by Lenora Worth
“Sometimes, but that’s not what scares me.”
She filled in the blanks. “You’re worried about me.”
“In a way, yes. If you want me to be honest, I’m nervous about this talk.” He rested his hand on hers. “I try to understand you, but I don’t. Maybe I’m just bad at reading women’s emotions.”
“Mine aren’t easy to read, Devon. I don’t understand them, either.” She inverted her palm and weaved her fingers through his.
“Then that doesn’t make the job easy, does it?” He gave her a plaintive grin and squeezed her hand. “Let’s start with basics.” He turned his face to hers. “I think the world of you. I can’t picture living without you.” He quieted a moment as if in thought. “I don’t want to scare you, but I need you to know my intentions. I’d like us to see where our relationship can go.”
She looked into his eyes, her pulse charging through her, her heart in her throat. This was a time for honesty, if she could only find it. “I understand your feelings. My heart turns to mush when I watch you with Joey. You’re loving and caring. You’d make a good father, and I never doubted you would be a wonderful husband. Never.”
His head snapped up, his eyes probing hers.
She dug deeper. “I know you questioned whether Gina’s problems were your lack of attention, caring, love...a multitude of questions that filled you with confusion. I never believed you lacked any of those attributes. I sensed the kind of man you were within a couple days of knowing you.”
He shifted on the bench, his knees touching hers, his eyes seeking her heart. “Then what is it, Ashley? What causes you to back away sometimes? It frightens me, and I can’t find a reason.”
“It’s not you. The problem is what you do. Firefighting.” She’d said it. Finally. She’d admitted aloud the deep horrible terror that she faced daily since she admitted her feelings for him. “It’s the fear, Devon. That’s it. Nothing more, and it’s something you can’t fix or change. I would never think of asking you to leave a career that means the world to you. It would destroy the generous, loving person that you are. I will not be responsible.”
“I know the hours are bad, but the days off together have their advantage. I can—”
Her heart sank. “It’s not the hours you work.” Her lungs constricted, leaving her nearly unable to speak. “It’s the job. You lay your life on the line every day. Even now when I hear sirens, I think the worst. I wait for a call from a firefighter or one arriving at my door with sad eyes and telling me you were badly hurt or killed in a fire. I lived that experience once before, Devon, and I can’t do it again.”
A deep sadness permeated his face. “You’re right. I can’t change that. I can’t fix it. If I work anywhere, you would worry that I had a car accident on the way to work. Or on the way home.”
“That’s different. I realize people take a chance whenever—”
His hand slipped from hers. “Ashley. You were injured by a tree falling on you in your yard. How often does that happen?”
Her pulse skipped, understanding his point. “I don’t know. It’s not a daily occurrence, but if I worked for a tree removal service, it would be more likely.”
“You’re wrong. Those men learn how to remove a tree and stay safe. Do you know how much training I’ve had to be a firefighter? How much training I still receive? Do you know how many fires I’ve helped put out, how many lives I’ve saved, and I don’t have a scar on my body?” He leaned closer, his gaze glued to hers. “I know firefighters give their lives, but we all die eventually, Ashley. We won’t live on this earth forever.”
“I know, but—” He pressed a finger against her lips.
“This is where faith plays a part in our lives. God is in charge of every moment, Ash. You’re the staunch Christian. You should know that. He gave us free will to make choices, but He also gave us opportunities to learn the right things to do, and He will only let us go when it’s time. Adam’s time had come. If he’d remained home and never joined the army, God wanted him at that time. Accidents happen. Diseases are contracted. We all leave this earth one way or the other in God’s time.”
Her mind reeled with his arguments. He made sense. What she needed was faith. Trust. The words from Proverbs filled her mind. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. She’d tried to make it her prayer, but she’d failed.
“Devon.” She clasped both his hands. “You’re right. I know it’s senseless fear. I need to trust and to strengthen my faith.”
Sadness filled his eyes. “I can’t do that for you, Ash.”
“I know. I’m the only one who can fix me. I don’t know if I can fix me, but I want to change. Will you—”
He loosened his hand and slipped his arm around her. “I’ll do everything I can. I’ll pray with you. I’ll be patient. I’ll wait, Ash, because you’re worth every moment.”
Tears blurred her eyes, but she blinked them away. She shifted her gaze to the children. They had returned to the slides, now a tube slide wide enough for them to slide down together.
She watched the kids while Devon’s words about faith and trust began building a fortress against fear. She would fight the haunting visions. Confident God brought this man into her life, she could defeat her fears.
She lifted her lips to his, and he met them, his arms drawing her close, his heart beating against hers. As their kiss deepened, her heart melted and hope rose, offering her a second chance at love.
* * *
Devon stared into the closet at his pitiful tie rack strung with three ties—all he owned. Suits and ties could never beat out his preference for casual attire. He spent most days in his navy blue uniform and work boots. At home, jeans and a T-shirt or knit polo shirt eased his stressful life.
But tonight the wedding called for appropriate attire, and despite his aversion to ties and suits, he wanted to meet Ashley’s expectations. He dragged a gray tie with a purple stripe from the rack and held it against his gray pants. Good choice. After manipulating a Windsor knot beneath his collar, he slipped on his suit jacket and appraised himself in the mirror. Not bad if he did say so himself.
He chuckled at his silly gawking. Meeting Ashley had changed him. Sadly, with Gina, he’d never worried about what he wore. Gina didn’t care about much of anything after a year of marriage. The lovely woman who’d intrigued him became someone he didn’t know. She’d lost interest in life, and so had he. One day followed another, and life became as exciting as marching up a steep hill going nowhere. The difference between the two billowed like a cold wind blowing the dead leaves away and revealing a field of flowers shimmering in the sun.
A sigh rattled from him, grieving for the lost life he and Gina had experienced. Why did illness sneak up and sever joy from their life together? He shook his head, unwilling to devote time to sadness. Hope had burst into his life in the form of a lovely woman and her three-year-old son.
Each day since their talk, Ashley confounded him with her new outlook. Her actions proved her follow-through on the trust and faith issues. His hope for their relationship grew with each day. With Ashley in his life, a suit and tie would be his gift of love. He might grow to like it. He gave the mirror another glance before heading down the stairs.
Glad that Renee had welcomed Kaylee there for the night, he had no worries about her care. Neely had asked Joey to be the ring bearer, and Devon couldn’t wait to see the boy dressed in his tux. The Wellses, Ashley’s next-door neighbors, had invited Joey to spend the night with them following the wedding.
But the best news for Ashley was the removal of her walking cast. She had to be careful—her surgeon suggested she use a cane—but knowing her, Devon already knew a cane would be out of the question. He’d prayed the Lord make her leg strong and free from pain.
He locked the side door, climbed into the car and heade
d toward the church. By the time he pulled into the parking lot, numerous guests had already arrived. He slipped from the car and headed inside, wishing he could see Ashley before the ceremony. She’d refused to let him see her gown, and the anticipation never left him. The bride and attendants had agreed to dress at the church, so Ashley had arrived earlier.
Fred, dressed in a tuxedo, greeted him at the back of the church. “I see you escaped wearing a monkey suit.” He extended his hand.
Devon chuckled as he grasped it. “This getup is enough for me.”
“But you look pretty good.” Fred gave him a wink. “I think my daughter will be impressed.” He turned to a woman standing not far off. “Paula.” He beckoned to her.
Hearing her name, Devon knew she was the cousin who’d recently lost her mother. For some reason, he’d expected her to be an older woman, but from her appearance, he guessed she was about Neely’s age.
“Paula, this is Ashley’s...friend.” Fred turned to Devon. “Paula is the girls’ cousin.”
The awkward pause reminded him at the moment that’s what he was. Ashley’s friend. “Hi, Paula.”
She smiled and clasped his hand as an usher approached and encouraged them to find a seat as if they were a couple. Paula took the usher’s arm and Devon followed. They settled close to the front, and to be polite he asked Paula about her trip to Ferndale. She told him about her mother’s death and the work she had to do preparing the house for sale.
The more he listened, the question popped into his mind. She’d mentioned her apartment and that made him wonder why she didn’t keep the house and live there, but then he recalled the poor relationship she’d had with her mother, and the question answered itself. Sometimes closing the past proved a healthier choice than keeping it open.
The statement struck him. Instead of dwelling on his life with Gina, he would be healthier to close the door and open a new one. Looking back would get him nowhere.
Paula unfolded the wedding program, and he followed her to help pass the time. When organ music broke the murmur of voices, guests peered over their shoulders, anticipating the appearance of the wedding party. He kept his eyes forward, knowing Ashley would follow the bridesmaids.
A side door opened and Jon entered the sanctuary with three groomsmen behind him. They turned and faced the wedding guests. The organ music grew, and in his peripheral vision, he spotted the flash of dark pink. He turned his head and watched a woman glide down the aisle carrying a bouquet of pink flowers. Another attendant followed as his pulse stirred. He turned, anticipating Ashley’s entrance.
He spotted her in the doorway, her gown the color of a rich red wine with the same iridescence. She held flowers the same color as her dress along with some pink ones. His heart stood still as she neared. Her long dark waves brushed against her nearly bare shoulders. The dress was sleeveless with a scoop neckline and fell in soft pleats to the floor. He closed his eyes picturing her in a pastel bridal gown, gliding down the aisle to join her groom. The image warmed him, yet behind the hope, he still faced a cold possibility. She’d promised to try. Try left a lot of leeway.
Though his attention remained on Ashley, the oohs echoing from the back caused him to turn again. A young girl, perhaps Kaylee’s age, sprinkled flower petals along the white runner while Joey walked beside her, carrying a shiny white pillow. Devon’s chest expanded and a sense of pride ballooned inside him. When Joey saw him, he lifted his hand to wave, and Devon’s heart stopped as he watched the pillow tip to the side. Joey’s grin faded to terror, but he caught it before it and the ring tumbled to the floor. Devon breathed again, a grin growing on his face.
The music swelled, and the guests rose as Neely floated down the aisle. His mind replaced her face with Ashley’s, and he closed his eyes to chase away the vision. That kind of thinking would only dig the hole deeper if Ashley failed to resolve her issues.
As she joined Jon, the congregation sat, and the ceremony began, a mixture of vows and prayers, but through it all, he relived the vows he’d made years earlier, despite his thought to let the door close on the past. He’d made a vow to God that had been broken, but regret could never undo what had been done. Only God could forgive and offer him another door, and he sensed that door had opened, today dressed in a claret gown that glinted in the candlelight.
His focus on Ashley, the wedding kiss ended the ceremony, but he forced his attention on Neely and Jon as they returned down the aisle, man and wife. Ashley followed along with Joey, and he waited as the ushers released the rows of guests, longing to take Ashley in his arms and breathe in the scent of her soft skin.
Paula chatted, saying how great it was to be with family and a little about Roscommon, and though he was distracted, he managed to converse and make sense. At least he tried. He strode down the line of attendants, offering smiles and nods, and when he came to Fred, he was introduced to Jon’s parents, making him aware that Ashley had never met his.
When he finally reached Ashley, his heartbeat thudded against his chest. He clasped her hand. “You look amazing.”
She ran her finger down his tie. “So do you.” A playful frown slid to her face. “How did you know to wear a tie with a maroon chevron?” Then she grinned. “We match. Did you notice?”
He glanced at the stripe in his gray tie, surprised that she was right. “Just talented, I guess.” Though he appeared lighthearted, he wrestled his longing to kiss her.
“I’ll see you at the reception.” She tilted her head, her expression sorry. “We have to stick around for the photos, and you know the tradition.”
“Driving around tooting the horn?”
She nodded and gave his hand a squeeze.
He congratulated Neely and Jon, then moved to the door, where he paused and watched Ashley greeting other guests. Her smiles and vibrancy riddled his emotions. She left no doubt in his mind. He loved her. He absolutely loved her.
* * *
Ashley climbed from the car, careful to put the most weight on her good leg. The joy of having the cast removed equaled the happiness she felt for Neely and Jon. They made a perfect couple, and she couldn’t ask for a better brother-in-law than Jon. The bonus was, they both enjoyed Devon’s company.
Each day Devon’s generosity overwhelmed her. He’d waited for a few wedding photos that included Joey and then hoisted him up—two handsome men grinning at her—and drove him to the Wellses for the night. Great neighbors and Devon, a greater friend.
"Friend” sounded feeble. Their friendship had become more important than she could ever imagine, since the day she looked into his worried face from beneath the tree limbs. He’d grown as close as her right arm. Life would never be the same without him, and she knew he’d become far more than a typical friend. Her heartbeat pulsed, recalling how amazing he looked in his gray suit and the perfect tie.
Neely’s appearance at her side startled her. The new bride wore a silly grin on her face. “You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”
“Him?” She tried to play dumb, but Neely knew better. She’d confided in her sister more than once, and Neely was the first to congratulate her on taking a step of faith away from her widow’s life.
Neely shook her head. “Anyone who knows you can see you’re in love.”
Though her heart knew the truth, hearing the words gave her a chill. “Did you ever think you’d be filled with wedding thoughts? Love means commitment, and—” She released a stream of air. “And I need your prayers for that.”
“You’ve had them for months, Ash.”
Jon slipped beside her, and Neely’s attention flew away, but Ashley knew her sister understood.
Inside the hall, they waited for the deejay to introduce the bridal party and then the bride and groom. The many wedding traditions had meant a lot to her when she married Adam, but today they seemed somewhat pointless. Marriage was far m
ore than a tossed bouquet and bridal dance. Weddings were a sacred union between a man and woman. On that day, they joined together and promised God nothing could part them except death. She’d lived that life, and she realized that vow was what Devon struggled with. If Gina had been faithful to her vows, they would still be married today. A chill tingled down her back.
The music played and both of Neely’s bridesmaids were on the dance floor with a groomsman. Dale, Jon’s best man, stepped beside her. “Ready?” A look of concern filled his face. “Are you sure your leg can take this?”
She nodded. “We’ll be careful.”
He smiled and led her toward the dance floor as their names were called. Dale stood true to his word as he eased her around the floor until the bride and groom were called for the bridal dance. With Neely and Jon whirling in the center to their song “The Way You Look Tonight,” Dale guided her to the side and instead of dancing, they stood swaying to the music.
A familiar fragrance wafted past her, and her pulse skipped as Devon appeared at her side. Dale nodded, aware of their relationship, and moved toward his wife.
Devon slipped his arm around her waist. “Want to dance a slow one?”
“With you, anytime.” Completeness eased into every crevice of her body. For years, she felt only half-full. Tonight she felt whole.
His hand moved, glided across her back to the dance floor and then returned to her waist. “What is this gown made of?”
“You like it?”
He nodded. “It feels like warm ice.”
The imagery made her chuckle. “It’s dupioni. In English, it’s silk, an iridescent silk. I love it, too.”
He nestled her closer and she longed to kiss him.
When the deejay opened the dance floor to everyone, Devon drew her into an embrace and guided her into the crowd, where they glided side to side, an easy sway to protect her leg. She could see his concern.
She squeezed his hand. “My leg is fine. I think I can even spin.”