to notice my reaction and sat down. There were only three chairs at a round, wooden table. The cabinets and d
rawers were white with red trim, making it look very bright and lively. She was a wonderful cook too. She made fried potatoes and bacon to go with the perfectly made omelets.
“It’s delicious,” I told her.
“I’m glad you like it, but if you don’t, no reason to be too nice. I can always make you something else.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. If I have a problem with it, I can take care of it myself.”
“I suppose you could. Sorry if I baby you. You seem very fragile right now.”
“I guess I am.”
“So, tell me about yourself, Clem. I know almost nothing about you.”
“That’s true. You don’t.”
“Would you prefer it that way?”
I smiled and shook my head. “You’ve done a lot for me. I guess I at least owe you as much as to tell you who I am.”
She raised her eyebrows, waiting.
“I’m seventeen years old. I know—younger than I look. My father was a banker—this you know. It was also clear to me that you knew my mother was sick.”
She nodded.
“I don’t want to talk about them,” I said. “Not yet anyway. I want to tell you about Walter Redline, the professor who has become my friend and mentor. I need to get back to him as soon as I can to tell him of my mistakes.”
“What kind of mistakes?”
“The kind that destroyed my dreams.”
I spoke to her about Walter and my fear of death. I told her about Vivian and the temporary madness I had suffered. I told her everything I could think of. I opened up to her with almost no fear of what she would think. I didn’t shed a tear, but when I was finished with my story, she embraced me and stroked my hair.
“You’ll be all right,” she told me. “I promise.”
It was like she could read my mind and knew I was more hurt than I seemed. It felt wonderful to be held and to be comforted. I never had a mother to take care of me; I always took care of my mother.
Chapter Three
After the death of my parents, I was beginning to think nothing could ever hurt me again. There was a strange comfort in that thought. To never feel pain sounded wonderful, but at the same time, I feared going numb. My thoughts were jumbled, and I wasn’t sure what I believed anymore or what I wanted from life, from science, from Walter—from Luna. I didn’t know anything. I was lost. I stayed with Luna for what seemed like longer than it was. I was there for at least two weeks and decided enough was enough.
“Luna, I want you to sell the house.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Sell my house.”
“Clem…why—”
“Just do it, Luna. Please?”
She nodded. “Are you all right?”
“I’m pretty far from all right. I don’t want to look at that house again. I can’t. It can no longer be my home.”
“This can be your home,” she said. “This can be where you stay.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
She stepped close to me—too close. “Stay with me,” she whispered. “Please.”
“Why are you asking me to stay?”
“Don’t you know?” She sounded hurt, almost angry. “I’ve wanted you since the moment I met you.”
Suddenly, I felt repulsed. Yes, she was beautiful, but there was something about her that made me feel sick. Something that meant I could never look at her like that.
“Luna…I’m seventeen years old.”
“I don’t care.”
“I have that effect on people it seems.”
“Clem…”
She moved closer, and I walked away. I concealed myself in my room. She didn’t follow right away, but about ten minutes later, she knocked on the door. I sighed, trying to ignore.
“You know, your door doesn’t lock,” she said.
I grumbled, hiding my face in a pillow.
She opened the door. “Hey.”
I looked up at her. She looked normal, like she always did.
She sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
I just nodded.
“You’re just…very charming.” She brushed my hair back from my face, and I pulled away from her again even when I had enjoyed it. I always enjoyed being touched just not by her. She took my hand. “I can’t help it. If I can have you—just once—I would be forever in your debt.”
I smiled, almost laughing. “It can’t happen that way. You need to leave.”
“Clem—”
“Luna, just go!”
She almost stormed out. I flopped down with my face in the pillow again, trying to think of something I could say to her, something to make her feel less offended. There wasn’t a real reason I had denied her after all, only that the thought of her skin against my own repulsed me for some completely unknown reason. Maybe I could ignore that fact; maybe I could think of something other than her. I owed her something after all, didn’t I? For rescuing me and taking me in? I should give her something. I brushed off those thoughts, sickened again, and I shuddered.
“Can’t happen,” I whispered to myself.
I let my mind wander away from the discomfort and fell asleep.
It was late in the night or early in the morning when I awoke to her brushing her fingers across my face.
“What are you doing?” I groaned, still not fully awake.
“I don’t give up that easily.”
“Oh, for the love of God, Luna—”
She cut me off by pressing her lips against mine harshly. Something heightened in me. I was unsure what. The air turned warmer, the atmosphere thicker. I parted my lips, accepting her kiss. It was long, passionate, and as her tongue slid into my mouth, my breathing quickened, and my muscles tightened.
Can’t happen. Can’t happen. CAN’T happen!
Oh, but I wanted it to…so badly. My entire body burned for her the way I never thought it could.
She ended the kiss but wasn’t finished. She crawled into the bed beside me and started kissing my neck. I instantly began to feel sick again. She wasn’t clean or beautiful to me. She was dirty and sordid. I loved Luna—I did, but not the way I loved Vivian. I couldn’t let her touch me this way.
“That’s enough,” I whispered to her. “Enough, Luna.”
She stopped but only for a moment. I tore her away from me and heard her quietly laugh.
“All right, Clem,” she whispered. “I’ll leave. You have wonderful self-control, love. Did you know that?”
“Goodnight, Luna.”
She chuckled again. “Goodnight, Clem.”
I rolled over and couldn’t even fall back asleep. All I wanted was a hot shower to help me feel clean.
The morning came faster than I expected, and Luna didn’t bother me once. I took care of myself until she knocked on the bathroom door, announcing breakfast as if the night before hadn’t even happened. The entire meal was silent. She put the plates in the sink and finally said something.
“Tell me,” she started. “When did it stop being important to you to talk to Walter?”
I had actually forgotten about Walter. “When I realized I couldn’t bear to tell him of my mistakes.”
“Don’t you think he would understand?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. “Please.”
“I know what you need.”
“What I need?”
“Yes,” she answered, turning to face me. “Your life has no meaning.”
“Like you would know what meaning is,” I snapped, standing up from the table.
“I meant no offense,” she said calmly. “I’m just trying to tell you that I know of a place you can go…we can go—a place where life has meaning, a place where you are taught the true ways in which the world works. I have lost a lot in my life as well, Clem. Neither of us have anything more to lose. I can’t see why not.”
“What…place?”
She smiled. “A man leads this group—a group of p
eople like us…who need guidance and purpose.”
To have purpose was all I ever wanted. My dreams of science were destroyed. What else did I have? I was able to say only one thing.
“When can I meet him?”
Her face lit up, and she stepped toward me, brushing her fingers through my hair again. “How does tomorrow sound?” she whispered. She kissed my cheek.
“Tomorrow sounds fine,” I said and stormed past her. I wasn’t getting used to her touching me; I still hated it.
Anxiety was creeping in, and I awoke the next morning eager to meet this man Luna had talked about. My eagerness quickly turned to apprehension when she mentioned he didn’t know her.
“I was told about him by a friend of mine,” she said. “I wasn’t sure about his teachings or his beliefs, but my friend had assured me that since meeting him, her life turned to pure bliss. Everything made sense and became so simple.”
“What are his teachings?” I asked. “And his beliefs?”
“Well…I don’t know.”
“How can you be unsure of something you don’t know?”
“Clem…just trust me, okay? I did meet him once. I get a good feeling about him.”
There was clearly something she wasn’t telling me. What if it was something ghastly—evil? What then? I shook off the negative thoughts and tried to let myself feel excited for something to finally help me. I knew Luna was lying about something, but it stopped mattering almost instantly. It was as if nothing could frighten me anymore. I had nothing left to lose.
Chapter Four
She was dressed in a silken gown, almost see-through and bordering indecency. I tried to ignore.
“Choose something nice,” she had said. “You want him to notice you.”
I nodded and took her advice. I dressed myself in a nice pair of slacks and a button-up shirt, not wanting to dress too nicely. Luna led me out to her car.
“Now listen, Clem,” she started. “This man is very important. He understands things that you and I don’t. So please do your best to listen. He is smarter than anyone we are sure to ever meet.”
I kept my thoughts inside. More vile ideas came to mind. I was doubting her again. What if this man was going to kill me? What if that was Luna’s plan all along? To get my parents killed and then end with me? Again I shook off the thoughts. If I am going to die, that’s all right, I thought. I had nothing here anyway.
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