by Lenora Worth
He buried his head in his hands. Maybe he’d made a lot out of nothing. Gina may be dating. Maybe she found someone who met her needs. He sure hadn’t. Gina needed more than he could give when her depression grew stronger. Maybe someone else could give her more.
The memory washed over him. The day the divorce papers arrived knocked him cold. He knew his work schedule provided an unsolvable problem, but he’d done everything else he could. He did housework, shopping, helped Kaylee with her needs—he’d done all he could to make life easier for Gina.
It hadn’t been enough. He ran his fingers through his hair, wishing he could forgive himself for not being the person she needed. He didn’t know to this day what he’d done wrong or what he lacked.
He slipped the phone into his shirt pocket, took the last swig of his cola and turned out the kitchen light. For now, he had to be the best father he could be. That’s where he aimed his energy.
* * *
“Come on, Ash. I really want you to go with me to the hall. I need your opinion when I pick out the menu and the decor.”
“What about Jon?” The determination in Neely’s eyes signaled a battle. “He should care what they serve.”
“When we started talking wedding plans, he made me promise I wouldn’t drag him around picking out napkins and food.” Her resolve didn’t flag. “I can’t do this alone.”
Ashley studied her sister’s face, feeling defeated. Her only tack was a threat. “I helped pick out the dresses, but now I’m a mess with this cast, Neely. I feel useless. I don’t know how I’ll be in August. If you want to replace me in the wedding party with—”
“Replace you? Are you crazy? You’re my sister with or without a cast.” She brushed away Ashley’s words. “Anyway, you’ll be fine for the wedding. You’ll be out of that thing or at least in a walking cast by then.”
Ashley listened, although her sister’s assurance didn’t help. “I still think I’ll be a detriment. I need to do so many things for you, and I don’t know that I can.”
“Everyone will pitch in. Stop worrying.” Neely shook her head as if Ashley’s fears were unwarranted. “Can you go out with the crutches?”
“I suppose.”
“Good. I planned to go Thursday. I’m taking off work that day.”
Her own resolution folded. “Thursday...is okay, I guess.”
“Great. We’re only going to the hall.” She leaned forward, a smile on her face. “I can’t get married without my sister’s input.”
Ashley sighed at her sister’s vehemence. “I’ll go. Don’t try to con me.”
“That’s what I want to hear, and I’m not conning you. I mean it.” She rose and gave her a hug.
More ammunition. “Neely, I have Joey. You don’t want him there to—”
“I’ll see if Dad can care for Joey. We’ll only be gone a couple of hours.”
“Okay, but if Dad’s busy...”
She brushed her words away again. “Stop with the worry. I’ll call you.” Neely leaned down and kissed Ashley’s cheek. “I have to run. I have a million things to do.” She gave a wave as she closed the storm door.
Ashley watched her slip into the car and back out from the driveway. The quiet surrounded her, and she grasped her crutches and hoisted herself up. With Joey napping, it meant time to work, so she made her way into the office. She’d figured out how to use an ottoman Devon had carried from the living room as a prop for her leg. Though a bit awkward, she could keep her leg up and still work at the computer.
Devon. She hadn’t seen him again for a few days, and the same lonely feeling enveloped her. Before she met him, her life revolved around Joey and her work. She knew what to expect. Now she had to wonder...and worry.
She hated her indecision. One moment she wanted to stay clear of him before he became too important to her, and the next minute she knew it was too late. Her emotions wavered between head and heart. Head said to beware. His career was more than she could handle. Her heart said she could handle anything that was worth it. She wouldn’t have given up a day of her life with Adam even though the outcome had left her heartbroken.
She stared at her computer screen, blurred by her tears of frustration. Feeling sorry for herself struggling on crutches and wrestling with indecision sank her into despondency. She didn’t want to go there again and forced herself back to work, one letter after another to the list of clients. When she completed the last one, she hit the print button. The envelopes were ready so the job was nearly finished. Then on to the next task.
Using a form letter worked, but she had to address each one as if it were an original to the client. Then match the letter salutation to the correct envelope. She rose and pulled the stack of letters from the printer. As she did, the doorbell rang again. She grasped her other crutch and made her way to the door.
Before she reached the knob, the door inched open, and Devon peeked inside. Her pulse skipped seeing his face. Today his scruffy whiskers had returned, and the familiar longing to run her hand along the prickles resurfaced. Why his five-o’clock shadow intrigued her escaped her, but it did. She loved his rugged look, like a man who found life more important than a shave.
When he saw her, he smiled. “I thought I’d save you the trouble of answering.” He motioned to the door. “Am I interrupting?”
“Not at all.” He could interrupt her anytime. Devon made her feel a connection to the world and not just disabled, sitting alone with Joey as her main companion. Though she loved hearing him chatter, their conversation was less than stimulating.
“Why the grin?” He stood beside her, a lighthearted look on his face.
She shook her head, knowing she could never explain what his visits meant to her. They were only darkened by the other side of her that wrestled with emotions. But today her heart won. “It’s nice to have an adult to talk with. Though I will admit, Neely was here a while ago. She ignores my cast and wants me to go with her to the wedding venue.”
“She values your opinion. What hall is she considering?”
“Neely already has the hall. She wants help selecting the menu and decorations—you know, linens and floral arrangements.”
He raised his hands in the air. “I don’t know a thing about planning weddings. I left that up to Gina.”
As the name slipped from him, she watched his jaw tighten. Seeing his concern wrought hers. “Did you talk with Gina?”
“Do you have time?” He motioned to the chair.
She nodded, settled into the recliner and raised the footrest.
He backed into the easy chair and sank down. “No. I called, but Gina wasn’t home. It was eight-thirty last night. That surprised me.”
She tilted her head, still wondering what in particular bothered him. “Maybe she had to work late.”
“I don’t think she works. She’s living on child support as far as I know.” His gaze drifted toward the window.
She could only speculate what worried him. “Is she seeing someone?”
“Maybe.” He shrugged. “That doesn’t matter. Renee’s tone is what set me on edge.” He explained the conversation with Gina’s sister. “I think it’s more than dating, or Renee would have told me. She knows I’m not trying to make amends with Gina.”
“So you don’t know what it is.”
He faced her. “No, I don’t.” He lifted his shoulders. “I suppose I’m just looking for trouble.”
“Maybe. Sometimes we have premonitions, but those aren’t always right, either.” As the words left her mouth, the phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID and saw her father’s name. “It’s Dad.” She grasped the receiver, but instead of her dad, it was Neely.
“Dad’s got plans for Thursday. He has a date with Alice.”
“A date? Dad?” She chuckled. “Good for him, but that messes up our
plans. You’ll have to go alone, unless you want Joey tagging along, and I know you don’t.”
“If it’s Joey coming with us or you staying home, I’ll take Joey.”
Ashley knew better. Joey would be a big distraction. “Neely, you don’t need me that much. Have Jon take the day and—”
“Ashley.”
Devon’s voice caused her to turn. She covered the mouthpiece. “I’ll only be a—”
He waved his hand. “No, it’s not that. If you need someone to watch Joey on Thursday, I’m off work. I’ll have Kaylee, and I can certainly entertain Joey for a couple of hours.”
She slipped her hand from the phone. “Just a sec, Neely.” She refocused on Devon. “Are you sure? Kaylee may not be happy.”
“Kaylee will be fine, and yes, I’m positive.”
She tilted her head in question, but he nodded again. His offer solved the problem, and she finished her conversation with Neely, grateful that she didn’t have to lug Joey to the hall. “Thanks so much, Devon. Neely is determined to drag me around with her, cast or no cast.”
“Good for her. You need to get out. You’ve been penned up inside for too long.”
“I have. Even grocery shopping is starting to sound good.” The comment made them both laugh.
“Speaking of going places, I’ve been thinking...” Devon’s face grew serious. “Do you attend a church?”
The question came out of the blue and surprised her. “I go to Abundant Grace over on—”
“I know where that is.” He looked thoughtful.
“Why are you asking?”
“I need to start attending, I think. Kaylee should have a chance to learn about Jesus. I haven’t been much of a churchgoer, and I know—”
“You might not be active at a church, Devon, but you exude godly behavior—kindness, goodness, faithfulness. You’re a walking example of the fruits of the spirit.”
“Fruits of the spirit? You see, that’s the kind of thing I don’t know. I learned manners from my parents. They’re good people and raised me to be the same.” He shrugged. “I can’t take credit.”
“But kind and thoughtful is who you are, with or without credit.”
He lowered his head, as if uncomfortable with her compliment. “I suppose, but I still want Kaylee to learn those things, too.”
Ashley understood. “You serve as a good example for your daughter, but learning the Sunday school stories and about Jesus’ love for everyone is important. I think you’re wise to want her to have a faith-based education.”
“Would you mind if I go with you sometime?”
His request touched her. “I’d be pleased to have you join me, but I haven’t been to church since this.” She pointed to her cast. “It’s so difficult to—”
“I’ll pick you up and help you maneuver.”
“I’d love that, and then Joey can go to Sunday school.” Her chest tightened at the thought of Devon at her side. “Let me know when you’d like to go. Hopefully, I’ll get into a walking cast one of these days and that will be easier.”
He dug his hands into his pockets. “If not, I’ll be there for you.”
His words touched a deep spot in her heart. She lingered on his scruffy jaw, noticing the tension in his face. The conversation had drifted from his concern about Gina, and she wondered if it had been purposeful. “I don’t want to stir up problems again, but we were talking about Gina before Neely called.”
He gave a faint nod and stared at the carpet. “Right. I’m at a loss. If Renee won’t open up, I can only accept that everything is okay, even though my gut tells me it’s not.”
She didn’t have an answer. Nothing she could say would alter the worry she saw in his face. She recognized her own worry about things that might never happen to him. Many firefighters survived years of service without fatal injuries.
“I suppose this is a time I need to have faith.” He raised his head, his gaze capturing hers.
“Without faith, I would have fallen apart with Adam’s death. I survived. Yes, a bit war-torn. A bit uncertain, but I survived, and Joey and I are living a good life.”
He studied her a moment before he rose. “This time it’s my turn to hug you.” He moved closer, his hand reaching for her.
She lifted herself on one foot, melting into his arms, nervous and uncertain, but loving the gentle feel of his strength holding her close. When she raised her eyes, she observed a look of longing on his face. Fresh hope charged through her with each pulse beat.
His lips eased closer, and though she wanted to step back, her heart didn’t let her move. When his mouth touched hers, warmth filled her chest as she leaned into the tender kiss. His soft lips moved against hers before he eased back with a sigh.
They looked at each other a moment before reality set in. He helped her safely to the chair and stood above her, wearing an expression she didn’t know how to read.
He finally spoke. “I believe this is the time I should say I’m sorry.” His gaze lingered on hers.
Her emotions darted from joy to alarm and back as she sat, speechless.
He took her hand. “But I can’t say I’m sorry, Ashley. I really can’t.”
She found her voice. “I don’t expect you to.”
They both released a sigh, and when they looked at each other, laughter bubbled from her throat.
Devon joined her. “Then I should say thank-you.”
“I’ve never been thanked for a kiss. This is a first.” And part of her wished that this was one of many firsts. “You know I think the world of you. I love your company, and Joey adores you.”
“Do I hear a but?”
She nodded. “But we both have a lot of issues that need resolving, and...”
He crouched beside her chair. “I don’t want to lose your friendship over a—”
“No, Devon, I don’t, either.” She leaned forward and rested her hand on his shoulder. “I’m not ending our friendship. I’m reminding myself that I have things to deal with before I can...”
“Fall in love?”
“No. That’s not it.” She was a bit confused, recalling her promise not to jump into a relationship that couldn’t be. “Before I can make a commitment, I guess.”
“I can live with that, Ashley.” His hand covered hers, his finger brushing the back of her hand. “We both have problems. Let’s deal with them one at a time. One day, who knows.”
“One day.” She shifted her other hand and rested it on his bristled cheek, feeling the prickle of his whiskers and a rush of joy. For that brief moment, she felt whole.
Chapter Eight
Devon’s eyes drooped for lack of sleep, but he had no choice. Wednesday at nine he was to pick up Kaylee. He couldn’t disappoint her. He’d make sure he got to bed early tonight. He’d reviewed his plan until he felt confident Renee couldn’t back away from the answers he needed to hear. The only other solution was that Gina greeted him when he arrived.
He spotted the neat brick house, lawn freshly mowed and a few flowers in beds along the front. His palms grew damp as he pulled into the driveway, but he knew what he had to do. He turned off the engine and opened the car door.
As he stepped out, Kaylee came through the front doorway, her overnight bag in her hand. His mouth sagged as he watched Renee give him a wave, say goodbye to Kaylee and close the door. His arms dropped to his sides, startled at her abrupt appearance.
“Hi, sweetheart.” He managed to grin at her before his attention shot again to the closed front door. “What’s wrong with your aunt Renee?”
“She’s late for work.” She scooted past him and hurried to the passenger side.
He followed her, took her luggage and set it in the backseat, then closed
the door. He stood a moment watching his planned dialogue fade into dust. Shaking his head, he walked back to the driver’s seat. Before he slid inside, Renee came out the side door.
She gave him a quick glance as she swung open her car door. “I’m late, Devon. Could you hurry?” She motioned him to back up and then slipped into her car, started the engine and began a slow roll down the driveway toward him.
He thought of standing there, forcing a confrontation, but he noticed Kaylee watching him, her expression filled with confusion, and he thought better of it and slipped inside the car. He turned the key and backed into the street, pulling away as Renee sped off in the opposite direction.
When he got his wits, he managed to reach over and pat Kaylee’s leg, offering her the best smile he could manage. “How was your week?”
She told him about playing with a friend down the block, having pizza for dinner one night, and detailed a TV show she’d watched on the kids channel. He only half listened, his mind reeling with his failed plan and longing to talk with Ashley about what had happened.
Kaylee stopped her chatter, and he wondered how long she had been silent. He hadn’t noticed. He needed to get a grip. “What do you want to do today?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He didn’t know either, and though he didn’t have to entertain her, he had the urge to help her enjoy the time with him. His sleep could wait.
“Let’s go to a bookstore and buy some new books for you, and maybe we can find some harder puzzles somewhere.”
“Okay.” Her tone perked up, and he relaxed, slipping into his thoughts while she played with the radio dial, punching buttons, listening to part of a tune and trying another station.
They pulled into a mall that had both a toy store and a bookstore, and he unlocked the doors and met her on the passenger side. Inside the bookstore, she wandered from row to row, scanning the books. He studied a few, looking for ones that would help her learn to read.