Jane, what the hell are you thinking? This is not the right time to be brave.
Dorian shoved me away from him. I felt the full force of his strength as I collided into the moist, moss of a tree. The firmness behind the moss crushed my muscles. I felt almost as if the impact of my body had broken the tree to splinters. I rolled over onto my stomach, suddenly unable to move.
“I’d rather make him kill you,” I heard Dorian taunt.
I could feel myself slipping out of consciousness. I tried to move, but my muscles were weak. I forced myself to stay awake even through the burning in my head. The voices began to fade and sound muffled. I couldn’t make out words. I could hear Dorian was taunting her. The thoughts of him touching Jane sent electric shocks of rage through me. My vision was dark, and the voices were becoming even quieter.
A panicked, angry yell brought me slowly back to consciousness, and the throbbing in my head was lessening. That lasted only until the sound of gunfire shattered my ear drums.
Jane!
The Sevren never used guns. What was happening? I forced myself to move, but it took long minutes of forcing my mind to stay awake before I was finally able to sit up. I heard Luna yelling at Jane but couldn’t make out the words. My eyes finally focused just in time to see Rudy and Jane at my side. Thank God they were alive.
“Aidan?” Jane whispered.
I groaned, trying to ignore the sting that was still running through my veins. I lifted my hand. “I’m all right. I’m not hurt.” That wasn’t entirely true.
Jane wrapped her arms around me the way she always did, and my muscles instantly started aching.
“Okay,” I choked. “Not completely unhurt. Gently, Jane.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Dorian’s dead,” Rudy whispered.
I nodded, realizing he must have been. Luna. “I heard the gunfire.”
“That was Jane,” Rudy said.
“What?” I stuttered. “I told you to run.”
“I…didn’t listen.”
I sighed. “Of course you didn’t.” That must have been what Luna was yelling at her for. She shouldn’t have.
Rudy grasped my arm, and I gripped back tightly, needing it more than I was comfortable with. He helped me stumble to my feet. “Come on,” he said.
“Thank you,” Jane whispered, pulling herself into my chest again.
“Thank you.” I smiled. “Rudy will take you home.”
“What about you?”
“You’ll see me soon. I promise.”
Rudy took her hand. She kept her eyes on me. Even as they were walking away, she would turn around to stare at me. I just smiled, loving the way she didn’t even hide not being able to leave me.
“I didn’t mean to be insensitive,” she said as I cut the thread and tied it off.
“I know,” I answered.
“I was already so—”
I put my hand up. “Luna, it’s all right. No harm, no foul.” I smirked at her.
She returned the smile, but it was stripped away when she winced. “Ouch! God, James!”
“I’m sorry,” I said, laughing. “Jane is terrible at sewing. You could have waited for me.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t sure I could.”
I smiled. “Well, I think you made it worse by trusting Jane with anything that requires coordination.”
She laughed quietly. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Just…everything,” she answered, smiling. “I just don’t feel like I show my appreciation for you enough.”
I chuckled. “I know how you feel.”
I knew there were still things Jane needed to know—other things I was not capable of telling her. I wanted to move on. I wanted a life with Jane—to put The Sevren behind me. If that were to happen, she needed to know about everything—even Daniel.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“It isn’t right,” Walter said.
“What is right?” I asked. “Not telling her?”
He sighed. “Maybe, Clem.”
I shook my head and turned away.
“Listen,” he started, desperately wanting me not to walk away from him. “I know you love her, boy. I can see that. But none of it is right.”
“Is this the whole ‘if you love her, let her go’ thing?”
He raised his eyebrows. “Well…yes.”
“Forget it. I am the only one who can protect her, Walter. I am not leaving her for The Sevren to take.”
“I know.”
“So tell me,” I said. “Please. Where is it?”
He sighed. “Top, left-hand drawer of my dresser.”
“Thank you.”
“Clem?”
I turned back toward him.
“Be careful.”
“Always.”
I fumbled through his drawer, probably unfolding things, but I took little care or notice. I found the key hidden in the very back of the drawer. It was attached to a dark blue tassel. I slipped it into my pocket, grabbed my brown, leather coat off the back of the couch, and headed out the door.
“I’ll be back soon,” I called.
I walked as quickly as I could to Jane’s house, concentrating on the moist air that was typical of mid-day. I brushed my shaggy hair from my eyes and took a deep breath. I could hear voices inside. I realized Ethan was talking to Jane about what had happened. I thought it best to slip in before she knew I was there. I climbed up the oak tree and brought myself into her room. She never locked her window anymore. I found her school bag and took a piece of paper from a small tablet. I wrote her a note, shaking the entire time, and placed the key under her pillow.
Jane,
I’m sorry I lied to you. There is something you need to know. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you before, but now you need to see for yourself. Check under your pillow. I love you.
Yours,
Aidan
I left her room, making sure everything I touched was in the same place as it had been. I left quickly and walked home, truly terrified every second of what she would find in that chest. I wondered what kind of stories the letters and journals held. I wondered how I would tell her about her brother. Should I begin with “it wasn’t my fault but…” or maybe “I was doing the right thing when I did this but…” Telling Jane not to blame me or hold me responsible would be almost unethical. It would only hurt her more if she felt I had no regrets. I had regrets—so many.
I couldn’t bring myself to walk home. I felt I had to be there when she found out. Perhaps if she didn’t have too much time to think about things, she would be more willing to listen to me. I waited for about half an hour then silently crawled into the attic where I saw her reading a leather-bound journal.
“Jane?”
She shrieked and dropped the journal.
“I’m not used to startling you anymore,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Aidan, explain this!” she demanded. “Now!”
I sighed, terrified now that she would turn away from me and never look back. “How angry are you?”
She broke eye contact and hesitated before responding. “I…don’t know yet.”
“I can’t explain everything,” I said, trying to stay calm. There was no need for both of us to get upset. “All I can tell you is that it was better for you not to know until now.” That was at least the truth.
“Why?”
“I didn’t want you worrying over any more than you already were. But you had a right to see this.”
“How did you know about this?”
I wanted her to know, didn’t I? I showed her this for a reason.
“It belonged to a member of The Silver Wing,” I started, “who were the ones set up to stop—”
“I know about The Silver Wing!” she interrupted me, angrily. “How did you know about this?”
“It belonged to somebody I knew. It was given to your grandfather.”
“My grandfather?”
I couldn’t answer, just
nodded.
“And Danny?”
Oh God. The question I was dreading. What was I going to say to her?
“Jane—”
“You knew, didn’t you? The entire time, you knew. Tell me why they killed him!”
“Jane—”
“Tell me, Aidan—James—Clem, whoever the hell you are.”
I almost choked from the sting of her words. I saw Vivian in my mind, the day in the woods when she said the same thing to me. It ached just to look at her now. I could see the hatred in her eyes. I tried to hide my anguish and tell her what she had a right to hear directly from me.
“Rudy’s great-grandfather Peter knew about The Sevren,” I started. “He constructed a group to try to stop them. The group called themselves The Silver Wing. For years, they tried to defeat them but never succeeded. After Peter’s death, his son, Rudy’s grandfather, took over The Silver Wing. The Sevren was stronger than they ever anticipated. Your grandfather, Jane…he was also a member of The Silver Wing.”
“What?”
I swallowed my voice a couple times before forcing myself to continue. “They killed him, and they killed Danny. They lost track of you, your mother, and Ethan when the person instructed to find them disappeared. That’s why I was enrolled in school here.”
She just stared at me, and my entire body started quaking. The words were in my head, and they repeated over and over until they became meaningless. Again I forced the words from my mouth. “They found me and threatened my life, ordering me to finish the job. I was sent to find you. It was my job…to kill you.”
“What?” Her voice sounded throttled.
“I would never hurt you, Jane!” It was the only defense I could come up with fast enough. “I swear it! When I first met you, I didn’t know who you were. If I did…”
“If you did, you would have stayed away? You would have left me alone?”
“Yes.”
“You lied to me, Aidan, about everything. Everything!”
My heart began pounding. She couldn’t believe anything I had said to her?
“Not everything,” I said sadly. “I love you, Jane. That was and always has been the truth.”
“Aidan, leave,” she whispered.
“What?”
She reached out, handing me a photo. It was an old picture of Walter sitting on his porch beside Rudy.
“I can explain this!”
“You don’t need to,” she said, weeping. “Just leave me alone like you should have in the first place.”
I wanted to argue, but I couldn’t have expected anything different. Of course she wanted me gone.
“I’ll leave because you’re telling me to,” I said, “but I’ll be back, Jane.”
“Don’t bother!”
I heard her crying as I left. My entire chest was burning. I couldn’t stand hurting her like that. I couldn’t stand the look on her face when she realized who I really was. Her eyes that once held that familiar look of love and warmth appeared so cold and hateful. I wondered if she could ever again look at me the way she used to.
I walked all night. I walked until I was completely unaware of the time. It was still dark, not quite morning, but I couldn’t wait any longer to see Jane. I was growing more anxious every second. I had to get her to listen no matter what it took.
I brought myself back to her room and stared at her for a moment. She looked just as she looked when things were good between us. I imagined for that moment that things hadn’t changed, that things would always be good. I crept closer, admiring her innocence while she slept. I wished I didn’t have to wake her up and shatter my illusions. I placed my hand softly on her face, almost wishing she wouldn’t stir. She opened her eyes, and I immediately felt that cold stab I felt when she found out who I was.
“I left because you told me to,” I whispered. “I thought that maybe now you could stay calm and allow me time to explain.”
“Aidan, there’s nothing to explain,” she murmured, switching on the lamp.
Nothing to explain? If she only knew. If she only knew how much there was that I could never explain even if I wanted to.
“How…can you say that?”
“I know about The Sevren and The Silver Wing. I don’t care to know more.”
“The Silver Wing no longer exists,” I answered, truthfully. “The Sevren killed most of them and most of those connected to them. That’s what you need to understand. That is why Rudy was in danger.”
“What about Walter?” she snapped. “Were you ever planning to tell Rudy his grandfather was alive? That’s why you didn’t want him there. That’s why Dorian wanted him.”
I nodded. I had to tell her everything now. No more lies. “Walter left Rudy’s life to protect him from The Sevren. It seems Dorian found out who Rudy was after all. Dorian was a sadistic genius, but he’s dead now, and as long as Rudy doesn’t know about Walter, he will be safe.”
She just stared at me with nothing to say.
“That chest belongs to him,” I continued. “Your grandfather couldn’t stand letting Walter shuffle through all of his old memories. It was making him sick, so your grandfather took it—simply so Walter would stop tormenting himself. The Sevren kill the beautiful and the pure. Those are the ones Abraham taught us were ‘made for us.’ After the construction of The Silver Wing, it was our job to stop them, to destroy their alliance so we could continue our way of life.”
I broke off, replaying the words in my head over and over. I just heaped the truth on her with no warning. The truth is what she thought she wanted. Did she wish now I had let her believe otherwise? She didn’t speak for a long time, and the silence was maddening. I had no idea what she was thinking. She finally looked at me. She locked her gaze onto my own, but her face expressed hate.
“You…you killed Danny.”
Oh God. My chest started burning again. At least this way I didn’t have to tell her. I also now had no way of starting at the beginning like I had planned to tell her what really happened. It didn’t matter, did it? I was guilty; nothing else would make a difference to her. Either way, I had to say something.
“I did what I had to do to prevent his suffering,” I said. “If Abraham did it, he would have suffered so terribly. I had to.”
“I want to tell you it’s okay, Aidan, but it isn’t.” Her voice cracked, but her face remained rock hard. “Danny is dead—by your hands. That’s all that matters.”
“Jane, my killing of him was mercy. I wish I could help you see that. The Sevren are not who I am, Jane. They are who I was.”
“You’re a killer,” she said through her sobs.
The words struck me like a knife through the heart. My breath stopped for a moment, and I blurted out the only thing I could say, hoping to move the direction of her thoughts, possibly derail her hatred. “I love you. Please. We don’t have to hurt anymore. We can leave North Bend—together.”
“What?”
“In the morning, open the bags I left in the attic.”
“Why?”
“Just do it,” I said. “I will see you soon.”
I remembered only moments after I left that if she were to see what I had stuffed in those duffel bags, it may make her even more angry. Hopefully seeing what I was planning to do to help her couldn’t make her hate me any more than she already did.
I was restless that night and found it almost impossible to sleep for more than an hour at a time before waking up again. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Jane would think when she looked in those duffel bags. I wanted her to leave with me. I wondered then if it was possible she still wanted me. I couldn’t get the look she had given me out of my head. I had never seen her look at me that way. I missed the looks of longing and wonder she used to express. Now, all I saw was coldness and loathsomeness. She would never leave with me, would she? Of course I couldn’t expect her to just forgive me for murdering her brother then lying to her about it—and countless other things since the day I met her. It was endi
ng now for us. That I was sure of.
I knew Jane had to leave North Bend, and she knew it too. We didn’t even need to talk about it. I would still do whatever it took to keep her save no matter how much she hated me. It wasn’t about me anymore. It never really was, but there was still one more thing I had to ask of her.
She was in her room just sitting quietly. She wouldn’t look at me. We both knew it was ending. If I tried to keep her here, it wouldn’t have been any better than handing her and all of her friends over to The Sevren. I had to let her leave. It’s what I wanted in the first place anyway—to get her out of North Bend safely.
“Are you ready?” I asked her, almost afraid of what she was thinking, terrified that she really did despise me.
“Physically or mentally?”
I was surprised at how normal her voice sounded. “Both.”
“I’m not packed,” she said, “but I’m ready.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmured. I sat beside her on her bed. She still didn’t look at me. “I didn’t want it to end this way.”
“I know.”
I had no words of protest in my mind. This was going to end whether I liked it or not.
“So, this is it then?”
She nodded. “I go home, you go home, and it’s all only a memory.”
Home. If only I had one.
“Why won’t you look at me?” I finally asked, moving closer. Was I really so disgusting to her that she couldn’t look at me anymore?
“If I look at you, this will never end.”
Never end? So she didn’t hate me.
“I don’t want it to end,” I answered honestly.
“Then don’t look at me either.”
She stood up, still without turning toward me. She walked toward her window and stared at the falling rain.
“What did you tell Ethan?”
“Honestly…nothing,” she answered, her voice finally sounding a little more weak and sad. “He already knows.”
“Nobody is going to hurt him,” I said. “They won’t hurt you either. I won’t let them. I can protect you.”
“No, Aidan.”
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