by JL Paul
“Oh.”
Draping his arm on the back of the sofa, he lifted his eyes. “How did the session go?”
“Okay.” It was her turn to avoid his eyes. “We talked about a lot of stuff. Mostly dealing with the nightmares.”
“And?” he prodded.
She shrugged as she played with a stray fiber on her cast. “Well, we talked about the reason behind the nightmares. You know – the stuff Hugh tried with me when I was living with him.”
She glanced up in time to catch the dark look shadow his face. “What did that man do to you, Sidney?”
Shaking her head, she took his hand with her good one. “He never molested me, I promise. He probably would have if I would have stayed, though.”
“So,” Rob said, giving her hand a squeeze. “This pig is behind your nightmares?”
Taking a deep breath, she turned her head, her eyes on the black and white movie on the TV. “It seems so. Aliza thinks that Hugh and Grant both traumatized me. She also thinks that the issues I have with sex is because of them, too.”
His brow furrowed. “Issues with sex?”
Nodding, her cheeks burned. “I, well, I haven’t ever… you know. Aliza thinks because every sexual experience I’ve had has been negative. She theorizes that if I experience sex in a warm, loving manner, it might help me to get past the whole Grant/Hugh thing.”
She was explaining it poorly, not able to articulate it the way that Aliza had. It had made sense when Aliza had explained it, but Sidney just couldn’t form the right words to get it across to Rob.
“So,” Rob said, very slowly. “If you … what? If you get involved in a loving relationship, it will help?”
Sidney scrunched up her nose. “I don’t know if it’s that easy. I mean, maybe that would help. But the way Aliza explained it was that if I experience sex with someone that I love and care about – someone that I trust, that it could possibly make my brain see that sex isn’t something to fear. Or something like that.”
Skepticism painted Rob’s face. “This is her professional opinion?”
“She’s not a psychiatrist, remember,” Sidney said. “This is just something that she’s seen in her work with women.”
Pursing his lips, he nodded.
“So, I guess if I want to get over these nightmares,” she said in a light tone, trying to dispel the serious atmosphere, “I should try sleeping with someone I trust. Someone I care about.”
She turned her head to find a curious look on his face. In an instant, something sparked in his eyes. Like a spring, he was on his feet.
“Sid,” he said, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know about this.”
Confused, she watched as he paced, until realization set in. She hadn’t asked him, but maybe, possibly, it wasn’t such a horrible idea.
“I…” she stammered, wondering if she really was asking or if she was trying to set him straight.
“I mean,” he continued, not daring to look at her. “Yes, I care about you, a lot, but we have a great friendship. Something like this could ruin that.”
“Only if we let it,” she said, slightly stung that he was refusing her. Sure, she wasn’t gorgeous like Melanie, but was she that repulsive?
Scrubbing his face, he stopped in the middle of the living room. She stood and crossed to him.
“I didn’t mean to… well, make this an issue with us or anything,” she said, her tongue twisting. “I don’t know what I was trying to say.”
He dropped his hands from his face and they landed on his shoulders. “You know that I’d do anything for you, Rookie. And I want more than anything for you to get over these nightmares so you can get back to your life. But I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
Spurred by his reluctance, she set her chin and held his gaze. “There is no one in this world that I trust more than you. I don’t know of anyone else who could…help me… with this and not take advantage of it. We don’t have to let this ruin our friendship or our working relationship. I think you and I are strong enough to keep that from happening.”
Sighing, his thumbs stroked her shoulders through the thin fabric of her shirt. So many emotions passed through his eyes that she began to have second thoughts. What was she doing? Did she really think that she could go through with this?
“If we do this,” he said, holding up a finger. “And I mean if, then it can only be once, okay?”
She nodded, her heart flying like a humming bird. “And no one can know. We can’t tell anyone, Sid. They’d look at us differently and never take our working relationship seriously. Do you understand?”
“Of course.”
He threw his head back, staring at the ceiling as though waiting for an answer.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but okay.”
Her eyes grew as her stomach lurched. What had she done?
Taking her hand, he led her up the stairs and to his bedroom. He shut and locked the door after turning on the light and dimming it.
“If you decide at any time that you don’t want to do this, you tell me,” he said as he took her by the shoulders and bent to look into her eyes.
She nodded, too afraid that if she spoke, something stupid might come out of her mouth.
He cupped her face and brushed his lips softly across hers. Her eyes shut and her heart sang as he applied more pressure, eventually deepening the kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he guided her to the bed. Before helping her into it, he broke the kiss to lift her shirt over her head. Immediately heat flooded her cheeks. Although the lights were dim, he was still going to be able to see her body. She only hoped that he wouldn’t compare her petite frame to the luscious bodies of other women that he’d been with.
His lips found hers again, chasing away all thoughts from her mind. He moved to her cheek, trailing kisses down her neck as he helped her out of her shorts. Gently, he lifted her and placed her on the bed, his body hovering over hers.
“Still okay with this?” he asked, his voice husky. She nodded and was rewarded with a beautiful smile.
Taking his time, he kissed and explored every inch of her, flooding her mind with bliss, making her body come alive. Never before had she experienced such sensations. He knew exactly where to place soft kisses, bringing chills to her spine and causing bumps to rise on her arms and legs. When she arched her back as he returned to her throat, he took advantage and unhooked her bra. She sucked in a huge breath, making him pause to look into her eyes.
“Still good?” he asked in a tight voice.
“Yes,” she squeaked.
He quickly shed her of her undergarments before removing his clothes. Reaching across her, he opened a drawer. She could hear things rattling around but didn’t want to speak or ask him what he was doing.
He shut the door, opened a package, and lifted off of her for a moment. It only took her a second to figure out why.
“Sid,” he said, her name heavy in his voice. “It’s going to hurt. I’m going to go slowly and try to not let it hurt too badly, but there’s not a whole lot that I can do about it.”
“I know,” she said, her voice strangled. “It will be all right.”
The pain was awful. She held her breath as he eased inside of her, but it still hurt. He kissed her cheeks, her neck, her lips, trying to get her focus on him and not the pain. After a bit, the pain subsided and she was able to relax.
It was over before she knew it and even though a magical, mind-numbing, world-changing event hadn’t occurred, she still felt at total peace with her body.
“Are you okay?” Rob asked once he caught his breath.
“Yes,” she said, snuggling into him. Her body hummed as her heart continued to perform intricate acrobatics. “Thanks.”
Chuckling, he held her close. “I hope I didn’t hurt you too badly.”
She shook her head. “I feel pretty good right now.”
Rolling to his side, he kissed her. “Good. If you want, you can use my bathroom
to…well, freshen up.”
Shyly, she took the t-shirt he offered – his t-shirt – and pulled it over her head. Once she made it into the bathroom, she cleaned up and then stared at her reflection. A smile curled her lips and no matter how hard she tried, it wouldn’t go away. Shrugging, she leaned over the sink, curious to see if there were any noticeable changes to her face. Besides the smile and a radiant sort of glow, she could see none.
She turned toward the door and paused. What now? Did she thank him again and then head to her room? Or did she crawl back into bed with him?
Taking a breath, she stepped out of the bathroom and found Rob fixing the sheets. He turned to her and smiled.
“I’m wiped. How about you?”
She nodded as she took a cautious step into the room.
Lifting the sheet, he nodded at the bed. “Let’s get some sleep, huh?”
Grinning, she nearly skipped to him, stopping only to slide into his bed. He got in and held her close to his body.
“Sleep, Rookie.”
With that smile still on her face, she did as he’d ordered.
Fourteen
The sun trickled through the blinds while birds chirped and waves crashed against the shore. A cool breeze rocked the blinds and stroked Sidney’s body, gently waking her from sleep. At first, she didn’t want to open her eyes – wanted to live in the dream that had kept her comatose for the past few hours. She didn’t want to rise from the bed and start a new day. She wanted to relive the images plastered in her brain: The touches, kisses, caresses.
But her body began to ache slightly and in a pleasant way. Her eyes fluttered open, searching for a clock. The firm mattress gave as she shifted, the soft sheets like heaven against her bare skin.
Her heart leapt as she realized she hadn’t dreamt of the wonderful activities that had played in her mind. She was in Rob’s bed and naked but for a t-shirt. It had happened.
Heat flushed her cheeks as she gathered the sheets, yanking them over her body. But it didn’t much matter as there was no one in the room to see her. Rob’s side of the bed was empty but there was a folded piece of paper bearing her name on the nightstand, propped against his alarm clock.
With eager fingers, she opened it, her heart floating.
Sid,
Sorry to leave so early but I have a meeting. Hope you’re okay with everything. If you need to talk call my cell.
We’ll talk tonight.
Love,
Rob
She bounced out of the bed and skipped for the door, ignoring the tiny aches in her legs and other regions. She crossed the hall to her room, note still clutched to her chest, and gathered up clean clothes.
As she stepped into the shower, face lifted to the spray, all the joy that had radiated inside of her fled.
“Idiot,” she muttered, turning her back on the water and opening her eyes. “It was a one-time thing. He said so last night. He made sure you knew that, too. He was only doing you a favor. It’s not like he’s going to take you out for a fancy dinner and propose.”
Disheartened, she quickly showered, dried off, and dressed. With no luster, she pulled a comb through her wet hair before fastening it into a ponytail.
Pasting a neutral look on her face, she headed for the stairs, hoping that Mrs. B didn’t have a clue as to what had happened the night before. Sidney was always one to make her own bed so hopefully Mrs. B wouldn’t be able to tell that Sidney hadn’t slept in her room.
When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she heard a familiar voice chatting with Mrs. B and her heart fell.
Lexie.
Would she be able to tell by looking at Sidney’s face?
Sidney could only hope that she wouldn’t be obvious.
“Hey, what’s up?” Sidney asked, plastering a smile on her lips as she entered the kitchen.
“Hey, girl,” Lexie said, sipping coffee from a purple travel mug. “I’m taking you shopping.”
“Really?” Sidney grimaced. She’d only gone shopping with Lexie once and it had been enough. The girl was relentless and thorough meaning that shopping trips with her seemed to last an eternity.
“Oh, don’t fuss,” Lexie frowned. “The studio party is coming up in a couple of weeks and you don’t have a single thing to wear. I should know – I rifled through your closet.”
“Wonderful,” Sidney sighed as she accepted a mug from Mrs. B. “Let me at least get a couple of cups of coffee in me. You’re like an over caffeinated two year-old when you shop.”
Mrs. B laughed while Lexie pouted.
“We’re only going to one store,” Lexie said. “I know that it will have what you want and if not, we can order something.”
“And how do you know this?” Sidney asked, suddenly suspicious.
“Because we’re going to Salek’s,” Lexie said, smug. “I happen to know the manager.”
Sidney’s heart stopped. Manager? Could she possibly be talking about…
“Duh.” Lexie rolled her eyes. “Mel is the manager. Well, sort of. She’s there overseeing stuff while her company takes over the store. Cool, huh?”
“Yeah,” Sidney said, sipping her coffee, hoping the hot liquid would make her sluggish mind get it in gear. “I didn’t know she was back. I thought she was out of the country or something.”
“She came back two days ago, but she’s been tied up in meetings and stuff,” Lexie explained. “She’ll be at the store today and she told me to bring you in and help you find something for this party.”
Just what she needed today of all days – Melanie bustling about, being nice.
And did her return explain the mysterious dinner meeting Rob had had last night?
Sidney’s stomach turned at the thought of Rob spending an evening with his ex only to come home and be manipulated into sex by his friend. What kind of person was she?
“Are you okay, Sidney?” Mrs. B asked, concern mixed with something else in her eyes. Did she know? “You look a little pale.”
Swallowing, Sidney nodded. “I’m fine. I’ll just grab my bag and put on a pair of shoes.”
“Don’t you want to eat?” Mrs. B asked.
“Not hungry right now,” Sidney said with a forced smile. “But thanks.”
“I’m taking her out for lunch,” Lexie said. “I hired a driver and everything since my cousin won’t let Sidney out with just little old me.”
Sidney paused on her way out of the kitchen to throw a questioning look at Lexie. “A driver?”
“Yep,” Lexie said, rolling her eyes for the hundredth time that morning. “You know Moe, the guy who works the gate at the parking garage?”
Sidney nodded as she pictured Moe, young, huge, and extremely sweet.
“Yeah, so hurry. He’s picking us up any minute.”
Sidney rushed up the stairs to gather her things, wondering how the hell she was going to be able to look Melanie in the eyes.
***
“This one is adorable, Sid,” Lexie said, holding up a low cut, short dress emblazoned with so many sequins that it caught the store lights and lit up the ceiling.
“Um, no,” Sidney said.
“I agree,” Melanie said as she crossed the store to join them. She gave both girls a quick hug before stepping back to study the dress. “Sidney has a more subtle style. She likes quiet, simple things. Am I right?”
Sidney paused for a brief moment, wondering if she’d just been insulted. One look at Melanie’s face put those fears to rest. Melanie was only stating the obvious and had nailed it.
“Yes, you’re right,” Sidney said. “And I definitely don’t want to look like a disco ball.”
“Hey,” Lexie pouted as she held the dress out so she could admire it. “I was thinking of getting it.”
Melanie laughed. “It’s not you, either, Lex. I already showed you the dress I think you should wear. It much more suited to your skin tone and body shape.”
“I know,” Lexie sighed. “I was just thinking about being a litt
le flashier this year.”
“You don’t need to dress flashy to be flashy,” Melanie said, draping an arm over Lexie’s shoulders. “You have enough personality to light up the room.”
With a roll of her eyes, Lexie gave her friend a squeeze. Sidney wished fervently for a hole to open up beneath her feet.
“I have the perfect dress for you, Sidney,” Melanie said with a snap of her fingers. “Hang on.”
Sidney nodded but Melanie had turned her back and didn’t see. She waded through the racks and racks of dresses, leaving Sidney to shift from foot to foot, wondering if Melanie would return with something hideous.
“This is it,” Melanie said a few minutes later, holding up a simple black dress. “Follow me to the changing rooms and you can try it on.”
Feeling as if she had no choice, Sidney did as she was told. When they reached the rooms, she took the dress from Melanie and entered a tiny cubicle with a full length mirror on one wall. After closing the door, she shrugged out of her shorts, t-shirt, and flip-flops. Hesitating only slightly, she pulled the dress over her head and fussed with the thin, scrunched shoulder straps. Turning toward the mirror, she was surprised at how she looked. The dress fit well, clinging a bit to her body, accentuating her under-exaggerated curves. It hung to just above her knees while the modest neckline dipped ever so slightly to give just a hint of cleavage. With the right strapless bra, she might even look as if she had a chest.
She had to admit that Melanie was right: It was the perfect dress.
“Let’s see it,” Lexie whined from the other side of the door.
With one last glance, Sidney exited the room to stand before the other women.
“Perfect,” Melanie said with a grin as she stepped forward and slid the straps just off her shoulders. “It looks great on you.”
“It does,” Lexie said, smiling from ear to ear. “You really need to get that dress.”
“Yeah, I guess I will,” Sidney said, her heart actually beating with excitement. “Let me go change.”
Back into the dressing room, she removed the dress and carefully hung it back on the hanger. As she stepped into her shorts, a voice outside chilled her heart.